Safe amount of time

[~~~water~~~ 0]

I wish you the best ... I hope its smooth sailing for you but dealing with the egyptian consulate was a nightmare for us. Just be prepared for a long wait and a possibility of have you case end up at the bottom of the stack with nothing you can do about it. You might want to consider moving to Egypt to be with your love this would benefit you in two ways 1. you could really get to know each other and make sure about this marriage 2. When you do apply for the visa it shows you really know each other and have spent the time together to prove it. Just a thought I know how hard it is to uproot and move but after you have converted , found this new love - maybe living in egypt would really be a great opportunity for you and your family. I don't know if at all doable for you but it is just a thought. You could really immerse yourself in Islam 24/7.

Ps. Hi everybody know I disappeared for a few months ..... things are going good

Edited July 15, 2009 by ~~~water~~~

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Okay, if we were to condense this thread, basically what we have left is this:

Men, of any nationality or age or social class are not to be trusted, unless of course they are Gay, and then they would not be a boy friend, but rather a girlfriend.

DUH! LOL kidding

Because I have children, I should never try for happiness in my life, but rather sacrifice my future for them. At the same time, they should never know the realities of relationships and how they work, but rather they see women in a sexless light, good for nothing but cooking and cleaning and bringing home the bacon.

I dont think a smart, strong, kind and loving mother who waits a while in between relationships equals a "sexless,good for nothing...." yes. Kids SHOULD know the "realities" of relationships...good,loving ones they should have an example of what marriage is supposed to be. Then they will know which is which and how to differentiate and not have to make the same mistakes their parents made, God willing.

Because I have been married before, I am damaged goods.

nope

Okay, How does this sound? No, not taking offence, just a big fan of cliff notes, lol

[SaadBell 0]

Tammy -

Honestly do what you fee is right, and by the way no matter what you do someone or somebody will disagree with it. It is better than to live with regrets of "what ifs" so take the bull by the horns and have at it. Your children will one day leave the nest, I stayed in a bad marriage because of my daughter, who know tells me she wished I had left years ago while she was young. We do the best we can, but don't let happiness slide by, and if it turns out bad, than so be it. You jump on the horse and ride again, if not than we are better dead. That is how I feel, life is too short to wait around for happiness, it doesn't drop by your house when you want it, or when things are just right, life isn't like that. You meant someone and now you want to take it to the next level, go for it girl. If you ever need a shoulder I am here.

[morocco4ever 63]

The bottom line here is that no one knows every detail of your relationship. So it isn't sensible to judge your decisions based on what any of us has to say. I have to admit that my first response is #######???? But then again I remember how many people warned me that my husband was using me for a visa, and that he would high tail it out of here once he got the golden GC. I guess he hasn't figured out yet that he can leave now.

Merely remember that there are worse things in life than being alone. Remember that you have the right to be selective, and don't give your heart and your love to anyone that doesn't meet up to your expectations. Remember that there is always a chance that you are being used. Remember that you have every right to question his motives until YOU, not us, feel confident. And remember that if it turns out that you chose wrong, then learn from it and move on. Life is too short to spend it worrying about what life is going to bring you. So worry more about what you decide to make happen in your life.

Then when he has come over, and when you are still together 5 years down the road you can come back here and say "neener neener" to all of us.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I wish you the best ... I hope its smooth sailing for you but dealing with the egyptian consulate was a nightmare for us. Just be prepared for a long wait and a possibility of have you case end up at the bottom of the stack with nothing you can do about it. You might want to consider moving to Egypt to be with your love this would benefit you in two ways 1. you could really get to know each other and make sure about this marriage 2. When you do apply for the visa it shows you really know each other and have spent the time together to prove it. Just a thought I know how hard it is to uproot and move but after you have converted , found this new love - maybe living in egypt would really be a great opportunity for you and your family. I don't know if at all doable for you but it is just a thought. You could really immerse yourself in Islam 24/7.

Ps. Hi everybody know I disappeared for a few months ..... things are going good

I agree. Spending time in Egypt with her children could be an amazing experience if she can afford it. If he wants " the hell out of Egypt" and this is not about really loving her and not seeing a life without her, she will find out pretty quickly with kids in tow.

I just feel so bad for the kids on these 3 to 5 year plans ( mine included) because you fall in love with someone who fills a dad need and they can already see out the back window. I guess you could say an American could do worse to you and many have. I just wish there was a better way to know.

I think the hard thing for me is that I have so many arab friends who freely talk about friends who are using Americans for papers and I know so few who got their papers still married to the Americans who gave them to them that I just want to cry when I see something that looks like another sad bad trip.

I wish I could tell you that somehow being involved with mena people had completely been a negative thing so I could prove some kind of a point but I cannot. Its a mixture of happiness and sadness, bliss and joy, depression and loss and everything rolled up into one thing when I look back at the 8 plus years I have spent around middle easterners and north africans. I converted to Islam before I married someone from mena and really just watched and observed the mixed marriages and the difference between alot of the ones I have seen versus now is that they were done when the spouse was aleady here illegal or with Disney or on a student visa and did not want to leave. Now there are all these online marriages. Truth be told, my daughter is the result of one online marriage that took place in Morocco in 1998. Her name was Lisette and she married my daughters father in Morocco and sponsored him. She was 22 and he left her after receving his 10 year card and as of 2004, he did not know if he was divorced because he abandoned her.

I look back at everything I have read over the last 3 years and what I have been through and I wonder what advice I would give Tammy or anyone else undertaking this. The first piece of advice is to get your kids into some kind of therapy so they can talk about what happened with this present husband. Talk about what happened with them and really talk about this new potential relationship with them. I personally know a woman who married a Tunisian whose 15 year old son commited suicide after their break up so honestly, anyone who says to wing it when it comes to kids, is not thinking clearly. Our children will be with us long after the greencard joy ride is gone and if it turns out to be a real solid marriage and its for keeps, there is nothing wrong with treading carefully when it comes to your kids and helping them talk through their feelings about what they have just went through. They may very well be at home with Islam and he may really love them and become someone amazing in their life but this is NOT all about you Tammy. Its about them too and I think when people tell you to really know him, they know what they are talking about and you need to expect AP in Egypt and get Islam ready for it. The other thing is that this is a k1 so you have some time once he gets here to watch and observe how he is and how he interacts with people. Just hold close to the friends you have made through the years and good luck and enjoy Egypt and relish the fact that you have seen the wilds of Jordan and now will experience Egypt. You have been through alot and have learned alot and you do look happy in your new pic so no matter what, you may really need this second chance.. Just really focus on your kids by getting them counseling and really talk through things with them. I know you have reverted to Islam but you have to know that that as well when you are raising children as muslim is another story ( keeping halal..etc) You are in for a real journey and I want you to be happy and really embrace all that is coming.. Just be aware of the steps you are taking and be a very good mom and everything will work out The other thing to remember is when we are talking, we are talking from our own experiences and not yours so take everything with a grain of salt. Sometimes we have to take big risks, just love and make sure your kids do not get lost in the ride and that they still have their mom. I know you are walking a rough road Tammy and that nothing has been easy for you anyway,, with the American/.. with the guy you married, with your mom dying. I am so so sorry for everything. Just do what you know best. No matter what , you will see Egypt with different eyes and you just may need to take this specific journey...no matter what .. just keep your eyes open and make memories

Kat

Edited July 16, 2009 by Hanging in there

[Staashi 371]

Remember this was all started by the premise - is this a safe amount of time to apply and will there be red flags...the answers are: maybe/maybe not and most definitely there are red flags, but in the end, it's your battle to fight with USCIS and DOS. I hope you find happiness as you deserve it and when you go to Egypt that you come home definitely not SEXLESS!!! And someday, when everyone asks how was your trip, you can say it was Shag-a-fvcking-rific!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Remember this was all started by the premise - is this a safe amount of time to apply and will there be red flags...the answers are: maybe/maybe not and most definitely there are red flags, but in the end, it's your battle to fight with USCIS and DOS. I hope you find happiness as you deserve it and when you go to Egypt that you come home definitely not SEXLESS!!! And someday, when everyone asks how was your trip, you can say it was Shag-a-fvcking-rific!

Exactly, this may be your destiny to visit Egypt and another exciting chapter in your life. At least you have not lived a dull life. It has been full of color and travels and you have lived a full life. I could never ever tell you not to go. I am just saying make sure you prepare your kids and give them a good foundation to embrace the positives of what will happen in the next couple of years. Its pretty cool to have a mom on her way to Egypt.

Good luck Tammy

Smooth Seas never made a skillful sailor

Edited July 16, 2009 by Hanging in there

[SaadBell 0]

Off topic, but what if one of these so called green card wanna be hooks up with a real crazy mean woman. I mean a crazy nasty evil women who makes his life hell, and of course she would have some friends who know the law and trap him. I bet after a good five years of hell he just might go back and warn his friends. Sure most of the women they meet are sweet and if they have some money help them out, but not all American women are sugar sweet, there are some really crazy screwed up women out there and this would be a golden opportunity to really test their powers over some loser just trying to get a green card. He would get the ride of his life. I would love it if she could live in the hood with some thuds for good friends. OMG I have some thuds as friends, but I hope I am not mean and nasty. But there are some women who would think nothing of using one of these young studs and teaching him some undesirable American habits. She would have to play it cagey at first, be nice and promise the world and set her trap, but omg once he is in her sites she could do some serious damage. Some of the things I have seen and heard make me want for some of these losers to met these women, I know a few right off hand that would love to screw some unsuspecting poor young Arab looking for a way out of his country. The problem with this is he would be the honest one, the real losers never seem to hook up with my dream girls. Oh well just a thought, I would love to hear what they would tell their friends than about picking up an American for a green card.

These may not be American women but here is an example of some EVIL women.

The first Australian woman to be sentenced to a natural life term without parole, Katherine Knight had a history of violence in relationships. She mashed the dentures of one of her ex-husbands and slashed the throat of another husband’s eight-week-old puppy before his eyes. A heated relationship with John Charles Thomas Price became public knowledge with an Apprehended Violence Order that Price had filed against Knight and ended with Knight stabbing Price to death with a butcher’s knife. He had been stabbed at least 37 times, both front and back, with many of the wounds penetrating vital organs. She then skinned him and hung his “suit” from the door frame in the living room, cut off his head and put it in the soup pot, baked his buttocks, and prepared gravy and vegetables to accompany the ‘roast’. The meal and a vindictive note were set out for the children, luckily discovered by police before they arrived home.

Another product of the Nazi’s final solution, Irma Grese or the “###### of Belsen” was a guard at concentration camps Ravensbrück, Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen. Transferred to Auschwitz in 1943, (she must have shown particular enthusiasm and dedication to the job), she was promoted to Senior Supervisor, the 2nd highest ranking female in camp, by the end of the year. In charge of over 30,000 Jewish female prisoners, she reveled in her work. Her work included; savaging of prisoners by her trained and half starved dogs, sexual excesses, arbitrary shootings, sadistic beatings with a plaited whip, and selecting prisoners for the gas chamber. She enjoyed both physical and emotional torture and habitually wore heavy boots and carried a pistol to facilitate both.

Englishwoman Mary Ann Cotton is another for-profit serial killer, predating Belle Gunnes by thirty years. Married at age twenty to William Mowbray, the newlyweds settled in Plymouth, Devon, to start their family. The couple had five children, four of whom died of ‘gastric fever and stomach pains’. Moving back to the north-east, tragedy seemed to follow them; three more children born, three more children died. William soon followed his offspring, dying of an ‘intestinal disorder’ in January 1865. British Prudential promptly paid a 35 pound dividend, and a pattern was established. Her second husband, George Ward, died of intestinal problems as well as one of her two remaining children. The power of the press, always a force to be reckoned with, caught up with Mary Ann. The local newspapers discovered that as Mary Ann moved around northern England, she lost three husbands, a lover, a friend, her mother and a dozen children, all dying of stomach fever. She was hanged at Durham County Gaol, March 24, 1873, for murder by arsenic poisoning. She died slowly, the hangman using too short a drop for a ‘clean’ execution.

Honey dinner is readyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[doodlebugg 10]

boiled his butt!!!!!

I want more !!! You gotta have some real doozies in your library right?

[Ihavequestions 419]

Off topic, but what if one of these so called green card wanna be hooks up with a real crazy mean woman. I mean a crazy nasty evil women who makes his life hell ...

VAWA

[Ram&Tam 1]

Okay you could call me a Whack Job, but not that!!!! Now back on topic real quick. Tammy I sure hope this works out for you. I am on my second time per'se but I never filed papers on him and he never got a visa. I guess after I figured out he couldn't help for anything but always seemed to need money I told him. "you need to help pay for your fees, I am having a hard time" well he couldn't even do that so it ended.

So insha'Allah I won't have any complications. Rami and I met back in 2007 and we have been good friends since then. earlier this spring things started to change and I ended up going to Amman in May. I had a good time but on my 5th day there I got so sick and was really down for the next 9 days up until I left. I didn't get to go places or meet up with friends because I was sooooooooooo sick! But masha'Allah he took care of me got me medicine he thought would help, his sister brought meds from the hospital and nothing worked so then he boiled an herb called shee this is the only thing that helped me, so whenever I felt sick he would make this for me then stay by me until he was sure I was better.

So take your time with this young man and I agree if you can take the kids really see how they are with him, thats what I am planning to do later this year insha'Allah. I wish you the best, because we all deserve love, peace, and happiness with a partner.

Tam

[morocco4ever 63]

I must say that I enjoy GG's stories. I have a few of my husbands friends I would LOVE to see with one of these women. It would serve them right now wouldn't it?

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I just want to say that I appreciate all the advice and well wishes and cautionary words from everyone here. I know that everyone here was just voicing their opinions based on their thoughts and or experiences. I know first hand how bad some of these relationships end, and the heartache of it too. But, some of them work out, for long term and happy endings.

To be honest, I never would have brought my kids into this relationship if I had known that it was going to turn into a relationship. We were friends only for months, just general talking about "stuff". It just so happened that my youngest asked me for help with pre algebra once when I was talking to Islam on skype, he offered to help my son because I realllllllly suck at math. One thing led to another and soon all my boys were chatting with Islam about school, girls, religion, etc........... Fortunately for me, I have a very good relationship with my kids, and they are not afraid to discuss anything about ANYTHING with me. All in all I feel that their relationship with Islam has been one of the best experiences with a man that my kids have ever had. Even if he and I don't work out, he has given them some good advice to live by, and taught them some valuable lessons. I can't think that it's bad for them to have learned from him.

So, thanks again for all your honesty. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Tammy/Aya

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Even if he and I don't work out, he has given them some good advice to live by, and taught them some valuable lessons.

Just to clarify, my meaning was that if we never get any farther than we are now. Of course I wouldn't want my kids to see the misery of another failed relationship.

[~Jess~ 0]

oyvey