Need Some Advice...

[Don José 2]

This is how my good old friend from Dallas could have replied to this thread:

“I never send money to my wife’s relatives in Davao.

They can afford to live properly Without any remittances from us.

If they ask something in case of Emergency, I can give them some. We can afford it, my wife is an RN.

My wife makes good money and she earns more the your household’s entire income

[ManilaIdaho 2]

There's nothing wrong for filipinos sending money to their relatives in the Philippines if they have extra of there's an emergency or occasions but sending it without your knowledge and beyond your budget is too much.your wife's too generous and actually not helping them,she's tolerating them to be lazy and just make them stay at home because they knew that even if they dont work,they have the money to look forward to.and as for your wife,maybe she thinks that she's making them happy with the remittance she's sending them but not realizing that she's ruining her marriage.have a heart to heart talk with her and make her realize how you want to help her family but she must consider helping your own too.Remember,it's better to learn how to catch fish than give them fish

[DEDixon 39]

I agree with Douglas, bcz i send my wife over $1500.00 or more a month to philippines. i never ask her any question what she does with money but i know she helps her family with each penny she has. I make enough so i dont mind sending her money, bcz we are family now. abby n sheryl

You'll never know what you are loved for more, you or your money.

[sasha414 0]

This is how my good old friend from Dallas could have replied to this thread:

“I never send money to my wife’s relatives in Davao.

They can afford to live properly Without any remittances from us.

If they ask something in case of Emergency, I can give them some. We can afford it, my wife is an RN.

My wife makes good money and she earns more the your household’s entire income

which makes me wonder where is your good ole friend anyway?

[sweetFM 0]

your wife's too generous and actually not helping them,she's tolerating them to be lazy and just make them stay at home because they knew that even if they dont work,they have the money to look forward to.and as for your wife,maybe she thinks that she's making them happy with the remittance she's sending them but not realizing that she's ruining her marriage.

amen to this

[Loolie 56]

This is how my good old friend from Dallas could have replied to this thread:

“I never send money to my wife’s relatives in Davao.

They can afford to live properly Without any remittances from us.

If they ask something in case of Emergency, I can give them some. We can afford it, my wife is an RN.

My wife makes good money and she earns more the your household’s entire income

your from texas and his from texas...he has an RN wife who lives in davao and you got too...you have double space line and he always does too...are you one or youre just twins? hehehehhehe joke

[Kevin- 13]

Have your wife read this thread. Except for that one post by the guy sending 72,000 pesos ($1500) per month

To my fellow Americans here who might not realize the full value of an American dollar in the Philippines:

The exchange rate is easy to know, right now it's around 48:1. The real value difference is harder to realize. I was at one point planning to live there, so I figured out how much it would cost. We could have lived there very comfortably, with disposable income, for $500 per month.

Even now when I tell Bel about the cost of something in USD, she sometimes won't grasp the value until I convert it to pesos for her. Some people with full time jobs over there could not pay my water bill with their whole income. And I'm not exactly operating a water park, heheh.

[justashooter 430]

for reference, my chinese wife has a full time job and sends her mother about 15% of what she makes. that only because her father, a really successful businesman, is cheap with her mother and has been all of their lives. for daily expenditures, money goes about 2-5 times as far in central china as it does in the US. my wife spends about 30% of her income on groceries and gas, and the rest is discretionary. we have a single checking account only because she has been warned to be careful, and has been in the 2 years we have been married.

[k32005 0]

thanks to all your replies and comments....

I'll talk to my wife again to:

1) find out why her family needs that much money every month.

2) let her know we can't afford it (we had this conversation before).

3) start reducing the remittances (we also had this conversation before).

Since I started this post, I have been doing some research and will be consulting an attorney on the following:

1) Transferring premarital assets to a trust

2) Preparing for a divorce (just in case)

3) Filing separate income taxes.

4) The Affidavit of Support that I filed for her prior to US entry.

[chinese_mutt 11]

thanks to all your replies and comments....

I'll talk to my wife again to:

1) find out why her family needs that much money every month.

2) let her know we can't afford it (we had this conversation before).

3) start reducing the remittances (we also had this conversation before).

Since I started this post, I have been doing some research and will be consulting an attorney on the following:

1) Transferring premarital assets to a trust

2) Preparing for a divorce (just in case)

3) Filing separate income taxes.

4) The Affidavit of Support that I filed for her prior to US entry.

Since I started this post, I have been doing some research and will be consulting an attorney on the following:

1) Transferring premarital assets to a trust - I agree with this.

2) Preparing for a divorce (just in case) - don't be too hasty

3) Filing separate income taxes. - hummm.... she does not work... wonder how you will do this?

4) The Affidavit of Support that I filed for her prior to US entry. -sorry, i believe you are liable for her for sometime even if you divorce.

[cEzYcHiC 0]

I agree that having separate accounts is the solution to this. His, mine and ours.

Before we got married, we talked about sending money to help my family especially my sister's tuition and so far right now I think we made the right decision.

Arguments about finances can reallly end up to a broken marriage.

I hope your wife realizes that she's giving her family too much to the point that they depend on her financially even up to now that she is unemployed.

We only send $100 every 2-3 months and paid my sister's tuition in full.

I hope she sees the fact that you are not able to spend time with her because you're working your #### off and overtime to pay for your daily expenses.

Good Luck!

[k32005 0]

ok, so I tried to talk to her... however, i'm having no luck.. she cries and does not want to talk.. I still continued to ask questions though. However, she did not respond. She listens but gives no response. She's probably taking it all in. After that conversation, we have not talked to each other for almost a day now.

About the mine, hers, and ours account: First of all, there can be no "mine" account. All my money would go on the "ours" account to pay off the bills. The "ours" account will still be short and I'll have to work overtime. Giving her the "hers" account is like winning the lottery for her parents. She will just send everything from the "hers" account. If her mom asks for more money and the "hers" account is not sufficient, she will take money from the "ours" account ATM and send that as well. This will only work if I don't give her access to the "ours" account...

[luckymom 0]

I don't know, this problem of yours will not end unless you set the ultimatum regarding the money. This will create more trouble if there will be no set rules especially that you are the only one working in the house. Good luck and I hope this matter does not escalate to the next level whether good or bad. Try to draw the line between the needs and the wants (for the family members in the Philippines) and the helping and enabling. There are more possible scenario if you don't stop this issue the soonest possible time. You always have a choice and you're still holding the ACE. God bless your generosity.

[Nelly228 0]

ok, so I tried to talk to her... however, i'm having no luck.. she cries and does not want to talk.. I still continued to ask questions though. However, she did not respond. She listens but gives no response. She's probably taking it all in. After that conversation, we have not talked to each other for almost a day now.

About the mine, hers, and ours account: First of all, there can be no "mine" account. All my money would go on the "ours" account to pay off the bills. The "ours" account will still be short and I'll have to work overtime. Giving her the "hers" account is like winning the lottery for her parents. She will just send everything from the "hers" account. If her mom asks for more money and the "hers" account is not sufficient, she will take money from the "ours" account ATM and send that as well. This will only work if I don't give her access to the "ours" account...

I agree with you. dont give her access to your account. i suggest that you will be the one to send money to her parents in excess to your monthly budget. by not responding with you and crying..she being childish...why not let her read some of the comments and suggestions to your post here..it might help clear her mind. Good Luck.

[kaibigan 8]

There's nothing wrong for filipinos sending money to their relatives in the Philippines if they have extra of there's an emergency or occasions but sending it without your knowledge and beyond your budget is too much.your wife's too generous and actually not helping them,she's tolerating them to be lazy and just make them stay at home because they knew that even if they dont work,they have the money to look forward to.and as for your wife,maybe she thinks that she's making them happy with the remittance she's sending them but not realizing that she's ruining her marriage.have a heart to heart talk with her and make her realize how you want to help her family but she must consider helping your own too.Remember,it's better to learn how to catch fish than give them fish

i agree!

ask your wife to face and fix the problem before it

will be too late.. what is more important..saving your marriage or her family?

Edited July 20, 2009 by kaibigan