Islam and Chicken Marsala

[Ihavequestions 419]

one of my elder sisters married a Catholic man, before marriage he promised so many things, even agreed that any children would be taught about Islam, they now have two children she has been forbidden to teach them about Islam at all, the only education they receive about Islam is when they visit our home.

he wont even allow the Quran in his home, states they must all be Catholic.

Shame on him.

[doodlebugg 10]

Now he has his wife here which is a blessing but also a LOT of work. Just think of how much we had to do for our husbands when they got here. I would never expect my husband to know what foods to pick up, where to pick them up and all that. Even now he's still discovering foods that they have here and not there. That takes a lot of work to help the newbies out and with all that he's going through it's probably harder for him.

So what? He accepted the responsibility. Let him be responsible. This isn't about knowing "what foods to pick up" at all. It's not that simple. It's about knowing where to find said food (there is no Wal Mart, one stop shopping), knowing how to read the numbers - if there are even numbers - to know how much it costs, being able to tell someone what you want (we don't pick things off of shelves here, the grocer/souk guy/butcher hands it to us) and managing the currency to pay for it.

Would you be able to spend two weeks in Egypt and know enough to talk to the guy in the galabaya at the souk to tell him you want 1/2 kilo of bananas? Not only that, would you know how much 1/2 kilo of bananas cost? Finally, would you understand the money, the actual pounds and piesters, to know if you're getting the correct change back? Of course not.

The only one who should be getting some slack is Olivia because you can bet that if the shoe was on the other foot she would be making doggone sure he didn't feel the slightest bit lost or inadequate. He can do the same for her.

Ok you're right. I was just feeling bad for the guy. I feel bad for Olivia too. I know there's no Walmart. I was in Alexandria for a week when my husband was bedridden for three days and quite honestly I was starving because we had only gotten take out one day and so i was living off of leftovers since I was clueless on where to go and how to get the food I needed. A friend from here called her husband who hadn't come here yet and he was going to send his family to help me so that's why I suggested a sister or something.

Anyways it sucks on both sides I just hope they can talk this out and come to an agreement since they've waited so long to be together.

[doodlebugg 10]

It *is* normal for him to pick the groceries up though. My husband gets po'd at me if I go alone because that's "his duty". Maybe no one ever told him what his duties are? I dunno. Just spitballin here. I just don't want them to fight because they look so cute together. lol

We fought about that for the first six months. While he was at work I'd go out and shop for the house. He would call and tell me he was on his way and ask if there was anything I needed. My answer was always no because I'd already gone out and got everything I needed. (Yes, I did it alone, and managed to figure it out but I don't live in Hurghada where robbiing foreigners is the norm, plus my neighborhood was good for shopping - everything was right there - so it wasn't too bad.) Anyway, he'd come home, see I'd been out, and it would be on. According to him, I had to tell him what to bring home because he was my husband. According to me, I would rather starve that depend on a man to bring in the groceries. His big issue, aside from the language and the potential for thievery, was that people might think he was living off of me. Now, for as much of a jerk as he has and can be, he's never, never, never done that. I rationalized - and I told him this - this way: the guy at the souk doesn't know if I'm spending money I earned or money he gave me, so what does it matter? Well, it mattered to HIM. It took me a long time to give in, but now I just let him do it. It makes him happy. There's peace in the house. More than anything, it was such a stupid fight to be having, over and over. What I don't understand is if it was such a big deal for my husband, and such a big deal for your husband, why isn't it a big deal for everyone with an Egyptian husband? I understand they aren't all alike but, come on, this is a cultural norm.

Maybe it depends on where you live in Egypt? I asked my husband his opinion and although he thinks that if the husband is out all day working and the wife is not working she should clean, cook, etc. he agrees that there's no way she could be shopping on her own not just because she would be clueless but because it would cost them an arm and a leg since she's American.

He doesn't like when I shop because he is very particular about prices and when I go I just buy what I want. It's less stressful for me to go alone but then again we do save a lot of money when he goes with me. The stress of him going with me is that he has to have everything *just so* in the carriage and God forbid I just shove a box of rice in there because it screws up his packing "system" he has going on. The drinks go in this corner, the meat here, the dry goods here, etc. omg I have a headache just thinking about it. lol.

[LaL 418]

When I went to visit he couldn't even tell me where the water glasses were because *gasp* he had never gotten his own glass of water!!!

what the heck would he do in the middle of the night if he got thirsty, wake up mom?

[Jenn! 918]

When I went to visit he couldn't even tell me where the water glasses were because *gasp* he had never gotten his own glass of water!!!

what the heck would he do in the middle of the night if he got thirsty, wake up mom?

You're joking, right? Mom doesn't sleep, she has way too much to do!

[LaL 418]

really, doesn't anyone think this is just personality? I mean everyone has different methods of doing things, why attribute it to a nationality

[MrsAmera 41]

I think it has a tiny bit to do with personality but a lot to do with culture. (oh and he would have a glass of water next to his bed...gag). Boys are soooo catered to - I see it even in how my MIL treats her grandsons vs grand-daughters...

[sandinista! 1,816]

and if that is true, then IMO that is sooo twisted and screwed up. A woman is married to a man, and the father steps in and separates them from their bond, and basically forces the man to convert or not be with his wife. A religion is between a person and GOD, not for someone else to step in and meddle in.

No shocker you find it twisted and screwed up, but your views on Islam have long been vapid.

my sister who is christian is married to a muslim man, who prays, fasts, doesnt eat pork or drink alcohol. . and they now have 2 daughters. She teaches the bible to them, takes them to church. Its up to each person and family on how they will raise their children.

Islam teaches us to respect each others religion if a Muslim man refuses to allow his wife to practice and teach about Christianity as well as Islam he is not following the teaching of Islam.

allow his wife to teach whom about christianity?

[CnT4ever 1]

and if that is true, then IMO that is sooo twisted and screwed up. A woman is married to a man, and the father steps in and separates them from their bond, and basically forces the man to convert or not be with his wife. A religion is between a person and GOD, not for someone else to step in and meddle in.

No shocker you find it twisted and screwed up, but your views on Islam have long been vapid.

That's usually the only time she makes comments on the Islamic religion. When it's something negative.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

and if that is true, then IMO that is sooo twisted and screwed up. A woman is married to a man, and the father steps in and separates them from their bond, and basically forces the man to convert or not be with his wife. A religion is between a person and GOD, not for someone else to step in and meddle in.

No shocker you find it twisted and screwed up, but your views on Islam have long been vapid.

That's usually the only time she makes comments on the Islamic religion. When it's something negative.

like your feelings are hurt? I called it out like i see it.

[sandinista! 1,816]

and if that is true, then IMO that is sooo twisted and screwed up. A woman is married to a man, and the father steps in and separates them from their bond, and basically forces the man to convert or not be with his wife. A religion is between a person and GOD, not for someone else to step in and meddle in.

No shocker you find it twisted and screwed up, but your views on Islam have long been vapid.

my sister who is christian is married to a muslim man, who prays, fasts, doesnt eat pork or drink alcohol. . and they now have 2 daughters. She teaches the bible to them, takes them to church. Its up to each person and family on how they will raise their children.

if that were the case, why bother having any religious beliefs at all? why pay any mind to religious authority, on any matter at all? do you defer to religious law and precedence in your daily doings, or just leave it up to yourself to be your own authority? i strongly doubt it.

Ezra 10:11 "Now therefore, make confession to the LORD God of your fathers and do His will; and separate yourselves from the peoples of the land and from the foreign wives."

the people the prophet ezra delivered this message to- should they have told him to ####### off, cause "religion is between a person and GOD, not for someone else to step in and meddle in."?

[CnT4ever 1]

and if that is true, then IMO that is sooo twisted and screwed up. A woman is married to a man, and the father steps in and separates them from their bond, and basically forces the man to convert or not be with his wife. A religion is between a person and GOD, not for someone else to step in and meddle in.

No shocker you find it twisted and screwed up, but your views on Islam have long been vapid.

That's usually the only time she makes comments on the Islamic religion. When it's something negative.

like your feelings are hurt? I called it out like i see it.

Maybe that's the problem...you only see one side of things. You know, I was thinking...why not change your name to TamarahatesMuslims? That would be perfect for you

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I think it has a tiny bit to do with personality but a lot to do with culture. (oh and he would have a glass of water next to his bed...gag). Boys are soooo catered to - I see it even in how my MIL treats her grandsons vs grand-daughters...

True or a big bottle of ice water that would slowly melt during the night so it's still cold. I saw that alot at the parents house. I also saw one morning the Mom sleeping in the middle of the living room floor when I went to take my shower. I thought why is she doing this when she has a marital bed and then coming from the shower I saw into the other guest room that there were two empty beds she could have slept in. When I came back from the shower Waleed mentioned it to me first saying, "You saw my Mom on the floor. She is like that just trying to show the sacrifice she does for the family when there is just and empty bed in the other room." He didn't seem to feel good about it but I also got the point it's something cultural and almost religious as if it earns her more points somehow. He gave a comment like that but I can't remember the exact words for it.

After this morning when he got home and I showed him the post and he got upset and I tried to talk to him about all these things I was so frustrated with his complaining. So I waited till he fell asleep because he was saying he was so tired. I asked him once when he needed to get up to go to the prayer and then decided it wasn't going to be my responsibility to wake him for it today and I went to bed. He slept on the western mattress in the living room that we put there because it doesn't fit on our bed and isn't really big enough for two and I went to sleep in the air conditioned bedroom. I didn't try to move him I just let him sleep. Then he tried to wake me to make him food and eat together but I was still upset so I told him let me sleep please. I heard him make food for himself in the kitchen. Then time to get ready for work came and he tried to wake me again to make food and I layed there still in frustration and told him my feelings again.

At first he tried to tell me he was kidding and sorry because he shouldn't joke with me like this when I can't tell if he is serious or joking. That he is silliest with the people he loves the most. But this time he was more receptive to listening to me and agreed it is his job to get the shopping list but still felt I should do the house work. He said he would continue to help me in the kitchen and just to please don't ask him to do the laundry. I said he knows I hate ironing it's the one chore in the world I won't do and to send his pieces to the laundry for the ironing if he wants that. I think it is more professional for his suits anyways and he agreed. I don't have a problem doing the dishes I like that and I don't have a problem doing the laundry but I told him it's much easier to do in the US and I prefer to do it then him. He said if he is home he would help me maybe wring out the laundry. In the kitchen he will help with preparations but I get the feeling it won't be all the time. I told him he needs to help me get Indian spices and asked him if he liked the food and he said he tried it once and it was tasty. I said I can make lots of curries and if I can get the spices I would be really happy cooking because I know what I'm doing and love the food. We discussed the names for them as he didn't know the translations and he said send him the list and he would get the names and go for them in the morning. I told him it would be nice if he took me with him so I can see and experience the spice market too. Then he said we needed some refreshment and maybe to go outside tomorrow to a cafe. I said he always said that but then we didn't go and he said it's because he can't get to sleep right when he gets home and then when he wakes up it's too late to get motivated to go outside but he would try tomorrow. He got all lovey holding and kissing saying I love my wife so much and don't like to see her like this you didn't eat anything all day. Then it was time to get ready for work. And again he laughed and said one day I would get you the maid and the cook and even someone to paint your nails while at home. I asked him if he is going to change his tune tomorrow like he has in the past telling me one thing one day and then expecting another the next day. He said that it won't change. So we made some compromise today and I feel better about it.

Amera you are right about the eggs. In fact I really like making eggs here and I hated eggs in the US and I thinks that's just because I didn't know how to cook them before like they do here. They turn out so much better here and are easy and fast and fill you up. Cutting the vegtables is easy and washing the fruits to put in a bowl is easy and serving the cheese is easy and even making the drinks in the morning are easy except for Nescafe that's a pain. However I don't like heating the bread on the gas stove flipping it over the fire. For me it's like ironing and I just don't want to get burned. I have to remember to mention to him heating and flipping the bread is his job because I can't tolerate it like ironing. I can bake things in the oven if I have an oven mit it's just put it in and pull it out but this constant working with heat I really don't like because of the fear to get burned.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

and if that is true, then IMO that is sooo twisted and screwed up. A woman is married to a man, and the father steps in and separates them from their bond, and basically forces the man to convert or not be with his wife. A religion is between a person and GOD, not for someone else to step in and meddle in.

No shocker you find it twisted and screwed up, but your views on Islam have long been vapid.

That's usually the only time she makes comments on the Islamic religion. When it's something negative.

like your feelings are hurt? I called it out like i see it.

Maybe that's the problem...you only see one side of things. You know, I was thinking...why not change your name to TamarahatesMuslims? That would be perfect for you

Because I dont hate muslims. I just dont agree with alot of things some of the women on here have said. I have more respect for VW and her opinions than some on here. And if I agree with something someone says, then I say so.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

and I also have a problem with the police in Adams town that harrassed him and his family and threatened him and made him go to a mosque after they knew he left islam.

I try to look at bothes sides of the arguements but sometimes, I have my own opinions to agree or disagree with things.