Do I stand a chance?

[laila 0]

Hi Laila,

I really feel sorry for your situation. Sometimes, other people just don't understand how difficult it is to go through such severe physical and emotional frustration unless they put themselves in the exact same situation. Please don't spend time arguing with Dmartmar who would never understand you because he painfully pitty himself as a victim of a "cheated marriage". He was spreading his anger over to other innocent people for his own failure.

I believe you are strong enough to take this challenge in your life and should be ready to fight for it. Unless you try it, you will never know about the result. Even it turns out to be bad, you won't be regret as you have tried your best.

I also believe in the fairness in the American Justice system. If not for immigration, you should also fight for your rights and your dignity while you were living here. I hope there's a lawyer who can help you sue your ex-husband who abused you and made your life miserable. It is absolutely not fair to accept evey consequence on your own. How could an Abuser just walk away like this??

I never had this kind experience. But through my search of immigration cases and what I heard from others, abusing alien wife happens quite often. The immigration law does help the abusee to obtain legal rights in some way. However, they don't help procecute the abusers. And, the marriage based immigration law basically protects US citizens, which offers the opportunities to those system abusers to target innocent aliens as weak victims.

Also, some US citizens do have bias on aliens who are obtaining legal rights through a very right way. It's the same as discrimination, endless debating. At this moment, you should focus on what you need to do to have the last try. Writing down a statement and consulting with the lawyer and FIGHT! Ignoring those curses or blames. I'm sure you will get you what you deserve for.

Best wishes!

Thanks a lot JudeT. The reason I had stopped posting here was the negative criticism and assumptions of one or two posters here.

I have consulted an immigration lawyer. And I and my daughter arrived in USA a couple of days ago because we had to reach before the one year stay limit for my daughter ran out. The immigration at our POE was a breeze.

Please keep me and my daughter in your good wishes. I have a long road ahead of me and a lot of struggle. But now my daughter and I have the peace of mind and and we are no longer facing the sitgmatization we were in our home country.

[Sweetgirl 0]

I guess dmartmar have no better thing to do here. My understanding for laila's saying is: first "walk out" means "divorce", second "walk out" means physically walking out, leaving the home. Her intention was trying to keep the marriage. However, the dangerous environment made her not be able to continue living in that house.

No contradiction. Very natural and understandable.

I absolutely agree

Hi Laila,

I really feel sorry for your situation. Sometimes, other people just don't understand how difficult it is to go through such severe physical and emotional frustration unless they put themselves in the exact same situation. Please don't spend time arguing with Dmartmar who would never understand you because he painfully pitty himself as a victim of a "cheated marriage". He was spreading his anger over to other innocent people for his own failure.

I believe you are strong enough to take this challenge in your life and should be ready to fight for it. Unless you try it, you will never know about the result. Even it turns out to be bad, you won't be regret as you have tried your best.

I also believe in the fairness in the American Justice system. If not for immigration, you should also fight for your rights and your dignity while you were living here. I hope there's a lawyer who can help you sue your ex-husband who abused you and made your life miserable. It is absolutely not fair to accept evey consequence on your own. How could an Abuser just walk away like this??

I never had this kind experience. But through my search of immigration cases and what I heard from others, abusing alien wife happens quite often. The immigration law does help the abusee to obtain legal rights in some way. However, they don't help procecute the abusers. And, the marriage based immigration law basically protects US citizens, which offers the opportunities to those system abusers to target innocent aliens as weak victims.

Also, some US citizens do have bias on aliens who are obtaining legal rights through a very right way. It's the same as discrimination, endless debating. At this moment, you should focus on what you need to do to have the last try. Writing down a statement and consulting with the lawyer and FIGHT! Ignoring those curses or blames. I'm sure you will get you what you deserve for.

Best wishes!

Thanks a lot JudeT. The reason I had stopped posting here was the negative criticism and assumptions of one or two posters here.

I have consulted an immigration lawyer. And I and my daughter arrived in USA a couple of days ago because we had to reach before the one year stay limit for my daughter ran out. The immigration at our POE was a breeze.

Please keep me and my daughter in your good wishes. I have a long road ahead of me and a lot of struggle. But now my daughter and I have the peace of mind and and we are no longer facing the sitgmatization we were in our home country.

Condratulations Leila!

I told you ,that you were gonna be fine!

Also,i am assuring you that your Removal of the conditions will be successful,you have nothing to worry about. You were a victim and you deserve the best to become happy.

Best wishes.

Sincerely.

[JudeT 0]

Thanks a lot JudeT. The reason I had stopped posting here was the negative criticism and assumptions of one or two posters here.

I have consulted an immigration lawyer. And I and my daughter arrived in USA a couple of days ago because we had to reach before the one year stay limit for my daughter ran out. The immigration at our POE was a breeze.

Please keep me and my daughter in your good wishes. I have a long road ahead of me and a lot of struggle. But now my daughter and I have the peace of mind and and we are no longer facing the sitgmatization we were in our home country.

It's great news! I'm glad that you made a successful first step. You are able to file I-751 now for you case. I will keep preying for you and wish you and your daughter have a peaceful life here!

Welcome back!

[dmartmar 1]

And yet again, more contradictions by laila!

Although:

Yes, I should have been the one to walk out on him. But, I did not want a second divorce. And I wanted us to work on our marriage, so that it would be a happy marriage.

She:

But, it was me who walked out, after I found that his family who lives here, especially his mother and his sister-in-law, are way too involved, interfering and want him to divorce me.

If:

The reason I did not fight him in the court was b/c I had heard from his family and himself, how he had made his ex-wife number two suffer in the court. I did not want any of that.

Then:

As for the divorce proceedings, I got nothing, one reason being that my lawyer was lousy, all she did for a 1500 $ retainer ( paid by the NGO) was to make a few phone calls to my ex husband's lawyer, and to answer a few calls of mine, and once to fax me a document and once to go to court for the final hearing in Jnauary 2006 when I was no longer in US.

The legal fee was no confidential matter. The contract was signed b/w me and the lawyer and it mentioned clearly that the NGO was paying the retainer. Why am I complaining about the lousiness of the lawyer? Because she was supposed to help me. At the time that my husband was trying to pull the very earth from under me she did nothing. Did not file a single petition. did not return my calls for days. Did not give me good advice. I know nothing about the legal system of USA.

So did you or didn't you fight him in court? If you didn't want to fight him in court, then why are you angry you got nothing out of the divorce proceedings? How was the lawyer supposed to help you, if again, you weren't trying to fight your husband in court? And I repeat: LEGAL AIDES DO NOT CHARGE, NOR DISCUSS THEIR FEES WITH THEIR CLIENT, ONLY WITH THE AGENCY THEY WORK FOR!

Plus:

The heavy price I paid? Is money the only language you understand? I paid a heavy price in putting myself and my daughter in such an environment which nearly drove me insane. which took all my confidence away. All my self esteem too. And which caused me so much ridicule upon return to my country. Is that not a heavy price to pay?

Minus:

As for the divorce proceedings, I got nothing.

Equals:

So, I paid the heavy price in terms of monetary loss.

I'm trying to make sense of the above.

So I can prepare myself to answer them honestly, without sabotaging myself at the same time.

How can you be honest and sabotage yourself at the same time?

Including (capitalized words please):

-My daughter was SENT back home, because of the unsafe environment in July 2005.

But not limited to (capitalized words please):

I had to BRING HER BACK to my home country as the situation over there was getting worse and worse with my ex-husband's teenaged son's involvement in drugs and watching porno movies with his male friends at home.

Aye:

As for establishing residency in my country, no I did not do that. I was and am living with my mother. When I left USA, I had to vacate my apartment and so I do not have a residence there either.

Nay:

-As for ties to the USA, I still have my bank account in the USA.

Why leave ties to the USA behind, if you have no residende here?

As for marrying him first and then applying for a K-1 visa, that decision was not mine. It was my ex-husband's. I did not know anything about US Immigration laws at the time, so whatever he said, I believed and agreed to.

I truly doubt your ex went through all the money spending, waiting and legalities to get you here legally, just to risk it all by applying for a K1 Visa, knowing you both were married already.

As for my studying for USMLE. That was my ex-husband's idea. Not mine. He forced me to do that, because he wanted the future earnings of a doctor here. And for that he was willing to make the investment in terms of USMLE fee.

So, why did you make it a point that it's so important for you to pursue your medical career here in the US?

My husband then asked me to come back, to patch things up. I had told him at that time that I would just sign the papers if he would mail them to me. But he wanted me to come back. So I went back alone. Hoping things will improve. For my return ticket he sent me that much amount.

He can't be that poor, nor want or need you for your money in the future, when he not only visited you in Pakistan before bringing you over, but also paid to bring you over and after you left him the first time around, paid a plane ticket for your return to patch things up with him. Doesn't sound to me like the guy needs money from you at all! Hell, if he's spending that kind of money, he might be a Dr. himself!

I sold some of my jewelry at desi's jewelry store to get money for our one way ticket back to our country when things got very bad. If you know desi cultur,e you would know that we women are given 22- K gold jewellary by our family at the time of our marriage which has good resale value.

Your whole family was against your marriage, yet they gave you 22k gold jewelry as gifts, only for you to have the nerve to sell them. Shows just how important and serious the marriage was to you.

I have consulted an immigration lawyer. And I and my daughter arrived in USA a couple of days ago because we had to reach before the one year stay limit for my daughter ran out. The immigration at our POE was a breeze.

What? Not even a day and a half ago you were still in Pakistan!

Edited July 17, 2006 by dmartmar

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Welcome home Leila!

I hope you manage to get things sorted out and can at last start building a life for you and your daughter....

dmartmar.... please crawl back under your stone and leave this woman alone.... better still take your crusade to another forum....

Kezzie

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I truly doubt your ex went through all the money spending, waiting and legalities to get you here legally, just to risk it all by applying for a K1 Visa, knowing you both were married already.

But she is married, is she not? And doesn't a K-1 require the US citizen to petition for it? So are you suggesting that she didn't come on a K-1, she isn't married or that the USC is an innocent party in all of this?

Edited July 18, 2006 by diadromous mermaid

[dmartmar 1]

But she is married, is she not? And doesn't a K-1 require the US citizen to petition for it? So, are you suggesting that since she didn't come on a K-1, she isn't married or that the USC is an innocent party in all of this?

I am not suggesting anything, Boiler did.

I plead the fifth. Status quo situation for me.

[Aussielad 37]

well....as for Desert Fox,...he cant talk.....thrid marriage right bud???....third time you might get it right???...probably not.

So, no-one is going to listen to you.

Second of all, dmartar,....the unfortunate thing is as you agreed,...people just jump into it too quickly, then find out that it isnt working out, then the unfortunate divorce happens,(ask desert fox all about that, he can tell you) and as was said, usually the divorce comes at the time the greencard comes, which is anywhere between 4-9 months,...and by then, people have shown their true colours living together, find out that they arent compatible, and then its over.

But if she did enter into it in good faith, she does have the right to stay here.

EVERYDAY,...THOUSANDS of relationships end just like this, to do with the internet,...get into it quick, get married, live together, find out that it aint gonna work and part ways,...its hard, but it happens everyday.

Thats the downside to relationships with the internet.

[ChristinaM 0]

For what it's worth, Leila, I think you have a chance and I'm glad you made it through POE without any problems.

Don't let VJ be soured for you by one or two people. There are plenty in this thread alone who have supported you.

[laila 0]

For what it's worth, Leila, I think you have a chance and I'm glad you made it through POE without any problems.

Don't let VJ be soured for you by one or two people. There are plenty in this thread alone who have supported you.

Thanks clmarsh.

I so appreciate the support and warmth shown to me on this forum. Someone who has been in a situation similar to mine can understand as well as appreciate the worth of those words of sincere advice, kind encouragement, thoughtful concern, and loads of moral support. They mean so much.

Thanks every one.

I hope you guys all will remember me and my daughter in your good wishes and prayers ( if you believe in a God).

[john_and_marlene 162]

Welcome home.

[ven2lin 0]

I wanna hear more from Dmartmar and Laila....

[maya62 7]

Wow. What a thread. Laila, I'm happy to hear that you and your daughter made it back to the US with no problems. I wish you the best of luck in making a life here and getting through what remains of your immigration process. I hope you'll keep us posted about your progress.

Dmartmar, I do not see the contradictions you seem to be so sure about. I have no trouble believing that the whole history is complicated. It looks to me like you have leapt to one conclusion after another. If I had a lot of time, I'd pick your objections apart one by one. Fortunately, Laila has more sense than I do!

As for the first wedding in Pakistan... just a thought from someone who was in a similar boat, it could be that Laila's understanding of what constitutes a legal marriage and the USCIS's definition do not agree, which would therefore mean K1/K2 visas were appropriate. At any rate, it appears that that particular hurdle is behind her at this point...

Best wishes, Laila, on your new life in America!

Maya

[dmartmar 1]

Dmartmar, I do not see the contradictions you seem to be so sure about. I have no trouble believing that the whole history is complicated. It looks to me like you have leapt from one conclusion to another. If I had a lot of time, I'd pick your objections apart one by one. Fortunately, Laila has more sense than I do!

That's ok! I never expected for you, nor anyone else on these boards for that matter, to either agree and/or disagree with me. While my objections make it seem to you as me leaping from one conclusion to another, some of Laila's statements, many of which contradict themselves as I pointed out, make her story not seem true to me.

Notice how before being called out, she over and over again changes her story throughout her posts subconsciously, but then how conscious, careful and wise she is by choosing which of my objections to explain and/or answer, after being called out.

I merely was just trying to use some of Laila's own written posts to prove my point.

[laila 0]

A happy ending to my story

Hi every one.

I am here to post just one more time.

I still remember the day almost 2 years ago when I had posted my story here and sought advice from you people. The response I had recieved was overwhelming. I got so much support as well as advice from so many people here.

phatamadame81, john_and_marlene, Emo, shirlj831, meauxna, boiler, sweetgirl and many many more who spent their time in reading my post and giving me good suggestions as well as strong emotional support. Thank you so very much.

So as you can guess from the title of my post, that my case had a happy ending. A few days ago we, i.e. my daughter and myself recieved notice from USCIS that our petition for removal of condiitons has been approved and our green cards have been ordered.

Here is the time line:

- July 2006 - returned from home country to USA after many months. Our 2 year green cards were valid until June 2007

- May 2007 - filed 1-751 , self petiton to remove conditions

- July 2007 - recieved notice for biometrics

- May 2008 - received notice of approval of 10 year green cards

We were not called for interview, and we were not asked for any additional evidence.

Allah has been so kind to us.

I wish all of you good luck in your cases.

Laila