Wedding Anniversary

[daisy16 0]

Well, today's my 1 year wedding anniversary. Those who know me realize that heaping on congratulations do not really....fit my case, sadly.

While I really love my husband, life here has been unbearably hard. I can't say yet that moving here was the right thing to do. I didn't know a year ago that I would have such difficulty establishing myself. Perhaps it's because I had spent 20 years in Ontario establishing myself there - family, friends, career, life. Redoing that has been far more difficult the second time around. I start another new job next week, at 1/3 of my previous salary. I start school in the fall, working on my M.Ed. when I already have 3 degrees, which should have been enough. I'm hoping that both of these at least provide me with opportunities to move forward, to find a niche or connection here. I still miss my son terribly, and the regret I feel at leaving him still burns. I hope to forgive myself for that one day.

To mis-quote a well known VJer, I do hope to feel like myself one day.

I know that some will object to this negative thread. It is what it is

Edited July 7, 2006 by daisy16

[gtigiant 0]

sorry to hear that it is being so hard to adapt. look at the next year as a chance to improve. having moved all over the US multiple times (including a recent move to a new city while only a few hours away, where I knew noone or nothing at all about the city), I can relate on a small scale to the trying to reestablish. Give yourself a little time and try to always look forward, before you know it you will start to be able to call it home.

[flossiefus 0]

Well, today's my 1 year wedding anniversary. Those who know me realize that heaping on congratulations do not really....fit my case, sadly.

While I really love my husband, life here has been unbearably hard. I can't say yet that moving here was the right thing to do. I didn't know a year ago that I would have such difficulty establishing myself. Perhaps it's because I had spent 20 years in Ontario establishing myself there - family, friends, career, life. Redoing that has been far more difficult the second time around. I start another new job next week, at 1/3 of my previous salary. I start school in the fall, working on my M.Ed. when I already have 3 degrees, which should have been enough. I'm hoping that both of these at least provide me with opportunities to move forward, to find a niche or connection here. I still miss my son terribly, and the regret I feel at leaving him still burns. I hope to forgive myself for that one day.

To mis-quote a well known VJer, I do hope to feel like myself one day.

I know that some will object to this negative thread. It is what it is

Hi Daisy

Congratulations on your aniiversary, it was mine on the 5th and you are right the feelings can be very mixed. I can so hear your hurt. I too left my sons, although they are sort of grown up (they are still my babies) and I really didnt anticipate finding it hard to adjust. After all it wouldnt be the first time. I hope your husband is like mine, and really makes this all worthwhile, we (transplants) need nurturing until our roots start to make some headway.

We make our decisions based on whats best for us and our families at the time, so I do hope you can forgive yourself for allowing him to remain behind. Is there any chance you can visit your son, or have him visit here? I know I never really expected my youngest son to refuse the opportunity to stay here, that was hard.

Old friends cant be replaced and I love the time I have to spend with them on messenger or emails or phone calls, (can be done, even with the 14 hours difference) but I still look forward to making new ones here.

This thread is one that many will be able to relate to I am sure Hugs

[shirlJ831 0]

I think many of us can relate to the "move" the adjusment and the things we need to face. It is not easy, we are filled with joy to be with our loved ones, yet part of us is left back "home". I understand how you feel I would love to email you anytime if only to lift you up and encourage you here is my email of course you have to put it together LOL

angelamongusca at yahoo dot CA................... NOT dot com

hang in there

[Kathryn41 3,205]

The first year is definitely the hardest. You give up who you were to try and be who you are in another place where no one knows you and even the environment is foreign - no matter how 'similar'. You feel sometimes like it is two steps forward and one step back and begin to wonder if it will ever feel comfortable again. It does. The second year is much, much better and you will find yourself back on your feet again soon. Hope you have a happy anniversary and a satisfying and fulfilling 2nd year.

Kathryn

[CanGal 1]

I believe many people feel the same as you daisy. I don't know if you get alot of this but I too am from Canada and I get told alot that it really can't be that bad, Canada is really no different than America so ajusting shouldn't be that hard. I didn't expect it to be but I have come to realize that many things are different here in the US compared to back home. People always say the first year is the hardest, especially when your dealing with AOS and gov't on top of being married and joining and sharing your life with someone else. It's like extra pressure, because not only are you newly married, but you moved and are trying to re-establish yourself once again. Trying to build up what you once had and had to leave behind. I too am having a hard time ajusting but alot of it was because I had nothing better to do because of waiting upon aos and such so I had too much time on my hands. Now that I have my greencard I'm hoping that I will be able to find it easier to ajust more since I can start looking for work and a vehicle and get myself back into a groove. I'm sorry you had to leave your children behind, thats hard. I on the other hand don't have kids but I left my entire family behind and friends and I am finding it very hard. I am very close with my mom and its hard to not be able to just go out and hang with her. Hang in there, hopefully things will get better for you and you can finally start getting your groove back soon as well!

[*Robert* 2]

I know that some will object to this negative thread. It is what it is

Sorry to hear things haven't been a bed of roses for you. There is absolutely nothing to object to about your post. Hang in there and keep your chin up!

P.S. Happy Anniversary!

Edited July 8, 2006 by roi_aggie

[gimygirl 0]

just for you daisy (and pammy, and alicia and joel and ..... )!!!!

[Welshcookie 17]

*hugs* to ya daisy.....

Keep plugging away....you will get there.....

[daisy16 0]

Thanks for your support.

I believe it is better to go on VJ and say truthfully that the change is tough, rather than pretend that we've lived happily ever after. The unrealistic expectation of that can be far more damaging to the relationship than coming here with realistic expectations that to achieve a successful transition takes a hell of a lot of work and time.

[MaryandMian 1]

Hugs {{{{ Daisy }}}} and Happy Anniversary. There was nothing wrong in your post and all of us have adjustment issues some more than others.

Mary