Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part16)

[SupportOAFJF 0]

WOW JG! I didn't want to pry but I knew something had happened. I'm glad you are happier for it though....just another one of life's lessons that makes us stronger & wiser in the end. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd probably have blown my top in your situation too. He was taking advantage of your kindness, love & generosity & I don't blame you for the stance you took. Although I'm only making assumptions here, it seems to me like even this has not left you jaded (or not more than you already were...LOL) so that's a really great thing. You have the wisdom to know this is just the end of one chapter & it's time for a new & brighter one.

Ells, I am not jaded. I personally will NEVER have another relationship with a Jamaican. That is the part I am truly jaded about. He ruined me from LDR's and Jamaican men, in general..but not from my outlook on either of those with anyone else. I wish all of you the very best and those who came before and after you. I will advise and help if I can.

If you can't tell, I have not bashed the last year and a half or so even though I was going through all of it. My comments usually have to do with what I have experienced and of the experiences of those I know. I will warn sometimes. But, I am truly not a basher like that. I believe every situation is different and so is everyone. It's only when I see glaring similarities that I reach out and say be careful.

Totally understand, but do u think his actions were because he's a Jamaican man? I love my Jamaican men everybody know dat..and I would have never date another yes i said NEVER! what made u decide never another Jamaican man, is what i'm trying to ask?

Honestly, it doesn't matter, Kimmy. I don't hate all Jamaicans or even all Jamaican men. Just from ALL the stuff he put me through (some I didn't even put on here), I will never ever consider one again. I can't go back there. Emotionally, I mean. Everything a Jamaican man did or said would eventually remind me of what I have been through. Like reliving it over and over and over again. Not going there again. And, I am not sure I will ever visit the island again.

There are just some lessons you learn that scar you for life. This is one of them.

Can I have JA friends? Of course. I love you, Tre, etc.

I got it Kel....just a question..nothing crazy

[phillyfashionista 8]

I think today is the day I spill my guts cause it fits this conversation. Those that already know this, thanks for listening to my vents and having such strong shoulders. Those who don't.....well, maybe this can help you one day.

Andre smoked weed in JA. Pretty regularly. He was in no way a deadbeat....he had a full-time job, took care of his family, and went out with friends. After much warning from me, and the fact that his sister had to pay the doctor to get her failed text fixed, he quit about 2 months before the medical and passed.

Fast forward to the US....it's expensive here. I'm the only one working and there are still residual LDR costs, additional ones, and the whole AOS/Green card thing going on. He bugged me enough that I gave him $40 a check to spend on it. Eventually, that wasn't enough "allowence". I started feeling like ####### by the things he was saying, so I caved. Got to $100 a check. In the drug world, that's not much. But, in the one paycheck world, it's tough. After failing a drug test for his first job interview, he eventually found a job. He started putting his own money towards his soon to be ever increasing habit. You know the drug laws here.....they can confiscate things if they so desire. I had lost so much in this LDR, I could not afford to lose anything else. I caught him lying.....smoking before work, in my car, DURING work, after work, around the clock. Wierd things started happening like major car problems only when he was driving, things missing, money missing, evidence of parties while I was at work but no one there when I got home. It turned into him working, smoking, and then falling asleep. I was alone and loney. I fought with him.....for him.....for a little over a year. We even had an incident where my cousin was mugged by someone who knew Andre's name and described me. Scary stuff.

He knew of my unhappiness with it all. He knew the consequences of getting caught. Hell, he was working up the management ladder at work. I kept warning there would be random drug tests eventually. The last straw was the day I came home to find him in the same room as my kids....him smoking and them watching a movie. I blew my top. Told him I was done. In the end, I chose not to engage in illegal activities and not to risk the lives of everyone I love and everything we have because of him. I gave him everything and he turned out not to be worthy of it. Not to even seem to care.

We began seperating the end of last year. At first it was cordial. It didn't end that way. I have not spoken to him in months. We can't even be near each other without the police involved anymore. 2 months ago, our divorce was final.

Don't mourn for me. I am fine. In fact, my friends and family will tell you I am happier today then I have been in a long time. I have moved on and life is good. I don't live every day in fear cause of his stupidity anymore. And, I'm not lonely anymore.

He lives in our old apartment and has a roughly 4 months pregnant girlfriend. I wish him the very best. I just don't want anything at all to do with him anymore. In fact, he was in the hospital for 2 weeks recently with sickle cell complications. I did not go visit him. My 17 year old (today!) son went to visit him. I told him if he was dying, call me and I would go up there. If not, sorry.

The moral of my story is if you have reservations about the drug issues now, please talk about them and work it out however it suits you. But, know your limits and think about the consequences. Drug usage in the US is a completely different thing then in JA. I don't know of a single JA man who truly understands that NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.

JG Thanks so much for sharing your story and I applaud you for your honesty regarding your situation. Your experience has brought tears to my eyes because I feel for you and the pain you went through. The LDR in itself is a huge sacrifice even without the addition of the Immigration process on top of it. All the sacrifices you have made over the years for the survival of this relationship and for him to simply throw it all away for drugs is the greatest disrespect ever! MONEY, TIME, EMOTIONS, TRAVEL, FAMILY all of it a huge sacrifice and to think all of it meant nothing. I feel so sad right now.........

I am glad that you were able to see your way through this unscathed and my prayer for you is that you find the ONE.

[*JG* 2]

I guess Kimmy it all comes down to all the JA men I came in contact with before Andre, during Andre....like his friends and family as well. Some funny experiences. Some playas. Some who thought I was a fool and able to be used by them. And, then, Andre himself and all of that. I can't look at dating another JA man ever knowing all of that and then how this turned out.

It would be like reliving the nightmare for me.

WOW JG! I didn't want to pry but I knew something had happened. I'm glad you are happier for it though....just another one of life's lessons that makes us stronger & wiser in the end. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd probably have blown my top in your situation too. He was taking advantage of your kindness, love & generosity & I don't blame you for the stance you took. Although I'm only making assumptions here, it seems to me like even this has not left you jaded (or not more than you already were...LOL) so that's a really great thing. You have the wisdom to know this is just the end of one chapter & it's time for a new & brighter one.

Ells, I am not jaded. I personally will NEVER have another relationship with a Jamaican. That is the part I am truly jaded about. He ruined me from LDR's and Jamaican men, in general..but not from my outlook on either of those with anyone else. I wish all of you the very best and those who came before and after you. I will advise and help if I can.

If you can't tell, I have not bashed the last year and a half or so even though I was going through all of it. My comments usually have to do with what I have experienced and of the experiences of those I know. I will warn sometimes. But, I am truly not a basher like that. I believe every situation is different and so is everyone. It's only when I see glaring similarities that I reach out and say be careful.

Totally understand, but do u think his actions were because he's a Jamaican man? I love my Jamaican men everybody know dat..and I would have never date another yes i said NEVER! what made u decide never another Jamaican man, is what i'm trying to ask?

Honestly, it doesn't matter, Kimmy. I don't hate all Jamaicans or even all Jamaican men. Just from ALL the stuff he put me through (some I didn't even put on here), I will never ever consider one again. I can't go back there. Emotionally, I mean. Everything a Jamaican man did or said would eventually remind me of what I have been through. Like reliving it over and over and over again. Not going there again. And, I am not sure I will ever visit the island again.

There are just some lessons you learn that scar you for life. This is one of them.

Can I have JA friends? Of course. I love you, Tre, etc.

I got it Kel....just a question..nothing crazy

I'm not jaded. I won't bash. I am not like anyone else. Nor am I the poster girl for anything.

[1luv 1]

WOW JG! I didn't want to pry but I knew something had happened. I'm glad you are happier for it though....just another one of life's lessons that makes us stronger & wiser in the end. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd probably have blown my top in your situation too. He was taking advantage of your kindness, love & generosity & I don't blame you for the stance you took. Although I'm only making assumptions here, it seems to me like even this has not left you jaded (or not more than you already were...LOL) so that's a really great thing. You have the wisdom to know this is just the end of one chapter & it's time for a new & brighter one.

Ells, I am not jaded. I personally will NEVER have another relationship with a Jamaican. That is the part I am truly jaded about. He ruined me from LDR's and Jamaican men, in general..but not from my outlook on either of those with anyone else. I wish all of you the very best and those who came before and after you. I will advise and help if I can.

If you can't tell, I have not bashed the last year and a half or so even though I was going through all of it. My comments usually have to do with what I have experienced and of the experiences of those I know. I will warn sometimes. But, I am truly not a basher like that. I believe every situation is different and so is everyone. It's only when I see glaring similarities that I reach out and say be careful.

Totally understand, but do u think his actions were because he's a Jamaican man? I love my Jamaican men everybody know dat..and I would have never date another yes i said NEVER! what made u decide never another Jamaican man, is what i'm trying to ask?

For me I also LOVE my Jamaican men...but if (knock on wood) if my hubby and I split I will never have a LDR never. Its too emotional. I just realized. July 31 will be two yrs sice hei s in Canada

[*JG* 2]

I am out of here for today. Have to go do some all-star stuff. Be back in the a.m. and I'll catch up.

Have a good day and night!

[DaDa 1]

Morning Yardies, Big Congratulations to Nat.

I am Pleased to say that after much consideration, deliberation, thought, and prayer I have decided to GET MARRIED TOMMORROW. I know its kind of sudden so we are just going to do it courthouse style and forget all the big plans.

I just looked at the calendar and seen this is July 10... Awwwww. Not to rain on your parade but tomorrow is my deceased grandmothers birthday who I LOVED LOVED so very much. We’re actually having a get together in her honor. The whole family won’t gotten together since she left us four years ago god rest her soul. I believe your marriage will be a great one just from the date you picked…LOL

I’ll have a drink for you because I know I’m going out afterwards!

Like you said as long as you have given this much thought and prayer all you can do now is step out on faith. Even though right now its rocky hopefully later on down the line you’ll see this was the best decision you could have ever made. May Jah bless your union!!!!!

[dillon 6]

WOW JG! I didn't want to pry but I knew something had happened. I'm glad you are happier for it though....just another one of life's lessons that makes us stronger & wiser in the end. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd probably have blown my top in your situation too. He was taking advantage of your kindness, love & generosity & I don't blame you for the stance you took. Although I'm only making assumptions here, it seems to me like even this has not left you jaded (or not more than you already were...LOL) so that's a really great thing. You have the wisdom to know this is just the end of one chapter & it's time for a new & brighter one.

Ells, I am not jaded. I personally will NEVER have another relationship with a Jamaican. That is the part I am truly jaded about. He ruined me from LDR's and Jamaican men, in general..but not from my outlook on either of those with anyone else. I wish all of you the very best and those who came before and after you. I will advise and help if I can.

If you can't tell, I have not bashed the last year and a half or so even though I was going through all of it. My comments usually have to do with what I have experienced and of the experiences of those I know. I will warn sometimes. But, I am truly not a basher like that. I believe every situation is different and so is everyone. It's only when I see glaring similarities that I reach out and say be careful.

Totally understand, but do u think his actions were because he's a Jamaican man? I love my Jamaican men everybody know dat..and I would have never date another yes i said NEVER! what made u decide never another Jamaican man, is what i'm trying to ask?

Honestly, it doesn't matter, Kimmy. I don't hate all Jamaicans or even all Jamaican men. Just from ALL the stuff he put me through (some I didn't even put on here), I will never ever consider one again. I can't go back there. Emotionally, I mean. Everything a Jamaican man did or said would eventually remind me of what I have been through. Like reliving it over and over and over again. Not going there again. And, I am not sure I will ever visit the island again.

There are just some lessons you learn that scar you for life. This is one of them.

Can I have JA friends? Of course. I love you, Tre, etc.

I said the same thing JG and now look at me. But I know your situation is very different from what I went through and I think that is a very normal feeling that you have.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

hahahaa..@poster girl...lol...u sure ur not! i'm just happy ur happy...and mi all ears all di time..

many may think whatever they want of me on here .but it truley doesn't matter..i have made some real friendships and wished u girls/guy lived closer to me!

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

WOW JG! I didn't want to pry but I knew something had happened. I'm glad you are happier for it though....just another one of life's lessons that makes us stronger & wiser in the end. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd probably have blown my top in your situation too. He was taking advantage of your kindness, love & generosity & I don't blame you for the stance you took. Although I'm only making assumptions here, it seems to me like even this has not left you jaded (or not more than you already were...LOL) so that's a really great thing. You have the wisdom to know this is just the end of one chapter & it's time for a new & brighter one.

Ells, I am not jaded. I personally will NEVER have another relationship with a Jamaican. That is the part I am truly jaded about. He ruined me from LDR's and Jamaican men, in general..but not from my outlook on either of those with anyone else. I wish all of you the very best and those who came before and after you. I will advise and help if I can.

If you can't tell, I have not bashed the last year and a half or so even though I was going through all of it. My comments usually have to do with what I have experienced and of the experiences of those I know. I will warn sometimes. But, I am truly not a basher like that. I believe every situation is different and so is everyone. It's only when I see glaring similarities that I reach out and say be careful.

Totally understand, but do u think his actions were because he's a Jamaican man? I love my Jamaican men everybody know dat..and I would have never date another yes i said NEVER! what made u decide never another Jamaican man, is what i'm trying to ask?

Honestly, it doesn't matter, Kimmy. I don't hate all Jamaicans or even all Jamaican men. Just from ALL the stuff he put me through (some I didn't even put on here), I will never ever consider one again. I can't go back there. Emotionally, I mean. Everything a Jamaican man did or said would eventually remind me of what I have been through. Like reliving it over and over and over again. Not going there again. And, I am not sure I will ever visit the island again.

There are just some lessons you learn that scar you for life. This is one of them.

Can I have JA friends? Of course. I love you, Tre, etc.

JG - I love you too...and you're a strong woman cause damn if im and is family didn't bring you to hell and back, but you survived and that's all that matters.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

wow luv...time fly..kashi will make 2yrs Aug 6th....man dem times was stressful!

[sus 70]

hahahaa..@poster girl...lol...u sure ur not! i'm just happy ur happy...and mi all ears all di time..

many may think whatever they want of me on here .but it truley doesn't matter..i have made some real friendships and wished u girls/guy lived closer to me!

Why, yu nah link up wid di ones closer!

[SupportOAFJF 0]

JG - I love you too...and you're a strong woman cause damn if im and is family didn't bring you to hell and back, but you survived and that's all that matters.

mek yuh can chat so..cho! yuh try doan call mi a JA enuh...

[finesse 3]

I think today is the day I spill my guts cause it fits this conversation. Those that already know this, thanks for listening to my vents and having such strong shoulders. Those who don't.....well, maybe this can help you one day.

Andre smoked weed in JA. Pretty regularly. He was in no way a deadbeat....he had a full-time job, took care of his family, and went out with friends. After much warning from me, and the fact that his sister had to pay the doctor to get her failed text fixed, he quit about 2 months before the medical and passed.

Fast forward to the US....it's expensive here. I'm the only one working and there are still residual LDR costs, additional ones, and the whole AOS/Green card thing going on. He bugged me enough that I gave him $40 a check to spend on it. Eventually, that wasn't enough "allowence". I started feeling like ####### by the things he was saying, so I caved. Got to $100 a check. In the drug world, that's not much. But, in the one paycheck world, it's tough. After failing a drug test for his first job interview, he eventually found a job. He started putting his own money towards his soon to be ever increasing habit. You know the drug laws here.....they can confiscate things if they so desire. I had lost so much in this LDR, I could not afford to lose anything else. I caught him lying.....smoking before work, in my car, DURING work, after work, around the clock. Wierd things started happening like major car problems only when he was driving, things missing, money missing, evidence of parties while I was at work but no one there when I got home. It turned into him working, smoking, and then falling asleep. I was alone and loney. I fought with him.....for him.....for a little over a year. We even had an incident where my cousin was mugged by someone who knew Andre's name and described me. Scary stuff.

He knew of my unhappiness with it all. He knew the consequences of getting caught. Hell, he was working up the management ladder at work. I kept warning there would be random drug tests eventually. The last straw was the day I came home to find him in the same room as my kids....him smoking and them watching a movie. I blew my top. Told him I was done. In the end, I chose not to engage in illegal activities and not to risk the lives of everyone I love and everything we have because of him. I gave him everything and he turned out not to be worthy of it. Not to even seem to care.

We began seperating the end of last year. At first it was cordial. It didn't end that way. I have not spoken to him in months. We can't even be near each other without the police involved anymore. 2 months ago, our divorce was final.

Don't mourn for me. I am fine. In fact, my friends and family will tell you I am happier today then I have been in a long time. I have moved on and life is good. I don't live every day in fear cause of his stupidity anymore. And, I'm not lonely anymore.

He lives in our old apartment and has a roughly 4 months pregnant girlfriend. I wish him the very best. I just don't want anything at all to do with him anymore. In fact, he was in the hospital for 2 weeks recently with sickle cell complications. I did not go visit him. My 17 year old (today!) son went to visit him. I told him if he was dying, call me and I would go up there. If not, sorry.

The moral of my story is if you have reservations about the drug issues now, please talk about them and work it out however it suits you. But, know your limits and think about the consequences. Drug usage in the US is a completely different thing then in JA. I don't know of a single JA man who truly understands that NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.

JG Thanks so much for sharing your story and I applaud you for your honesty regarding your situation. Your experience has brought tears to my eyes because I feel for you and the pain you went through. The LDR in itself is a huge sacrifice even without the addition of the Immigration process on top of it. All the sacrifices you have made over the years for the survival of this relationship and for him to simply throw it all away for drugs is the greatest disrespect ever! MONEY, TIME, EMOTIONS, TRAVEL, FAMILY all of it a huge sacrifice and to think all of it meant nothing. I feel so sad right now.........

I am glad that you were able to see your way through this unscathed and my prayer for you is that you find the ONE.

damn, i feel so sad too....

[SupportOAFJF 0]

hahahaa..@poster girl...lol...u sure ur not! i'm just happy ur happy...and mi all ears all di time..

many may think whatever they want of me on here .but it truley doesn't matter..i have made some real friendships and wished u girls/guy lived closer to me!

Why, yu nah link up wid di ones closer!

ahahhahaa...Sus..mi promise..as soon as dis dyam school ting ovah..mi is out and about!! fi real..i'm stuck in the house every wkend..unless mi boycott my HW and papers..like this wkend!!! don't cry...mi love yuh langggtime...

[1luv 1]

wow luv...time fly..kashi will make 2yrs Aug 6th....man dem times was stressful!

stressful aint even the word! I got stories

oh Aug 7 is my bday