Is it worth it?

[hushangel 0]

I am in love with a Texan, absolutely in love. I'd marry him today if he asked me. Unfortunately, I'm from Canada. We've talked about me moving down to Texas and being together. There are a lot of things we both need to do in our lives before me moving, and some things that would be easier for me to do before moving anywhere (ie. me finish school, me getting rid of my credit card debt, etc.). We both don't have a lot of money, although he has some saved up from working all the time. Him and I have not actually decided to get married yet, we're deciding whether or not to continue our relationship. We're both absolutely in love with each other but there are obvious difficulties. He feels bad not being able to be here a lot and not being able to give me all that he thinks I deserve (ie. him being WITH me physically, all the time). I'd love to move to Texas and be with him.

I've looked at the difficulties of just moving down there and it completely overwhelms me. Trying to navigate those government sites confuses me and just gets me frustrated and disappointed. Even though I live close to the border, I don't know hardly anyone that has married an american. And I don't know any that have made it work. When I came across this site, it gave me hope. Finally some people that have gone through it all and can talk people like ME through it all. Despite all the hurtles the government throws at couples, you're all working through it and I see some sucesses. This is EXACTLY what I've been looking for.

I'm not married, I'm not engaged, I am in love. It hurts to be away from him and every time we go our separate ways, it breaks my heart. Is it possible to just move down there and NOT be engaged/married? Where do I start? Should I just try and find someone in my OWN country to love? If you could do it all over again, would you still do it? Or would you try and find someone in your own country? Is it worth all the heartaches and government forms and money and interviews and confusion? Although I can't imagine being with anyone but him, I don't have the money to fly down and see him as much as I'd like... and I don't like the idea of him paying to come see me every time. Advice? I don't know if I'm ready for all those forms.

[NArocks 13]

Welcome to VJ and good luck on whatever you decicde. Here is a forum of People from Canada here on VJ and the weatlh of information there is wonderful

Canada Forum

[AniaJ 0]

I am in love with a Texan, absolutely in love. I'd marry him today if he asked me. Unfortunately, I'm from Canada. We've talked about me moving down to Texas and being together. There are a lot of things we both need to do in our lives before me moving, and some things that would be easier for me to do before moving anywhere (ie. me finish school, me getting rid of my credit card debt, etc.). We both don't have a lot of money, although he has some saved up from working all the time. Him and I have not actually decided to get married yet, we're deciding whether or not to continue our relationship. We're both absolutely in love with each other but there are obvious difficulties. He feels bad not being able to be here a lot and not being able to give me all that he thinks I deserve (ie. him being WITH me physically, all the time). I'd love to move to Texas and be with him.

I've looked at the difficulties of just moving down there and it completely overwhelms me. Trying to navigate those government sites confuses me and just gets me frustrated and disappointed. Even though I live close to the border, I don't know hardly anyone that has married an american. And I don't know any that have made it work. When I came across this site, it gave me hope. Finally some people that have gone through it all and can talk people like ME through it all. Despite all the hurtles the government throws at couples, you're all working through it and I see some sucesses. This is EXACTLY what I've been looking for.

I'm not married, I'm not engaged, I am in love. It hurts to be away from him and every time we go our separate ways, it breaks my heart. Is it possible to just move down there and NOT be engaged/married? Where do I start? Should I just try and find someone in my OWN country to love? If you could do it all over again, would you still do it? Or would you try and find someone in your own country? Is it worth all the heartaches and government forms and money and interviews and confusion? Although I can't imagine being with anyone but him, I don't have the money to fly down and see him as much as I'd like... and I don't like the idea of him paying to come see me every time. Advice? I don't know if I'm ready for all those forms.

Hi. Wow, a lot of going on in your head. I totally understand. A few words of encouragement. Ask yourselves if you want to do it or not but give yourselves time to make your decision and don't rush it. True love will wait and conquer it all. Once you decide to get married and live together in Texas, take one step at a time ( focus only on what your next step is). I know this visa journey is complicated but you can do it. You will find all information on VJ. I have a story which I call a successful one. Jaime waited for me for 4 years. I too had to finish studies, I was refused a tourist visa a few times before we applied for a fiance visa. I didn't know what to expect from living in New Mexico. I am here now, I don't have a job or friends yet. I have many challenges ( I can't drive a car yet, I should study but no money, etc). I had a great job, career, friends and family in my country but I decided to leave them all in the name of love. It was absolutely worth it. I am with the one I love and he loves me a lot. If I had to choose again, I would have made the same decision. I had waited for the love of my life for 24 years and I am glad I set my priorities right :-) So make your decision in your heart and if you two want to be together and truly love each other, you will succeed. Good luck to you! And don't be afraid :-) It it is to work out, it will. Cheers! Ania

[MNCouple 3]

Yeah, wowzers I can understand your feeling though.

I met my now husband online. He lived in New Zealand. I was still technically married. We interacted for 9 months before he decided he just couldn't wait any longer to see me. He hopped on a plane and the trip took him 30 some hours... We had so many hurdles and obstacles.... meeting, seeing if being together in person was anything like being together online, dealing with the children, continued moving through my divorce etc... he came back to see me again in March and only brought one suitcase...

That is all he has from his previous possessions. They are all still in New Zealand. He walked away from everything he had to be with me. Luckily, he was able to sell all his big items, the motorcycle, the car, etc. But all he had brough with him was 3 months of medications (he has MS), a handful of clothes and his laptop. Then while he was here he made the decision to propose! And so our VJ began.

Sometimes you just gotta jump with both feet off that cliff

I suppose you guys just need to see how you feel and what side weighs more on the scale... loving and desire to be together or the hassles and obstacles of making it happen.

[~*Maria*~ 1]

Welcome to VJ!!

Edited July 25, 2009 by ~*Maria*~

[rebeccajo 14]

I'm not married, I'm not engaged, I am in love. It hurts to be away from him and every time we go our separate ways, it breaks my heart. Is it possible to just move down there and NOT be engaged/married? Where do I start? Should I just try and find someone in my OWN country to love? If you could do it all over again, would you still do it? Or would you try and find someone in your own country? Is it worth all the heartaches and government forms and money and interviews and confusion? Although I can't imagine being with anyone but him, I don't have the money to fly down and see him as much as I'd like... and I don't like the idea of him paying to come see me every time. Advice? I don't know if I'm ready for all those forms.

You are looking for what I jokingly call the 'boyfriend visa' (or in your case it would be the 'girlfriend visa').

I was looking for it also. There is no such thing.

In these relationships, someone has to get off the dime and make a choice. And you have to get over pride or whatever other silly notions you have about money, time, distance and separations. You have to understand that nothing is instant but that good things come to those who wait.

So.......you either split or you face the forms.

Worth it? Yes. I'd hate to think I decided whether or not to be with my husband because there was a paperwork hassle involved. I decided instead that paperwork wouldn't stop us from having a life.

[Arabella 4]

I've been married before and I've had other boyfriends all of whom were US citizens. It's easier of course to date someone from your own country, and getting married is also a snap if you are from the same country.

Sean and I never thought we would meet in person, not to mention be engaged and going through this Visa process together (we didn't even know about it). We just enjoyed our long distance friendship for about a year and a half and then decided to meet. After meeting in person, we knew that we belonged together. This process is VERY trying, and I can tell you that if we didn't really want to be together we would have broken up by now. I question a lot if I am doing the right thing by taking him away from his country and everyone and everything he's ever known, but it would kill him more to be without me (he's told me!).

I wish I would have had to go through something like this with my ex husband, because I NEVER would have married him. In fact, one of my coworkers said that she never would have married her husband if she had to go through what Sean and I are going through. The paperwork and expenses are vast, but I think it puts a relationship to the ultimate test. I know that when Sean finally moves here, we will both APPRECIATE being together that much more.

[hushangel 0]

You are looking for what I jokingly call the 'boyfriend visa' (or in your case it would be the 'girlfriend visa').

I was looking for it also. There is no such thing.

I think creating a girlfriend/boyfriend visa would make a lot of people VERY happy, lol.

[Jauque 1]

It's only overwhelming because you havn't taken the time to understand the process. Knowledge is power, as soon as you understand it won't be overwhelming.

You talk about navigating government sites but thats really not necessary everything you need is right here.

No one can tell you if its worth it or not, thats up to you to decide. However you ask if someone had to do it all over again would they? Why would someone who's happily with their significant other answer no to that question? The end justifies the means.

Life would be a million times simpler for you if you were to choose someone from Canada. If simple is written at the top of your agenda than this will be a difficult process for you.

My recommendation, educate yourself and then proceed from there.

Best of luck in whatever you choose!

Edited July 26, 2009 by Jauque

[trillium13 84]

I can definitely relate to some of your fears. I'm the USC of our couple, but I'm the one who moved 1500 miles to be with my now-husband, from Upstate NY to Texas. It is kind of like moving to another country.

I wanted to move out of NY even before I met my husband (we met online). Still, I had never considered dropping just everything and moving so far away. It really was meant to be for us from the beginning though, and it didn't take me long to figure out that I was going to do just that-drop everything and move. I was moved here approximately 2 months after we met. I don't regret a thing, and I love him more every day.

I knew up front about all the paperwork and scary immigration stuff. It got even more scary as the process wore on. It was really very difficult for both of us, not because of anything between the 2 of us, but because we did so much worrying. It can be overwhelming at times. It takes a lot of commitment on both sides. In the end though, it brought us much closer together and made us realize that together we can conquer and accomplish anything. We both cried when we were approved at our interview. My husband doesn't cry.

It probably sounds cliche, but he really is the love of my life and I knew that from the beginning. No it's not all flowers and rainbows but I didn't expect it to be. It's been almost a year and I am still adjusting to life in a new place and with a new husband. None of this has been easy-the moving, finding a new job, adjusting to new kinds of people, the USCIS, a new marriage-but if you were to ask me is it all worth it??

YES!

[Kar98 0]

I can definitely relate to some of your fears. I'm the USC of our couple, but I'm the one who moved 1500 miles to be with my now-husband, from Upstate NY to Texas. It is kind of like moving to another country.

I wanted to move out of NY even before I met my husband (we met online). Still, I had never considered dropping just everything and moving so far away. It really was meant to be for us from the beginning though, and it didn't take me long to figure out that I was going to do just that-drop everything and move. I was moved here approximately 2 months after we met. I don't regret a thing, and I love him more every day.

I knew up front about all the paperwork and scary immigration stuff. It got even more scary as the process wore on. It was really very difficult for both of us, not because of anything between the 2 of us, but because we did so much worrying. It can be overwhelming at times. It takes a lot of commitment on both sides. In the end though, it brought us much closer together and made us realize that together we can conquer and accomplish anything. We both cried when we were approved at our interview. My husband doesn't cry.

It probably sounds cliche, but he really is the love of my life and I knew that from the beginning. No it's not all flowers and rainbows but I didn't expect it to be. It's been almost a year and I am still adjusting to life in a new place and with a new husband. None of this has been easy-the moving, finding a new job, adjusting to new kinds of people, the USCIS, a new marriage-but if you were to ask me is it all worth it??

YES!

[Mandy P 3]

I firmly believe that is you can ask yourself "Is this worth it?" and there is any delay in answering yes, aside from thinking about all the good that your "other" brings to your life... then no, it's not worth it.

I don't think anyone with any doubts should go into this. You have to go into it with your whole heart, mind, body, and spirit and have your "other" go in the same way or you are just wasting your time. Of course, everything needs to be considered but that should come before the decision to do this. It's too much time work and energy to not be sure.

[Kevin&Leilei 1]

Forgive me, but if you're "absolutely in love," and you're considering dumping him for someone from your own country, because it's easier, then you don't know what "love" means. If you're really in love, then you'll look at what you have to do, and say, ok, this is what I must do. You won't have any doubts, the idea of dumping him because finding someone from your own country is more convenient, will never cross your mind. You will find a way to be together, no matter what. Texas and Canada aren't even very far away from each other. And Canadian citizens can actually visit the US. I flew 7000 miles each way, six times, to be with my fiancee, and I'm just now, finally, bringing her home with me. It's eaten through most of my savings, but so what? It was entirely worth it. I never had any doubts.

My advice is, if you're having doubts, you really need to examine whether or not you TRULY love him. This process does take a lot of time and money, and if something as simple as that can crumble your relationship, then it's not really love.

[Jauque 1]

Forgive me, but if you're "absolutely in love," and you're considering dumping him for someone from your own country, because it's easier, then you don't know what "love" means.

[lgg 2]

rebeccajo...

You made me all tear-faced at work. Split or Face the forms... yepper... that's about it eh?

Cheers, thanks for the emotional interlude into what was bound to be a work day bereft of anything slightly 'feely'...

I'm not married, I'm not engaged, I am in love. It hurts to be away from him and every time we go our separate ways, it breaks my heart. Is it possible to just move down there and NOT be engaged/married? Where do I start? Should I just try and find someone in my OWN country to love? If you could do it all over again, would you still do it? Or would you try and find someone in your own country? Is it worth all the heartaches and government forms and money and interviews and confusion? Although I can't imagine being with anyone but him, I don't have the money to fly down and see him as much as I'd like... and I don't like the idea of him paying to come see me every time. Advice? I don't know if I'm ready for all those forms.

You are looking for what I jokingly call the 'boyfriend visa' (or in your case it would be the 'girlfriend visa').

I was looking for it also. There is no such thing.

In these relationships, someone has to get off the dime and make a choice. And you have to get over pride or whatever other silly notions you have about money, time, distance and separations. You have to understand that nothing is instant but that good things come to those who wait.

So.......you either split or you face the forms.

Worth it? Yes. I'd hate to think I decided whether or not to be with my husband because there was a paperwork hassle involved. I decided instead that paperwork wouldn't stop us from having a life.