Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part16)

[dancehallquana 5]

I really don't know how a mother in the position of deciding whether her child goes abroad feels.

But I guess, part of the Jamaican way of life is that mothers and fathers go abroad leaving their children and children go abroad to their mothers or fathers as soon as the parent gains a foothold.

It is an accepted an familiar occurrence. It is also something that is built up as wonderful, as kids we were all envoius of those whose parents filed for them and went abroad.

I think as well, as selfish as I am as a mother, if I realized truly the best thing was for the child to go abroad, that would ease the pain of parting.

My vest friend has been in England for almost 7 years, she hasn't seen her daughter for 4.

I cannot imagine how that feels. But she says she endures for the greater good.

So really, we should take out hats of to the mothers who love their kids dearly (yes I know it's often easier to think they don't love them as much) but make the choice for them to move away for a better life.

On another note...

Obviously I don't know your individual stories, but I do wonder why it seems the MAJORITY of people's SO's baby mothers are depicted as being incompetent/money grabbing monsters. In reality, I find MOST mothers are good mothers. Perhaps not good spouses, but LOVE their kids.

Story I wrote lol...

Some of you may have seen it already...

The Return

this was beautiful jae.. i am always asking roger how does he think the kids will get along being away from their mother and family and all they know.. thats why i asked the kids adjustment questions the other day.. i will be nothing like aunt pearl, but i still can see the kids sad and missing their mother to death.. this immigration stuff is hard..

[finesse 3]

Question for those of you whose SO/spouses have children: This has come up alot here, and I was just wondering...I see that many of you have plans to have your spouse's/SO's children come to live with you, but how do their mother's REALLY feel? It seems to me that once the SO is up here that it's assumed or automatic that the children will follow, but really are the kids, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, or whatever truly ok and comfortable w/ this? I mean I understand the underlying premise, that they will have more opportunities & better way of life (which to me really is relative), but is it really in the best interest of EVERYONE involved? Are we imposing our "American" values and beliefs about what's "best"? How does the conversation go with the birth mother? Any resistance or opposition any experienced? And what about starting out w/ a trial first--like a visitor's visa (may be easier for a child to get, not sure) to test if the child really does like the US, will thrive here, etc? Just some random thoughts that I'm having...honest answers and input would be greatly appreciated.

nice topic mrs p.. i can't wait to see what some of the ladies will say.. i am like u and VERY surprised that roger said he would be filing for the children.. he says he wants he his children w/ him AND that they have better chances here. i am of course cool with this becuz i accepted to marry a man w/ children so i have to be ready to help raise those children.

i have asked him at LEAST 3 or 4 times is he sure that this would be ok w/ the children's mothers, it was so hard for me to believe this.. he said the oldest mom, said that she would accept it becuz of the oppurtunity.. she is a good mom and his son is her youngest son. i think its easier said than done honestly.. in theory, alot of things are possible..

thr other mom still wants roger and sometimes she says its ok, sometimes she says no.. roger is pretty sure that she will allow his son to come but not his daughter..

i would be heart broken.. i can't imagine my kids going to another state let alone another country..and another woman who i don't know rearing them.. but roger keeps saying that its different in the yard...

this weighed SO heavy on my heart for the longest time. i didn't want my husband BM to feel like I stole her daughter or have any crazy feelings about it. we are not friends but I am a mother too and know she must have feelings

it wasn't until I sat down and talked to her that I felt much better about it. She has known me long enough now to know that I love her daughter and that she is in good hands with me. we all know this is the best thing for everybody...

[J2A♥oasis 2]

I mean to post my silly question on the yardie thread! (sorry all, I'm still getting used to this website)

Were days away from filing - should we get a lawyer? Anyone do this on their own- advice? I don't want to make any mistakes...

You don’t need a lawyer for this process you can do it on your own, unless you have some extenuating circumstance that you feel may present a problem with you and your SO obtaining a visa. However, you will need VJ! HTH

Good luck and welcome!

[atsleumas 3]

I mean to post my silly question on the yardie thread! (sorry all, I'm still getting used to this website)

Were days away from filing - should we get a lawyer? Anyone do this on their own- advice? I don't want to make any mistakes...

Unless you have some a interesting case..a lawyer is really not needed.

Hey has anyone on here used a lawyer? I can't even remember one person.

Nothing interesting or out of the ordinary..nope! I think I made the mistake of talking to lawyers FIRST. They want to convince you things will go more smoothly and are taken more seriously if you have a lawyers letterhead. I'd love to not spend the $800.00 to hire one...

[^KK^ 3]

it wasn't until I sat down and talked to her that I felt much better about it. She has known me long enough now to know that I love her daughter and that she is in good hands with me. we all know this is the best thing for everybody...

Awh Finesse...you're a sweet person. Having everyone sit down and talk it out helps a lot.

[atsleumas 3]

You don’t need a lawyer for this process you can do it on your own, unless you have some extenuating circumstance that you feel may present a problem with you and your SO obtaining a visa. However, you will need VJ! HTH

Good luck and welcome!

Thanks! I'm so NERVOUS.

[^KK^ 3]

I mean to post my silly question on the yardie thread! (sorry all, I'm still getting used to this website)

Were days away from filing - should we get a lawyer? Anyone do this on their own- advice? I don't want to make any mistakes...

You don’t need a lawyer for this process you can do it on your own, unless you have some extenuating circumstance that you feel may present a problem with you and your SO obtaining a visa. However, you will need VJ! HTH

Good luck and welcome!

J2 - What's HTH?

I mean to post my silly question on the yardie thread! (sorry all, I'm still getting used to this website)

Were days away from filing - should we get a lawyer? Anyone do this on their own- advice? I don't want to make any mistakes...

Unless you have some a interesting case..a lawyer is really not needed.

Hey has anyone on here used a lawyer? I can't even remember one person.

Nothing interesting or out of the ordinary..nope! I think I made the mistake of talking to lawyers FIRST. They want to convince you things will go more smoothly and are taken more seriously if you have a lawyers letterhead. I'd love to not spend the $800.00 to hire one...

Save that $800 for other expenses. It's usually recommended that you try to attend the interview in Jamaica. It is not REQUIRED...but only recommended by some Yardies.

[dancehallquana 5]

my fiance his baby mother only calls when she need stuff for his son .. she doesnt let him see him for more then a few minutes and she will only let him see him at her house (her excuse is he will take him and run to america with him) > My fiance finally told her you have to help take care of him too .

Gosh that sounds familiar...! I think my husband contributes more to the care of his kids than most men pay for child support here! AND that's on a Jcan salary...

One day my step son accidently called her by my name and she smacked him! (sounds like someone has a insecurity issue, huh?) My son's father remarried and he even decided to move in with his dad last year to be near to his new baby brother and sister - I have no problem with his stepmom taking care of him or him loving here. It doesnt threaten my relationship with him at all! Some women are different I guess...

I've learned to just keep my mouth shut and let him deal with BM on his own. However, when he gets here, since his kids will stay with her for the time being, I dont think I can be quiet knowing exactly how much he contributes. I think he needs to have her help as well since she is working! UGH. Sorry for the ramble.. this thread just hit a nerve with me!

hi aty!! sorry i had to shorten it.. WELCOME!!!!!!

i am like u.. my ex has a gf and the kids have spent the night w/ her, shopped w/ her.. i feel no way about that.. i wish all blended families could get along..

[finesse 3]

it wasn't until I sat down and talked to her that I felt much better about it. She has known me long enough now to know that I love her daughter and that she is in good hands with me. we all know this is the best thing for everybody...

Awh Finesse...you're a sweet person. Having everyone sit down and talk it out helps a lot.

i know, i can't help it.

these are life changing decisions that we are making and they shouldn't be taken lightly. i just want to do the right thing...

[J2A♥oasis 2]

I mean to post my silly question on the yardie thread! (sorry all, I'm still getting used to this website)

Were days away from filing - should we get a lawyer? Anyone do this on their own- advice? I don't want to make any mistakes...

Unless you have some a interesting case..a lawyer is really not needed.

Hey has anyone on here used a lawyer? I can't even remember one person.

Nothing interesting or out of the ordinary..nope! I think I made the mistake of talking to lawyers FIRST. They want to convince you things will go more smoothly and are taken more seriously if you have a lawyers letterhead. I'd love to not spend the $800.00 to hire one...

Then save your money. Past the paperwork it’s all the same. No one can speed your process up or pull any strings to give you a guarantee.

I mean to post my silly question on the yardie thread! (sorry all, I'm still getting used to this website)

Were days away from filing - should we get a lawyer? Anyone do this on their own- advice? I don't want to make any mistakes...

You don’t need a lawyer for this process you can do it on your own, unless you have some extenuating circumstance that you feel may present a problem with you and your SO obtaining a visa. However, you will need VJ! HTH

Good luck and welcome!

J2 - What's HTH?

Hope this helps

[dancehallquana 5]

Hey Quana!!!!

hey !!! so finesse preggers???

[finesse 3]

Hey Quana!!!!

hey !!! so finesse preggers???

NO! i want to know how it go. can you help me?

[dancehallquana 5]

so he lied about taking care of his kids. Well at least he told her he had kids....I know someone that only told his wife about 1 child..he has about 3 more in Jamaica and he is sending money and items to them. SMH..

wow. i wonder what would compel someone to be honest about one kids existence, but deny the others? Especially since he obviously cares for all of them? Maybe got caught up in a lie and as we all know.. lies are like snowballs.. they grow and GROW and GROW!

Yep..I think he didn't want to run her away if she said he had 4 kids. She is trying to get pregnant now.

yep i agree..

Hey Quana!!!!

hey !!! so finesse preggers???

NO! i want to know how it go. can you help me?

mek me find one diagram??

[finesse 3]

diagram??? ok, lets see it

[dancehallquana 5]

heehee..where is sus when me need har???