my husband is just insane

[bhajishah 4]

Sounds like you are a big giirl. Do what you need to do on your own, but leave the guy alone!! 4 yrs of coolege and alll alone and abused. sounds like a manipulation coersion game !!

btw calling your husband (someone you care about) insane is abusive..........

[Azzudiin 26]

All these cry me a river stories are from new anon empty profile users, anyone else not surprised by the troll army lately.

[maliciant 7]

Empty anon accounts does not automatically indicate a troll, people find forums like this one when they have an actual need for information, a divorce is that kind of situation. Also sometimes long time members will create an anonymous account as well, for a variety of reasons... anything from their SO may read the postings, or they are embarrassed, possibly because for long time posters the people here are just as real as their own neighbors and coworkers... or possibly just because at one time they were riding the mighty infallable relationship train cause they did everything the right way and are truly in love and may have even ridden others who had problems harshly...

I think all the accusations of people being trolls tends to make it self fullfilling, people ask questions hoping for answers and in return are often accused of a variety of things, and they are forced into a cycle of defending themselves or leaving. If someone really wanted to troll this place it would take little effort, it's so easy to bait people in this forum, if a person is really trolling the thread would never die, far too many people here feed the trolls, the only real danger to spoiling a good troll here is thread closings...

[Down With PMP 0]

I think all the accusations of people being trolls tends to make it self fullfilling, people ask questions hoping for answers and in return are often accused of a variety of things, and they are forced into a cycle of defending themselves or leaving. If someone really wanted to troll this place it would take little effort, it's so easy to bait people in this forum, if a person is really trolling the thread would never die, far too many people here feed the trolls, the only real danger to spoiling a good troll here is thread closings...

Every board I've ever been on has been like that. Especially boards that have long-established cliques of addicted users who've gotten used to each other. I am relatively new to this board but I feel like I've been here longer, because it is so much like every other board on the Web.

[Sarah and Aris 0]

I think all the accusations of people being trolls tends to make it self fullfilling, people ask questions hoping for answers and in return are often accused of a variety of things, and they are forced into a cycle of defending themselves or leaving. If someone really wanted to troll this place it would take little effort, it's so easy to bait people in this forum, if a person is really trolling the thread would never die, far too many people here feed the trolls, the only real danger to spoiling a good troll here is thread closings...

Every board I've ever been on has been like that. Especially boards that have long-established cliques of addicted users who've gotten used to each other. I am relatively new to this board but I feel like I've been here longer, because it is so much like every other board on the Web.

[HongKong2LA 9]

Empty anon accounts does not automatically indicate a troll, people find forums like this one when they have an actual need for information, a divorce is that kind of situation. Also sometimes long time members will create an anonymous account as well, for a variety of reasons... anything from their SO may read the postings, or they are embarrassed, possibly because for long time posters the people here are just as real as their own neighbors and coworkers... or possibly just because at one time they were riding the mighty infallable relationship train cause they did everything the right way and are truly in love and may have even ridden others who had problems harshly...

I think all the accusations of people being trolls tends to make it self fullfilling, people ask questions hoping for answers and in return are often accused of a variety of things, and they are forced into a cycle of defending themselves or leaving. If someone really wanted to troll this place it would take little effort, it's so easy to bait people in this forum, if a person is really trolling the thread would never die, far too many people here feed the trolls, the only real danger to spoiling a good troll here is thread closings...

Well said.

[Anonymous 57 0]

The fact that the judge wouldn't give you a restraining order makes me EXTREMELY suspicious. They usually err on the side of caution in these cases.

Gary is right... I think you can forget the VAWA.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Except for a handful of states, any debts incurred while you are married are community debts, which means both of you owe the money. You can try getting the $600 included in your property settlement, in which case he'll need to pay you.

Do you mean only a handful of states will consider it community debt? There are only 9 community property states...

Yes, good point. "Community debt" was a bad choice of terms. In a non community property state a debt can be considered "shared" or "joint" if acquiring the debt benefits both parties. In a community property state, almost all debts incurred during the marriage are "community debts".

[HannahP 119]

Many hospitals will work with you in reducing the bill and/or setting up some kind of long-term payment plan. Usually, you just need to provide some sort of documentation like a W2 to show that you only make X amount of money. If the billing department jerks you around, you can try going through whatever social services department the hospital has.

[Ban Hammer 13,349]

All these cry me a river stories are from new anon empty profile users, anyone else not surprised by the troll army lately.

ewok allows an additional account for vj members to use for instances just like this to protect the identity of vj members. an "empty profile" does not necessarily make it a troll.

[Magnolia31 0]

The fact that the judge wouldn't give you a restraining order makes me EXTREMELY suspicious. They usually err on the side of caution in these cases.

Gary is right... I think you can forget the VAWA.

Since her attorney told her she could file for VAWA, then obviously she must have been abused. I don't get why everyone is so suspicious. I'm an abuse victim myself and there are more ways of abusing someone besides physical. Financial control is a type of abuse and it sounds like he may have been doing that.

[KGH 0]

what's up with some people, as soon as they come to the US they call the other person insane, but before that they are In Love with each other.

[surferita 1]

Except for a handful of states, any debts incurred while you are married are community debts, which means both of you owe the money. You can try getting the $600 included in your property settlement, in which case he'll need to pay you.

Do you mean only a handful of states will consider it community debt? There are only 9 community property states...

Ha ha sorry for whoever doesn't understand my english, I'm really trying hard to explain myself here.

the judge said that it has been too many weeks till i filled for the restrain order since i didn't fill for it till he totally got me mad when he threatened me emailing my family saying that he was gonna make immigration to get me deported, i have told him way too many times that i didn't want any communication with him since last time he emailed me saying that he was sorry for what he did i received a call from the bank same day saying that he took all my money out from the joint account and closed it...he brought to court a paper with statements, they weren't notarized so the judge said that they weren't valid, i saw the judge my witness report from the other housemate and the judge didn't want to read it, it was pretty stupid honestly, i also had another witness report from the landlord, he asked the landlord to put his name on the leash and for the time that the landlord prepared it he already abused me and left the house, it took the landlord one month to get it ready... anyway, he is the american and since he hasn't taken his medication he didn't even understand the questions of the judge, it was pretty embarrassing to think that once i was in love with that person.

Another thing is that i don't go out to it, i don't buy myself clothes, i mean, i am not the kind of girl that spends money in clothes, i don't even like going to bars or clubs, i have never liked it, all the money that i am borrowing from my parents is limited to pay rent, cellphone, insurance and the kind of things necessary in life like food although the last couple of weeks i didn't have money and i ate corn flakes from the 99 cents store, i don't really care, but I'm really mad cause I'm gonna have to go to court again and see his face, i have the receipts from the bank with the deposit orders and statements of him taking the money out and transferring it to his own account.

If I get a record from court from yesterday where he said that he didn't consider that we were living together which means that he committed fraud under California law for a confidential marriage would be also good I think. any suggestion?

[surferita 1]

I mean, how much should I explain about the abuse so people can give me their opinions here?

First of all, like a lot of girls here, I'm sure they are suspicious that their ex-partners or ex-husband might be reading this forum.

There has been abuse of every kind in this relationship and thank god i have proves, one month after getting married he asked me for a 1,000 dollars to fix his stupid motorcycle, i said no and i think this is where all our problems started, that same day he sent me 3 text messages from work asking for the money that i didn't have, he finally called me saying that i had to ask my parents for it, i said No and he finally stopped but there was a lot of yelling and tears.

A few weeks later he cancelled our trip to his parents house, then he canceled a little party that we were gonna have with our friends at our house for the wedding, then he started being really sick, like he didn't know who he was or where he was, then he started yelling at me the whole time and moving out of the house every other day, seriously one day he got extremely angry with me because i used an exclamation point in a text message, ah! and i was also really sad and depressed after the wedding to find out that his mental problems where genetically transmitted to his kids cause i really want to have kids but seriously the situation of their father it's really bad, bipolar/esquizo people marriages end in divorce i think it's the 99% of them, i didn't know how sick he was till i married and lived with him and of course this is something that we didn't really talked about till we got married.

He didn't let me talk to his family and he made me de-friend all of them from my facebook although every time I talked to his family we had nice conversations and I was really polite and respectful to them, I really wanted to meet them.

at the end, sorry coming from him didn't mean anything to me and coming from a person that every 5 minutes changes his mind i ended up not caring about him and wanting him as far as i can from me since he is the only person that has cause this such pain in my life, he was supposed to send the divorce papers but he never did, i had to file for them and he never paid for his car insurance, is that fair also? he never paid for the stupid internet that he wanted, i let him choose the one that he wanted and needed for work in the house but apparently not good enough since he was always at his friend's house. Last time i talked to him he wanted to file for annulment and me to say that he was gay and pay for it or otherwise he was gonna get me deported, how? no idea, i mean, as far as i saw at court, all he has against me is a text message saying 'I'm gonna tell your family what you are doing and how much money i want back for not putting you in jail' and my response was to a previous message that he sent me 5 minute earlier and i show to judge that said ' I want 800 dollars to stay married to you and help you with your green card' which i obviously said no to.

I'm sure there is stuff that i forget about, it has been pretty intense, that's why i had a seizure attack due to stress.

[Old Dominion 26]

You have a lawyer. It's not clear what advice anyone here can give. We have different opinions about your sad situation, but opinions don't count. Mine is that you should return to your family and forget this mess. You've already read that your chances of getting the money back are almost none. Your lawyer says you are entitled to a VAWA, and if you want to pursue it, do so. I doubt very much that it will be approved, however. Your health will continue to suffer until it's resolved, and you have no income.

Next time, get to know your boyfriend better before taking him seriously. Anyway, good luck.