Maids and Nannies in ME

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

i want to know.

I appreciate that, sis, and I am willing to tell, but in light of how so much of what I reveal about Islamic law brings on contention and anger on the MENA board, please allow me to wait until I get more than one request for the information. I'm so over being viewed as an unwelcome thorn on this board re topics about Islam.

I too, would like to know what the reason is that we aren't required to do housework. Do tell.

Sorry, I meant to add more to this....out of the three why aren't we required to do housework and the forth we are?? A little confused. Oh and I agree with Lisa, your input is greatly appreciated, sister!

[sandinista! 1,816]

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=...614&CATE=10

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satelli...aEAskTheScholar

What islam says and what muslims do are all too often completely different things, and convincing a muslim man that his perception of islam is wrong can be quite difficult.

If you're not already married, hash out the housework question and put the results in the marriage contract. If you are and want to renegotiate, well, good luck to you, ha.

i guess that would be good advice, but it's sad that it is. and just seems so unconscionable in situations where women are the majority or sole income earners.

[msheesha 548]

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=...614&CATE=10

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satelli...aEAskTheScholar

What islam says and what muslims do are all too often completely different things, and convincing a muslim man that his perception of islam is wrong can be quite difficult.

If you're not already married, hash out the housework question and put the results in the marriage contract. If you are and want to renegotiate, well, good luck to you, ha.

i guess that would be good advice, but it's sad that it is. and just seems so unconscionable in situations where women are the majority or sole income earners.

And, it seems quite hypocritical - if the husband is using Islam on the hand to convince the wife to do all the housework, but prohibiting her from using her money to get help- when in reality in Islam the woman's money is her own to do with as she pleases. So, especially for a Muslim couple the woman is the majority or sole income earner, yet her husband dictates what she buys, when she buys it, how her money is spent, etc.

[Ihavequestions 419]

And, it seems quite hypocritical - if the husband is using Islam on the hand to convince the wife to do all the housework, but prohibiting her from using her money to get help- when in reality in Islam the woman's money is her own to do with as she pleases. So, especially for a Muslim couple the woman is the majority or sole income earner, yet her husband dictates what she buys, when she buys it, how her money is spent, etc.

I think I'd have to chalk that up to the "When in Rome" mentality. My husband (seriously) believes that in America every single married couple splits the bills in half. Why? He watches television.

[doodlebugg 10]

My husband seriously believed that he'd get a nice hot 3 course meal each night from his loving wife who works 40 hours/week (not counting the commute time into Boston) and plays taxi-mommy on the weekends and after work.

Seriously. His sister used to say all the time "I hope your wife can't cook!" when she'd get mad at him so everytime he comes home to burgers and fries or just spaghetti he says something in Arabic and I hear her name slipped in there, then it's "alhumdulilah for everything" and he eats it right up.

What is with the 3, 5, 9, etc. course meals? For years my kids and I did quite nicely with plain old spaghetti and sauce. You'd think I was giving him half a crumb of bread the way he looks at me with the boo-boo face!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

i want to know.

I appreciate that, sis, and I am willing to tell, but in light of how so much of what I reveal about Islamic law brings on contention and anger on the MENA board, please allow me to wait until I get more than one request for the information. I'm so over being viewed as an unwelcome thorn on this board re topics about Islam.

Is it so she'll have more energy in the bedroom?

Well, that does have a lot to do with it.

This is an aspect of fiqh that is rarely exposed, especially in the west because it is so contentious. But, the nikah is a contract between a man and women that legalizes sexual intercourse between them. The early jurists based alot of their marriage law, oddly enough on slavery law. The mahr is a payment for the woman's virginity. This is why the traditional law does refer to the mahr as a "bride price". The virginity of a woman is an asset that she brings to the marriage, and once it is gone, she is of lesser value. That's why fiqh also set estimated bride price values on women according to their perceived value within the society being addressed. A virgin being the most valuable, a concubine being the least and divorced women and widows being somewhere in the middle.

The Mukhtasar Khalil, written by Khalil ibn Ishaq ibn Musa ibn Shu’aib al-Jundi (d. 767 A.H), serves as one of the premier backbones of Maliki law. He wrote, in defining the mahr that, "Dower is analogous to sale price ... When a woman marries, she sells a part of her person. In the market one buys merchandise, in marriage the husband buys the genital arvum mulieris (pasture of the woman)" Al-Shafi’i said in Al-Umm: "It is among her rights due from him that he support her, and among his rights to derive pleasure from her [istimata’a minha]"”Shia muta marriage is also based on the premise that a woman must be compensated for her loss of virginity. The most prominent Shi’a jurist, Muhaqqiq al-Hilli, wrote that marriage "is a contract whose object is that of dominion over the #######, without the right of its possession."

The work Nikah means "sexual intercourse", and is not uncommonly used in less classy circles as the Arabic slang equivalent of the "F" word. Of course, to make the contract more appealing to western sensibilities, the emphasis has been put on love and the partnership of husband and wife, which is more in keeping with the Quranic and Sunnah examples. Yet, the law of men was very practical in that it had to deal in reality for the times and places it was revealed. In those times, women were still lesser than men, still treated as sources of sexual fitna (conflict) to be controled and owned.

In the early fiqh, marriage was a transaction, and the commerce of men and women were not equal. Men, in general, supported the household financially. Women, not being monetary equals, had their ability to satisfy men sexually and provide offspring for them. Despite the flowery language we employ today to explain our unions with our men, those of you who have married in a MENA country, may have very well agrred to these terms, for they are very much in force today. It is best that we know and understand that, because so much derives from this perception of woman as sexual vessels and breeders.

This is why men are the guardians of women, and why they are granted custody of the children after the age of around eight. It is why a women can be kept at home, for her reproductive system is not her own, and never was. It is why you receive a mahr, for the likely hood of you marrying again into the status of your first husband in the event of a divorce or his death is slim to none. It also explains why a Muslim woman is not allowed by fiqh to marry a non-Muslim man, for her value is diminished, according to the law of equality, if she marries a man who is of lower status. Her status is defined by his. It is why she needs a wali, so her glory will not be squandered on the wrong man

That doesn't mean that the fiqh of marriage cannot be changed. It is not sharia, the eternal law of Allah. It can change, but figh is more often slow to change, since it requires supported precedent to change, and becaue men, and not uncommonly women, are resistant to change. But, if you are expected to live your life in accommodation to the sexual demands of your spouse, not being required to do housework seemed like a fair compromise at the time because it was what distinguished a wife from a slave.

I hope I have explained this history well. Thank you for asking.

Edited June 17, 2009 by Sofiyya

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Sorry about the typos. My typing sux.

Edited June 17, 2009 by Sofiyya

[Y's_habibitk 2]

thanks for sharing

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You're welcome, sis

[MrsAmera 41]

Can you write a book and send it to me? Incredibly interesting and makes sense. I had a feeling somehow it all came down to that but very interesting to read about with your explaination!

[doodlebugg 10]

It always comes down to that! lol Next time I get the midnight nudge after a hard day I'm showing him your post geg and telling him to call Merry Maids and then we'll talk. No tickie no laundry!

[childress_london 3]

I don't know about the middle east, but I had a maid when I lived in Japan and I loved it. I would do it again if I could. :-)

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Can you write a book and send it to me? Incredibly interesting and makes sense. I had a feeling somehow it all came down to that but very interesting to read about with your explaination!

It's already been written, if I remember correctly. Progressive Muslims: On Justice, Gender, and Pluralism - in particular, Kecia Ali's essay "Progressive Muslims and Islamic Jurisprudence: The Necessity for Critical Engagement with Marriage and Divorce Law," if memory serves me correctly.

[Zee Bee 61]

Thanks for the explanation Sofiyya

[AlHayatZween 2]

interesting read... shukran!