Coitus Interruptus Erroneous: Would You Believe That Pulling Out Actually Works?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Stopes complained that women were deprived of "the beneficial absorption from the seminal and prostatic fluids."

That's actually true as there is a chemical in semen has some mental health benefits for the woman. Now that I'm married I can't use the excuse that I'm spreading the joy around for females.

It contains oxytocin which softens the cervix. This will come in handy when the baby is due. Be sure to apply often.

[mawilson 2,133]

It contains oxytocin which softens the cervix. This will come in handy when the baby is due. Be sure to apply often.

How do you apply it? Cum while pushing the ####### against the cervix?

[Amby 490]

The Catholic Church was one of the first institutions to frown on pulling out. Sperm deserved a shot at the egg, and impeding its journey indicated couples were interested in copulating for reasons other than having a baby.

Shocking!

hmm..so i guess the church is against the pearl necklace too??????????????

no the pope enjoys a little pearl necklace action every once in awhile

[scandal 951]

It contains oxytocin which softens the cervix. This will come in handy when the baby is due. Be sure to apply often.

How do you apply it? Cum while pushing the ####### against the cervix?

that, or a turkey baster.

I think your method is generally considered more effective.

[Amby 490]

It contains oxytocin which softens the cervix. This will come in handy when the baby is due. Be sure to apply often.

How do you apply it? Cum while pushing the ####### against the cervix?

Which is not hard to do if you have (I actually typed hard at first) a large #######. See my answer to Damian's poll about ####### size. Cervix boxing is a very painful sport.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It contains oxytocin which softens the cervix. This will come in handy when the baby is due. Be sure to apply often.

How do you apply it? Cum while pushing the ####### against the cervix?

Aim high and true.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Catholic Church to Allow #######; Cunnilingus

In a dramatic reversal from previous Papal policies, Pope Benedict XVI announced today that the Catholic Church will allow men to receive ####### and women to enjoy cunnilingus. However, certain restrictions will apply to both acts.

The Pope's decision was made after consulting with married men and women who claimed that the policy forbidding ####### and cunnilingus was dampening their sex lives. Therefore, the Pope granted exemptions to men and women who had been married at least 25 years and were beyond childbearing years to enjoy oral sex without restrictions. However, for young couples who are still fertile, the restriction remains in place.

"The Bible says to be fruitful and multiply", the Pontiff stated during a rare interview. "You can't be fruitful and multiply if your ####### is in her mouth or if your mouth is where your ####### is supposed to be!"

Many older parishioners welcomed the new Church policy. "I've been trying to get my wife to go down on me for 30 years", said 58-year-old daily churchgoer Anthony Arcidi. "But she kept saying 'no, it offends God'. Now she'll have no excuses!"

Arcidi's wife Joanne said, "if he expects me to suck him off then he better be ready to return the favor and do some munching!"

Many of the younger churchgoers expressed displeasure with the Papal decision. "I don't want to wait until I'm 50 before I can get a #######!" said 25 year old Josh Peterson of St Judas Church.

The Pope promised to clarify the Churches stance on other sexual 'do's and 'don'ts' such as ####### sex, masturbation, sex toys and S&M sometime in the near future.

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i50256

Edited June 22, 2009 by Col. 'Bat' Guano

[Amby 490]

Catholic Church to Allow #######; Cunnilingus

In a dramatic reversal from previous Papal policies, Pope Benedict XVI announced today that the Catholic Church will allow men to receive ####### and women to enjoy cunnilingus. However, certain restrictions will apply to both acts.

The Pope's decision was made after consulting with married men and women who claimed that the policy forbidding ####### and cunnilingus was dampening their sex lives. Therefore, the Pope granted exemptions to men and women who had been married at least 25 years and were beyond childbearing years to enjoy oral sex without restrictions. However, for young couples who are still fertile, the restriction remains in place.

"The Bible says to be fruitful and multiply", the Pontiff stated during a rare interview. "You can't be fruitful and multiply if your ####### is in her mouth or if your mouth is where your ####### is supposed to be!"

Many older parishioners welcomed the new Church policy. "I've been trying to get my wife to go down on me for 30 years", said 58-year-old daily churchgoer Anthony Arcidi. "But she kept saying 'no, it offends God'. Now she'll have no excuses!"

Arcidi's wife Joanne said, "if he expects me to suck him off then he better be ready to return the favor and do some munching!"

Many of the younger churchgoers expressed displeasure with the Papal decision. "I don't want to wait until I'm 50 before I can get a #######!" said 25 year old Josh Peterson of St Judas Church.

The Pope promised to clarify the Churches stance on other sexual 'do's and 'don'ts' such as ####### sex, masturbation, sex toys and S&M sometime in the near future.

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i50256

Joanne speaks the truth!

[scandal 951]

The Pope promised to clarify the Churches stance on other sexual 'do's and 'don'ts' such as ####### sex, masturbation, sex toys and S&M sometime in the near future.

S&M has been a standard part of Catholic practice since the Inquisition, if not earlier.

(No offense intended to practicing Catholics.....)

[Peikko 1,575]

Oh, the joy of being a Catholic

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Of course, pulling out may have the small problem of "penile rupture/fracture"

Not a fun place to be...

[scandal 951]

Of course, pulling out may have the small problem of "penile rupture/fracture"

Not a fun place to be...

You hideous, awful person. To even mention such a thing!! *Shudder*

Go away with such talk! (and post more boobies!)

[Amby 490]

you're all going to hell! I'm going to bathe in holy water tonight.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The Pope promised to clarify the Churches stance on other sexual 'do's and 'don'ts' such as ####### sex, masturbation, sex toys and S&M sometime in the near future.

S&M has been a standard part of Catholic practice since the Inquisition, if not earlier.

(No offense intended to practicing Catholics.....)

Sisters and Monks?

[Peikko 1,575]

Sucks being a catholic - but then only for the over 50's