Went home for visit...and

[AngelK96 0]

Most of u know how he and I have had our ups and downs since his arrival. U also have a fairly good idea of what kind of person he's been...So having said that...This is how his trip has gone so far...

He has gotten all sorts of small items to bring home like another set of tea glasses/gawa cups , a nice serving tray, some various other things that I've asked for! My next quest will be to convince him that our home is just not complete without an arabic speaking kitten from JOrdan residing in it lol!!!

(tea set, tray, other stuff = amal 20 : hubster's 2) gotta give him props for buying me cool stuff!

He calls me about every day and never fails to message me at night before bed to tell me good night. His morning calls are usually on my way to work and he says he just misses me and wants to say good morning. It feels great to be missed for once.

(amal 20 : hubster's 3) props for makin wifester feel good every day

So. this is how his trip home has been. It's been good for both of us to be away from each other. I mean, seriously...look at the scoreboard-I'm makin out like a bandit LMAOOOO

I hope all of u have a great day!

Amal

Amal/C.

Make sure he brings home some good dabka cd's. I'm partial to Ahmad Al Wahebe myself and when I was there my last visit I bought a lot of dabka cds cuz that's what I like to like to listen to. I like the palestinian dabka singers. They sing the best.. to me anyways!!!...

Angel/K

[Donna A 4]

thats great news amal and for your sake i hope when he gets home he will remember what he told u when he was gone.

hassan has his "well in my country" stories where everything is better there. america is not good for this or that. for example... last time he went to syria his mom had a heart attack. he called me and complained how bad the hospitals were there....his words....they went from bad to worse. when he came back he said, wow the medical system seams to improved there alot.....#######? i reminded him of how just a week before that he was telling me how bad things were there. his only excuse was, well i guess i was just stressed out when i said that. it seams as soon as he steps foot on american soil he only remembers how good syria is.

he is so wierd.

[zahrasalem 114]

Actually, he'd love it! Through all of this crazy ####### he still says let's just go to live in Egypt. You will love it and this and that. Excuse me, nopers, it would just be the same situation reversed around on me. I often remind him, you made the decision to come here not me. He'd move us in a heartbeat if I said let's go. I can't do it with my two other kids and just uproot them and move to a foreign place where they do not know the language or the culture. That is something I refuse to do when they are only 9 and 11. Plus they have a father and his family here that adore them. I wouldn't do it...no way. Believe me sister, I have put up a big fight with him. Brought him down to his knees in tears at times. I told him don't you resent me for your choices you made. I'm not some kind of door mat that you can walk all over and I don't sit here with my mouth shut and I am very independent and get over it, accept it or move on mister. Life is getting better though....not like it was in years before but slowly getting there.

Makes me appreciate so much the love, respect and happiness my husband and I have together............can't imagine either one of us feeling so hostile towards each other.

[caybee 21]

Just want to ask a question. Why did your husbands go to there home country alone. And why did you not go with them?

My main answer's pretty simple -- I can't travel right now My husband and sister and I had all planned to go together this summer. We thought long and hard about him going this close to the birth, but it had been more than two years since he moved here, he was missing his family and friends a lot, he was in transition at work, and it would probably be at least another year before he'd have another chance to go, so we took the plunge, and it's been just what he needed I think. We hope to take the baby and my sis with us next year, which will be even better.

Unfortunately, he has caught a cold over there. His family thinks it's because he's been using the fan too much. He disagrees. He misses the A/C here. But he's been drinking the water there with no ill effects -- I told him he's Meknesi for life. His personality hasn't changed, but he has adapted to his second home. Now he can love both places and see drawbacks in both, and I think this has been a really good experience for him.

I won't go into the unpleasant side that exists in every country because it's all been said here. I'll just say that even though he loves his country like family, he has been careful to make me aware of both sides, and I respect that.

[caybee 21]

Actually, he'd love it! Through all of this crazy ####### he still says let's just go to live in Egypt. You will love it and this and that. Excuse me, nopers, it would just be the same situation reversed around on me. I often remind him, you made the decision to come here not me. He'd move us in a heartbeat if I said let's go. I can't do it with my two other kids and just uproot them and move to a foreign place where they do not know the language or the culture. That is something I refuse to do when they are only 9 and 11. Plus they have a father and his family here that adore them. I wouldn't do it...no way. Believe me sister, I have put up a big fight with him. Brought him down to his knees in tears at times. I told him don't you resent me for your choices you made. I'm not some kind of door mat that you can walk all over and I don't sit here with my mouth shut and I am very independent and get over it, accept it or move on mister. Life is getting better though....not like it was in years before but slowly getting there.

Makes me appreciate so much the love, respect and happiness my husband and I have together............can't imagine either one of us feeling so hostile towards each other.

I was going to write, "Never say never," but I didn't think that would come out the way I meant it; I mean no offense at all. But until a couple has actually been through the adjustment here, there is no way to know what kind of pressure the two will feel and how it will affect their relationship. I doubt anyone expects it to be as difficult as it often is. Some couples here have sailed through with hardly a ripple while others have really struggled. My husband and I feel like honeymooners, and I hope it stays that way forever, but I'd be lying if I said there were no growing pains during the adjustment. That was a much more difficult time for us than the visa process ever was, and there are always more adjustments ahead.

[zahrasalem 114]

Actually, he'd love it! Through all of this crazy ####### he still says let's just go to live in Egypt. You will love it and this and that. Excuse me, nopers, it would just be the same situation reversed around on me. I often remind him, you made the decision to come here not me. He'd move us in a heartbeat if I said let's go. I can't do it with my two other kids and just uproot them and move to a foreign place where they do not know the language or the culture. That is something I refuse to do when they are only 9 and 11. Plus they have a father and his family here that adore them. I wouldn't do it...no way. Believe me sister, I have put up a big fight with him. Brought him down to his knees in tears at times. I told him don't you resent me for your choices you made. I'm not some kind of door mat that you can walk all over and I don't sit here with my mouth shut and I am very independent and get over it, accept it or move on mister. Life is getting better though....not like it was in years before but slowly getting there.

Makes me appreciate so much the love, respect and happiness my husband and I have together............can't imagine either one of us feeling so hostile towards each other.

I was going to write, "Never say never," but I didn't think that would come out the way I meant it; I mean no offense at all. But until a couple has actually been through the adjustment here, there is no way to know what kind of pressure the two will feel and how it will affect their relationship. I doubt anyone expects it to be as difficult as it often is. Some couples here have sailed through with hardly a ripple while others have really struggled. My husband and I feel like honeymooners, and I hope it stays that way forever, but I'd be lying if I said there were no growing pains during the adjustment. That was a much more difficult time for us than the visa process ever was, and there are always more adjustments ahead.

I can agree with you.....each couple will have their own adjustments when their spouse finally gets here.

My husband and I have already experienced living together for 3 months after we married where he lives and works in the ME. I was the one going on job interviews, sending out my resumes without replies, being bored while he worked all day, etc. He is a very calm,sympathetic and understanding person naturally, and he was very kind to me while I was going through my stress adjusting to living there with him. We have never had any hostile feeling between us in any situation or conversation........upset sure, but never mean spirited or hurtful.

That is why I can say that insha'allah, when it will be his turn to come here and adjust to everything, looking for a job, etc., I know that his good nature and patient personality will really help our situation. We are both firm believers that as long as we do our best, believe in Allah and follow our religion, then Allah will give us what we need. We have so much proof of that already in our young marriage. And our strong love for each other will help us even more.

And we both strongly believe that there is no situation we will ever face together that will be worse than having to be apart right now waiting for his visa. The way we feel being apart now will be a good reminder for us in the future to not take being together for granted.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Makes me appreciate so much the love, respect and happiness my husband and I have together............can't imagine either one of us feeling so hostile towards each other.

Actually dear, if anybody who knew us would know we aren't hostile at all. It's life...ups and downs and sometimes people say things they don't mean to each other or hurt each other's feelings...it isn't all perfect..not a movie. I've been on this board for quite some time and you will see there is not really a hostile bone in my body and not in my husband's if you knew us. Sometimes when you see words written the tone is very different than what happened. When I say I brought him down to his knees in tears...honey, that's not hostile. That is bringing him back to show him the real reasons why we fell in love. Do you think it's mean to say listen, let's do a reality check here? You are saying things that hurt me and I am saying things that hurt you. We love each other too much to hurt each other like this. Don't you think when a couple fights you can be brought down to the point of looking at yourself and seeing that you have done or said something wrong to have hurt the other person? Or were you taking it like ok, get on your knees and cry like a baby? Seriously, the first is what I meant. As far as resenting each other...well our situation may be quite different than yours. He made a decision to leave some very very close family members there and didn't realize how hard it would hurt in the end. He was torn...his wife and son here...son's there. He made a hard decision to leave in the end but is paying the price for it. See, our adjustment probably is different than yours...doesn't mean it is any easier or any harder than yours will be...just different.

Again, the hardest part is when they are here, not in theirown country or for one that is having a long distance marriage. Life is different, things change, but we still love each other. When I say these words it is saying some of what has happened to share with others. They aren't bad stories because believe me there are worse. Also, when you mix children into these relationships it changes a lot of things. It's hard to interculture with your children together between both of you so that they will know where they came from and why things are done like this and that. It's something that takes both of you to work on.

No marriage is perfect so to say we are hostile...if you knew us you would definately not agree with that comment. There is nothing hostile about trying to bring that part of your husband back that left and you felt like he never returned. He went home, saw some of the differences there and came back thinking that maybe it was wrong here. Well, he knows I am who I am and I love him with all of my heart and my soul and we have a beautiful son together and our marriage was worth coming home for. Please don't refer to us as hostile and as caybee said....almost never say never because nobody knows what pressures you will go through in your life and marriage. I wish everybody on here nothing but the best and I believe those that know me know this and know there is nothing mean or hostile about me or my husband.

[Ihavequestions 419]

My husband has never been here, but his concerns about the culture are the lack of modesty of how some women dress in public, loose morals between men and women (married or not), and how disciplining your children here seems to be the public's business. I also have the same issues with living here.

Lack of modesty? How about more like freedom to choose what they wear and not be scorned, ridiculed, or blatantly sexually harassed over it? I dress modestly, always have. But that doesn't mean I have the right to judge how anyone else dresses, nor does it mean I have the right to tell someone else how to dress.

Loose morals? Hah! No looser than Egypt's. Not one bit. If morality in Egypt was so high on the list of important, no lawyer would make a piester from making orfi/urfi papers, would they?

Disciplining children being the public's business? What? Do you mean because children are protected by the government from being put to work when they're old enough to walk or that parents aren't allowed to pound the daylights out of them for any infraction, real or perceived? Or do you mean that in the US parents are expected to watch their children and not let them run the streets and expect the neighborhood to take care of them, like they do in Egypt?

[Ihavequestions 419]

Actually, he'd love it! Through all of this crazy ####### he still says let's just go to live in Egypt. You will love it and this and that. Excuse me, nopers, it would just be the same situation reversed around on me. I often remind him, you made the decision to come here not me. He'd move us in a heartbeat if I said let's go. I can't do it with my two other kids and just uproot them and move to a foreign place where they do not know the language or the culture. That is something I refuse to do when they are only 9 and 11. Plus they have a father and his family here that adore them. I wouldn't do it...no way. Believe me sister, I have put up a big fight with him. Brought him down to his knees in tears at times. I told him don't you resent me for your choices you made. I'm not some kind of door mat that you can walk all over and I don't sit here with my mouth shut and I am very independent and get over it, accept it or move on mister. Life is getting better though....not like it was in years before but slowly getting there.

Yeah, Cheematah...he was just blowing smoke out his butt. It was just something that was a tic for a tat at the time. It made me crazy mad though. He never said it directly to me that it was my fault but I knew it was meant as a blow to me. Plus it was all in aggravation at nothing going his way at the time. I probably shouldn't say it but a lot of these guys are like this from ladies I talk to married to them. When things don't go their way they really do act like spoiled baby brats. Again, he's not a bad guy but had some serious problems adjusting after his trip. The year prior to things were awesome...it's when he went home and came back. Plus you know, mama has something to do with it when she calls and busts his ego down.

When things don't go their way? Nope, it's all of the time. There's the "it's the woman's fault" mentality and it's got to be hard to get out of that mode and accept some personal responsibility when nobody's ever made them do that before. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to "In Egypt (insert some code of life that should apply to everyone, everywhere, no matter what their nationality or background is, that makes it a divine law)", which really means "In Egypt (this is the way it is because it's the only thing I've ever known so we're going to do it my way because my life has always centered around making me happy so you'd better get on the boat and do it, too)." We've had some knock down, drag out brawls and they have always centered around trying to make him understand he is NOT the most important person in the world. Have I made him cry? Yep. Would I do it again? Well, I can't control how he reacts but I surely can control not wanting to be walked all over and/or treated poorly. I have the right to maintain my integrity and dignity and if he doesn't like it, hey, talaq is easy. I will tell you this, though, for as bad as it's been, every single bit of whatever he's doled out that I haven't sat back and taken, has actually made this a much stronger relationship. It's gone from his initial belief that I was a stereotype western woman (thanks to his "friends") and the idea that marriage, in general, is a male dominated relationship, to me being "a good woman" and "a good wife." Stand your ground and don't be ashamed to do it. BTW, he got the message so loud and clear he's distanced himself from those "friends," so something must have gotten through to him.

[zahrasalem 114]

My husband has never been here, but his concerns about the culture are the lack of modesty of how some women dress in public, loose morals between men and women (married or not), and how disciplining your children here seems to be the public's business. I also have the same issues with living here.

Lack of modesty? How about more like freedom to choose what they wear and not be scorned, ridiculed, or blatantly sexually harassed over it? I dress modestly, always have. But that doesn't mean I have the right to judge how anyone else dresses, nor does it mean I have the right to tell someone else how to dress. My husband wouldn't scorn, ridicule, sexually harass or tell anyone anything about thier immodest dress, he does, however, have the right to his opinion as we all do.

Loose morals? Hah! No looser than Egypt's. Not one bit. If morality in Egypt was so high on the list of important, no lawyer would make a piester from making orfi/urfi papers, would they? He never claimed that Egyptians have perfect morals either. He is realistic. And except on the beaches full of tourists or tourist areas, I can guarantee you will not see an EGYPTIAN GIRL in a bikini top and mini skirt and full of tatoos walking in the mall in Cairo (as an example). Yes, I've lived there with him.

Disciplining children being the public's business? What? Do you mean because children are protected by the government from being put to work when they're old enough to walk or that parents aren't allowed to pound the daylights out of them for any infraction, real or perceived? Or do you mean that in the US parents are expected to watch their children and not let them run the streets and expect the neighborhood to take care of them, like they do in Egypt? I have a 5 year old child. I do not physically abuse her, I do not let her run in the street and let the neighbors take care of her (and I didn't see that in Egypt where we lived), and she has NEVER been left in daycare or with a babysitter, so when I say the "public's business", I'm referring to the many stories I hear about people out with their children, and having to maybe verbally correct them in public for some reason, and some stranger accusing the parent of being abusive towards the child. I appreciate children being protected by the government here, but I shouldn't have to be afraid of correcting my child in public.

Edited July 19, 2009 by zahrasalem

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I have heard the Morocco comparisons also, kids, life, etc crime.....oh there is sooooooo much crime here, and i just remind him im sure he didnt hear of every story there, it was there he just didnt know of it, (until the boy ran by his sister and took her purse and cut her) Same in family matters, until he told me before he came of talking to a policeman about a case where the wife beat the husband a block over for talking to a woman on the computer naked...(oh they do that there also?) so there are cases and things you dont know or hear....or the talk of a (slap) for the kids to teach them (i dont think so) or why all the family involvement when the sister and her husband get into a argument and sister runs home, (do you really think HE is wrong all the time) she maybe your sister but im sure not all angel, so many adjustments for all involved. MENA can put a new meaning to the word adjustment....but we survive

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

Actually, he'd love it! Through all of this crazy ####### he still says let's just go to live in Egypt. You will love it and this and that. Excuse me, nopers, it would just be the same situation reversed around on me. I often remind him, you made the decision to come here not me. He'd move us in a heartbeat if I said let's go. I can't do it with my two other kids and just uproot them and move to a foreign place where they do not know the language or the culture. That is something I refuse to do when they are only 9 and 11. Plus they have a father and his family here that adore them. I wouldn't do it...no way. Believe me sister, I have put up a big fight with him. Brought him down to his knees in tears at times. I told him don't you resent me for your choices you made. I'm not some kind of door mat that you can walk all over and I don't sit here with my mouth shut and I am very independent and get over it, accept it or move on mister. Life is getting better though....not like it was in years before but slowly getting there.

Yeah, Cheematah...he was just blowing smoke out his butt. It was just something that was a tic for a tat at the time. It made me crazy mad though. He never said it directly to me that it was my fault but I knew it was meant as a blow to me. Plus it was all in aggravation at nothing going his way at the time. I probably shouldn't say it but a lot of these guys are like this from ladies I talk to married to them. When things don't go their way they really do act like spoiled baby brats. Again, he's not a bad guy but had some serious problems adjusting after his trip. The year prior to things were awesome...it's when he went home and came back. Plus you know, mama has something to do with it when she calls and busts his ego down.

When things don't go their way? Nope, it's all of the time. There's the "it's the woman's fault" mentality and it's got to be hard to get out of that mode and accept some personal responsibility when nobody's ever made them do that before. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to "In Egypt (insert some code of life that should apply to everyone, everywhere, no matter what their nationality or background is, that makes it a divine law)", which really means "In Egypt (this is the way it is because it's the only thing I've ever known so we're going to do it my way because my life has always centered around making me happy so you'd better get on the boat and do it, too)." We've had some knock down, drag out brawls and they have always centered around trying to make him understand he is NOT the most important person in the world. Have I made him cry? Yep. Would I do it again? Well, I can't control how he reacts but I surely can control not wanting to be walked all over and/or treated poorly. I have the right to maintain my integrity and dignity and if he doesn't like it, hey, talaq is easy. I will tell you this, though, for as bad as it's been, every single bit of whatever he's doled out that I haven't sat back and taken, has actually made this a much stronger relationship. It's gone from his initial belief that I was a stereotype western woman (thanks to his "friends") and the idea that marriage, in general, is a male dominated relationship, to me being "a good woman" and "a good wife." Stand your ground and don't be ashamed to do it. BTW, he got the message so loud and clear he's distanced himself from those "friends," so something must have gotten through to him.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, GIRLFRIEND...LOL

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

Tasha,

I wanna say I ADMIRE your honesty and Im 100% confident you and the hubster will grow and flourish in your relationship for that exact reason, YOU ARE HONEST. Tons of people on this forum come on and PRETEND to be 100% happy, pretending they never fight, and all is peachy. The ones who are quiet and act like they dont have marriage problems are the ones who HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS, IM SURE OF IT. All marriages have obstacles, that is all part of the process. Sof and I have been married four years today, we have a 15 month old, and have worked our asses off to be comfortable in our marriage. IT IS NEVER EASY. Especially when you have 2 cultures, 2 religions, and someone leaving their entire world behind to try and make a good life in a foreign country. There are fights, there are crappy words exchanged, and there are sorrys and reconciliations. Again, all part of growing in a marriage. Tasha should not be dogged for her coming here and being honest. Maybe other people need to start being honest in their relationships.

[sara535 15]

Tasha,

I wanna say I ADMIRE your honesty and Im 100% confident you and the hubster will grow and flourish in your relationship for that exact reason, YOU ARE HONEST. Tons of people on this forum come on and PRETEND to be 100% happy, pretending they never fight, and all is peachy. The ones who are quiet and act like they dont have marriage problems are the ones who HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS, IM SURE OF IT. All marriages have obstacles, that is all part of the process. Sof and I have been married four years today, we have a 15 month old, and have worked our asses off to be comfortable in our marriage. IT IS NEVER EASY. Especially when you have 2 cultures, 2 religions, and someone leaving their entire world behind to try and make a good life in a foreign country. There are fights, there are crappy words exchanged, and there are sorrys and reconciliations. Again, all part of growing in a marriage. Tasha should not be dogged for her coming here and being honest. Maybe other people need to start being honest in their relationships.

I totally agree Kelly and I would also add that until someone has their spouse here and is actually experiencing the adjusment growing pains, anything they add is really just conjecture based on the same optimism we all had when we were still waiting and thinking that the time apart would be the hardest and that as soon as our SO got here we would all ride off into the sunset hand in hand....

[morocco4ever 63]

Makes me appreciate so much the love, respect and happiness my husband and I have together............can't imagine either one of us feeling so hostile towards each other.

If you have only lived together for 3 months then it is quite natural that you haven't had much of an argument as of yet. Either that or one of you is a door mat. You can't judge a person's marriage so harshly unless you have walked a mile in their shoes.