Safe amount of time

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Personal attacks and insults are a violation of TOS. Offending post has been removed.

[morocco4ever 63]

I always miss the good stuff don't I?

[~Jess~ 0]

btw my oyvey was too the personal attacks that were left on this thread---before they were removed

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Wow, I didn't know I was personally attacked! Oh well, looks like I missed out on all the drama too, lol

[~Jess~ 0]

i think it was someone personally attacking another memeber using various threads to do so.

[doodlebugg 10]

i think it was someone personally attacking another memeber using various threads to do so.

prolly me. kinda freaky since I just watched Obsessed with Beonce this weekend.

[nunyab 0]

Tammy Sue - that is fantastic. I wish you all the best! We'll all be here to support you on your VJ 2.0.

Staashi I so missed your frankness you're one of the few people i know that can say what she truley feels and its not taken harshly mashallah you've got a gift.

Tammy, you know the first one was a test.... insha'allah this next one is your prize do what you need to do and we're here for you

~Rajaa

I always miss the good stuff don't I?

morocco4ever.... i do and did too lol. the monitors are stepping it up from a year ago..wow impressive

[ya hayat alby ♥ 0]

I can't give much advice about the situation, but I wanted to chip in that orfi marriages are basically haram. especially in your case since you are making this a conditional marriage, with a time limit (as in you are marrying him with the intention to get to know him). there is no such thing as a "trying it out" marriage.

one of the points that makes a muslim marriage valid is they go into the contract with the intention of marrying forever. at this time they would have already gotten to know each other in the halal and proper way before marriage. you don't necessarily have to be married-married to know the person.

:innocent:

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I guess I used the wrong wording, not Orfi, we will be married Islamically but not report it so that is can't be traced back when we file for the K1. Is that more politically correct wording?

I was quite naive when I met Ibrahim online, and at a place in my life that it was easy for me to fall into his spell. He seemed charming, caring and mature. He made me believe a lot of things about him that turned out to be untrue. I tried to live with him to save the marriage, it took me a long time to realize there was no marriage to save. I was merely a convenience to him and a way to enter the US, hopefully he won't be able to stay. After failing two AOS interviews, he still does not have a green card. After nearly two years of being here he has achieved nothing of worth.

As for Islam, I thank God everyday that he is in my life. He is kind, caring, supportive, funny and a general all around good guy as far as I can see. He is levelheaded, and has plans for his future, he loves my kids even with all their craziness. Could I be wrong? I guess it's possible but I don't think so.

So, Inshaa Allah, I will get on the plane on Sept 26 and fly to Cairo and then on to Alexandria for 5 weeks. I can't wait to be there!

[*Maureen* 0]

Enjoy your time there Tammy, I hope everything works out for you!

[Ihavequestions 419]

I guess I used the wrong wording, not Orfi, we will be married Islamically but not report it so that is can't be traced back when we file for the K1. Is that more politically correct wording?

No. An orfi is an orfi is an orfi. You can't call it something other than what it is. An unregistered marriage is a secret marriage and secret marriages are not Islamic marriages. Why on earth wouldn't you just do it at the Ministry of Justice and file for a marriage-based visa? No secrets, no looking over your shoulder, now worrying that someone might flub a home-visit interview (all it will take is ONE "Oh, the kabobs at the wedding party were lovely!" to cause that castle to come crumbling down), just a clean slate. Why not?

I was quite naive when I met Ibrahim online, and at a place in my life that it was easy for me to fall into his spell. He seemed charming, caring and mature. He made me believe a lot of things about him that turned out to be untrue. I tried to live with him to save the marriage, it took me a long time to realize there was no marriage to save. I was merely a convenience to him and a way to enter the US, hopefully he won't be able to stay. After failing two AOS interviews, he still does not have a green card. After nearly two years of being here he has achieved nothing of worth.

Personally, I wouldn't get with a dude who'd run the "Islamic marriage" line on me, particularly knowing how "Islamic marriages" are viewed within this society and within this culture. Nor would I want to start a marrige with lies and deceiption, particularly not when it involves the US government. It's not a good foundation. But it's your life, not mine.

How on earth is it possible to fail not one but two AOS interviews? How? And isn't the only criteria he has to meet to have that 10-year card proof that he entered into the marriage in good faith? How is he not able to do that? Really, I'm quite curious.

As for Islam, I thank God everyday that he is in my life. He is kind, caring, supportive, funny and a general all around good guy as far as I can see. He is levelheaded, and has plans for his future, he loves my kids even with all their craziness. Could I be wrong? I guess it's possible but I don't think so.

Not to be Debbie Downer, but why shouldn't he be all of that and a bag of chips? Look what he's getting: the best of all possible worlds. Sure, he gets that "Islamic marriage," one that's not registered, he gets that ticket to America, and all he has to do is sit back and wait for it all to transpire. Do you understand what you must look like to him? To his family? Do you have any idea that to them no decent woman worth marrying and staying married to would consider what you're willing to do?

Again, it's your life.

So, Inshaa Allah, I will get on the plane on Sept 26 and fly to Cairo and then on to Alexandria for 5 weeks. I can't wait to be there!

The only good thing I see coming of this is you'll beat the sweltering summer heat.

Edited August 18, 2009 by Ihavequestions

[Staashi 371]

As for Islam, I thank God everyday that he is in my life. He is kind, caring, supportive, funny and a general all around good guy as far as I can see. He is levelheaded, and has plans for his future, he loves my kids even with all their craziness. Could I be wrong? I guess it's possible but I don't think so.

Not to be Debbie Downer, but why shouldn't he be all of that and a bag of chips? Look what he's getting: the best of all possible worlds. Sure, he gets that "Islamic marriage," one that's not registered, he gets that ticket to America, and all he has to do is sit back and wait for it all to transpire. Do you understand what you must look like to him? To his family? Do you have any idea that to them no decent woman worth marrying and staying married to would consider what you're willing to do?

I was thinking the exact same thing...because in Islam the saying "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" TOTALLY applies. No self respecting muslimah (especially a MENA one), nor her muslim family would allow their daughter to marry without any papers or contract. OMG! They see it like you're just prostituting yourself. Not even a Christian family (one that abides by the laws of the Bible) would allow their daughter to live or know a man (in the Biblical sense) prior to marriage.

You're giving him the best of all worlds. I'd be holding out for something if it was me. Sister, do yourself a huge favor - if you love this man, get yourself a great big marriage contract that explicitly states what you are entitled to and a nice little mahr for yourself. After everything you've been through make it totally worth your while. Apply for a K-3 and be done with it.

ETA: One other thing, tell him that you want to go the K-3 route and have a real marriage there in Egypt when you go. Tell him what you want to do and see how he reacts to it....he might have a different reaction to what you're looking for, unless he told you originally that he wanted to marry you for real over there.

Edited August 18, 2009 by Staashi

[Ihavequestions 419]

Tammy, are you divorced yet? Have you finished your idda? Is that why you have to do an orfi (which is illegal as all get-out anyway, women can't have two husbands)?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Tammy, are you divorced yet? Have you finished your idda? Is that why you have to do an orfi (which is illegal as all get-out anyway, women can't have two husbands)?

I was thinking the same thing.. I think Tammy is still legally married. Maybe thats another reason to get an unregistered marriage. That would be illegal Tammy. So illegal, looked down upon by his culture and "skirting" around the K1 process. be careful with all of this please.

Tammy, youre going to do whatever you want but good god girl,stop to think about everything Ihavequestions said...she was DEAD ON on so many things involving the marriage "arrangment" that you guys have in mind.

When is your divorce supposed to be final? Thats another waiting period before you can even think about filing your guys' K1. Does Islam realize this means more waiting? Maybe your divorce is final and I just missed that part.

Good Luck to you and your family in the future

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Indeed, sister Tammy needs and must be not only careful; but extremely careful. I also find it peculiar that the new boyfriend is OK with having a secret marriage; as I understand it would be very much against the Muslim ways (pardon me if I trip on the words). And yes, like someone said; starting a new bond based on secrecy and darkness is not a good omen, in any spiritual way of life.

Staashi gave a great idea: tell him before you leave for Egypt even, that you want to get married. And then file for the visa. See reactions, evaluate, etc. Sounds cold as ice; but you more than anyone know this is no joking matter.

Are you divorced already? When is that divorce final? You need to take into account all this and a bag of chips.

Blessings.