What to feel when your first love tells you he/she is going to be married...

[^KK^ 3]

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."

-James Baldwin

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never."

[Krikit 1,164]

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."

-James Baldwin

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never."

Wow. I don't even know what to say to that. That is sooooooooo so different than what I know and everyone I know.

I think a lot of it has to do with maturity and security in oneself and their partner. Anyway.... glad I don't know whoever quoted those.

[thetreble 19]

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never."

Idealistic BS. This is not the real world, it's just a single person's perception of events. It's probably a very old quote as well as I thin it is more acceptable these days to stay friends after a relationship than maybe it was 50 years ago.

I think it's totally possible and I'm talking about someone who was my first...everything.

[CDAgirlMI 51]

Interesting topic....

A question that came to mind is: What is cheating?

I know the definition may be different depending on whom you talk to. Is having an emotional connection to someone other than your S/O cheating? Is hanging out with someone of the opposite sex cheating? Or is it just when you have sex with someone other than your S/O, cheating?

NOT saying anyone on here is "cheating" (well, I don't know any of you THAT much....), but I'm curious to know what people's definitions are.

[Emancipation 2]

wowzers.. some of you all have the most put together black & white life I've ever seen.. I prefer to live in reality where things are often a little more messy and things don't come in a package with a nice bow

[nowhereman 1]

Notice how all the women are saying keeping in touch with ex's is great... the men seem to have a different opinion.

[JillA 2]

Interesting topic....

A question that came to mind is: What is cheating?

I know the definition may be different depending on whom you talk to. Is having an emotional connection to someone other than your S/O cheating? Is hanging out with someone of the opposite sex cheating? Or is it just when you have sex with someone other than your S/O, cheating?

NOT saying anyone on here is "cheating" (well, I don't know any of you THAT much....), but I'm curious to know what people's definitions are.

If hanging out with someone of the opposite sex is cheating, then damn I'm a huge cheater I have alot of male friends, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. As long as you are just friends. My husband has no problems with that, and he also has female friends.

[thetreble 19]

Yeah. IMO if you don't let your significant other hang out with people of the opposite sex..that's called control...which to me is a kind of abuse.

I have emotional connections will all kinds of people in my life, whether friends, family, or my husband...and they are all different.

[Emancipation 2]

Notice how all the women are saying keeping in touch with ex's is great... the men seem to have a different opinion.

I asked hubby.. who has 2 children with his ex.. he said (and I quote) "some people find any excuse to flame someone for any reason"...

[Sprailenes 47]

I wish my ex and I could still be friends as he is the father of my son. His wife, soon to be ex, has told him though that he isn't allowed near me or his child. I find it sad that he listened to her but I guess thats just her insecurities and his loss in the end.

Why would anyone try to keep someone from anyone? If you think you're going to prevent cheating you're wrong, if your SO is a cheater, they'll find a way whether you're holding the strings or not.

My husband is good friends with his coworker who is a girl, she is awesome and I love her. When we all go out together or when she comes over, we all have a great time. Do I think he loves her? God no! I am completely secure with his feelings about me, I know he loves me and vice versa.

I have guy friends and he knows them all, he has girl friends and I know them all. They all became mutual friends after marriage anyways.

[nowhereman 1]

Notice how all the women are saying keeping in touch with ex's is great... the men seem to have a different opinion.

I asked hubby.. who has 2 children with his ex.. he said (and I quote) "some people find any excuse to flame someone for any reason"...

Or maybe you don't like to hear the truth? Like I said before it's OK to be friends with an ex, but when your ex is your best friend (or you remain very close) it can easily become a problem. That can put a strain on a relationship & put your partner in a difficult situation... if he/she doesn't say anything they are very likely being a sucker. If he/she does say something then they are being insecure or jealous. Pretty much a no-win scenario.

Also like I said before, ex's are ex's for a reason... if you want to keep them in your life exchange Christmas cards but for God's sake don't make him/her your best friend... your partner should have dibs on that role.

[Sprailenes 47]

It can become a problem, I agree.

But if any friendship caused problems with my husband and I, those friends would be gone because my husband comes before them. I think as long as everyone is respecting their boundaries it's okay. If a friend hit on me, I wouldn't bat my lashes and smile, I'd tell them to GTFO.. not only are they disrespecting my husband, they're disrespecting me. I'm married... the line is drawn... if you can be my friend and accept just a friendship, then we're cool. If you need to pursue something more: buh bye.

If they're out to cause problems with my relationship then they wouldn't be my friends in the first place.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Notice how some are trying to shift the actual topic from how do you feel when your first love tells you they are getting married to don't allow your ex to be your best friend. Let's get this topic back on course - it isn't about being best friends with an ex vs your husband so don't try to change the topic to something that it isn't. Start your own thread if you want to discuss that.

Edited June 30, 2009 by Kathryn41

[Ban Hammer 13,333]

Notice how all the women are saying keeping in touch with ex's is great... the men seem to have a different opinion.

i just don't see the point in remaining in contact with an ex if i don't have to.

[nowhereman 1]

Notice how some are trying to shift the actual topic from how do you feel when your first love tells you they are getting married to don't allow your ex to be your best friend. Let's get this topic back on course - it isn't about being best friends with an ex vs your husband so don't try to change the topic to something that it isn't. Start your own thread if you want to discuss that.

Sorry but I believe the topics are related (the OP stated she is still close with her ex). If my first love told me she was getting married I would be "that's great, I'm happy for you" but there would be zero mixed emotions. Again I don't know the OP's situation but in general there is definitely a possibility of "emotional" cheating (or worse) in these types of situations.

The bottom line is if your ex is getting married & that bothers you there IS a problem!

It can become a problem, I agree.

But if any friendship caused problems with my husband and I, those friends would be gone because my husband comes before them. I think as long as everyone is respecting their boundaries it's okay. If a friend hit on me, I wouldn't bat my lashes and smile, I'd tell them to GTFO.. not only are they disrespecting my husband, they're disrespecting me. I'm married... the line is drawn... if you can be my friend and accept just a friendship, then we're cool. If you need to pursue something more: buh bye.

If they're out to cause problems with my relationship then they wouldn't be my friends in the first place.