Are Muslims in America Unfriendly?

[doodlebugg 10]

Since my conversion a few years ago I have noticed that when walking by another hijabi I'm always the one who starts with salam alaykum. Half of those I greet don't respond and some respond but very reluctantly. I just blew it all off since I don't really care.

BUT...last night we were walking the beach and came across a family of muslims. Two of the men were wearing galibayas and I smiled at them and they turned their head away. I elbowed my husband since he wasn't looking and he immediately said salam alaykum. They responded in kind but kept on walking. Maybe this is all in my head but you have to understand the town we live in is about a mile and a half in diameter and I'm the only hijabi living there. We have one Catholic church, a few protestant churches and three jewish temples, no mosque. Would you think that they would have stopped walking and embraced us since it's not everyday you bump into a muslim in our town? Not only that they were definitely Arab so wouldn't you think you'd have seen them hug my husband or at least ask where he came from???? I know if I were in a small town in Egypt and spotted another American I'd be on them like <insert witty saying here>, you know?

Even in the mosques now that I think of it not one person ever came over to me to introduce themselves. These women go to this mosque every Friday so I was an obvious newbie.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Since my conversion a few years ago I have noticed that when walking by another hijabi I'm always the one who starts with salam alaykum. Half of those I greet don't respond and some respond but very reluctantly. I just blew it all off since I don't really care.

BUT...last night we were walking the beach and came across a family of muslims. Two of the men were wearing galibayas and I smiled at them and they turned their head away. I elbowed my husband since he wasn't looking and he immediately said salam alaykum. They responded in kind but kept on walking. Maybe this is all in my head but you have to understand the town we live in is about a mile and a half in diameter and I'm the only hijabi living there. We have one Catholic church, a few protestant churches and three jewish temples, no mosque. Would you think that they would have stopped walking and embraced us since it's not everyday you bump into a muslim in our town? Not only that they were definitely Arab so wouldn't you think you'd have seen them hug my husband or at least ask where he came from???? I know if I were in a small town in Egypt and spotted another American I'd be on them like <insert witty saying here>, you know?

Even in the mosques now that I think of it not one person ever came over to me to introduce themselves. These women go to this mosque every Friday so I was an obvious newbie.

I hate to say all are like this but we have met a few. I am not in hijjab so I am not as noticeable. At the mosque, only a few people are welcoming and warm so we really haven't been in a very long time.

[Staashi 371]

You know, Bridget, I would expect the same thing. I would actually think that people living in a pseudo-tolerated state of being muslim in America, one would assume that muslims would be kind/happy to meet other muslims. I know living here in the Deep South, to the Southern Baptists being Catholic is like being a Satan worshipper. "Righteous Demons Get OUT!!!!" They treat us as if we are pariahs and aren't going to heaven, etc, etc. You get the picture. So when we meet other Catholics, OMG!, we can't wait to greet them, ask what's their parish, what Mass do the go to, etc. It's like finding a long lost friend.

Edited June 26, 2009 by Staashi

[sara..... 371]

in our area that we live in there are very very few muslims but those that u see for the most part are stand offish, maybe it is a since of fear i dont know.

we drive to a mosque that is 35 miles from us one way, most are very friendly at the mosque but if u meet them on the street it is as if u have never seen them before. i dont understand it but i guess they have their reasons

we are always in hijab in or out of the mosque............

sara

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. We have a ton of somali sisters here, and I find if I approach them on the street with a smile on my face, they'll smile back and we'll often overlap in our salaams. A few times I've had random sisters strike up conversations with me on the street, but usually it's just smile, salaams, continue.

If they're first generation immigrants, maybe they come from countries were people don't offer salaams to people on the street. If every person they're used to passing is muslim, they won't be whipping out the salaams and stopping to chat with everyone.

As for the masjid, I spent many years waiting for sisters to come up and chat with me when I was the obviously new person. At somali and african american masjids, they will. At arab and south asian masjids, they tend not to. In that latter situation, I'll take the iniative and start the talk. Still doesn't mean I'm in though. I've been trying to get in on the egyptian iftar for years now, and they still won't invite me to help them prepare it, even though I've offered and AbuS is constantly talking up my mad cooking skills to the egyptian husbands

[Jenn! 918]

I don't have any personal experience, since I'm not Arab/Muslim myself, but I'm often with Wadi when he comes across other Arab Muslims. Wadi is very outgoing when it comes to talking to strangers, so they always seem to strike up a conversation at least and often become friends or acquaintances. But if I remember correctly, it is almost always Wadi who is the one to initiate things.

[Zee Bee 61]

If I see a woman in hijab I will give my salaams. Sometimes I get a reply, sometimes not. In my experience, I tend to get a more enthusiastic response from African/African American women than others (probably because I am African American too) and we tend to strike up a small conversation.

With regards to men, most often it is African/African American men that will offer salaams to me when I am walking on the street.

When I was in the midwest, if I knew that a man was Muslim, if I offered salaams or a smile I NEVER got a response. I have no clue what that was about (haraam to talk to women, look at them, what have you). I lived in a town where all the Muslims knew each other and it was very frustrating.

[doodlebugg 10]

If I see a woman in hijab I will give my salaams. Sometimes I get a reply, sometimes not. In my experience, I tend to get a more enthusiastic response from African/African American women than others (probably because I am African American too) and we tend to strike up a small conversation.

With regards to men, most often it is African/African American men that will offer salaams to me when I am walking on the street.

When I was in the midwest, if I knew that a man was Muslim, if I offered salaams or a smile I NEVER got a response. I have no clue what that was about (haraam to talk to women, look at them, what have you). I lived in a town where all the Muslims knew each other and it was very frustrating.

My husband said if he sees a hijabi on the street he looks away rather than saying salams. That's just how he was brought up, to not talk to women. He does, however talk to women in the restaurant since he has to for his job so not sure how he's reconciling that one in his head. Anyhoo he offered that up for a possible explanation of their not stopping to talk but I still don't get why they wouldn't have at least asked where he's from, you know?

A bright note is that there were three little boys in the front of them and when they saw me they squealed with delight and said "i know what you are!! salam alaykum!!!!". I was smiling and giggling but still the two men in the back just looked forward without so much as a smirk. whatEVER.

[caybee 21]

I can't speak as a Muslim interacting with other Muslims, obviously, but my husband has had different experiences. In one case, he stopped at a convenience store, and the blond-haired clerk said, "Excuse me, but may I ask where you're from?" When J told him, the clerk greeted him in Arabic and wanted to talk about Islam, which my husband was happy to do. I believe the clerk had converted recently. This sort of thing has happened to him several times with American-born Muslims, usually African Americans; they reach out to him and want to ask questions and to talk about their studies and their travels. He has seemed to feel more comfortable and welcomed at smaller masjids, but I'm not sure how the nationalities break down there. Recent immigrants don't seem quite as quick to greet him as American-born Muslims do, but there is still generally some warmth there. But a couple days ago, a friend of his pointed out some Moroccans in a coffee shop, longtime residents, and although they responded briefly when J went up and greeted them, they immediately went back to talking just amongst themselves. J reacted to that more as a cultural statement than a religious one though. I asked if he felt they had become "Americanized," and he didn't like that term; he just felt they had lost an important part of their identity.

A bright note is that there were three little boys in the front of them and when they saw me they squealed with delight and said "i know what you are!! salam alaykum!!!!". I was smiling and giggling but still the two men in the back just looked forward without so much as a smirk. whatEVER.

I love this story! Too bad the adults didn't follow the example of the kids.

Edited June 26, 2009 by caybee

[HLM 1]

I've had good experiences so far here in bloomington and my husband never really complained except from the clerk at the halal store!! I always smile and greet first when I see a sister; they always greet back. In Las Vegas it was really good too...I saw hijabis everywhere and there some of them actually started the greetings.. Loved it! I'm always so happy to see another muslim!!

Always try to give the benefit of the doubt; you never know!

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Our muslim community here in Tucson is around 8000 people. They are mostly educators and students. There are very few Egyptians here.

Wael has been to the mosque several times but now doesn't want to go back. He said they are so unfriendly when he tries to start a conversation. He also has tried an Egyptian coffeeshop/restaurant (the only one here) and the same thing occured there. I felt sorry for him coz he was so excited to meet people. So now he won't return to the mosque or coffeeshop. He said he felt like an outsider.

He has found the Americans to be more friendly to him, wanting to know where he's from, etc. First response he gets is how well he speaks english!! Makes him feel good.

There are a number of international arabic students at the University of Arizona so hopefully he will find the experience to be better. One of his classes will be arabic (language) so keeping my fingers crossed he will have a fantastic class.

[Bigbear 1]

This is amazing thread! I gotta say I am an Arabic muslim woman and married to an American! and yes totally agree with you they are not friendly at all! I have been in america for almots 3 years and I don't have a single Arabic egytptian friend here! although Michigan have lots of them!

even when I see a woman they never smile back or say hello! I think it's because they have thier own little world! and they think they live alone in there! I was invited for dinner to one of their houses and my husband who can't speak Arabic! and he said while he was sitting with the men! they were speaking to each other in Arabic while he is just sitting there! That was RUDE! even in Islam the prophet said we should never do that! and they said theyare religious separating women in a room and men in a room as if those women are actually invisible they don't walk in the street!

I felt it was retarded!! I live in Cairo 24 years and I have never seen such a thing! How come they act that retarded here!

since then I never tried to interact with them! But yeah they are not friendly in Public!

But I gotta say to be Fair in Egypt people usually don't say hi to starnger esp. women! Men don't say hi or turn their head away because they don't wanna look like they are flirting! It's a cultural thing!

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Oh, re salaaming men. Something I do not do, unless they're someone I know at the masjid, or are the very friendly people at the african american masjid I attend for jummah.

If a man salaams me on the street, I'll return and then try to escape. If I don't, the conversation goes something like this:

Ooo, where are you from?

America.

You are from america, really? MashaAllah. Are you married?

Yes

Oh (looks dejected, walks away)

[MrsAmera 41]

I think it's sort of hit and miss. When we lived in a small town in the Midwest ALL the Muslims were very friendly, however many had lived in the US for 10+ years and were Arab. It was the rest of the population that was not so friendly. I would hardly ever get a hello out of a non-Muslim. Now that we live in a big city with a huge Muslim population I feel like it's the opposite. Everyone else is very comfortable with Muslims (for the most part) and they don't think twice about talking with you any differently. It's HARD to get "in" with the Muslim community. I sometimes feel like high school all over again. We have just become "in" with a group of Moroccans - all who are friends and have been here for awhile.

@Umm - you know I cook just as good as any Moroccan woman (sometimes better if I do say so lol) and even my Moroccan women friends who have eaten my food agree. Recently we were at a bbq and discussing an upcoming get together. They were talking in Arabic and said "oh yea Amanda can bring soda and plates like the single guys" I spoke up right away and said (in English), "Hey I CAN cook Moroccan food - I know you might not think so but I can." They apologized right away and said "oh no we didn't mean that we just didn't want it to be too much for you". (ya right they don't think I can!)

@Bigbear - The whole Arabic thing is a huge issue. I have another friend (in the group I recently talked about) who is American and married to a Moroccan. I am fortunate that I can understand a lot of conversations in Arabic but she can't. When we are at functions together the only language is Arabic. A few of the other women will translate for us sometimes but otherwise forget it. It's really discouraging and makes you feel really alienated and not welcome.

[MrsAmera 41]

Oooh also - for the dreaded "Oh where are you from" question. I've taken to responding "Wisconsin!" like it's an exotic foreign location - simply out of irriation that NO ONE who asks that questions expects you to say somewhere in the United States