We just need a little encouragement

[nenamatahari 0]

Things have been bumpy here with us. We broke up for three days because his mother was freaked out about our engagement. However, once they started to communicate better, and he was able to calm her worries, things are starting to get back to normal.

I am so scared and so nervous. Ever since our three day break up, I'm scared more than ever of things not working out. We love each other so much. I'm just so afraid of some immigration snafu throwing a monkey wrench into everything.

I don't know how he stays so calm, cool and collected. I'm the obsessive worrier of the two.

I'm trying to calm down so I can THINK about things so we can get everything we need to get this whole thing going.

I'm sorry I don't make much sense, but it's been an emotional couple of weeks.

Have any of you nearly broken up because of all the craziness involved in being an international couple? How did you handle it?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

he broke up with u for three days because of his mother?

ummm... how do i say this politely?

i don't think i can.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

no, we never came close to or talked about or thought of or anything even close to breaking up or parting during our 16 month funride with immigration.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

yes. We were waiting - and waiting - and waiting for the I-129f petition approval. It was already over the estimated processing date - 6 months - and we were frustrated beyond belief by the black hole of no information about what to expect. he began to question if maybe the delays were an indication that we weren't supposed to be together. He was visiting for Christmas and it was a stressful time, not knowing how much longer things would be. We even attended an 'engagement' party thrown for us by our friends not knowing if we were going to remain a couple. The approval letter came the next day on the last day of the year. So, hang in. The process is enough to bend the strongest couple. We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary next week.

[Chamy and Gatita 3]

hello friend, you are being tested in the literal and figurative senses of the word, remember that and you will be fine. You stated that you really really love each other, so that doesn't seem to be the issue. You also mentioned not being able to think straight. So, from your 5 or 6 sentences (ie, how would i know what im talking about, ha), it sounds like it is the process not the relationship that is troubling you. You just need a good shoulder to cry on. Older and wiser ones are particularly good.

So, first thing, get a handle on your stress level and get things into perspective. Here are a few givens to get you going:

Exercise and a good book work wonders on stress. You need to take that ol' brain out of gear for a bit.

The immigration process doesn't take forever. Your love will be here in a few months most likely.

You are not marrying his mom.

He sounds calm and grounded.

Most of us have had points in life when we were under incredible stress. And every day we walk around thinking that we have some measure of control over our lives, but really we don't. When we are totally overwhelmed and freaked, what's really going on is we are feeling a loss of control over our life. Take a step back and consider that maybe your higher power is actually the one in control, and the higher power has a plan for you and will take care of you. I think this concept is consistent with many religions and is also used in AA and 12 step programs.

Ok, so here is the thing, it's not all perfect when the guy or gal gets here. And other things in life are going to take you for a ride too. So you would do well to take a look at yourself and how you are dealing with this visa thing, which is really life, disguised in a funny little bureaucratic costume, and see if you can find a better way. And that is totally do-able. One day at a time.