9 months later but NO DIVORCE

[Bobby+Umit 161]

I do not have enough money to file myself. He was my support so since he left I have been looking everywhere for work, taking temp jobs and delivery jobs

This is new, usually it's the beneficiary that needs support, not the petitioner. Perhaps that is why he walked out?

Withdrawal of your affidavit cannot work, as the green card is in hand.

Take the advice above, file for divorce, move on.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Off Topic:

Bobby_Umit,

Curious why you would think that an alien would have a reason to walk out just because he was footing the bill rather than the USC?

I do not have enough money to file myself. He was my support so since he left I have been looking everywhere for work, taking temp jobs and delivery jobs

This is new, usually it's the beneficiary that needs support, not the petitioner. Perhaps that is why he walked out?

Withdrawal of your affidavit cannot work, as the green card is in hand.

Take the advice above, file for divorce, move on.

[johnj 0]

I think it is decision time; if you want a divorce pay for it. You can get a packet from the courthouse in downtown Tampa, follow the instructions to the letter and check everything multiple times, same as the K1 application and then file.

Forget what he should do, might do, could do, owes you, said to you, etc. If the marriage is over, just move on and do what you need to do to end it. It will be painful in the wallet but in the end, you will heal faster. The packet is only a few hundred; ride HARTline (local bus) for a few weeks if needed just to get this done-provided you really want a divorce and want to end this suffering.

I know it can be painful thinking someone took advantage of you; healing will come with ending the ties between you.

If I was in your situation and had no other option, I would get a cardboard sign and spend my free minutes on the street corner asking for money from passing motorists. If I rode by your honest sign asking for assistance for a divorce, I would pony us a few pieces of silver. It only will take a few such donations and you will be done. Be creative, think out of the box, get over him and find a way to end it. Mow someones lawn, clean a friend's house for $30, something. There are numerous legal honorable ways to make a few dollars for an emergency.

[johnj 0]

Okay, I just looked at your photo; wear that beautiful wedding dress with your smile with a simple cardboard sign saying you need money for divorce from cheating husband. Send me a photo of you on street corner and I will pony up the first $30 bucks, no scam-honestly, PM me. Honestly, the suffering needs to stop. I bet if you do this tomorrow after church in a good location in Tampa, you will have all you need by early afternoon. Suck up your pride, this is desperation time. Think of the control you will gain by doing this yourself and the self-respect you will gain by getting this done in just one day. I bet it will work. If you live in Town n Country, do it near Hillsborough and Memorial; if you live in Brandon, do it near Bloomingdale and Bell Shoals, etc. In other words, choose a location by a number of good churches and you will be done with this.

I offer you first praises if you do this; trust me, it will work. The economy sucks, people have little money but this is still America. Americans always have a few extra dollars and are always looking for a worthy cause. For me, this is a worthy cause.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Brilliant! Your soon to be ex-husband has NO reason to get this divorce underway, unless his paramour insists upon it, but by this time even that is questionable. He's OK with status quo, in fact, the longer this marriage goes on the better he stands in terms of immigration. You should be good and angry and ready to cut him loose. There's nothing to stand in your way now. Everyone has given good reasons to get it done, and I'll just add one more.... don't give him the satisfaction or the opportunity for him to think that any delay in initiating the divorce was possibly due to you waiting for him to come back. File it!

Okay, I just looked at your photo; wear that beautiful wedding dress with your smile with a simple cardboard sign saying you need money for divorce from cheating husband. Send me a photo of you on street corner and I will pony up the first $30 bucks, no scam-honestly, PM me. Honestly, the suffering needs to stop. I bet if you do this tomorrow after church in a good location in Tampa, you will have all you need by early afternoon. Suck up your pride, this is desperation time. Think of the control you will gain by doing this yourself and the self-respect you will gain by getting this done in just one day. I bet it will work. If you live in Town n Country, do it near Hillsborough and Memorial; if you live in Brandon, do it near Bloomingdale and Bell Shoals, etc. In other words, choose a location by a number of good churches and you will be done with this.

I offer you first praises if you do this; trust me, it will work. The economy sucks, people have little money but this is still America. Americans always have a few extra dollars and are always looking for a worthy cause. For me, this is a worthy cause.

[rebeccajo 14]

I'm truly curious now - just how much do they charge at your Circuit Clerk's office to file a pro se divorce?

You can get it done for around $500 in my county. And if they 'charge' for packets I'm sure it's something minimal like 20 bucks.

[TheZilla 0]

I'm in Hernando County, I actually live a little over an hour outside of Tampa. The fees here for filing for the simplified divorces vary a little depending on what type you do, but it starts at about $420 up to about $475 (not including extra for paying a process server if one is necessary). This particular county sucks because they make it damn near impossible to find the forms online to print for free, they seem to want people to pay for the packets.

Really wouldn't want to beg for money to pay for my divorce. Seriously, there have been whole families on street corners here from time to time holding up signs because they've been foreclosed on. That seems more pressing than someone needing it for a divorce. I've got money I saved to fix my car, my Mom has a hundred or so she was putting aside for fixing the pool. It's officially Sunday now and I haven't heard anything, so Monday I will go down bright and early and do what I have to do.

Before I met my ex, when I was single and pursuing all this creative work without getting paid, I made money by creating/selling crafts and writing term papers to make ends meet. My county has the worst unemployment rate and there is nothing listed anymore, and so I'm thinking maybe I'll just try doing that again, see what comes of it. Even if I can bring in a couple hundred a month it would make a huge difference. I'm already finding out what options I have in terms of going back to college, trying to get funding and go out for Health Information Technology.

I feel I did make a huge mistake letting myself become dependent on my ex. We discussed it multiple times and he offered to support me, as far as I knew he WANTED to. At the end of the day though, it was my own choice. Right now, I'm not looking to date or get into another relationship. For the past nine months I've been trying to enrich MY OWN life by getting out into my community, getting healthier, make new friends, and challenge myself.

I feel like a big reason my marriage did not work, if not the biggest reason, was because I personally did not value myself enough. The truth is that there WERE signs, he did not treat me very well through the majority of our relationship. He was not a violent person, he never laid a finger on me, but he was neglectful, callous, and just seemed to want me to be what he wanted whenever he had some new whim. He didn't hold a gun to my head to go along with that, I CHOSE to. I made excuses and I ignored my own feelings, I LET him convince me I was being unreasonable when all I wanted was to be acknowledged and shown consideration. Takes two to tango in relationships like that, and I don't shirk my own responsibility for how things ended up.

I feel like if I want my next relationship to be strong, healthy, and a real partnership, I have to start with myself and become happier, healthier, and proud of who I am down the core of me. Meaning, through this experience I've learned so much about what I really want and need in a partner, and I've realized that if I want that I have to understand deep within myself that I deserve it. That's my goal now.

I really appreciate everyone replying, it has helped me get my thoughts together and really hone in on what I really want. I think it's exactly right that even if I walk away from this divorce broke, I will have bought something so valuable. Freedom from that relationship, and finally cutting the tie holding that pesky anchor to my ankles. The thought of signing a paper and knowing he's out of my life for good really does feel worth every friggin' penny.

[johnj 0]

I'm in Hernando County, I actually live a little over an hour outside of Tampa. The fees here for filing for the simplified divorces vary a little depending on what type you do, but it starts at about $420 up to about $475 (not including extra for paying a process server if one is necessary). This particular county sucks because they make it damn near impossible to find the forms online to print for free, they seem to want people to pay for the packets.

Really wouldn't want to beg for money to pay for my divorce. Seriously, there have been whole families on street corners here from time to time holding up signs because they've been foreclosed on. That seems more pressing than someone needing it for a divorce. I've got money I saved to fix my car, my Mom has a hundred or so she was putting aside for fixing the pool. It's officially Sunday now and I haven't heard anything, so Monday I will go down bright and early and do what I have to do.

Before I met my ex, when I was single and pursuing all this creative work without getting paid, I made money by creating/selling crafts and writing term papers to make ends meet. My county has the worst unemployment rate and there is nothing listed anymore, and so I'm thinking maybe I'll just try doing that again, see what comes of it. Even if I can bring in a couple hundred a month it would make a huge difference. I'm already finding out what options I have in terms of going back to college, trying to get funding and go out for Health Information Technology.

I feel I did make a huge mistake letting myself become dependent on my ex. We discussed it multiple times and he offered to support me, as far as I knew he WANTED to. At the end of the day though, it was my own choice. Right now, I'm not looking to date or get into another relationship. For the past nine months I've been trying to enrich MY OWN life by getting out into my community, getting healthier, make new friends, and challenge myself.

I feel like a big reason my marriage did not work, if not the biggest reason, was because I personally did not value myself enough. The truth is that there WERE signs, he did not treat me very well through the majority of our relationship. He was not a violent person, he never laid a finger on me, but he was neglectful, callous, and just seemed to want me to be what he wanted whenever he had some new whim. He didn't hold a gun to my head to go along with that, I CHOSE to. I made excuses and I ignored my own feelings, I LET him convince me I was being unreasonable when all I wanted was to be acknowledged and shown consideration. Takes two to tango in relationships like that, and I don't shirk my own responsibility for how things ended up.

I feel like if I want my next relationship to be strong, healthy, and a real partnership, I have to start with myself and become happier, healthier, and proud of who I am down the core of me. Meaning, through this experience I've learned so much about what I really want and need in a partner, and I've realized that if I want that I have to understand deep within myself that I deserve it. That's my goal now.

I really appreciate everyone replying, it has helped me get my thoughts together and really hone in on what I really want. I think it's exactly right that even if I walk away from this divorce broke, I will have bought something so valuable. Freedom from that relationship, and finally cutting the tie holding that pesky anchor to my ankles. The thought of signing a paper and knowing he's out of my life for good really does feel worth every friggin' penny.

Good Job; your whole attitude seems to have changed and I applaud you. It is easy to feel sorry for ones self and blame others; many times it is even their fault. You have taken a real step of responsibility with your new attitude.

[rebeccajo 14]

If it were me, and if I really wanted a divorce that I could do myself for less than $500, I would take a cash advance on a credit card, file and get it over with.

[Old Dominion 26]

Then of course there is the Legal Aid Society (or an organization with a similar name) that stands ready to help you, depending on your circumstances, since money is a problem.

[TheZilla 0]

I don't qualify for legal aid and I've already got credit card debt I'm punching away at.

I haven't taken a cash advance out on a credit card in six years and I swore never to do that again because that's how the credit card companies get you. The debt I have now is not humongous, but it's taking a long time to pay it off because they absolutely screwed me on the interest rates for cash advances. The interest rates they have for straight charges are nothing compared to the interest they charge for cash advances. Another lesson I learned the hard way!!

I'm just going to use my savings, I'm staying away from debt of any kind!

[girl 37 7]

I do not have enough money to file myself. He was my support so since he left I have been looking everywhere for work, taking temp jobs and delivery jobs

This is new, usually it's the beneficiary that needs support, not the petitioner. Perhaps that is why he walked out?

It might be new to you but if it makes sense for the couple / family, why would it be a reason to walk out?

[justashooter 430]

Some of you know my story, some don't. Quick recap: Back in Sept. 2008 my stbx husband told me he'd fallen for some girl he'd known for 3 weeks, and promptly abandoned the marriage (we had been married just over a year). Shortly after he left he proceeded to mess up the joint accounts we had (bank & cell phone), severely damaging my credit rating in the process. I also found that he had stolen documents of mine. He'd taken all the 1-129F stuff, but he'd also taken my credit reports, statements from my personal investment bank, and other bank statements of mine.

my brother and i both waited 2.5 years for divorces when there were no real issues at stake, and both of our ex-wives got much less in their settlements by jerking us around. be patient and abide by the law. divorcing a jerk takes time.

[^KK^ 3]

I truly wish you the best...may God be with you.

[SterlingGirl 1]

I don't qualify for legal aid and I've already got credit card debt I'm punching away at.

I haven't taken a cash advance out on a credit card in six years and I swore never to do that again because that's how the credit card companies get you. The debt I have now is not humongous, but it's taking a long time to pay it off because they absolutely screwed me on the interest rates for cash advances. The interest rates they have for straight charges are nothing compared to the interest they charge for cash advances. Another lesson I learned the hard way!!

I'm just going to use my savings, I'm staying away from debt of any kind!

I did my own divorce myself for about a grand total of under $48 ($30 for the filing fee, $18 for a book, complete with a CD of forms in both PDF and Word format). And we had a child, to boot. Luckily, we were both amiable on the divorce enough to swing it, but if you're just divorcing with no assets or children, I'd say the complete DIY route SHOULD work for you if all you want is to completely sever ties. In fact, I'd probably leave lawyers out of it totally. If he's not 100% aware that your affidavit of support makes you liable for him in certain financial ways, then I certainly wouldn't want to run the risk that a divorce attorney might MAKE him aware of that.

Seriously, as long as the immigration aspect doesn't throw up special, ornate roadblocks from attaining a simple, common divorce, I'd look at getting a book. Hell, I could send you mine, if you wanted it, although I'd issue a caveat: there WERE some things missing for my particular state that the judge who ruled on our divorce pointed out and literally had to go through and hand-correct. To be honest, he was quite annoyed that he HAD to do that, but I think he ultimately understood that we were not wealthy and that we didn't want lawyers involved, so he went easy on us and simply corrected my mistakes (I did all the forms and stuff myself; my ex is completely worthless when it comes to doing, oh, anything valuable in life). In the end, however, the judge signed them and we were divorced for less than $50. Those very same divorce papers were submitted for mine and my husband's K-1 and AOS packets. I think I just managed to pick a rather shoddy book whose forms were a little too generic; I'm sure there are FAR better books out there than the one I got, with more accurate and specialized information for each state.

You seem like a very intelligent, well-read, and competent woman - so my advice would be to get on Amazon, search for a DIY divorce book with good ratings (and hopefully containing state-by-state specific forms), and knock her out of the park. You CAN do it; it may feel a little overwhelming, but I think any of us who can get through the immigration process are MORE than able to navigate a divorce as well. It's all just paperwork and terminology, and you can learn those things. If you need any help, do let me know and I'd be happy to offer whatever advice I could as a DIY-er.

Edited August 1, 2009 by SterlingGirl