Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part16)

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I think today is the day I spill my guts cause it fits this conversation. Those that already know this, thanks for listening to my vents and having such strong shoulders. Those who don't.....well, maybe this can help you one day.

Andre smoked weed in JA. Pretty regularly. He was in no way a deadbeat....he had a full-time job, took care of his family, and went out with friends. After much warning from me, and the fact that his sister had to pay the doctor to get her failed text fixed, he quit about 2 months before the medical and passed.

Fast forward to the US....it's expensive here. I'm the only one working and there are still residual LDR costs, additional ones, and the whole AOS/Green card thing going on. He bugged me enough that I gave him $40 a check to spend on it. Eventually, that wasn't enough "allowence". I started feeling like ####### by the things he was saying, so I caved. Got to $100 a check. In the drug world, that's not much. But, in the one paycheck world, it's tough. After failing a drug test for his first job interview, he eventually found a job. He started putting his own money towards his soon to be ever increasing habit. You know the drug laws here.....they can confiscate things if they so desire. I had lost so much in this LDR, I could not afford to lose anything else. I caught him lying.....smoking before work, in my car, DURING work, after work, around the clock. Wierd things started happening like major car problems only when he was driving, things missing, money missing, evidence of parties while I was at work but no one there when I got home. It turned into him working, smoking, and then falling asleep. I was alone and loney. I fought with him.....for him.....for a little over a year. We even had an incident where my cousin was mugged by someone who knew Andre's name and described me. Scary stuff.

He knew of my unhappiness with it all. He knew the consequences of getting caught. Hell, he was working up the management ladder at work. I kept warning there would be random drug tests eventually. The last straw was the day I came home to find him in the same room as my kids....him smoking and them watching a movie. I blew my top. Told him I was done. In the end, I chose not to engage in illegal activities and not to risk the lives of everyone I love and everything we have because of him. I gave him everything and he turned out not to be worthy of it. Not to even seem to care.

We began seperating the end of last year. At first it was cordial. It didn't end that way. I have not spoken to him in months. We can't even be near each other without the police involved anymore. 2 months ago, our divorce was final.

Don't mourn for me. I am fine. In fact, my friends and family will tell you I am happier today then I have been in a long time. I have moved on and life is good. I don't live every day in fear cause of his stupidity anymore. And, I'm not lonely anymore.

He lives in our old apartment and has a roughly 4 months pregnant girlfriend. I wish him the very best. I just don't want anything at all to do with him anymore. In fact, he was in the hospital for 2 weeks recently with sickle cell complications. I did not go visit him. My 17 year old (today!) son went to visit him. I told him if he was dying, call me and I would go up there. If not, sorry.

The moral of my story is if you have reservations about the drug issues now, please talk about them and work it out however it suits you. But, know your limits and think about the consequences. Drug usage in the US is a completely different thing then in JA. I don't know of a single JA man who truly understands that NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.

.... JG it's my baby's b'day too today.

[*JG* 2]

WOW JG! I didn't want to pry but I knew something had happened. I'm glad you are happier for it though....just another one of life's lessons that makes us stronger & wiser in the end. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd probably have blown my top in your situation too. He was taking advantage of your kindness, love & generosity & I don't blame you for the stance you took. Although I'm only making assumptions here, it seems to me like even this has not left you jaded (or not more than you already were...LOL) so that's a really great thing. You have the wisdom to know this is just the end of one chapter & it's time for a new & brighter one.

Ells, I am not jaded. I personally will NEVER have another relationship with a Jamaican. That is the part I am truly jaded about. He ruined me from LDR's and Jamaican men, in general..but not from my outlook on either of those with anyone else. I wish all of you the very best and those who came before and after you. I will advise and help if I can.

If you can't tell, I have not bashed the last year and a half or so even though I was going through all of it. My comments usually have to do with what I have experienced and of the experiences of those I know. I will warn sometimes. But, I am truly not a basher like that. I believe every situation is different and so is everyone. It's only when I see glaring similarities that I reach out and say be careful.

[DaDa 1]

you still feel it..c section...oh boy...I'm really scared now...

My sis said once she got the epidoral(sp) it wasn't that bad... and she push and has a c-section all in the matter of 16 minutes!

I had the epidural.. was in labor for 24 hours. When epidural wore off they wouldnt give me more! So I had the pain of the epidural (hate needles) and then had her natural anyhow. My dr retired after I had Tierra and told me her head was one of the biggest she ever delivered! OUCH!

Oh I almost spit my pop out!!!! LMFAO!!!!Wait no the freak he didn't!!!! LOL The nerve of some doctors..

[*JG* 2]

Thanks JG I will look it up. Not sure if the mister is so into baseball yet but I would love to go and check it out. I would just take the metro link so I wouldn't have to worry about parking.

Are you working there or at the stadium? I really hope you are at the stadium I know you will about pass out with excitement.

I put some more info on FB too in answer to your question there.

I am there. I am working the your picture on a trading card booth Sat & Tues. Floater on Sun.

I think I won Home Run Derby tickets from State Farm so I may be there Mon.

For working FanFest, I am registered to win a set of All Star Game tickets. Will find out monday at noon. I have 2 chances in 2,300. I think good odds. Wish me luck.

Any way you look at it, I am part of this city's history now. I am so excited.

That is awesome! Go Albert!

There is some deal where you are partnered up with a Home Run Derby participant and if they win, you win a house or $250,000. I want to be in that one!!!!!

[DaDa 1]

Congratsssss Nat!!

For the first time EVER I have a pic of the three of us, my husband HATES photos!!

He makes sure he doesn't look into the camera every time!!!! LOL

Nice looking family!

[*JG* 2]

I'm so tired today....we need a new & bigger bed. When I wake at night to tinkle, I usually get back in bed & fall right back to sleep....now it's two of us & when he gets back in bed, he fidgets for a half hour & I lose more sleep now than I did even before when I had bouts of insomnia. We need to figure out a way to make our sleep more sound because I'm already a grump in the mornings & when I'm tired, it's ten-fold! Then I hit snooze five times & by the last time, he's pushing me out of bed trying to help me & that just irritates me even more since he gets to lay there still. This morning I left the house grumpy & when he started to get up to give me a kiss I closed the door. What a meanie I am. When I got to work he called to apologize for trying to get me going by pushing me out of bed which was a sweet gesture (apologizing that is) but it's more than just that. I'm finding one of the biggest challenges is being the sole provider & not always feeling like I have enough help. Now he agreed that on as many nights as we can work out, he'll try & cook dinner so I don't have to come home & do all of that too. He's made some dinners but he's not familiar with the spices & ingredients so he's reluctant. We haven't had a chance to get across the bay to a Jamaican food store so I've been doing a lot of the cooking. He is always really good about 'pulling up his socks' (as his Granny used to say) when I tell him I need some help. I just need to relax a little & keep remembering that what he does may not be up to my standards (I'm particular about things) but at least he's trying. So there are our adjustment issues of the day.

All normal emotions, Ells. Hang in there.

[IrieCat 2]

IrieCat how come your flag waves?

LOL .. no idea!

[DaDa 1]

I tried that DHL tracking "trick" to find out what cases left NVC headed to embassies around the world. I was VERY pleased to see that a package shipped from Portsmouth, NH to Kingston, Jamaica only took ONE DAY! My estimate was a week, so that news shaves off a few days.

Last time I checked the Yardie Interview spreadsheet, I saw that a few people had their interviews 2 months after NOA2. I'm really hoping for an interview during the week of Memorial Day (Sept 7) so I can make use of that holiday to save a vacation day.

Labor Day Nat!!!! Girl you’re so excited your getting your holidays mixed up...lol

[IrieCat 2]

you still feel it..c section...oh boy...I'm really scared now...

My sis said once she got the epidoral(sp) it wasn't that bad... and she push and has a c-section all in the matter of 16 minutes!

I had the epidural.. was in labor for 24 hours. When epidural wore off they wouldnt give me more! So I had the pain of the epidural (hate needles) and then had her natural anyhow. My dr retired after I had Tierra and told me her head was one of the biggest she ever delivered! OUCH!

Oh I almost spit my pop out!!!! LMFAO!!!!Wait no the freak he didn't!!!! LOL The nerve of some doctors..

Oh I loved my Dr, she was awesome. She wasnt being mean... just saying T had a big head. LOL... SHE DID! She grew into it hahaha. Its a running joke... she got her mama's big head!! LOL

[SupportOAFJF 0]

WOW JG! I didn't want to pry but I knew something had happened. I'm glad you are happier for it though....just another one of life's lessons that makes us stronger & wiser in the end. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd probably have blown my top in your situation too. He was taking advantage of your kindness, love & generosity & I don't blame you for the stance you took. Although I'm only making assumptions here, it seems to me like even this has not left you jaded (or not more than you already were...LOL) so that's a really great thing. You have the wisdom to know this is just the end of one chapter & it's time for a new & brighter one.

Ells, I am not jaded. I personally will NEVER have another relationship with a Jamaican. That is the part I am truly jaded about. He ruined me from LDR's and Jamaican men, in general..but not from my outlook on either of those with anyone else. I wish all of you the very best and those who came before and after you. I will advise and help if I can.

If you can't tell, I have not bashed the last year and a half or so even though I was going through all of it. My comments usually have to do with what I have experienced and of the experiences of those I know. I will warn sometimes. But, I am truly not a basher like that. I believe every situation is different and so is everyone. It's only when I see glaring similarities that I reach out and say be careful.

Totally understand, but do u think his actions were because he's a Jamaican man? I love my Jamaican men everybody know dat..and I would have never date another yes i said NEVER! what made u decide never another Jamaican man, is what i'm trying to ask?

[*JG* 2]

Dillon....someone on facebook just said go to StubHub or Craig's List and you can find FanFest tickets really cheap, maybe even free.

FYI

[Ellsinlove 2]

Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to JG's & Tre's kids today!

I tried that DHL tracking "trick" to find out what cases left NVC headed to embassies around the world. I was VERY pleased to see that a package shipped from Portsmouth, NH to Kingston, Jamaica only took ONE DAY! My estimate was a week, so that news shaves off a few days.

Last time I checked the Yardie Interview spreadsheet, I saw that a few people had their interviews 2 months after NOA2. I'm really hoping for an interview during the week of Memorial Day (Sept 7) so I can make use of that holiday to save a vacation day.

Labor Day Nat!!!! Girl you’re so excited your getting your holidays mixed up...lol

[NatPatBen 3]

Labor Day Nat!!!! Girl you’re so excited your getting your holidays mixed up...lol

I can't even blame that on the excitedness. I mix those two up all the time. I need to remember: Memorial Day is in May.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I'm so tired today....we need a new & bigger bed. When I wake at night to tinkle, I usually get back in bed & fall right back to sleep....now it's two of us & when he gets back in bed, he fidgets for a half hour & I lose more sleep now than I did even before when I had bouts of insomnia. We need to figure out a way to make our sleep more sound because I'm already a grump in the mornings & when I'm tired, it's ten-fold! Then I hit snooze five times & by the last time, he's pushing me out of bed trying to help me & that just irritates me even more since he gets to lay there still. This morning I left the house grumpy & when he started to get up to give me a kiss I closed the door. What a meanie I am. When I got to work he called to apologize for trying to get me going by pushing me out of bed which was a sweet gesture (apologizing that is) but it's more than just that. I'm finding one of the biggest challenges is being the sole provider & not always feeling like I have enough help. Now he agreed that on as many nights as we can work out, he'll try & cook dinner so I don't have to come home & do all of that too. He's made some dinners but he's not familiar with the spices & ingredients so he's reluctant. We haven't had a chance to get across the bay to a Jamaican food store so I've been doing a lot of the cooking. He is always really good about 'pulling up his socks' (as his Granny used to say) when I tell him I need some help. I just need to relax a little & keep remembering that what he does may not be up to my standards (I'm particular about things) but at least he's trying. So there are our adjustment issues of the day.

All normal emotions, Ells. Hang in there.

Ells..u have to set standards..i'm not saying this man should be ur toy..eh's ur equal..but he doesn't know what u want until u say it...totally different society..it's rough being the sole provider and will be for sometime...

i think i was truely blessed when Kashi got a 10yr GC instead of a conditional..he came here in August..started working in Novenmber..he couldn't sit still..even though we agreed he would stay home for a little while..he's not used to that..i explain everything..

we had TOUGH times..but we had LOVE..and still do thank God..and that is the one thing i believe that will carry u thru!

be patient and COMMUNICATE..always

[*JG* 2]

WOW JG! I didn't want to pry but I knew something had happened. I'm glad you are happier for it though....just another one of life's lessons that makes us stronger & wiser in the end. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd probably have blown my top in your situation too. He was taking advantage of your kindness, love & generosity & I don't blame you for the stance you took. Although I'm only making assumptions here, it seems to me like even this has not left you jaded (or not more than you already were...LOL) so that's a really great thing. You have the wisdom to know this is just the end of one chapter & it's time for a new & brighter one.

Ells, I am not jaded. I personally will NEVER have another relationship with a Jamaican. That is the part I am truly jaded about. He ruined me from LDR's and Jamaican men, in general..but not from my outlook on either of those with anyone else. I wish all of you the very best and those who came before and after you. I will advise and help if I can.

If you can't tell, I have not bashed the last year and a half or so even though I was going through all of it. My comments usually have to do with what I have experienced and of the experiences of those I know. I will warn sometimes. But, I am truly not a basher like that. I believe every situation is different and so is everyone. It's only when I see glaring similarities that I reach out and say be careful.

Totally understand, but do u think his actions were because he's a Jamaican man? I love my Jamaican men everybody know dat..and I would have never date another yes i said NEVER! what made u decide never another Jamaican man, is what i'm trying to ask?

Honestly, it doesn't matter, Kimmy. I don't hate all Jamaicans or even all Jamaican men. Just from ALL the stuff he put me through (some I didn't even put on here), I will never ever consider one again. I can't go back there. Emotionally, I mean. Everything a Jamaican man did or said would eventually remind me of what I have been through. Like reliving it over and over and over again. Not going there again. And, I am not sure I will ever visit the island again.

There are just some lessons you learn that scar you for life. This is one of them.

Can I have JA friends? Of course. I love you, Tre, etc.