Nervous breakdown / Burnout

[Mephys 2]

Oh well, I guess I'm gonna risk to ask around here since there is so many people reading.

Mind you guys, everything is wonderful between me and my hubby, I'm about done putting my Removal of condition package together, etc. Life is wonderful...except...

Some of you might have read a few times me complaining about my (not so new anymore) job. My first job in the USA. That wonderful challenge. The job itself isn't a problem. The schedule was for a while but it settled with time. But here's my issue, the same ####### happening over and over and over and over again. People telling me it's been like this for 10+years and it's not going to change. Problems between day and night shift, where 2 of them are too busy sweeping the floors instead of helping me and leaves me doing 6 different things at the same time ( reminder: I work in a 24h animal hospital), leaving clients waiting for 30min + sometimes because, well, I can't split myself in 2. I do a lot of overtime on my late shifts because of it. Another thing is a daytime girl that's been there for 10+years, she sits on her butt all day, lazy as $hit, leaves all her messes around and never cleans after herself, and then she goes reading magazines at the front desk instead of helping when the hospital is full of patients. But she is buddy buddy with our boss, the same boss that screams after a girl that is not feeling good and decided to sit for 5 min but then the lazy one ust sits on HIS desk for 1 hour doing nothing and that's fine. That lazy girl is responsible for the schedule by the way, and she makes unexplained changes that makes no sense without asking anyone, and she takes all the early shifts, and it seems like it's affecting her reasoning, she is a known alcoholic that comes in smelling like wine and sometimes comes 2 hours late....

Anyhow.

I was sick for 2+weeks last summer, and since it's been on and off, randomly. I suspect it's stress related. I get so stressed / frustrated / anxious that it makes me physically sick. I finally broke down monday during my lunch time because of another schedule thing (yeah shocking) and I was so fed up and exhausted I started crying uncontrollably. There is a really nice girl I work with that was there with me and she finally sent me on my way home saying she would take care of the rest for me. So I left mid day.

Yesterday I was off and I relaxed and it was all good.

Today I was supposed to work at 10 am, because I haven't slept all night because I am so anxious and stressed about work, and so tired from that I was having palpitations. I called in today and I will try to take some benadryl to help me sleep tonight, it worked last time.

Leaving the job is one option I am trying to consider, but for many reasons it seems inappropriate. First off the job market right now is awful, as everybody knows. Second, I would probably have to take a big drop in the salary and of course our project of moving out in a house would have to be pushed further but we have already been pushing that for 2 years, and we really need the space with the kids. Third, because of the mess with the licenses here I can't get mine even thought I have a degree ( long story there again) so I really cannot look for anything better. And I would have to start all over again with crappy schedule and no vacation. I feel cornered. My problem is I am so stressed and fed up with all the #######, I am very tired from it and of course it affects me at home. I'm exhausted, I don't do anything anymore, I'm crabby, etc, etc.

And in the end my whole purpose of moving here to be with the love of my life if getting affected because we don't have much time together anymore because of my schedule, and when we do I am burned out. I am at the point where I think I might be border line in a burnout, or in it, but I am not sure cause I have never been through this before. The girl at work says I should go to my doctor, but I don't think any pills will change the way people are messing around at work or give me another job.

Any suggestions, advices, questions, slap in the face are welcome here.

A Mephys that is not doing so well today...

[Ban Hammer 13,344]

awww mephys, i can't offer you any different advice than the options you listed already, so here's something else.

[Krikit 1,164]

(((((((((((((Mephys))))))))))))))))))

First, you need to speak with your supervisor or.... if that person is the cause of your aggravation.... speak with their supervisor. It is their responsibility to ensure a calm and equitable working environment. I have no idea what the reporting structure or setup is in your work situation, but if you do not get any results from that person, or you do not feel they took your concerns seriously, you need to escalate the issue to the next level of authority. In other words, move on up the ladder until somebody owns the problem.

Secondly, I know how hard it is to separate yourself from the needs of the patients when you see no one else taking responsibility. But you really do need to do that..... quite obviously for your own health and sanity, as well as your husband's. You come first! After all, if you are off sick, who is looking after the patients? Now you're not there..... where's the payoff for all the trouble you went to? It's gone.

Don't take on someone else's responsibilities in addition to your own. You are enabling them and they are laughing, because now they're collecting a paycheck while someone else does the work. Don't ever let people take advantage of you like that.

Mephys, you obviously have a kind heart and a concern for others. But don't let it consume you to the point where you disappear and someone else entirely emerges. (i.e. the sick, stressed, emotional you) It is not your responsibility to cover for someone else's inadequacies. It is, however, your supervisor's responsibility to ensure that does not happen. Speak up. And best wishes that you are feeling better soon.

[Flames9_RN 358]

Great write up, but hard to give 1 truly good suggestions as we only see a small glimpse,where you know the big picture. But what i know is that 1 has to live to be happy! If a job is driving u batty and leading you down a path that isn't healthy, it is best to get OFF that path! Sure maybe the next job will pay less, but maybe you will actually look forward to getting up in the morning and head off to work! $$$ isn't everything!! If one can take a pay decrease, go for it! You stated the work situation isn't going to change so you have a few options

#1, TRY and make it change--what have ya got to lose, if it stays the same, you leave! If by chance the boss listens to you, it may be for the better and ur happy. Some bosses just dont know how to read people/situations, so they think that if no one is complaining, all must be well, when in fact it isn't!!

#2 Try and find another job!

Pills are not the answer to everything, they are not going to change the work conditions and make you happy!

Yes I recall that ur degree from that foreign country--Quebec-- ( lol) wasn't accepted, is it possible to just start over and take it again where you are? Or do something entirely different! I never thought in a zillion yrs I would be a RN (once I write the NCLEX next month)

Big decisions to make, and not easy ones! But it is obvious (by ur post) that there has to be some sort of change. Can you see yourself doing this for the next 5 yrs?? prob not!! Keep ur head up high, sit down with your spouse and start making a list of possible job/schooling that you would enjoy

[Emancipation 2]

awe.. gal.. I am heartbroken for you.. I know your love & affection for animals, and that this job (minus those co-workers) is much of what you were looking for. I'm so sorry that your managers & supervisors are not interested in fixing the problem. Other than talking to them, if it's a culture that has emerged in the workplace, there is little to do without top down leadership

Have you started to look for other work? Have you put your resume out there? Perhaps if you were actively looking it might help you to hold on, but if you are losing sleep and not able to function during the day because of it, it's a good sign that you need out. Do you have vacation time/sick time that you could take right now just for a break. It sounds like you need a couple of weeks off to start & to regroup.

Hugs to you my friend.. I can't imagine when you look at the future for your family how scary the prospects are of moving on from this job, but I know that your hubby & kiddos would want you to be happy, not feel so many of these obvious affects of stress & would want you not to prematurely age because of a stupid job...

Hugs to you girl....

[Mephys 2]

Yes I recall that ur degree from that foreign country--Quebec-- ( lol) wasn't accepted, is it possible to just start over and take it again where you are? Or do something entirely different! I never thought in a zillion yrs I would be a RN (once I write the NCLEX next month)

Thanks flames, you got a giggle out of me with that one...

And thanks E and Kri and Flames for the quick replies...

1- Trying to talk to my boss isn't an option. I tried few months ago and all I got from him is to ignore them all and just do my job and that it's not better anywhere else. No offense, but he's the kinda guy that you would think is gay if it wasn't that hes married with 3 kids. He talks like one, he's always bitching, it's all about him, his vacation, his house, etc, etc. Managing skills : zero. He's the 40 yo guy that has it all, he's his own little perfect model and if you don't do as he says, you're wrong. Everybody is wrong but him. If you try to talk to him he will cut you off no matter how important it is. The other owner is the chill guy, works 4 days a week, and aside from trying to leave early, he doesnt care much and will tell you to go to boss no1 . They don't even agree together sometimes. If boss no2 agrees with a tech, boss no1 will go tell him that he was manipulated, etc. It's silly. Same ####### has been going on for 10 + years. And all that is going on with the night staff, well they don't care as long as they have people willing to work night shift because it's hard to come by people like that. It's that "do whatever you want get away with it badge".

2- I think you guys have put a finger on the problem. I can hardly put myself ahead of everything else, even though I should. It's hard to change sometimes.

3- I have thought about going back to school, and it would be in a different field if I have to. But some thing I am interested are far. etc And there is also the money issue. Yes we need both salaries right now in order to function properly and get everything taken care of.

I do need a vacation and I am going to schedule that asap. I already mentionned it to my supervisor when I called this morning. I have a few days left, enough to give myself a whole week.

*sigh

I forgot.....thanks Charles for the flowers (how could I forget )

[minnew 4]

I am sorry for the stress that you are going through right now, an all too common occurance, there have been so many people on stress leave or workers compensation at my workplace due to incidents and assaults from clients and the environmental factors of the job, 24 hour staffing, lots of OT, lack of employees.

First off I suggest to take the time off that you need, get some rest and take care of yourself. Once you have done that, like Krikit said, talk to your supervisor, talk to the person involved in all of this, if it does not get resolved go higher up the chain. If you love your job and do not want to leave it, try to remedy the situation first. At least then you can say if you do end of resigning and applying for another job that you tried to remedy the situation.

Please take some time to take care of yourself first.

Edited June 24, 2009 by minnew

[Krikit 1,164]

Well, that settles it then. It is obviously time for you to move on. Don't stay there. It is harming your health, your happiness, and no doubt your marriage. No amount of money can replace those things. Take a pay cut and get a new job. It sounds like those bosses deserve losing you. What I have learned in life is that dark clouds obscure a silver lining. You only need to make the decision to remove those clouds in order to receive the blessings on the other side. Take some time to rest and rejuvenate, Mephys. When you are ready you will have the energy and the drive to follow your destiny.

[trailmix 77]

Mephys, i'm so sorry you are feeling this way - I also want to say that what you are feeling is completely normal under the circumstances. So please don't be thinking you are just not being tough enough or that this is in some way your fault.

[Mephys 2]

Mephys, i'm so sorry you are feeling this way - I also want to say that what you are feeling is completely normal under the circumstances. So please don't be thinking you are just not being tough enough or that this is in some way your fault.

Thank you so much . Jeez guy it's like you are reading my mind. I really think that I am failing sometimes and I want to try to be stronger, but I can't

[Mephys 2]

I also talked to my mom this morning. I have been staying home a few days in the past months and I didn't let her know. I didn't want her to know that I was unhappy, because it has nothing to do with my relationship, or move to the US. etc I just don't want her to be worried for me because I know she misses me a lot and it would make her sad to know I am not happy.

She agreed that I should take some vacation and start looking for something.

Somedays it just feels like such a huge effort, bigger than I have the energy for, and yet I am saying that after dealing with USCIS.....weird.

I am so confused. And if I start looking for other animal hospital, I have heard so many bad things about a lot of places in the area.....much worse work conditions, etc. I need to change career period. But that easier said than done.

[Krikit 1,164]

Sometimes we are so immersed in our own misery that we fail to see the door opening for other opportunities. Rest, Mephys. Clear your mind. It's all there in front of you.

[trailmix 77]

Right now it is a huge effort for you (and you are probably beating yourself up about that too - try not to) - but it is because you are completely stressed out and tired. Being tired is so unhelpful when you are trying to make these decisions.

Maybe you can go back to school, maybe there is a financial plan out there for you that you don't know about. Maybe you or your Husband know someone who might know about such things in your state, so talk that over with him?

For now though, just get lots of rest, take it easy and remember you are a wonderful person - if you weren't you wouldn't care so much

[Sprailenes 47]

Oh mephys.. I am so sorry to hear this is happening.

 I had the stress of a job put me in the hospital once and that was the last straw.   There were warning signs much like yours, getting sick often, and feeling stressed out, crying a lot… and I mean A LOT.  And then finally one day at work I collapsed and was rushed to the hospital and admitted.   To allow something to go that far just told me how bad it really was.  You don’t think the stress of a job can do that to you, but it can.  Never let it get that far. 

That was the day my life changed, that was the day I stopped putting my job before everyone including myself, and working 15 - 18 hours a day.  I vowed from that day forward to never let a job control me like that or to make me cry like that… because it isn’t worth it. 

I didn’t spend much time at home while working at the hotel and when I did I was complaining about work, or taking a call from work.  If I wanted to be a work-a-holic, I would have stayed single and I wouldn’t have had a child.  Time with the ones you love is more important than a job in my opinion.  Too many people choose their jobs over their families, and rarely anything good comes out of it, except maybe money and material possessions… and those are replaceable.   

I would try to fix the issues as best you can, and I would look for a new job while you’re doing that.  You have the security of a job, so you can dabble in finding a new job as well, if it happens, it happens.  

You just can’t put a price on stress, it isn’t worth it. 

[Mephys 2]

I love you all so much!

I wasn't sure if I should post about it, again , that "failure" feeling and then being ashamed about it and wanting to run away and hide, but I know I did the right thing. All your words means a lot to me.

I just took out a card that I got from a Consultant from the laboratory that processes all of our specimens at work, and I will send him my resume as the first step.

I just need to update it first.

ETA: And you are right Nev, I cry a lot

Edited June 24, 2009 by Mephys