Update on wife who filed for divorce after receiving green card

[SuperDuper! 230]

I am not trying to be mean OR stereotypical but when you are a middle aged gentleman of average looks and have some young enough to be your daughter beauty queen ready to tie the knot it SHOULD throw up some red flags from the get go. Just my honest opinion.

Please stop the stereotyping and ageism! There are so many loving and successful relationships with middle-aged men and young lovely brides, and I am one of them. Why do you paint with such a broad, bitter brush? Life isn't that bad. Switch to decaffe or something.

Don't hate, Celebrate!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I am not trying to be mean OR stereotypical but when you are a middle aged gentleman of average looks and have some young enough to be your daughter beauty queen ready to tie the knot it SHOULD throw up some red flags from the get go. Just my honest opinion.

Please stop the stereotyping and ageism! There are so many loving and successful relationships with middle-aged men and young lovely brides, and I am one of them. Why do you paint with such a broad, bitter brush? Life isn't that bad. Switch to decaffe or something.

Don't hate, Celebrate!

The truth is that a big age difference is a huge red flag at some consulates, and is even sometimes cited on the 212(g) notice. The age difference isn't the reason for denial - outright accusation of visa fraud is the reason - but the age difference is cited as one of the reasons the CO believes the relationship is fraudulent. In some countries, a big age difference goes against the cultural norms and traditions. If the CO thinks an average citizen of that country would find it suspicious, then they also find it suspicious.

Having said that, I don't think age and looks have a damn thing to do with whether or not two people are genuinely in love. My mother married a guy that I went to High School with, and her marriage lasted a lot longer than mine. They never split up - he died of cancer. Neither one of them had anything 'special' to offer in the way of looks or money or anything else, so it was pretty obvious that love brought them together and kept them together. There's no reason that the same thing can't happen with people from different countries.

Still, like it or not, every American who marries a foreigner is vulnerable to being used for a green card. All of us would be well served to occasionally take a critical and unemotional look at our own relationships to see if we might be overlooking some warning signs. My sister gave me some good advice about relationships years ago - she said to listen to your good friends, because they usually see problems long before you do.

[Ana Paula 2]

Where she is from doesnt matter, how old she is doesnt matter, how old he is doesnt matter.... we are all people with feelings and wishes and that is what matters.

The marriage failed in between two people, not in between two nationalities. You do not marry a nationality, you marry a person...

Saying that she did what she did because she is russian makes no sense, at all. How many posts do we see here about Filipinas, Colombians, Australians, Brazilians, any Europeans bla bla bla that left, ran away, are gone without a trace and other things??? So why offend many others that are here with these type of mean comments that do not even fit on this "conversation"?

What matters here is this man's heart and what he is going through. And I am sorry for your pain, but as it was said before, maybe it is a blessing... it happened for a better person to show up in your life and bright your days... a thing that could not happen if she was still with you.

Now it is just time to move on... Go on a trip, reach old friends, spend time with the family, start making up time for old hobbies and forget the past...

Wish her happiness, that better things will come to you. What you wish comes around, so just wish her to be happy and you will be too, i am sure.

I just wish the best for you! And the kids.

Make sure to separate your financial life from hers as it was advised before, call some friends to go to your house to a poker night or whatever you like to do, movies, talk, (...) and be happy in this one life we get!

Old things go for new things to come.

Good luck!!!

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

Hey cohibakid,

Can you keep us posted on how things work out for you?

By the way, the government aside, if your not in a No Fault state you probably could keep her from getting anything if you have copies of her messages etc. Then again if you are well off money-wise maybe 30,000 is cheap for an uncontested divorce.

[chrisc85 0]

yeah, real sorry to hear about this. keep us updated. i told my fiancee about this and she couldnt believe it she felt so bad. she said she is waiting for God/karma to get back at this woman for doing this to you. she was like: "just wait, youll see, God will punish her for this, just wait" heheh. so keep your chin up, things will all work out. you will be okay... it will just take some time. good luck with it all. keep us posted though. were all here for you man.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I am not trying to be mean OR stereotypical but when you are a middle aged gentleman of average looks and have some young enough to be your daughter beauty queen ready to tie the knot it SHOULD throw up some red flags from the get go. Just my honest opinion.

Please stop the stereotyping and ageism! There are so many loving and successful relationships with middle-aged men and young lovely brides, and I am one of them. Why do you paint with such a broad, bitter brush? Life isn't that bad. Switch to decaffe or something.

Don't hate, Celebrate!

The truth is that a big age difference is a huge red flag at some consulates, and is even sometimes cited on the 212(g) notice. The age difference isn't the reason for denial - outright accusation of visa fraud is the reason - but the age difference is cited as one of the reasons the CO believes the relationship is fraudulent. In some countries, a big age difference goes against the cultural norms and traditions. If the CO thinks an average citizen of that country would find it suspicious, then they also find it suspicious.

Having said that, I don't think age and looks have a damn thing to do with whether or not two people are genuinely in love. My mother married a guy that I went to High School with, and her marriage lasted a lot longer than mine. They never split up - he died of cancer. Neither one of them had anything 'special' to offer in the way of looks or money or anything else, so it was pretty obvious that love brought them together and kept them together. There's no reason that the same thing can't happen with people from different countries.

Still, like it or not, every American who marries a foreigner is vulnerable to being used for a green card. All of us would be well served to occasionally take a critical and unemotional look at our own relationships to see if we might be overlooking some warning signs. My sister gave me some good advice about relationships years ago - she said to listen to your good friends, because they usually see problems long before you do.

Nicely said

[Ana1988 0]

It is a very sad situation, I went into this marriage with an open heart and open arms. I also have to kids who are suffering the effects, not even a goodbye to them. After looking through all of our photo alblums I noticed that the pictures stopped exactly one year after the marriage began. She stopped doing family events etc. No more cards on special events.

Call me stupid I just didn't put it together, when you are in love you often over look these things. I now understand that there are schools to train girls on how to do all of this sucessfully. I really appreciate all of the responses. I worked so hard to get her over here only to realize that it was a scam from day one. She did get her permanent green card for a 10 year period. So, I really do not think that there is much I can do.

She is not looking for support, just wants the $30,000 car which I just paid off a week ago, great timing. I became suspicious when she began to rack up all of the credit cards for duplicate items and tons of clothing. Found a card in her wallet one day and found out that she was dating another guy. Her Russian friends were all behind her telling her what to do and how to dump me. They were encouraging her to have fun on her date and look at me as a stepping stone. I translated all of these messages from her phone.

Not sure if I want to contest the divorce, I know it can get ugly, or just walk away from it as a learning experience. Truly she does not belong in this country beacause all of her motives were on false pretenses. This site was so helpful in getting her over here and I am truly sorry to report this heart breaking story, I am only doing it to let people know that it can happen and it hits you right in the heart, a tremendous pain which in time will hopefully heal. Again thank you for all of your support in this difficult time.

I feel sad for you,the situation. you know, that girl needs to be deported, I am not sure if its possible. But he hurts your feeling and your kids are suffering. She don't deserve to stay in the USA. I hate it when I hear story like this,I feel sad for you, I hope you feel better soon and the kids are doing ok. Wish you all the best.

[FEOUNO 0]

an all too common case with these Russian brides.

Are we going to continue with the stereotyping?

Can people please try to help the OP without making generalizations or stereotyping?

Do you want to get the thread locked again? Really! Learn not to bundle everybody on the same bandwagon. And please, lay off the insults too!

No! I do not agree that it is all too common case with "these Russian brides." However, I do agree that some times, people of all nationalities prefer to join their familiar people once they arrive to the USA looking for the support they left behind when they decided to move away from home and everything familiar to start a new life in the USA.

Unfortunately, when our SOs prefer to listen to their "friends" more than to us, we are left at the mercy of the intentions of the familiar group. And if the group thinks that taking advantage of the USC is better than trying to build the best possible life with him/her, then we, USCs, get in trouble.

It is a difficult situation and I wish I had the right answer to avoid it, because soon my SO will be here and I want her not to fall prey of the terrible advice she may get from her "new friends." I am realistic about life, and I am at least trying to prevent the situation by telling her clearly the kind of advice she is going to receive when she gets to the USA. Having a constant open conversation may help, but only time will tell. I hope that I am successful.

To the OP, there is no much you can do now. She already made up her mind. Run fast, and make sure that you do not suffer more than you already have. Take it as a learning experience and move on. If you are open, you will find somebody who will really love you and who will be happy to share her life with you for the rest of your future... even another Russian, if you are still fascinated with these women, as I am

Get over with the stereotying thing....yes you got to be carefull with these russian brides....no doubt about it....be realistic ok...I Would. I have the right to stereotype with people who do this....what is the problem with stereotyping.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Someone needs to lay off the booze, pronto Loser.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Again, you do not have that right while posting on VJ. Chances are your posts have been taken to the attention of the moderating team in more than 3 ocassions; which does not take that type of abusive and offensive language lightly. I am asking you one more time to really back off the stereotyping --- as the moderator told you before, it does not help the original poster at all; and it is forbidden to do so on these boards.

You, Sir, are either drunk out of your mind; or plainly disgusting.

[Captain Ewok 1,891]

This topic has been closed pending review by the VJ Moderation team and/or Administration. The topic will be re-opened once this review is complete.

[Captain Ewok 1,891]

I have reviewed the thread and issued an admin action as needed towards any TOS violations. I am posting via my Blackberry so I am not able to easily clean up the topic. If the OP wishes the topic open again, please PM a moderator or myself and we can clean it up within 24 hours hopefully (and reopen).

[Krikit 1,164]

This thread has been cleaned up and administrative action taken. As the OP stated, he is sharing his story and not looking for advice. Consequently, this thread will remain closed.