potentially stupid question

[Science 0]

please forgive me and be patient with me regarding this. i seriously hope someone can help because i fear have no one else that can help us. i am seriously depressed and at the end of my rope.

i am in the US with my fiancée on a K1 visa. we've ran into some personal problems with which we have the hope that they can be fixed...however, time is running out with the visa (literally days) and that's not helping with the stress or depression. we have not yet married - it's come to a point that we won't until these problems are dealt with or show real signs that they'll improve.

I'm getting more and more depressed because I'm under the impression that if we don't marry that I'm going to be deported since we have not fulfilled our obligation for this visa (not married within the 90 days). I feel like I can't talk to her (at the moment) or anyone about this. I know that the right thing is for us not to get married, I know in my head that we're just not ready for it. You're reading this and probably thinking - "you should of thought about all that before coming over and that you're making a fool of the K1 process!" and yes you'd probably be right but we had no idea it was going to end up like this. However, be it stupidity on our or my part in coming over, this is the situation now and I beg for any help. If you don't want to see it as helping us, then maybe think about it as helping other people who are about to begin the whole process?

So, the question is: are we still able to stay together and sort these things out once the K1 has expired (maybe just meaning more paperwork when it comes to adjusting status?) or would I be now illegally overstaying and due for deportation? I can't see how going back to my home country can help our problems, to me it'll just make things worse and we'll grow apart, God forbid please. Being with each other, I feel, we can truly fix these issues. However, if the law is what I fear then there's nothing I can do about it and I'll have to respect it.

I am seriously not posting this looking for sympathy from anyone, I'm just hoping to get the advice or facts regarding the visa.

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long winded post.

[zyggy 9]

please forgive me and be patient with me regarding this. i seriously hope someone can help because i fear have no one else that can help us. i am seriously depressed and at the end of my rope.

i am in the US with my fiancée on a K1 visa. we've ran into some personal problems with which we have the hope that they can be fixed...however, time is running out with the visa (literally days) and that's not helping with the stress or depression. we have not yet married - it's come to a point that we won't until these problems are dealt with or show real signs that they'll improve.

I'm getting more and more depressed because I'm under the impression that if we don't marry that I'm going to be deported since we have not fulfilled our obligation for this visa (not married within the 90 days). I feel like I can't talk to her (at the moment) or anyone about this. I know that the right thing is for us not to get married, I know in my head that we're just not ready for it. You're reading this and probably thinking - "you should of thought about all that before coming over and that you're making a fool of the K1 process!" and yes you'd probably be right but we had no idea it was going to end up like this. However, be it stupidity on our or my part in coming over, this is the situation now and I beg for any help. If you don't want to see it as helping us, then maybe think about it as helping other people who are about to begin the whole process?

So, the question is: are we still able to stay together and sort these things out once the K1 has expired (maybe just meaning more paperwork when it comes to adjusting status?) or would I be now illegally overstaying and due for deportation? I can't see how going back to my home country can help our problems, to me it'll just make things worse and we'll grow apart, God forbid please. Being with each other, I feel, we can truly fix these issues. However, if the law is what I fear then there's nothing I can do about it and I'll have to respect it.

I am seriously not posting this looking for sympathy from anyone, I'm just hoping to get the advice or facts regarding the visa.

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long winded post.

The rule is is that if you want to adjust your status based on the K-1 visa, you must be married within the 90 days. However, there is nothing stopping you from getting married at a later date and subsequently filing an I-130 and I-485 together.

However, every day past the expiration date on the I-94 and the date that the I-130/I-485 is filed is considered time out of status. When you acquire more than 180 days of time out of status, you will have a 3 year ban on reentry. Additionally, once you acquire time out of status, you are not eligible for VWP and your ability to get a subsequent visitor visa to the US will be diminished if things don't work out...

[JenT 0]

You're doing the right thing by questioning moving forward with the marriage.... this is a lifelong commitment that you are about to undertake.

Consider that delaying the marriage, giving each other some space, and then deciding where to go from there may actually help your relationship.... you will have survived the crisis and emerged stronger from it. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Don't hang onto the thought of this K1 and all of the time you put into it... spend the time on your relationship and the rest will fall into place.

Jen

[Science 0]

thanks zyggy & jen. i don't know what else to say, other than that, and that it's appreciated that you took the time to reply.

Edited July 5, 2006 by Science

[JenT 0]

thanks zyggy & jen. i don't know what else to say, other than that, and that it's appreciated that you took the time to reply.

Feel free to pm if you want to 'talk' offline....

Best wishes, Jen

[meauxna 15]

So, the question is: are we still able to stay together and sort these things out once the K1 has expired (maybe just meaning more paperwork when it comes to adjusting status?) or would I be now illegally overstaying and due for deportation? I can't see how going back to my home country can help our problems, to me it'll just make things worse and we'll grow apart, God forbid please. Being with each other, I feel, we can truly fix these issues. However, if the law is what I fear then there's nothing I can do about it and I'll have to respect it.

I am seriously not posting this looking for sympathy from anyone, I'm just hoping to get the advice or facts regarding the visa.

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long winded post.

The answer is just as zyggy gave. No one is going to come looking for you to remove you, although you run a risk if you get pulled over by a border checkpoint (there are some inside the US near the Mexican and Canadian borders) or are arrested (please don't!).

The consequences are just what he spelled out, so you have to weigh your whole situation up and decide. It certainly is 'fixable' if you stay and marry late and file for adjustment. The overstay becomes an issue only if you leave the US before you get a Green Card, so part of your decision will include how comfortable you are with your future 'working it out' balanced with your want to come to the US in the future.

[trey 0]

Everyone else gave pretty good answers but for the record....There are no such things as stupid questions. Only stupid mistakes. Sounds like you're on the right track. Good luck with your delicate situation. I wish you the best.

[michellek1976 0]

You are not making a fool of the K-1 system. You are using it as it is intended - giving yourselves the opportunities to live together and understand one another more before plunging into marriage.

There is no extension of the K-1 visa however there are alternatives such as filing for I-130.

Perhaps a consultation with an immigration attorney maybe worthwhile.

I would also consider couple councelling - it can be difficult transitioning from phone relationship to sharing a house together.

Good luck.

[William33 110]

Science,

You are in a delicate situation indeed. I can only offer my best wishes, that everything works out for you.

Whatever you decide, please do not make a decision solely based upon your K-1 deadline. You can always pull back, regroup and make a rational decision without time constraints.

Good luck to you.

[Science 0]

Thanks folks. There is absolutely NO way that we're getting married before the visa expires. We'd be fools. We need to know that we can live with each other. I'm optimistic that we can, I'm optimistic that *I* can change particular traits of *my* personality that have caused a lot of this mess in the first place. I hope I'm not being naivé in that.

My fiancée thinks that I hate being in the US and that's not completely true - It's this *town*...you can't get to anywhere without a car, she has no family or friends here that I can talk to or visit, she comes home from work VERY late and I feel useless because I feel like an unemployed bum, I hate talking to strangers because they can't make out my words from my accent, etc etc. I'm here, alone, for most of the day and evening...instead of being productive my mind starts working overtime. I'm depressed and the frustration always leads to rows - mostly all my fault. This depression and frustration just snowballs because I hate myself for having shouted and for letting it get to this. I feel sick when she cries, feel worse than sick when she told me that I shout to make her cry. I just want us to be happy, I want us to love each other like we did. I know, kind of getting too personal here but as I said in my original post, I'm at the end of my rope.

Thanks for the information everybody. Thank you so much.

[Mew 0]

Thanks folks. There is absolutely NO way that we're getting married before the visa expires. We'd be fools. We need to know that we can live with each other. I'm optimistic that we can, I'm optimistic that *I* can change particular traits of *my* personality that have caused a lot of this mess in the first place. I hope I'm not being naivé in that.

My fiancée thinks that I hate being in the US and that's not completely true - It's this *town*...you can't get to anywhere without a car, she has no family or friends here that I can talk to or visit, she comes home from work VERY late and I feel useless because I feel like an unemployed bum, I hate talking to strangers because they can't make out my words from my accent, etc etc. I'm here, alone, for most of the day and evening...instead of being productive my mind starts working overtime. I'm depressed and the frustration always leads to rows - mostly all my fault. This depression and frustration just snowballs because I hate myself for having shouted and for letting it get to this. I feel sick when she cries, feel worse than sick when she told me that I shout to make her cry. I just want us to be happy, I want us to love each other like we did. I know, kind of getting too personal here but as I said in my original post, I'm at the end of my rope.

Thanks for the information everybody. Thank you so much.

I worry about finally getting to the U.S. to be with my fiance and not finding a job soon enough. Maybe finding somewhere to volunteer would help you fill your days and give you a sense that you're being productive. And *that* would help you fight depression as well. You'd have stuff to talk about, meet new people, hopefully make friends, and you wouldn't be alone in the house all day long...

Edited July 6, 2006 by Mew

[Science 0]

yes, great advice thanks mew. problem with that, because I've looked at the volunteer posts around here (around the town and area I mean), are: 1) there aren't many positions 2) they require specific skills that I don't have or could bluff 3) you can't really get to anywhere without a car. I'd love to volunteer the skills I *do* have but I've been lead to believe that you cannot volunteer to do something for nothing if it means depriving someone else of paid work. Saying that, I do look and will continue to. I think you're right, it would certainly make me feel better about myself and would rub off on the relationship. thanks.

Edited July 6, 2006 by Science

[Science 0]

I'm beginning to think that I may have posted this in the wrong section. Sorry about that. I realise that most people who visit this section are at the beginning of the process and I don't want to make anyone feel depressed when they're looking forward to so much. I'm sorry, I don't want to sound like a prophet of doom & gloom.

Edited July 6, 2006 by Science

[together2love 0]

Well, you are in the K1 Discussion, and you are discussing things regarding your own K1 situation just as others are (no matter what stage of the process), so you are right to post here.

I am glad that you thinking your situation through, most people would just put problems on the back burner because they are all excited about just getting married - and before they know it their problems resurface and may cause some regret after the fact. Good to see that you are thinking about things.

I really hope that all goes well for you - whatever you both decide.

[Yodrak 7]

michellek,

That is not what the 90 days allowed stay in the USA associated with the K1 visa is for. The decision to marry is expected to have been made prior to submitting the I-129f petition.

The 90-day stay is to provide time to make the necessary arrangements and get married.

Yodrak

You are not making a fool of the K-1 system. You are using it as it is intended - giving yourselves the opportunities to live together and understand one another more before plunging into marriage.

.....