I have something on my chest

[bulaklak 0]

Hello to you all,

first of all I have been following your forum and it's been very useful for me and my husband. I recently got my green card to US and I'm moving there this summer. Everything has been fine with me and my husband. We are very much in love. But I have something that is bothering me sometimes. I did find out over 6 months ago that he kissed another girl when we were engaged (this kissing thing happened 2 months before our actual wedding). My way of finding this out wasn't really nice towards him (checked his emails where he had mentioned this to one of his friends) but after all I did discover this and he had kept that as a secret from me. That hurt me a lot. He was visiting me at that time and we discussed about it. I was very mad to him for few days but before he left to US, I wanted to forgive him. I didn't want to believe he is not the same man I felt in love with and married. I know everyone makes mistakes.. Some might think kissing is not that big of an issue, but for me the fact that he lied and asked advice from his girlfriend of should he tell me this or not, was painful. I thought his friend was my friend too. I felt so betrayed. Anyways, he is regretting it and said that the kiss didn't mean anything to him. It was just a kiss and perhaps he was trying to figure out his true feelings towards me. And that was it. He promised me that. But I still haven't been able to leave that behind me. It sometimes bothers me but I don't want to bring that topic up with him. I don't want to constantly remind him of what he did to me, that is just wrong. I'm just hoping that I can let this be and trust him completely. I think it's stupid to let this ruin everything we have. We have waited over a year for my green card and us to be together finally. It just feels good to let this all out.. I want to hear what do you think about this if you would face problems like this?

Thank you

Do you really think it is just a plain KISS? I read somewhere in the local forum they have a different term for "sex" when the guy cheated he will or call it as "it just a "KISS" but not really a kiss but sex.

I'm sorry that you experience this, cheating is never been ok. if you still feel bother of what he has done, then your gut feeling is correct that there is a big possibilities he still doing it to you. then its time to think about it whether you want to stay with this cheater husband or not. its a sad world to know that he claimed he loves you but he hurts you feelings. his action does not match with his words.

said that the kiss didn't mean anything to him. It was just a kiss and he was trying to figure out his true feelings towards me.

to me, I don't buy this bs.

[msu17 0]

I think you have to be pretty insecure to suffer so much over something as small as a kiss.

He is with you, so we can safely assume he loves you.

Jealousy is highly unattractive, so if you want to have a life with him, just forget about it and never mention it again.

However... if he does it again and again... I'd say run for the hills!

1. No need to call the OP names and 2. to a lot of people a kiss is as important or more important than sex.

OP, I think this advice is the exact opposite of what you should do. If you can forget it, then cool. But it sounds like you can't. Just keeping this from your husband is going to cause distance between you two. You are married and need to discuss how you understand it was a mistake etc, but you are still bothered by it. If you cna't tell your husband how you are feeling, who can you tell?

[NArocks 13]

Yeah OP you need to bring it up and then hubby will lose all trust as you looked into his things. I had a similiar problem about phone calls, however i know where my man sleeps and that is the important thing. So the choice it yours. Bring it up or let it go..........

[sara..... 371]

wow really hard to give advise on this topic, i guess if it is bothering u that u need to talk to him about it, also try to figure out in ur mind and in ur heart if u feel he i still kissing people.

personally i dont know what i would do if i found out perviz had kissed someone.

and i hope i never have to find out

ur in my prayers

sara

[bulaklak 0]

Yeah OP you need to bring it up and then hubby will lose all trust as you looked into his things. I had a similiar problem about phone calls, however i know where my man sleeps and that is the important thing. So the choice it yours. Bring it up or let it go..........

If there is someone who will lost the trust, it should be her since her husband was cheating on her. he lied and tell her about it but he still lying and probably never tell the whole story.

it is wrong to looked his things but you can't blame her on why she behaving this way because her husband is not honest to her in the first place.

[Old Dominion 26]

Respecting the other's privacy is one of the foundations of a strong marriage.

[girl 37 7]

Respecting the other's privacy is one of the foundations of a strong marriage.

Not "fooling around" with other people is too.

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

I am just curious... why on earth do people post such personal stuff??????????????

DQ

MMMMMMM dairy queen.

Kewl,

Someones going to DQ?.... Can you get me a large snickers blizzard?

Uh uh... can I get a mud slide plz, kthxbai

you kinky girl!

[morocco4ever 63]

Ya'll went to DQ without me? Azz holes! I could kill for a butterfinger blizzard right about now.

But to the OP, what happened to compel you to go through his personal email? Apparently your suspicions were correct. So can I say you were in the wrong? Not in my eyes since he did cheat.

Bottom line here. This is a very personal decision. Some will forgive, some won't. But you have to look inside yourself to see if you are ever going to be able to forgive him. If you can't then staying together is just going to mean years of anguish for both of you. It is time to let it go if that is in your future.

And FYI, I don't think a kiss when you are engaged is appropriate or innocent. Personally for me it would be the end. Life is too short for me to waste worrying about a husband that can slip so easily. I deserve better IMO, and there are worse things in life than being single. Follow your heart.

[Minya's wife 25]

Hello to you all,

first of all I have been following your forum and it's been very useful for me and my husband. I recently got my green card to US and I'm moving there this summer. Everything has been fine with me and my husband. We are very much in love. But I have something that is bothering me sometimes. I did find out over 6 months ago that he kissed another girl when we were engaged (this kissing thing happened 2 months before our actual wedding). My way of finding this out wasn't really nice towards him (checked his emails where he had mentioned this to one of his friends) but after all I did discover this and he had kept that as a secret from me. That hurt me a lot. He was visiting me at that time and we discussed about it. I was very mad to him for few days but before he left to US, I wanted to forgive him. I didn't want to believe he is not the same man I felt in love with and married. I know everyone makes mistakes.. Some might think kissing is not that big of an issue, but for me the fact that he lied and asked advice from his girlfriend of should he tell me this or not, was painful. I thought his friend was my friend too. I felt so betrayed. Anyways, he is regretting it and said that the kiss didn't mean anything to him. It was just a kiss and perhaps he was trying to figure out his true feelings towards me. And that was it. He promised me that. But I still haven't been able to leave that behind me. It sometimes bothers me but I don't want to bring that topic up with him. I don't want to constantly remind him of what he did to me, that is just wrong. I'm just hoping that I can let this be and trust him completely. I think it's stupid to let this ruin everything we have. We have waited over a year for my green card and us to be together finally. It just feels good to let this all out.. I want to hear what do you think about this if you would face problems like this?

Thank you

Do you really think it is just a plain KISS? I read somewhere in the local forum they have a different term for "sex" when the guy cheated he will or call it as "it just a "KISS" but not really a kiss but sex.

I'm sorry that you experience this, cheating is never been ok. if you still feel bother of what he has done, then your gut feeling is correct that there is a big possibilities he still doing it to you. then its time to think about it whether you want to stay with this cheater husband or not. its a sad world to know that he claimed he loves you but he hurts you feelings. his action does not match with his words.

Yes, very smart...make the OP question is it was just a kiss, further undermining her trust in her husband. Thinking a "kiss" is code for sex is just taking a huge leap without any kind of basis....and IMO encouraging the OP to further spy on her husband to "find out the truth".

Per the OP, it was a kiss. There's no reason to assume it was anything besides that, or that it is a continuing thing. While it is a break of trust, if your fiance (not yet a husband at the time the kiss happenned) does this, so is going into his personal correspondence to spy on him. The lack of trust on both sides is worrisome. Best thing to do is have a frank discussion about it...set some boundaries, and as you go on, if it still continues to bother you, just keept the line of communicaiton with your husband open and always be honest w/ each other. But I would advise not to access private correspondence of your husband's in the future. If there is something bothering you, bring it up and discuss with him. Don't go behind his back to spy. Just my opinion....

[scandal 951]

I am just curious... why on earth do people post such personal stuff??????????????

DQ

MMMMMMM dairy queen.

Kewl,

Someones going to DQ?.... Can you get me a large snickers blizzard?

Uh uh... can I get a mud slide plz, kthxbai

you kinky girl!

Do you think Len does the mud slide in bunny-suit, or in the nude?

Preverts-R-Us really needs to know this kind of information, kthxbai!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

#######?!?!?!

[scandal 951]

#######?!?!?!

[diadromous mermaid 36]

What kind of a kiss are we talking about? I can see many situations where a kiss could occur and it could simply be a greeting. Was it a greeting or display of affection that is a custom, or was it an exploratory precursor to something more intimate? There's too little information offered to be able to judge.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

What kind of a kiss are we talking about? I can see many situations where a kiss could occur and it could simply be a greeting. Was it a greeting or display of affection that is a custom, or was it an exploratory precursor to something more intimate? There's too little information offered to be able to judge.

I agree: