9 months later but NO DIVORCE

[TheZilla 0]

Some of you know my story, some don't. Quick recap: Back in Sept. 2008 my stbx husband told me he'd fallen for some girl he'd known for 3 weeks, and promptly abandoned the marriage (we had been married just over a year). Shortly after he left he proceeded to mess up the joint accounts we had (bank & cell phone), severely damaging my credit rating in the process. I also found that he had stolen documents of mine. He'd taken all the 1-129F stuff, but he'd also taken my credit reports, statements from my personal investment bank, and other bank statements of mine.

I took all the measures I needed to. I put fraud alerts on my credit reports, I put security passwords in place on all my accounts, and closed any accounts with both of our names. My ex did not respond to emails and did not give me a new phone number to reach him. He sent the initial divorce papers but they were incomplete and he was being fishy about a lot of things, it took me a couple of months to scrape together enough money to consult with an attorney. By the time I did, the papers he'd provided had incorrect information on them, and they were outdated. I paid out for a fresh packet of papers but it was the wrong type of packet. I informed my ex of all of this via email, he rarely responded if at all.

Months went by. He said he would send my personal documents back, and he also said he would repay the $500+ he owed my mother and I for covering bills that were his. He took over five months to do so. He finally sent back the docs. and sent the final payment at the end of February.

I was tired of trying to communicate with someone who would not communicate with me, and so I sent him an email containing details on how he could file for the divorce HIMSELF and just have me served papers. He had the power to do this THE WHOLE TIME. The only time he contacted me was to harangue me about the divorce, with his new GF coughing, giggling, or whistling in the background. I told him how to do it himself, but he HAS NOT DONE ANYTHING.

I do not have enough money to file myself. He was my support so since he left I have been looking everywhere for work, taking temp jobs and delivery jobs, and now I'm wanting to go back to college. This divorce is holding me back so much, but I feel like my hands are tied. His mother contacted me to offer help, but he is ignoring her too.

I do not understand WHY he is doing this. When a man makes the decision to walk out on a marriage, when a man WANTS a divorce, isn't he supposed to DO IT?? I feel utterly trapped because I simply have no money to take care of this myself.

I have not contacted immigration for ANYTHING thus far. He said he contacted USCIS to let them know he was divorcing but that could very well be #######. As far as I know, I have no way to contact anyone with USCIS directly, I did not even write a letter stating I rescind my affidavit of support as I had no idea where to send it, and I was told it wouldn't be considered 'official' anyway.

I really don't even think I'm asking for advice as much as just wanting to vent because after all this time, I cannot believe I'm still legally married to this utter dirt bag.

I've moved on as much as I can now. I'm more involved in my community, I'm healthier, I've formed a great new social circle and now I'm making real plans for a whole new life for myself. I want to go to college but I can't even get certain funding available for that since I'm still legally married (I.E. I am not officially a 'displaced homemaker' because I am legally still his wife though he does not support me AT ALL).

I don't care if he stays in this country or goes, I just want him the hell out of my life!! I feel like I can only let go and move on SO MUCH while this is still hanging there, you know?? I want to be free of him, I feel like I'm still held down by this one last anchor to him and I hate it.

Ugh, thanks for reading all this if you have. I guess I just want to know if others have gone through this and want to hear that "This too shall pass".

[L179 1]

sorry to hear your story....

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Some of you know my story, some don't. Quick recap: Back in Sept. 2008 my stbx husband told me he'd fallen for some girl he'd known for 3 weeks, and promptly abandoned the marriage (we had been married just over a year). Shortly after he left he proceeded to mess up the joint accounts we had (bank & cell phone), severely damaging my credit rating in the process. I also found that he had stolen documents of mine. He'd taken all the 1-129F stuff, but he'd also taken my credit reports, statements from my personal investment bank, and other bank statements of mine.

I took all the measures I needed to. I put fraud alerts on my credit reports, I put security passwords in place on all my accounts, and closed any accounts with both of our names. My ex did not respond to emails and did not give me a new phone number to reach him. He sent the initial divorce papers but they were incomplete and he was being fishy about a lot of things, it took me a couple of months to scrape together enough money to consult with an attorney. By the time I did, the papers he'd provided had incorrect information on them, and they were outdated. I paid out for a fresh packet of papers but it was the wrong type of packet. I informed my ex of all of this via email, he rarely responded if at all.

Months went by. He said he would send my personal documents back, and he also said he would repay the $500+ he owed my mother and I for covering bills that were his. He took over five months to do so. He finally sent back the docs. and sent the final payment at the end of February.

I was tired of trying to communicate with someone who would not communicate with me, and so I sent him an email containing details on how he could file for the divorce HIMSELF and just have me served papers. He had the power to do this THE WHOLE TIME. The only time he contacted me was to harangue me about the divorce, with his new GF coughing, giggling, or whistling in the background. I told him how to do it himself, but he HAS NOT DONE ANYTHING.

I do not have enough money to file myself. He was my support so since he left I have been looking everywhere for work, taking temp jobs and delivery jobs, and now I'm wanting to go back to college. This divorce is holding me back so much, but I feel like my hands are tied. His mother contacted me to offer help, but he is ignoring her too.

I do not understand WHY he is doing this. When a man makes the decision to walk out on a marriage, when a man WANTS a divorce, isn't he supposed to DO IT?? I feel utterly trapped because I simply have no money to take care of this myself.

I have not contacted immigration for ANYTHING thus far. He said he contacted USCIS to let them know he was divorcing but that could very well be #######. As far as I know, I have no way to contact anyone with USCIS directly, I did not even write a letter stating I rescind my affidavit of support as I had no idea where to send it, and I was told it wouldn't be considered 'official' anyway.

I really don't even think I'm asking for advice as much as just wanting to vent because after all this time, I cannot believe I'm still legally married to this utter dirt bag.

I've moved on as much as I can now. I'm more involved in my community, I'm healthier, I've formed a great new social circle and now I'm making real plans for a whole new life for myself. I want to go to college but I can't even get certain funding available for that since I'm still legally married (I.E. I am not officially a 'displaced homemaker' because I am legally still his wife though he does not support me AT ALL).

I don't care if he stays in this country or goes, I just want him the hell out of my life!! I feel like I can only let go and move on SO MUCH while this is still hanging there, you know?? I want to be free of him, I feel like I'm still held down by this one last anchor to him and I hate it.

Ugh, thanks for reading all this if you have. I guess I just want to know if others have gone through this and want to hear that "This too shall pass".

Filing fees for divorce go up to 1000 July 1st. Contact his mom, tell her a divorce is now 1500. You can get a divorce with no hassle from a fort lauderdale attorney caled divorce deli. He can file in a state that doesnt require an appearance His fee is like 299 total plus filing fees . You will need to pay for publication.. You do not need to serve him . You can publish. It looks like you will need to either have her help or pay for it yourself and just suck it up . I know what he did was wrong. Being mad will not help . You need to stop this and just say its over and pay for the divorce if you cannot get his mom too.... If you have to wait till you file next year on your income taxes , you will have to. It sounds like he came over, you are financially dependent on him, he didnt want that. He found greener pastures and you just cannot take it personally. MEN can just as easily use and manipulate for papers and for some reason,alot of women think we are bullet proof. The level of scamming against American women has gotten out of control and to be honest with you, you are very lucky you were not hit with VAWA or some other bogus charge. That is actually the new scam

[diadromous mermaid 36]

He did file the petition for divorce, but you delayed in signing it and by the time you did the petition was outdated. If you want this marriage over you'll stop using excuses and just get it done. I sense there is some other reason that you are not yet divorced.

Some of you know my story, some don't. Quick recap: Back in Sept. 2008 my stbx husband told me he'd fallen for some girl he'd known for 3 weeks, and promptly abandoned the marriage (we had been married just over a year). Shortly after he left he proceeded to mess up the joint accounts we had (bank & cell phone), severely damaging my credit rating in the process. I also found that he had stolen documents of mine. He'd taken all the 1-129F stuff, but he'd also taken my credit reports, statements from my personal investment bank, and other bank statements of mine.

I took all the measures I needed to. I put fraud alerts on my credit reports, I put security passwords in place on all my accounts, and closed any accounts with both of our names. My ex did not respond to emails and did not give me a new phone number to reach him. He sent the initial divorce papers but they were incomplete and he was being fishy about a lot of things, it took me a couple of months to scrape together enough money to consult with an attorney. By the time I did, the papers he'd provided had incorrect information on them, and they were outdated. I paid out for a fresh packet of papers but it was the wrong type of packet. I informed my ex of all of this via email, he rarely responded if at all.

Months went by. He said he would send my personal documents back, and he also said he would repay the $500+ he owed my mother and I for covering bills that were his. He took over five months to do so. He finally sent back the docs. and sent the final payment at the end of February.

I was tired of trying to communicate with someone who would not communicate with me, and so I sent him an email containing details on how he could file for the divorce HIMSELF and just have me served papers. He had the power to do this THE WHOLE TIME. The only time he contacted me was to harangue me about the divorce, with his new GF coughing, giggling, or whistling in the background. I told him how to do it himself, but he HAS NOT DONE ANYTHING.

I do not have enough money to file myself. He was my support so since he left I have been looking everywhere for work, taking temp jobs and delivery jobs, and now I'm wanting to go back to college. This divorce is holding me back so much, but I feel like my hands are tied. His mother contacted me to offer help, but he is ignoring her too.

I do not understand WHY he is doing this. When a man makes the decision to walk out on a marriage, when a man WANTS a divorce, isn't he supposed to DO IT?? I feel utterly trapped because I simply have no money to take care of this myself.

I have not contacted immigration for ANYTHING thus far. He said he contacted USCIS to let them know he was divorcing but that could very well be #######. As far as I know, I have no way to contact anyone with USCIS directly, I did not even write a letter stating I rescind my affidavit of support as I had no idea where to send it, and I was told it wouldn't be considered 'official' anyway.

I really don't even think I'm asking for advice as much as just wanting to vent because after all this time, I cannot believe I'm still legally married to this utter dirt bag.

I've moved on as much as I can now. I'm more involved in my community, I'm healthier, I've formed a great new social circle and now I'm making real plans for a whole new life for myself. I want to go to college but I can't even get certain funding available for that since I'm still legally married (I.E. I am not officially a 'displaced homemaker' because I am legally still his wife though he does not support me AT ALL).

I don't care if he stays in this country or goes, I just want him the hell out of my life!! I feel like I can only let go and move on SO MUCH while this is still hanging there, you know?? I want to be free of him, I feel like I'm still held down by this one last anchor to him and I hate it.

Ugh, thanks for reading all this if you have. I guess I just want to know if others have gone through this and want to hear that "This too shall pass".

[Aussielad 37]

.............boo-ya

Edited June 25, 2009 by Aussielad

[faryan 4]

Dear Zilla,

Im saddened to read your story, and I commend you for finally be in a better situation for yourself and ready to move on. I'm sure the pain and loss still linger with you somewhat, as would any life changing lessons would, but yes, this too will pass. Personally for me, it is easy to also put my life and future in someone else's hands when I'm in love, but my beliefs and own experiences as also from my observation of others', is that to always remember that the only thing that truly belongs to you is what you make of for yourself (for me its: education, independence, opinion, will). People we love/depend on may leave us, by choice or by circumstances, and so, we must always adapt and spring forward from that. I guess, what Im saying is that, you must realise that to continue letting yourself be in a situation where you are left hanging this way is just hindering your ability to move forward as you should. Get that divorce, go to a women's aid group for advice on legal matters, im sure they would have plenty of ideas on how you can move on, without having to depend on your ex to grant this for you at his convenience. dont let him dictate anymore on how you can live your life. get in touch with his mom, dont feel bad about asking for her to help get you that fund you need. in fact, the sooner the better! i know technically you are not asking for advice (and i am not i suppose as u know all these things u need to do already after all), so just take this as a friend urging u on, saying hey girl, what are u waiting for!

best regards,

Farha

Edited June 25, 2009 by faryan

[Leedah 22]

I am in the same situation as you, zilla.

However, I will tell you that you can go to the court and file the paperwork yourself pro se. This is what I did.

Also, if you don't have the money, ask the court clerk to give you a "pauper's affidavit" to take up to the judge to sign off on. This will allow you to file your divorce petition without the usual required fee.

I know that you are hurting right now and the pain and shock is probably coming and going in stages.

You can't believe the person you loved has "flipped the script" on you. But, let me tell you that you will move on and this whole episode WILL become like a distant memory soon. It will be hard, especially since your husband is refusing your emails and won't provide a telephone number. No closure is his game plan from what I see.

Just so you know, men like this are not what you need anyway. He seems like an abusive person.

People will tell you to just "get over it". My advice...take it day by day. Don't worry about getting into a "new life" right away with someone else because it will only bite you later on. When a person divorces, it's like a death. Take time to grieve properly then FORCE yourself to move on in your life. I suggest occupying your time with other activities to keep your mind from "wandering" aimlessly.

And the most important thing you can do is....DON'T CONTACT HIM. Trust me, he is loving every time you try to reach him and can't. It's all about control, hun.

Hope this helps.

Leedah

Been there...done that...got the bumper sticker.

[TheZilla 0]

Mermaid: You are completely mistaken. He did not FILE anything, he simply picked up a packet of paperwork. He sent me what was supposed to be my portion, asking me to fill it all out, notarize it, and send him the ORIGINALS for him to file himself. I kept him informed, I told him I would not sign anything until I could consult with an attorney and I kept him informed about my progress in locating one I could afford.

It was a couple of months later before I could, and by that time some of the info he had written down was outdated, and I was told that the incorrect information he'd entered on other forms was not passable. I also found out he had kept back certain portions of the paperwork, namely a form that would have allowed me to include the monetary amount he owed me for bills of his that my mother and I covered for him. I was told that I was right in refusing to send him the originals, that we had to file the originals together.

I informed him that I had paid out to purchase a fresh packet from the courthouse. I also informed him when I found I had purchased the wrong type, I informed him they would not do an exchange, and I informed him I would not pay out for another one. I heard nothing from him for months, and in the mean time I got educated and found out that there are different types of simple dissolution packets, one of which would allow him to file ON HIS OWN and just have me served without needing me to FILE, and it only cost about $20-$30 more.

The bottom line is that he simply does not want to handle his responsibilities. We had a joint account under my SS# but it was HIS MONEY. I did not keep that money and told him to close it out himself. All he had to do was go down and do this, but instead he ran up overdrafts/penalties amounting to over $700, messed with my credit rating, and he took his time fixing it. He wanted to keep the cell phone that I'd taken up under my name. I RELEASED the number TWICE and he did not take it over, instead he ran up bills, neglected to pay, and then when I turned off service he went behind my back with my SS# and turned it back on. In the end I paid out the bills and canceled it. My Mom and I were left to pay bills that were his, and all he had to do was pay it back but he took over five months to do this, refusing to answer the simplest question of "Approximately when do you think you can pay us back in full?".

I completely own that I delayed the divorce through the months of Nov-Feb because I told him flat out that I would not do it until I was paid back in full. When I got the final payment from his GF, I informed him that I did, and I asked him if he'd done anything in terms of the divorce and what did he want me to do? I did not hear from him again until April, when he dropped a threatening email to me ON MY BIRTHDAY asking me to tell him what I had ALREADY TOLD HIM in previous emails. He was repeating everything he'd been asking and saying back in October, meaning he did not research nor do anything about the divorce.

I did reach a point where I threw up my hands and said "F*** this" and why shouldn't I have? I found out he could file on his own so why shouldn't he have been able to find that out? I spent my time looking for work, taking temp jobs, volunteering, rebuilding my own life. He was the one whining up and down that he wanted the divorce so badly, but I think what he meant was "I want this divorce but I don't want to have to communicate, research, or be inconvenienced". In the end, I wrote to him right after he emailed me on my birthday in April and I gave him step-by-step details on how he could file on his own, where to call, what the particular packet was called, and what the costs were. No reply, and he has not done anything. His mother is trying to help, but he is ignoring her emails and calls too.

I did look for programs that might allow me to file with some kind of financial assistance but as far as I can tell, there is no such program available to me (I have never heard of the "Pauper's Affidavit" thing though, I will definitely ask around about that. I don't qualify for legal aid because my income for 2008 was like a few hundred or so above the cut-off). I tried very hard to keep this neutral, offering olive branches and cooperation even when on the inside I wanted to kick him in the nuts. I would do things like releasing the cell phone number, keeping him informed of my progress in locating legal help, and I would ask if he would do certain things in return like keeping me informed of when he could pay me back or to just drop a simple email or call when he got on top of the joint account things or when he would send back the personal documents he took. He did not respond, for weeks and sometimes months. How the hell are you supposed to deal with someone like that, and how are you supposed to give that person the benefit of the doubt? Was I supposed to keep willingly feeding him the answers to all his questions and cooperating with him when he disregarded me so bluntly? Sorry, no.

Right now I can't wait until this is over with and I mean it. I feel like I am getting my life together and I'm proud of it too. I don't feel love for him any more and I don't want him any more. His life is his, I don't care if he stays in this country or not, I don't care about what happens with him and his new GF. That's his life, their life, it has nothing to do with me. I've got MY OWN LIFE to lead, I want to go to school, get myself independent, be creative, keep building my friendship circle and so much more. At first it was FORCING myself to do what I had to do for myself, but now I'm EXCITED. At first I felt sick because that future I had planned turned into this blank slate overnight. Now nine months later I can see a whole new future to go after and I want that future. I want to put that relationship behind me, I will keep learning from it and keep becoming better for having experienced it, but I'm letting go. I think of getting my divorce, think about all ties from him being cut finally and I feel relief.

I do still feel anger and resentment, and I think I will keep feeling it as long as I have to have contact with him. I've accepted that my relationship with him is the past, I've accepted that it's not a matter of anyone being to BLAME for it, I've accepted that it didn't work because we could not work with each other; it's just hard to let go of the anger when that wound keeps getting re-opened, when that person keeps doing things to kick you. I personally think he's a dirt bag, but that's my own opinion because of my personal dealings with him. I don't sit here and blame him for the things that were my personal choices in our relationship, there were signs he was a jerk right in front of me but I chose to stay and that's not his fault. If I'm learning anything, it's that I'm the creator of my own destiny and that means making better choices for myself by valuing myself more. The negative things in our relationship are not all his fault, their not all my fault, it was just a series of choices that ended badly. If I'm angry about anything it is HOW he chose to get out of this relationship, and what he has done since. I'm looking forward to the day when I know he's out of my life, I think as I move on and improve myself, I'll be in a better position to be able to remember my relationship for the positive points and let the negative ####### fall by the wayside. Right now though, I am pretty frustrated.

[Leedah 22]

You GO GIRL!!

By the way, in case you get a case of the blues one day, watch a Kat Williams video on youtube. Trust me, your spirit will lift IMMEDIATELY! Laughter brings positive vibes always.

Leedah

[kayandnigel 0]

I am so sorry some people are such ####### I hope they throw his #### out!

[TracyTN 237]

If his mother has offered to help, why not ask her for the $ so that you can file it? Obviously he is never going to file, so take her help and file yourself.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Zilla,

What I meant by my post was "why do you insist on him filing anything, when you could initiate the divorce yourself?". It seems to me that despite the fact that you claim that you are not wishing to retain control over the future you wished to have with him, in fact, that requirement (that he file the forms first, and you receive service on them) demonstrates a continued desire to have some sort of control over him. If you trully are determined to get this marriage ended, don't wait for him to do anything, just get it done yourself.

I will admit that I am not familiar with the "packets" you refer to. I surmise they are DYI "divorce kits" but I'd be surprised that there isn't a provision in them that would permit you to claim whatever you wish from him as a contingency to the divorce, namely the money he rightfully owed you.

Mermaid: You are completely mistaken. He did not FILE anything, he simply picked up a packet of paperwork. He sent me what was supposed to be my portion, asking me to fill it all out, notarize it, and send him the ORIGINALS for him to file himself. I kept him informed, I told him I would not sign anything until I could consult with an attorney and I kept him informed about my progress in locating one I could afford.

It was a couple of months later before I could, and by that time some of the info he had written down was outdated, and I was told that the incorrect information he'd entered on other forms was not passable. I also found out he had kept back certain portions of the paperwork, namely a form that would have allowed me to include the monetary amount he owed me for bills of his that my mother and I covered for him. I was told that I was right in refusing to send him the originals, that we had to file the originals together.

I informed him that I had paid out to purchase a fresh packet from the courthouse. I also informed him when I found I had purchased the wrong type, I informed him they would not do an exchange, and I informed him I would not pay out for another one. I heard nothing from him for months, and in the mean time I got educated and found out that there are different types of simple dissolution packets, one of which would allow him to file ON HIS OWN and just have me served without needing me to FILE, and it only cost about $20-$30 more.

The bottom line is that he simply does not want to handle his responsibilities. We had a joint account under my SS# but it was HIS MONEY. I did not keep that money and told him to close it out himself. All he had to do was go down and do this, but instead he ran up overdrafts/penalties amounting to over $700, messed with my credit rating, and he took his time fixing it. He wanted to keep the cell phone that I'd taken up under my name. I RELEASED the number TWICE and he did not take it over, instead he ran up bills, neglected to pay, and then when I turned off service he went behind my back with my SS# and turned it back on. In the end I paid out the bills and canceled it. My Mom and I were left to pay bills that were his, and all he had to do was pay it back but he took over five months to do this, refusing to answer the simplest question of "Approximately when do you think you can pay us back in full?".

I completely own that I delayed the divorce through the months of Nov-Feb because I told him flat out that I would not do it until I was paid back in full. When I got the final payment from his GF, I informed him that I did, and I asked him if he'd done anything in terms of the divorce and what did he want me to do? I did not hear from him again until April, when he dropped a threatening email to me ON MY BIRTHDAY asking me to tell him what I had ALREADY TOLD HIM in previous emails. He was repeating everything he'd been asking and saying back in October, meaning he did not research nor do anything about the divorce.

I did reach a point where I threw up my hands and said "F*** this" and why shouldn't I have? I found out he could file on his own so why shouldn't he have been able to find that out? I spent my time looking for work, taking temp jobs, volunteering, rebuilding my own life. He was the one whining up and down that he wanted the divorce so badly, but I think what he meant was "I want this divorce but I don't want to have to communicate, research, or be inconvenienced". In the end, I wrote to him right after he emailed me on my birthday in April and I gave him step-by-step details on how he could file on his own, where to call, what the particular packet was called, and what the costs were. No reply, and he has not done anything. His mother is trying to help, but he is ignoring her emails and calls too.

I did look for programs that might allow me to file with some kind of financial assistance but as far as I can tell, there is no such program available to me (I have never heard of the "Pauper's Affidavit" thing though, I will definitely ask around about that. I don't qualify for legal aid because my income for 2008 was like a few hundred or so above the cut-off). I tried very hard to keep this neutral, offering olive branches and cooperation even when on the inside I wanted to kick him in the nuts. I would do things like releasing the cell phone number, keeping him informed of my progress in locating legal help, and I would ask if he would do certain things in return like keeping me informed of when he could pay me back or to just drop a simple email or call when he got on top of the joint account things or when he would send back the personal documents he took. He did not respond, for weeks and sometimes months. How the hell are you supposed to deal with someone like that, and how are you supposed to give that person the benefit of the doubt? Was I supposed to keep willingly feeding him the answers to all his questions and cooperating with him when he disregarded me so bluntly? Sorry, no.

Right now I can't wait until this is over with and I mean it. I feel like I am getting my life together and I'm proud of it too. I don't feel love for him any more and I don't want him any more. His life is his, I don't care if he stays in this country or not, I don't care about what happens with him and his new GF. That's his life, their life, it has nothing to do with me. I've got MY OWN LIFE to lead, I want to go to school, get myself independent, be creative, keep building my friendship circle and so much more. At first it was FORCING myself to do what I had to do for myself, but now I'm EXCITED. At first I felt sick because that future I had planned turned into this blank slate overnight. Now nine months later I can see a whole new future to go after and I want that future. I want to put that relationship behind me, I will keep learning from it and keep becoming better for having experienced it, but I'm letting go. I think of getting my divorce, think about all ties from him being cut finally and I feel relief.

I do still feel anger and resentment, and I think I will keep feeling it as long as I have to have contact with him. I've accepted that my relationship with him is the past, I've accepted that it's not a matter of anyone being to BLAME for it, I've accepted that it didn't work because we could not work with each other; it's just hard to let go of the anger when that wound keeps getting re-opened, when that person keeps doing things to kick you. I personally think he's a dirt bag, but that's my own opinion because of my personal dealings with him. I don't sit here and blame him for the things that were my personal choices in our relationship, there were signs he was a jerk right in front of me but I chose to stay and that's not his fault. If I'm learning anything, it's that I'm the creator of my own destiny and that means making better choices for myself by valuing myself more. The negative things in our relationship are not all his fault, their not all my fault, it was just a series of choices that ended badly. If I'm angry about anything it is HOW he chose to get out of this relationship, and what he has done since. I'm looking forward to the day when I know he's out of my life, I think as I move on and improve myself, I'll be in a better position to be able to remember my relationship for the positive points and let the negative ####### fall by the wayside. Right now though, I am pretty frustrated.

[Anonymous 57 0]

I really don't think that it has to be so complicated to get a divorce from this guy. Try finding a non-profit organization or support group that serves women trying to get divorces from the men who took advantage of them. There has to be at least one in your area. They can provide you with the legal help and advice that you need.

[TheZilla 0]

I did search around for a non-profit organization for help, but the ones that are around here said I did not qualify. I had investments that I used to get an interest income from. They tanked midway through last year, but that income from 2008 still counts on my taxes. Upon looking at my tax return from 2008, they said that my income was too much to qualify even though it was well under 15K. I have yet to find one that I qualify for, as far as I can tell I have gone through all the ones in my area.

I called my county's clerk's office today but the woman I spoke to said she'd never heard of anything called a "pauper's affidavit". She suggested legal aid, told her I didn't qualify, and she was just like "Oh, well then I'm sorry".

For me to file would mean using cash, and I would be literally broke if I did. The money I do have I've been saving meticulously to cover costs to fix my car (been having to borrow and drive my mother's car for months which I hate). I admit that I resent the thought of using that money when I know my ex is employed, but on the other hand I love the idea of this being done and over with.

His mother wrote me again today and said she's still trying. She has not offered me any money to do this and I don't really feel comfortable asking. I figure I will just see if anything comes to pass over the weekend, and if not perhaps I will just bite the bullet, use my money, and do it.

Part of me knows I do have to stop thinking so much about the 'justice' #######, the whole thing where I think "But HE SHOULD be the one to DO THIS after everything he's already done", but I can see the point I think some of you have been making where it means playing victim and all that. I do see what you mean. I know the longer I have this tie to him, the longer I'm leaving the door open for him to effect my personal situation in some way. I really do see the logic in that.

[TracyTN 237]

I wouldn't ask his mom per se. I'd just explain to her how it is a cash flow problem - if you had the cash, it would have already been filed and halfway done. Maybe then she'd come up with the conclusion on her own.