Friends

[Merlion@ 0]

I wanted to vent about my friendships or lack of friendships. My coworkers are friends with each other even outside of the job. Unfortunately, I never get invited places and I feel so shitty about it. I start to doubt myself as if something is wrong with me, although I know it is not. In many respects I am different from them...I don't like being loud, talking loud, laughing loud. Anyways, bottom line is that I have no friends and this bothers me.

[Aubrey 10]

I wanted to vent about my friendships or lack of friendships. My coworkers are friends with each other even outside of the job. Unfortunately, I never get invited places and I feel so shitty about it. I start to doubt myself as if something is wrong with me, although I know it is not. In many respects I am different from them...I don't like being loud, talking loud, laughing loud. Anyways, bottom line is that I have no friends and this bothers me.

Try not to lose heart. It is very difficult for most people, even highly social people, when moving to a new place, starting a new job, etc. to find people to be close friends with. I myself, the USC, have experienced this several times in my life -- picking up and moving a few hundred miles and not knowing anyone, and almost moving cross-country and starting over again. It took me several years to feel adjusted and have some people I could call up whenever to do things with.

What I can recommend is trying to befriend just about ANYONE. Because... even if that person drives you nuts, you meet friends through other people. So that annoying person may help you meet a good friend.

Hang in there. See if your town or city has meetups (meetup.com), try volunteering some where on the weekends, or join a hobby group to find people with similar interests. Eventually you'll find people that you fit in with.

[MissDinaDee 8]

I wanted to vent about my friendships or lack of friendships. My coworkers are friends with each other even outside of the job. Unfortunately, I never get invited places and I feel so shitty about it. I start to doubt myself as if something is wrong with me, although I know it is not. In many respects I am different from them...I don't like being loud, talking loud, laughing loud. Anyways, bottom line is that I have no friends and this bothers me.

Try not to lose heart. It is very difficult for most people, even highly social people, when moving to a new place, starting a new job, etc. to find people to be close friends with. I myself, the USC, have experienced this several times in my life -- picking up and moving a few hundred miles and not knowing anyone, and almost moving cross-country and starting over again. It took me several years to feel adjusted and have some people I could call up whenever to do things with.

What I can recommend is trying to befriend just about ANYONE. Because... even if that person drives you nuts, you meet friends through other people. So that annoying person may help you meet a good friend.

Hang in there. See if your town or city has meetups (meetup.com), try volunteering some where on the weekends, or join a hobby group to find people with similar interests. Eventually you'll find people that you fit in with.

I completely agree... www.meetup.com has been an absolute life saver for me... I am currently living in a city away from my family and friends to be closer to my fiance while we process my visa... and I have had lots of fun meeting new people with common interests!

Get out there and try a few, if you don't like one try another until you do find a group of people you like hanging out with! Don't give up you deserve happiness!!!

[Wyld Blu 35]

I wanted to vent about my friendships or lack of friendships. My coworkers are friends with each other even outside of the job. Unfortunately, I never get invited places and I feel so shitty about it. I start to doubt myself as if something is wrong with me, although I know it is not. In many respects I am different from them...I don't like being loud, talking loud, laughing loud. Anyways, bottom line is that I have no friends and this bothers me.

What about asking one of them to join you for a movie after work, or on a weekend? Or ask them as a group. Could be that they don't know what to say to you, or how to approch you. Sometimes taking that first step is the hardest, but can lead to great friendships!

-Blu-( )

[TBoneTX 46,173]

Your pain will disappear if you go around repeating to yourself "I hate people, animals, and things... I hate people, animals, and things..."

Actually, besides the very good ideas from others, simply consider smiling at everyone whom you encounter and say, "Hi!" You can then ask any relevant question: "What do you like most about this supermarket?" or similar.

I would do this myself all the time but for the fact that I may or may not hate people, animals, and things.

[Gemmie 142]

It's hard when you move to a new area and it's hard to make new friends.

Have you tried joining a class or club? That's my goal. Even if it's a yoga class once a week, I can start talking to the other women there.

[christera22 8]

I am working but still I dnt have any friends. Trsut me , in US family values, friend values is crappy and deformed. I have seen several friends here and to me what I have seen in India, these friends are not friends ............. thats minimum a human being can do for another. And thats why they are called human beings and not animals. ANy person coming from asian countries and india, bangladesh and surrounding countrties wd understand what I am saying. Here I have seen a man working for years and years in a office, has friends at office but looses all friends as soon as he looses the job. Here friends dump you and stop total communications for a simple reason he felt bad. If you have to live here you have to get used to this. US has 2 % of what socialism I am used to.SO i dnt expect anything here in regards to socialism. There is huge huge lack of subtle emotions & feelings. I being a student of social sceince and human rights saw and observed these things very closely. ANother major thing that hit me when i came is neibors dnt talk to each other.

My neibor in India wd come to my home to ask if i have taken lunch/ dinner in case my mom / dad is not at home......... in case my mom & dad is out and hasnt left the key for me, accidently, i can go their house take a nap or watch tv or something. No prob........

MOm and dad gets eager to push a son out of their home as soon he hits 18. Or the son gets eager. what a tragedy.

So u will see starnge things here like two male frinds are called gay if they stay together or spend nights together in same bed. Definiton of friends has spoilt here . There we have ffriends with whom we bathe, sleep, chat for hours , hug but stil they are my best friends. In my need they wd even say lie to their boss to come to me, or even to attend my perents. I depend a lot on my friends there now as because i am here now. Dnt expect these here. With time u wd get used to these. This is a open forum or i cd have given u a big big list. Sorry VJers but i think many a people who are from asian subcontinent wd understand.

I wanted to vent about my friendships or lack of friendships. My coworkers are friends with each other even outside of the job. Unfortunately, I never get invited places and I feel so shitty about it. I start to doubt myself as if something is wrong with me, although I know it is not. In many respects I am different from them...I don't like being loud, talking loud, laughing loud. Anyways, bottom line is that I have no friends and this bothers me.

Edited July 10, 2009 by christera22

[shefellfromheaven 18]

I agree , people in the US are less concerned . Friendship here is for a purpose

Edited July 10, 2009 by shefellfromheaven

[champi 13]

I am working but still I dnt have any friends. Trsut me , in US family values, friend values is crappy and deformed. I have seen several friends here and to me what I have seen in India, these friends are not friends ............. thats minimum a human being can do for another. And thats why they are called human beings and not animals. ANy person coming from asian countries and india, bangladesh and surrounding countrties wd understand what I am saying. Here I have seen a man working for years and years in a office, has friends at office but looses all friends as soon as he looses the job. Here friends dump you and stop total communications for a simple reason he felt bad. If you have to live here you have to get used to this. US has 2 % of what socialism I am used to.SO i dnt expect anything here in regards to socialism. There is huge huge lack of subtle emotions & feelings. I being a student of social sceince and human rights saw and observed these things very closely. ANother major thing that hit me when i came is neibors dnt talk to each other.

My neibor in India wd come to my home to ask if i have taken lunch/ dinner in case my mom / dad is not at home......... in case my mom & dad is out and hasnt left the key for me, accidently, i can go their house take a nap or watch tv or something. No prob........

MOm and dad gets eager to push a son out of their home as soon he hits 18. Or the son gets eager. what a tragedy.

So u will see starnge things here like two male frinds are called gay if they stay together or spend nights together in same bed. Definiton of friends has spoilt here . There we have ffriends with whom we bathe, sleep, chat for hours , hug but stil they are my best friends. In my need they wd even say lie to their boss to come to me, or even to attend my perents. I depend a lot on my friends there now as because i am here now. Dnt expect these here. With time u wd get used to these. This is a open forum or i cd have given u a big big list. Sorry VJers but i think many a people who are from asian subcontinent wd understand.

Being an Indian myself, it's sad and unfortunate that most of these things are true. I've not lived much in India to have good/mature friendships but I can tell most of these things are true based on his views complaints about friends in India vs. here.

[Wyld Blu 35]

Wow. Perhaps in your corner of the country it is this way. I would not be so quick to generalize the entire US as being like what you discribe. I am a USC and have a VASTLY different observations of friendships and relationships than you do.

Where I live, we talk to our neighbors, even have neighborhood parties, have close, tight friendships that may last a lifetime and I dearly love my friends. Please don't assume the entire US is one way based on the place that you live. People ARE different in different countries AND even different states.

Generalizations may make others view your opinions as very narrow minded.

-Blu-(just sayin')

[display name 0]

I agree , people in the US are less concerned . Friendship here is for a purpose

i agree too,

[trinket 30]

I might be different; I never really seek for friendship. Back in India too, I kept office friends at office, once I am home, my cell phone is switched off. I hardly used to talk to neighbors, but I know how it is back in India, my grandma loves to talk to every other being walking near our house, she keeps a tap of everyone in the neighborhood .

In US, I really think it depends upon where you live, if you live in suburbs you do get to talk with your neighbors, they invite you over for a BBQ time to time. For the first month in US, I lived in downtown area, I didn't even know who all my neighbors were other than this one old man who would always stand in front of his door, so I would say "hi" to him sometimes.

Now that we live in a different part of the city, its much more friendlier out here, one of our neighbors comes over to our apartment all the time for a beer or sometimes we go to theirs for the same, we even go out for dinners together.

I have been to one of the book clubs meeting and it was loads of fun, I am looking forward to once in a month meeting of this club, I get my dose of socializing and some girl talks.

Now don't get me wrong, but I enjoy my privacy, I don't need friends everyday to keep me entertained, I really feel me and my husband are kind of hermits, so it doesn't really bother me that I don't have friends out here, because it was kind of the same back in India too. I have my close group of friends and I keep in touch with them.

[bulaklak 0]

If you are new to that job, perhaps some people are shy to speak to you first since they don't know you yet. always be smiling so they will not feel shy to you.

If you do not like people who talked loud...just be yourself.and find people who are the same as you nice but not loud.

I understand your feeling myself is somehow a reserve type of a person, but I have plenty of friends especially back home. when I was working here in the US I get along all of my co-workers and I have always companions especially during lunch break going out. I have different friends, friends from work and friends who are neighbors etc.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Woah, hold on! It's not fair to judge America by your own cultural norms.

I'd be willing to bet that if you asked the average American how many friends they have, the number would be limited to the number of fingers they have on one hand. My own friend count is three. That's three friends I've acquired over a few decades of living. Maybe that's because we define friendship differently. Sure, we know a lot of people and we may socialize with a lot of people for various reasons, but true, deep, long-lasting friendships are few and far between.

Look, I know it's hard to move to a different country and form those relationships. I also believe that unless someone has immigrated to another country, they don't understand just how hard it is.

And christera, forcing children out of the home when they turn 18 is a common misconception. The reality is that age 18 people become adults in the eyes of the legal system and if they are old enough to be held to a contractual agreement (such as buying a house), vote for the leader of the Free World, and voluntarily join the military, they have every right to live independently of their parents if that's what they choose to do.

America is different in that the focus is placed on the individual, not on the group (such as the family) so of course nobody's going to come knocking on the door to see if dinner's been served. I don't think I'd want them to,really because I tend to appreciate that the neighbors aren't entitled to an opinion about my life - whether it's dinner or anything else I do or don't do.

Merlion, have you thought about extending invitations to your co-workers instead of waiting for them to invite you?

[christera22 8]

Look, I know it's hard to move to a different country and form those relationships. I also believe that unless someone has immigrated to another country, they don't understand just how hard it is.

Thanks for understanding.

And christera, forcing children out of the home when they turn 18 is a common misconception. The reality is that age 18 people become adults in the eyes of the legal system and if they are old enough to be held to a contractual agreement (such as buying a house), vote for the leader of the Free World, and voluntarily join the military, they have every right to live independently of their parents if that's what they choose to do.

For your information the lagal part is true in every country including mine. We are also legally eligible. BUt thing is here its considered as a shame that a grown up guy is living with his perents, unless he is forced to do so as he doesnt have a house or something. I have no intention in comparing as with this we are moving away from the main topic. Just to let you know there the whole intenion is mom dad has taken care of me all these days so now its my turn to do take care of them.

America is different in that the focus is placed on the individual, not on the group (such as the family) so of course nobody's going to come knocking on the door to see if dinner's been served. I don't think I'd want them to,really because I tend to appreciate that the neighbors aren't entitled to an opinion about my life - whether it's dinner or anything else I do or don't do.

Again for your kind information, neibors come and ask whether i have taken food or not is not because they want to have a openion in my life, but becase they care. Many a times they call too ........... say for example my dad is sick in India and its the nieghbors who does all the groceries , he doesnt even have to tell them for that. So they are never trying to intrude ur privacy or make openions but its purely based on love and care. My neibor wd lend me money only on one phone call, if i need that. So no one feels intruded even if i go their home wiothout any phone all or appointment. As i told in my last post too, neighbor home is like a 2nd home to me, its not a artificial hi-hello relation but a relation based on love, care, togetherness.

Its different from USA and the whole asian subcontinent is like this. you wont understand that unless you had been there & spent a considerable amount of time. Try to google Asian & Indian festivals and research on community and social feelings there and u wd understand the bondage there. I am to undergo a MA on this. So i got some expert knowledge in cultural difference .

Merlion, have you thought about extending invitations to your co-workers instead of waiting for them to invite you?

anyways. Merlion u can try that. May be it can work. Its true coworkers can be shy at 1st. But then i cant guarrantee you anything. Sounthern hospitality is well known. May be its different there. So it may take time for you , but you can get friends. The so called Friends i have now is only inetrested to drink togther and talk about women and stuff. Neither do they have any depth or anything else to speak. BUt then its also true that good friends are tough to build , thats true all around the world.

My point is not getting Merlion disappointed or to start a debate. Thanks for all the VJers who understood what i meant and supported me. As i said people who are not from asian subcontinent will have problem understand the total feeling of what i said. Hope some other posters will throw some light.

Ihavequestions, this is a friendly conversations so pls dnt take anythign personally.

Thanks.

Edited July 11, 2009 by christera22