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Bored? Jokes!

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Nessa Grand Master

Nessa   23

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
 Timeline
Posted

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??

Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

**********

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

**********

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

**********

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

**********

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

**********

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

**********

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: " Billionaire"

**********



* K1 Timeline *
* 04/07/06: I-129F Sent to NSC
* 10/02/06: Interview date - APPROVED!
* 10/10/06: POE Houston
* 11/25/06: Wedding day!!!

* AOS/EAD/AP Timeline *
*01/05/07: AOS/EAD/AP sent
*02/19/08: AOS approved
*02/27/08: Permanent Resident Card received

* LOC Timeline *
*12/31/09: Applied Lifting of Condition
*01/04/10: NOA
*02/12/10: Biometrics
*03/03/10: LOC approved
*03/11/10: 10 years green card received

* Naturalization Timeline *
*12/17/10: package sent
*12/29/10: NOA date
*01/19/11: biometrics
*04/12/11: interview
*04/15/11: approval letter
*05/13/11: Oath Ceremony - Officially done with Immigration.

Complete Timeline

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Miranda&James Experienced

Miranda&James   8

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: United Kingdom
 Timeline
Posted

Ooo those are bad :):lol:

Naturalization

=======================================

02/02/2015 - Filed Dallas lockbox. Atlanta office.

02/13/2015 - NOA received

03/10/2015 - Biometrics

03/12/2015 - In-Line for Interview

04/09/2015 - E-notification for Interview Letter

05/18/2015 - Interview - passed!

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Ban Hammer Grand Master

Ban Hammer   13,340

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
 Timeline
Posted

guy says to his wife - you know, when we got married, you weighed 110 pounds.

yeah, so? says his wife.

so i'm only married to half of you :lol:

********************

a guy is in a bar and he meets a beautiful woman and he tells her that he's about to be rich. his father, a billionaire, is on his deathbed and is expected to pass away any day now.

what happened?

the beautiful woman went and married his father. :lol:

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

:blink::crying:

* ~ * Charles * ~ *
 

I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

 

USE THE REPORT BUTTON INSTEAD OF MESSAGING A MODERATOR!

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  • 2 weeks later...
tomica52 Community Regular

tomica52   0

Posted
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Serbia
 Timeline
Posted

Very nice

February 1, 2006 - Married in Brooklyn, NY

February 7, 2006 - I-485, I-130, I-131, I-765 Filed

February 18, 2006 - NOA for I-485, I-130, I-131, I-765

March 16, 2006 - Biometrics for I-765, I-485

March 16, 2006 - I-131, I-130 touched

March 18, 2006 - I-765, I-485 touched

March 18, 2006 - RFE for I-485

March 20, 2006 - I-485 touched

March 27, 2006 - RFE sent out

March 31, 2006 - USCIS received the RFE

April 3, 2006 - I-485 touched

April 5, 2006 - I-485 touched

April 6, 2006 - I-485 touched

April 19, 2006 - AP approved

April 24, 2006 - AP received in the mail

April 22, 2006 - EAD touched

April 24, 2006 - EAD approved

April 29, 2006 - EAD received in the mail

May 15, 2006 - Interview letter received

July 12, 2006 - Interview

July 12, 2006 - APPROVED!!!!

August 14, 2006 - Welcome to the US letter and I-130 approval received in the mail

August 15, 2006 - Permanent Resident Card received in the mail

So far so good

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one...two...tree Grand Master

one...two...tree   2,762

Posted
Filed: Country: Philippines
 Timeline
Posted

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but who are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a totally booked transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly. He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At around 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am. I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea", she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow, that's a great idea!", he exclaimed.

"Good", she replied. "Get your own damned blanket!"

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Leafgal Experienced

Leafgal   3

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
 Timeline
Posted

Great one Stephen. :lol:

K-1 journey, AOS/EAD and ROC in my timeline

2011 March 31 - Sent off Naturalization pkg overnight to Texas

2011 April 1 - Arrived in Texas at 10:21 am

2011 April 1 - NOA (rec'd via snail mail April 8)

2011 April 7 - Cheque cashed

2011 May 5 - Biometrics (letter rec'd via snail mail April 15)

2011 May 9 - Placed in line for interview scheduling

2011 June 13 - Rec'd yellow letter (no change in status online)

2011 June 23 - Rec'd text that my case has been scheduled for interview

2011 August 1 - Interview (rec'd via snail mail June 27) PASSED

2011 August 3 - Rec'd email that my case has been scheduled for Oath

2011 September 1 - Oath ceremony (rec'd snail mail Aug 5)

2011 September 1 - All done, yeah.

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one...two...tree Grand Master

one...two...tree   2,762

Posted
Filed: Country: Philippines
 Timeline
Posted

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.

She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.

The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection that causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $5,000 in cash."

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MarieAnastasia Enthusiast

MarieAnastasia   0

Posted
Filed: Other Country: Canada
 Timeline
Posted

Two guys were talking about married life...........

1st Guy: I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months!

2nd Guy: That's impossible........WHY??

1st Guy: I didn't want to interrupt her!!!!!!! :P

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” JMAC

June 25, 2004 - Bruce & I met through mutual friends in my hometown in Newfoundland the night before he was going back to Maine

July 1 - First email between us

July 3 - I called him to wish him a Happy Independance Day

Daily phone calls and emails from there on in

October 20 - Bruce drove back to Newfoundland. He planned on staying a week but it ended up being 3 weeks. We knew for a fact we were in love!

March 19/05 - Bruce back in Newfoundland

April 8 - Bruce picked me up in North Sydney, NS and we drove to Maine. I stayed for a week due to work

July 26 - Bruce back to Newfoundland for another 3 weeks. I can't bear to see him leave.

August 10 - He asked me to marry him.........I had already asked him anyway just to make sure*_*

September 30 - I flew to Boston to meet Bruce there and then we drove back to Maine for 2 weeks

November 18 - We filed I-129F

December 1 - NOA Receipt #

December 28 - Received Packet 3

January 6/06 - Received my Police Certificate of Conduct

January 11 - Sent DS-230 Part 1 back to Montreal Consulate

February 3 - Sent off my check list to Montreal Consulate

March 24 - Medical

April 5 - Interview Date.....APPROVED......Yahoo

April 17 - Moving to Maine

May 16 - Bruce & I became Mr. & Mrs. in Las Vegas (Oh HAPPY DAY)

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Ban Hammer Grand Master

Ban Hammer   13,340

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
 Timeline
Posted

the pharmacist comes into his store after lunch and sees a customer standing in the corner by the bathroom. he asks the guy if he can help him find something, but the customer says no, that he has already been helped.

the pharmacist goes back to the counter and asks the young kid there what's going on. the young kid says the guy come in complaining about a cough, so he gave him a very strong laxative, which could be why the man is standing next to the bathroom.

the pharmacists goes ballistic. "why did you give him a laxative to cure a cough!!!"

the young kid replies "easy..........he's afraid to cough now"

* ~ * Charles * ~ *
 

I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

 

USE THE REPORT BUTTON INSTEAD OF MESSAGING A MODERATOR!

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Mandi+Ryan Community Regular

Mandi+Ryan   1

Posted
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: India
 Timeline
Posted

Good one! :thumbs:

Our Timeline:

05.18.2006-I-129F Petition sent to NSC

05.19.2006-I-129F Petition rec'd by NSC

06.02.2006-Rec'd NOA1

06.30.2006-Rec'd RFE

07.03.2006-Sent RFE to CSC

07.11.2006-RFE rec'd by CSC - Reply

09.11.2006-*APPROVED*

09.18.2006-Rec'd NOA2

09.29.2006-Sent I-129F pkg

10.04.2006-Rec'd I-129F pkg

10.06.2006-Embassy sent packet3

10.13.2006-Form DS-230 to New Delhi Embassy

10.26.2006-Rec'd initial packet3

11.08.2006-Rec'd police certificate

11.08.2006-Interview date thru email: DECEMBER 12, 2006 @ 8 AM

11.14.2006-Rec'd interview letter snail mail

11.18.2006-Medicals

11.22.2006-Rec'd medicals

12.01.2006-Packet4 to New Delhi Embassy

12.12.2006-Interview - Still need passport clearance & co-sponsor

12.20.2006-Sent co-sponsor info

01.03.2007-Rec'd papers & passport clearance

01.04.2007-Sent papers & passport to New Delhi Embassy - Rec'd

01.16.2007-Passport sent out

01.18.2007-Passport rec'd. No visa. Need more proof of relationship

01.24.2007-Sent more proof of relationship

02.03.2007-Rec'd proof

02.06.2007-Sent to New Delhi Embassy

03.07.2007-Rec'd passport. No visa

04.18.2007-CSC rec'd papers

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  • 1 year later...
almaty Grand Master

almaty   19

Posted
Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Kazakhstan
 Timeline
Posted

allot of good jokes here...

Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

Peppi_drinking_beer.jpg

my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&id=10835

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