Quit Claim

[chuckandkim 0]

Jim and Aaron, great info and very details

ScottThuy,

So sorry and although I could never understand why some parents are just so mean to their own kind. I must say, no matter what the divorce paper says, bringing a child crossing a borders without the parent's consent could be considered abduction or child trafficking also. So, I wouldn't feel your pain physically, but I feel how powerless you feel at this point. I have no good advise but a lot of support for whatever you decide that's best for Hoang and Thuy.

Love,

Chuck and Kim

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Ok, I finally got a response from the HCM consulate. They only specifically answered my second question, which was about the quit claim for my fiancee's youngest daughter, but they answered my first question indirectly. The first question was if there was anything that would be accepted other than a quit claim from the non-immigrating parent.

Anyway, here is their exact response:

Good morning,

If your fiancée’s daughter reaches the age of 18 prior to the interview date, your fiancée does not need to obtain a quit claim for her daughter. If not, a quit claimed is required. In the case your fiancée is unable to obtain a quit claim for her daughter because of any reasons, she should state so in a letter explaining the circumstances that prevent her from complying with that request.

I'm guessing that "father refuses to sign quit claim" is not going to be accepted as a valid reason for not getting the quit claim. I'm also guessing that they're going to demand supporting evidence for any excuse provided in a letter. For example, "We spent a gazillion dollars trying to find the father, to no avail. Notarized affidavits from private detectives attached."

Scott, if you really want her son to immigrate with her then I think you're going to need to deal with the father. The only thing I can suggest is that you don't let him think he's got you over a barrel. Make him think that having her son immigrate is only of nominal interest to you, and that you'd be perfectly happy to leave her son in Vietnam. I also think your chances of success would be improved if your fiancee is not present for the negotiations. You would probably have a good chance of convincing him that you have no emotional capital invested in this, but she might not be able to pull it off. If he thinks this is important to her (and therefore to you) then he's going to think he holds all the cards. Make it clear to him that the son is going to be able to come to the US when he's 18, and there will be nothing the father can do to stop this, nor will he get any sort of compensation from you if he makes you wait until then.

[ScottThuy 140]

I am having her dad deal with him first... He can tell him that it would be in the boys best interest to come to school here and he can always return to visit or to live when he finishes school.

[aaron2020 11,651]

I am having her dad deal with him first... He can tell him that it would be in the boys best interest to come to school here and he can always return to visit or to live when he finishes school.

Scott - good idea. From a cultural perspective, it may be better to have Thuy's parents talk to her ex's parents. If you can get his parents on board, it would be harder for him to say no to letting the boy immigrate. For the most part, Vietnamese men don't easily "disobey" their elders. (I'm Vietnamese so I know firsthand.)

You could also dangle the fact that Thuy's son could one day sponsor his half-siblings for immigration visas.

Edited July 1, 2009 by aaron2020

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I am having her dad deal with him first... He can tell him that it would be in the boys best interest to come to school here and he can always return to visit or to live when he finishes school.

Scott - good idea. From a cultural perspective, it may be better to have Thuy's parents talk to her ex's parents. If you can get his parents on board, it would be harder for him to say no to letting the boy immigrate. For the most part, Vietnamese men don't easily "disobey" their elders. (I'm Vietnamese so I know firsthand.)

You could also dangle the fact that Thuy's son could one day sponsor his half-siblings for immigration visas.

If her son becomes a citizen he could even sponsor his dad, once he's 21.

[hniHnitsuJ 8]

I am having her dad deal with him first... He can tell him that it would be in the boys best interest to come to school here and he can always return to visit or to live when he finishes school.

Scott - good idea. From a cultural perspective, it may be better to have Thuy's parents talk to her ex's parents. If you can get his parents on board, it would be harder for him to say no to letting the boy immigrate. For the most part, Vietnamese men don't easily "disobey" their elders. (I'm Vietnamese so I know firsthand.)

You could also dangle the fact that Thuy's son could one day sponsor his half-siblings for immigration visas.

If her son becomes a citizen he could even sponsor his dad, once he's 21.

Tell him that, maybe one day his son will go to work, and sent the money home for him. $200 a month.

[ScottThuy 140]

I am having her dad deal with him first... He can tell him that it would be in the boys best interest to come to school here and he can always return to visit or to live when he finishes school.

Scott - good idea. From a cultural perspective, it may be better to have Thuy's parents talk to her ex's parents. If you can get his parents on board, it would be harder for him to say no to letting the boy immigrate. For the most part, Vietnamese men don't easily "disobey" their elders. (I'm Vietnamese so I know firsthand.)

You could also dangle the fact that Thuy's son could one day sponsor his half-siblings for immigration visas.

I dont know if her family has anymore contact with his... but I know her father has no problem contacting him and telling him what he needs to do.. I had not thought about the aspect that Jim brought up in regards to the father being able to come here if he wanted based on the sons status here... almost like saying, hey do this for your son now and he can do this for you down the road...

that coupled with.. if you let your son go to the US and go to school etc., when he is finished he can always come back to VN on dual citizenship and provide for you when you are older if he wants...

If it doesnt fly with the boys father then the fathers parents can be brought in to show him the light....

I really should have just paid him off from the onset to walk away from everything when I had the chance but I had the attitude that I would rather pay an official and make him do what I wanted than to pay him because he was being such a ####### about the divorce and was threatening to beat the ####### out of her again... in the long run it would have been cheaper and easier that way, to just pay him off.

[ThaitoUSA 15]

I say you and a few friends pay this father a visit and strong arm the SOB until he signs.

"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

[ScottThuy 140]

I say you and a few friends pay this father a visit and strong arm the SOB until he signs.

"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

I could pay someone else to do it, but no way I am gonna put myself in that situation in VN.

I'm not gonna end up in a VN jail for any reason... too easy to have someone else do it.. that is a last resort but I have extreme reservations going that route because I love her son and would not want him to hear that I had his father roughed up...

[aaron2020 11,651]

I say you and a few friends pay this father a visit and strong arm the SOB until he signs.

"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

Come on! Really? I hope you are joking. Advocating violence and criminal activities to pursue one's honest goals is plain wrong in this case. It may end up blowing up and the entire family may end up stuck in a Vietnamese jail.

By the way, dangling the possibility that Thuy's son can one day sponsor dad and his family for visas is completely different from actually doing it. I don't think Scott and Thuy would want to saddle their son with the financial responsibilities for dad and his family once they immigrate. Furthermore, there will be enough pressure on the boy to send money home to his "family" pretty much as soon as the boy immigrates.

[ScottThuy 140]

I say you and a few friends pay this father a visit and strong arm the SOB until he signs.

"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

Come on! Really? I hope you are joking. Advocating violence and criminal activities to pursue one's honest goals is plain wrong in this case. It may end up blowing up and the entire family may end up stuck in a Vietnamese jail.

By the way, dangling the possibility that Thuy's son can one day sponsor dad and his family for visas is completely different from actually doing it. I don't think Scott and Thuy would want to saddle their son with the financial responsibilities for dad and his family once they immigrate. Furthermore, there will be enough pressure on the boy to send money home to his "family" pretty much as soon as the boy immigrates.

I dont condone violence at all, My option similar to his involved having an influential person advise him that would be the right thing to do.... influential does not always mean rough up...but we all know its all about who you know in VN....

he's only 8

[ThaitoUSA 15]

Of course it was said tongue in cheek.

[ScottThuy 140]

OK who called him? Man this blew my mind that nobody has talked to him for months and yesterday/last night he shows up and says I want my son.. Good for him! I still think he's a Pr!ck for beating Thuy but at least he's stepping up as a father...

Freaky how I talked about it here and poof it happens.... reminds me of that stalag 17 movie... I am looking around for a light tied up in a loop.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

OK who called him? Man this blew my mind that nobody has talked to him for months and yesterday/last night he shows up and says I want my son.. Good for him! I still think he's a Pr!ck for beating Thuy but at least he's stepping up as a father...

Freaky how I talked about it here and poof it happens.... reminds me of that stalag 17 movie... I am looking around for a light tied up in a loop.

I think I see that light... hanging over this thread!

I agree. He sounds like a pr!ck. Phuong's ex was the same way, and he's still a drunk. The wording of her divorce decree was cold and sterile, but it still made my blood boil reading about how he treated her.