Concern Filipina

[loveaboo 0]

To my fellow filipinas,

I know you don't know me...I'm a newbie here in VJ. I've only signed up last week. Though even before my fiance and I decided to start the visa process, I have been frequently browsing the VJ website, especially the Philippines Regional Forum.

I just want to raise some concerns based on my observations and what I've read since I've learned about this website. And I'm sure what I'm going to say will raise brows of many of you. And you will criticize me for meddling and for being mahadera (sorry, I don't know the english word for that). But I think it would be better if this will come from a concern filipina, rather than from an insulting person from other nationality...

Anyways, here it goes:

I've noticed that filipinas have 5 ways of responding to insults/attacks to filipinas in general:

1. Dedma/No reaction

2. Raising your own chair/Justifying that you're different from others.

3. Saying to those people insulting us what they want to hear/giving them the satisfaction

4. Insulting/Attacking back.

5. Responding nicely

I respect your choices of responding to attacks. But I want to remind you that it's alright to fight back if someone picks a fight as long as you're not dragging yourself into the mud. Also, as much as possible, avoid insulting/attacking people while responding to attacks since that will make you no better than the person attacking/insulting you.

Wherever we are, whatever we do, whoever we are with, at the end of the day, we're still filipinas. Our actions and words don't only reflect ourselves but also our being filipinas. In this website where other people are being critical about us, I think we should learn to be more conscious of what we post or what we say and how we say it especially because even if we are in a regional forum of our home country, other nationalites can still access it.

Also, there was this thread before that I've read before I joined VJ in which the word filipinas was mentioned and it was said that we love creating non-sense threads. The thing is, looking at the regional forum, I believe they do have basis for saying that. The funny thing is that the discussion is usually longer in non-sense threads, rather than those threads with sensible topics.

As I've said earlier, I'll probably get so many criticisms after posting this or no one might even bother to reply to this post. But I just really want to raise this concern. In this website, people don't see us, and they don't know what we do, or how we are as a person, it's easy for them to judge us based on what they see and read in this website. If we'll be more conscious of what we say and how we say it and engage in more sensible topics, I believe that's the only way we can show others that they are not any better than us or that we are so much better than what they think of us.

I'm sure we're all are aware that some people have little (or even no) respect to filipinas in general. Let's admit it, some reasons for that are really valid. There are really few filipinas who managed to tarnish our reputation. But I won't go into details...The thing is, wouldn't it be better if we'll gain the respect of everyone and if they will realize that filipinas are indeed not just about a pack of scammers/gold diggers/uneducated/nonsense people wanting to better their lives?

I'm not perfect. I have my own lapses and I also have some issues especially expressing myself (I'm sure you've noticed that in my posts in other threads).

I'm saying this not to insult us filipinas, but for us to have a conscious effort to try to better ourselves and our reputation not just as individual but as filipinas.

To make that change, it has to start somewhere. I believe we can start it here.

Please take note that I created this thread as a constructive criticism, not to offend anyone. This doesn't change the fact that Filipinas are great women, with loving and caring hearts, though sometimes misinterpreted/misunderstood by others.

To the foreigners who might want to reply, you're welcome if you have good inputs and as long as you're not attacking/insulting us, otherwise, please forget it.

Thanks...

[Susita 175]

I'm not Filipina but I've realized the best way to respond to an attack is by reporting the person to the mods. Usually they are way out of line and are violating TOS. If you continue the argument, you could get in trouble as well and there's no need for that. Report them and move on. The ignore button is sacred.

Not worth hours of typing, you'll never convince those ignorant jerks that they're wrong, they have mental defects.

I know you made this thread 'exclusive' but just figured I'd jump in there before you possibly got some bad advice.

Edited June 22, 2009 by Susita

[Mrs.Cage 0]

I'm not Filipina but I've realized the best way to respond to an attack is by reporting the person to the mods. Usually they are way out of line and are violating TOS. If you continue the argument, you could get in trouble as well and there's no need for that. Report them and move on. The ignore button is sacred.

Not worth hours of typing, you'll never convince those ignorant jerks that they're wrong, they have mental defects.

and whille you're at it stop sweating the small stuff, pick your battles wisely...

[loveaboo 0]

I'm not Filipina but I've realized the best way to respond to an attack is by reporting the person to the mods. Usually they are way out of line and are violating TOS. If you continue the argument, you could get in trouble as well and there's no need for that. Report them and move on. The ignore button is sacred.

Not worth hours of typing, you'll never convince those ignorant jerks that they're wrong, they have mental defects.

and whille you're at it stop sweating the small stuff, pick your battles wisely...

Oh yes, I forgot that. True, let's pick our battles wisely

Thanks Susita and Mrs. Cage for the response.

Edited June 22, 2009 by loveaboo

[JSVP08 3]

you have a good point kabayan like you, i've been here for months but rarely or never answer those threads re:insults. Not cowardice nor it means acceptance of the uncalled names and assumptions...just plain giving a dose of their own medicine. Actions speaks louder than words but this is not to say that we forever be quiet about it lest we be mistaken as cocky...which i believe we Pinays are not...contrary to what many believed that pinays are submissive. The foreign husbands can attest to that. Submissive in the sense that we respect, listen and empathasize but overly stepping unto us with no basis can cause as to retaliate or anyone in that matter. If not, some people just don't have the courage and choose to be followers. Like many other countries, we all have kinds of people and behaviours. While its also true that there are stereotypes in every country as well but keep in mind that the world evolves continuously and no two individuals are the same- even identical twins aren't the same. It means that each and everyone of us, no matter which same country and family we came from, there is no telling that one will grow and become exactly a replica of the former and/ or the other.

We all have different choices, paths, roads, beliefs, desires, perceptions, goals, ideas, thinking, ....et al...so maybe we should stop bickering. Say more goodthings and good thoughts rather than finding fault.

This is not a perfect world nor is it meant to be lived perfectly.

At most, be helpful to others because thats the primary reason why we are here. To help and be helped if needed. Not to make enemies and to mock around people whom you think didn't make the right choice. Remember, TO EACH OF HIS OWN. What maybe pleasant to you maybe rude to another and vice versa.

Sometimes when u think about it, isn't it why God created as equal? Yes! everything is fair in this world. You just have to realize that life isn't about perfection but seeing what you have and appreciate it. YOU HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES LIFESTORIES

Cheers to all B)

[gennyangel 3]

i am a lurker of what have been happening lately,i read and ignore topic that aint really beneficial at all,though i am as one concern citizen,its not helpful either to reply that could only aggravate situations...

I agree with susita and i would probably report it to the Mods....

[loveaboo 0]

I think there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Though I hope not to the point in which you're becoming a martyr already. And as Mrs. Cage say, pick your battles wisely.

Thanks for the inputs mga kabayan.

[JSVP08 3]

I think there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Though I hope not to the point in which you're becoming a martyr already. And as Mrs. Cage say, pick your battles wisely.

Thanks for the inputs mga kabayan.

true, but there comes a point that u need to slap back -so to speak and that means "like u said" after you have "picked your battles wisely" . Certainly one should not allow thyself to be continuously insulted at all times but making a point is one, bickering is another. Know the difference and know to fight good when u think it is right. Above all, always aim for peace.

Edited June 22, 2009 by JSVP08

[loveaboo 0]

I think there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Though I hope not to the point in which you're becoming a martyr already. And as Mrs. Cage say, pick your battles wisely.

Thanks for the inputs mga kabayan.

true, but there comes a point that u need to slap back -so to speak and that means "like u said" after you have "picked your battles wisely" . Certainly one should not allow thyself to be continuously insulted at all times but making a point is one, bickering is another. Know the difference and know to fight good when u think it is right. Above all, always aim for peace.

I like that better! Well said . Di na uso martir...

Edited June 22, 2009 by loveaboo

[sasha414 0]

i totally agree , some have painted a very bad picture of filipinas. its sad really. i really appreciate people from other countries who respect us also, and there are a lot of them here on vj. reading insults against us are hurting but remember, whatever doesnt kill us will make us stronger . thank you to everyone who have always been supportive and understanding.

[Susita 175]

I just recommend that if you respond to their prejudice comments that you refrain from violating TOS and using personal attacks. I know that their ignorant comments make you angry but acting just like them doesn't make it any better, trust me.

To me, it's a serious issue on this site and if I were you guys I would contact Ewok with concerns for the constant prejudice against women from your country. This site is supposed to be a support system for people who are going through the 'visa journey' and making it uncomfortable for some is not supportive. I'm sure that wasn't their goal in making this site.

[borednad2 0]

I think there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Though I hope not to the point in which you're becoming a martyr already. And as Mrs. Cage say, pick your battles wisely.

Thanks for the inputs mga kabayan.

true, but there comes a point that u need to slap back -so to speak and that means "like u said" after you have "picked your battles wisely" . Certainly one should not allow thyself to be continuously insulted at all times but making a point is one, bickering is another. Know the difference and know to fight good when u think it is right. Above all, always aim for peace.

i so agree with u..there's time for everything...time to sympatize to those who needs sympathy.time to congratulate those who made it ...time to answer those who seek advices (if we know the answer) and time to answer questions and insults that are being thrown at us...heck...i cant just stand by and see some of my kababayan get insulted or my race for that matter...and i personally think we need some "recess" from d insults thrown and just say something..remmebr rizal and bonifacio?one wage war in orderly fashion and one in arms..hehehhe..wot i am saying..but i know u got my point

[borednad2 0]

I think there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Though I hope not to the point in which you're becoming a martyr already. And as Mrs. Cage say, pick your battles wisely.

Thanks for the inputs mga kabayan.

true, but there comes a point that u need to slap back -so to speak and that means "like u said" after you have "picked your battles wisely" . Certainly one should not allow thyself to be continuously insulted at all times but making a point is one, bickering is another. Know the difference and know to fight good when u think it is right. Above all, always aim for peace.

I like that better! Well said . Di na uso martir...

whoa...i got a mix review from u miss...i thought u only wants us to keep quiet?and just ignore the insults and just to show our "good nature"? i mean...i'm totally confused

[loveaboo 0]

I think there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Though I hope not to the point in which you're becoming a martyr already. And as Mrs. Cage say, pick your battles wisely.

Thanks for the inputs mga kabayan.

true, but there comes a point that u need to slap back -so to speak and that means "like u said" after you have "picked your battles wisely" . Certainly one should not allow thyself to be continuously insulted at all times but making a point is one, bickering is another. Know the difference and know to fight good when u think it is right. Above all, always aim for peace.

I like that better! Well said . Di na uso martir...

whoa...i got a mix review from u miss...i thought u only wants us to keep quiet?and just ignore the insults and just to show our "good nature"? i mean...i'm totally confused

Sorry if I confused you. Yes, I said there's nothing wrong in keeping quiet, but not to the point na martir ang labas mo.

[loveaboo 0]

I think there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Though I hope not to the point in which you're becoming a martyr already. And as Mrs. Cage say, pick your battles wisely.

Thanks for the inputs mga kabayan.

true, but there comes a point that u need to slap back -so to speak and that means "like u said" after you have "picked your battles wisely" . Certainly one should not allow thyself to be continuously insulted at all times but making a point is one, bickering is another. Know the difference and know to fight good when u think it is right. Above all, always aim for peace.

I like that better! Well said . Di na uso martir...

whoa...i got a mix review from u miss...i thought u only wants us to keep quiet?and just ignore the insults and just to show our "good nature"? i mean...i'm totally confused

Sorry if I confused you. Yes, I said there's nothing wrong in keeping quiet, but not to the point na martir ang labas mo.

Wait, I also got confused. Hehehe...As per myself, I'm not really the type who keeps quiet. If I know I'm right, I fight for it. But as per kabayan JSVP08, he mentioned about being quiet earlier. That's why I responded that there's nothing wrong in keeping quiet but not to the point of being a martyr. Sorry if I didn't quote it.