A new rite of passage - Digital puberty

[scandal 951]

I think some of this advice could apply right here on VJ

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lif...0,5856920.story

A new rite of passage

By Barbara Mahany | Tribune Newspapers

June 14, 2009

Digital puberty: It might not be in the dictionary yet, but its effects are being discussed by teachers, social psychologists and cultural anthropologists plotting out the pitfalls, mapping the maneuvering, of this bold new world where teens grow up -- and strive and stumble. It's all being played out on a digital stage these days. It's this cyber-hangout -- always on, ever-connected, texting and instant messaging, plugged into one social network or another -- where teens and preteens now gossip and flirt. It's where they break up and make up. Post pictures of where they all hung out the night before.

When things get nasty -- when insults are flung wall-to-wall (in Facebook lexicon that means just about anyone can read right along), when embarrassing photos get passed from cell phone to cell phone -- the backlash is instant and vast and far beyond anyone's control.

Only, without the face-to-face encounter, a vital check for bad behavior is stripped from the equation. And that, say the experts, might be a crucial difference.

"These bullies don't see the face of the victim," says Kevin Honeycutt, a teacher who crisscrosses the country preaching the gospel of cyber-civility. "When you saw someone start to cry, you realized you crossed the line. Empathy would kick in -- even if muted. Or at least one of your buddies would get it, tell you to stop."

Never in the history of social maneuvering have walls between public and private been so permeable. Nor, given the impulsiveness of teens and the exponential powers of cyberspace, have the risks of emotional and social fallout been so potentially damning.

Compounding it all, the kids are leading the digital way here.

Two or three years ago, Internet safety meant slapping on filters to keep kids from prowling for porn, and to keep pedophiles from prowling for kids.

That hardly begins to fill in what experts now say is the critical void: Teens, for the most part, have been left to their own devices to navigate this new social milieu, to emerge intact from what Honeycutt refers to as "digital puberty."

In so many ways, the cyber-hangout is a social landscape built for teens. Indeed, it's mostly un-patrolled by adults.

"It's the Wild West. They're making up the rules as they go," says the mother of a 14-year-old suspended from school last year after he started a Facebook group, "Ten Things I Hate About [one of his teachers]."

Digital natives -- a phrase coined by Harvard University's John Palfrey -- have forged, in many ways, their own civilization, with social codes, norms, mores and rules -- even a language -- all their own.

And when it goes bad, it can go very bad.

That's what happened last year when a high school senior, who asked not to be identified, woke up one Saturday morning to phone calls from furious classmates asking why she was sending such hateful messages and why she had such a disgusting Facebook page, one that, besides a blast of vile lies, announced she was pregnant and told who the father was.

It would be five days before the page finally came down -- police and school officials claimed that without an explicit physical threat they had no recourse -- but by then, says the girl's mother, the damage was done. Her daughter, now in college, was devastated.

And two months later she found out the fake page was created by one of her best friends, the confidant on whose shoulder she had sobbed for weeks.

"You wake up one morning, and the entire county suddenly knows your most intimate shameful secret," says the mother of the 17-year-old, who had found out she was pregnant the day before the page appeared and had scheduled an abortion.

The most reliable national statistics suggest about one in three teens, and one in six preteens, have been victims of so-called "cyber-bullying." Another national survey shows, though, that only a third of those who've been cyber-bullied told their parents about it, and another third never told anyone.

Rosalind Wiseman, an educator and author of the best-selling "Queen Bees & Wannabes," travels the U.S., probing the ethical pitfalls of the digital natives.

Unless social order and civility are coded into the program, she warns, the backlash is this: kids afraid to go to school, kids who can't focus, kids in a constant adrenalized state, kids who don't know who their friends are or who really sent a gut-wrenching message. "It all just dumbs you down," Wiseman says.

"If you're walking through the halls and you pull out your cell phone to take a picture of a girl because you want to see if she's wearing underwear, and then you send it around to all of your friends, that's not funny. You're disregarding someone's right to exist without being used as a tool for your sense of power.

"If you want to check and see whether you're a decent human being, go look at your text messages for the last two weeks. Do you see these words?" she asks, then reels off a list that begins with "#######" and "#######" and ends with words much more vulgar.

"There are few clear things in life," Wiseman says, "Here's one: You treat people with dignity."

bmahany@tribune.com

Rules to txt by

"Don't make big moves on Facebook," says Kelly Kovacs, a high school senior. "Don't fight on Facebook; don't tell someone you love them for the first time; don't ask someone for a first date on Facebook or in a text message."

Don't give out your password, not even to your best friend, or your boyfriend or girlfriend. Some of the nastiest scenarios unfold after a romantic breakup.

Don't send pictures you wouldn't want posted on the high school wall. And don't forward one either. It's a cop-out to say you're just passing it along.

If someone sends a nasty e-mail, don't fire back. You might want to go ahead and write it, but don't send it. You're adding fuel to a fire. Pick up the phone and talk about it, one to one. Before you send a message, ask yourself: Would I say this to someone's face?

If you feel cyber-bullied, save the evidence. And don't be sure you know who sent it; it's easy these days to hide the real cyber-trail (which is why you should never give anyone your password).

-- Barbara Mahany

[Ban Hammer 13,656]

kinda like what's done to marc, justashooter, tco, and booyah?

[scandal 951]

kinda like what's done to marc, justashooter, tco, and booyah?

I wouldn't know

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

I'm just glad there was no internet when I was a teenager

[one...two...tree 2,762]

kinda like what's done to marc, justashooter, tco, and booyah?

You've got to be fvkcing kidding. They're adults, Charles. Perhaps you have a theory why some people are generally liked here and others aren't? I'm all ears.

[Ban Hammer 13,656]

kinda like what's done to marc, justashooter, tco, and booyah?

You've got to be fvkcing kidding. They're adults, Charles. Perhaps you have a theory why some people are generally liked here and others aren't? I'm all ears.

read the first line of scandual's post to figure out why i said that.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

kinda like what's done to marc, justashooter, tco, and booyah?

You've got to be fvkcing kidding. They're adults, Charles. Perhaps you have a theory why some people are generally liked here and others aren't? I'm all ears.

read the first line of scandual's post to figure out why i said that.

Clarify your statement. What is being 'done' to Marc, for example?

[Ban Hammer 13,656]

kinda like what's done to marc, justashooter, tco, and booyah?

You've got to be fvkcing kidding. They're adults, Charles. Perhaps you have a theory why some people are generally liked here and others aren't? I'm all ears.

read the first line of scandual's post to figure out why i said that.

Clarify your statement. What is being 'done' to Marc, for example?

no need to clarify anything if you'd read what scandual posted.

[scandal 951]

no need to clarify anything if you'd read what scandual posted.

Hmm.. My only intention was that VJ is an online community, no different than Facebook or similar.

And some of us (present company most certainly included!) have a habit of perhaps letting our private selves out there just a wee too much sometimes.

That's about it.

As to the list of individuals Charles listed -- I don't see them all in common.

I'm still relatively new here, don't have all the history you veterans do.

But I would not put Marc in the same category as JAS, for example.

I actually get a real kick out of Marc and have grown fond of his style.

I can't say the same for JAS.

[Ban Hammer 13,656]

no need to clarify anything if you'd read what scandual posted.

Hmm.. My only intention was that VJ is an online community, no different than Facebook or similar.

And some of us (present company most certainly included!) have a habit of perhaps letting our private selves out there just a wee too much sometimes.

That's about it.

As to the list of individuals Charles listed -- I don't see them all in common.

I'm still relatively new here, don't have all the history you veterans do.

But I would not put Marc in the same category as JAS, for example.

I actually get a real kick out of Marc and have grown fond of his style.

I can't say the same for JAS.

he's been painted in a negative light just for voicing his opinion, as have the rest on that list. while i don't condone any remarks made by any (and not saying all or any have done so) that violate the vj tos, i feel that they are browbeaten by a crowd and that treatment could explain why some of them get suspended. i'm sure many here would fire back harshly if accused of being a drunk and so on.........

[one...two...tree 2,762]

he's been painted in a negative light just for voicing his opinion, as have the rest on that list. while i don't condone any remarks made by any (and not saying all or any have done so) that violate the vj tos, i feel that they are browbeaten by a crowd and that treatment could explain why some of them get suspended. i'm sure many here would fire back harshly if accused of being a drunk and so on.........

Good grief. If you think those guys are unfairly targeted you've got some serious blinders on. Collectively, people here get treated based on their own online behavior, just like in real life. If some people choose to behave like a$$clowns, people will treat them accordingly. Eric is perfect example and someone you yourself treat accordingly as he gets what he gives.

[natty bumppo 297]

he's been painted in a negative light just for voicing his opinion, as have the rest on that list. while i don't condone any remarks made by any (and not saying all or any have done so) that violate the vj tos, i feel that they are browbeaten by a crowd and that treatment could explain why some of them get suspended. i'm sure many here would fire back harshly if accused of being a drunk and so on.........

Good grief. If you think those guys are unfairly targeted you've got some serious blinders on. Collectively, people here get treated based on their own online behavior, just like in real life. If some people choose to behave like a$clowns, people will treat them accordingly. Eric is perfect example and someone you yourself treat accordingly as he gets what he gives.

eric was in the list charles posted?

[Ban Hammer 13,656]

he's been painted in a negative light just for voicing his opinion, as have the rest on that list. while i don't condone any remarks made by any (and not saying all or any have done so) that violate the vj tos, i feel that they are browbeaten by a crowd and that treatment could explain why some of them get suspended. i'm sure many here would fire back harshly if accused of being a drunk and so on.........

Good grief. If you think those guys are unfairly targeted you've got some serious blinders on. Collectively, people here get treated based on their own online behavior, just like in real life. If some people choose to behave like a$clowns, people will treat them accordingly. Eric is perfect example and someone you yourself treat accordingly as he gets what he gives.

eric was in the list charles posted?

\

isn't it amazing the lengths some will go to in order to rationalize their attacks on some in vj?

[Nessa 23]

i'd so hate if i was a teenager in a digital era. it's one thing gossiping about you, it's another having proof and sharing with everyone you know. i'd hate having to watch what i do. i don't regret my teen experiences. the way things are lately would be the same as censorship, i'd probably miss out on several things.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

he's been painted in a negative light just for voicing his opinion, as have the rest on that list. while i don't condone any remarks made by any (and not saying all or any have done so) that violate the vj tos, i feel that they are browbeaten by a crowd and that treatment could explain why some of them get suspended. i'm sure many here would fire back harshly if accused of being a drunk and so on.........

Good grief. If you think those guys are unfairly targeted you've got some serious blinders on. Collectively, people here get treated based on their own online behavior, just like in real life. If some people choose to behave like a$clowns, people will treat them accordingly. Eric is perfect example and someone you yourself treat accordingly as he gets what he gives.

eric was in the list charles posted?

\

isn't it amazing the lengths some will go to in order to rationalize their attacks on some in vj?

Oh the irony. I'd suggest if you believe this is really an issue then that you take it up with the Captain and the Mods. You tell them how you think those poor fellas you mentioned are unfairly treated by the rest of the posters here in OT. Good grief, Charles.