Muslims and Public Displays of Affection

[Rosalinda 0]

Hello MENA

Everyone has always been helpful and knowledgeable I need advice and stories... I don't want to sway you so I won't offer any information.

If you have Quran verses feel free to input and men please feel free to comment.

Your input is greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Melly 2 0]

Hello MENA

Everyone has always been helpful and knowledgeable I need advice and stories... I don't want to sway you so I won't offer any information.

If you have Quran verses feel free to input and men please feel free to comment.

Your input is greatly appreciated. Thanks

It might help if you were a teensy more specific with what you were looking for.

In your effort not to "sway" us, you've left quite a broad and very open topic.

If you are really looking for something about your specific situation, or the situation of someone you know, you could probably be a little more specific without swaying us and I'm sure it would benefit you much more than leaving it so open.

I mean... you just want an answer of "no it's not okay" or "yes it's okay"???

You only want answers from Quran and sunnah, or opinions are okay as well?

Also, despite what the Quran or the prophet salallahu alayhi wassalam might have said, this question/answer will vary depending on country, age, customs, etc. What is okay or acceptable in one country or age group is not with another, or among more conservative people as opposed to very liberal people.

[Rosalinda 0]

Thank you Melly

OK lets see....

I can understand how muslims can be conservative where it won't be an all in all out display of affection... but i don't understand how greeting your wife or husband with a kiss or a hug after a long days work in public is a problem....

By the Quran is this an issue or is it typically a personal preference ??

Anything you offer me as an answer or discussion is appreciated ...open my mind

Why does it feel like I just started a fight lol

Edited June 12, 2009 by Rosalinda

[Merk 0]

My husband and I have no problem. In fact when we see each other at home or at work ( even if visiting each other for lunch) it is a must! And if one misses the "kiss" we ask what's wrong! LOL

[doodlebugg 10]

My husband was not used to it when he got here. As a matter of fact we were walking around Harvard Square one time when he first arrived and there was a couple making out in front of a store and he stopped and stared at them. I looked at him and said "it's not polite to stare here honey" and he said "I just don't understand why they cannot wait until they get home".

He won't passionately kiss me in public, nor would I want him to, but we always have to walk arm in arm because that is how it should be according to him. He will kiss me goodbye when I drop him off at work but the kiss is in the car, if that makes a difference. Basically after a while he didn't think it was such a big deal anymore.

[Zee Bee 61]

We have no problem with PDA. We usually hold hands or walk arm in arm. Sometimes we kiss (no slobbering ).

I think that everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to PDA.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Well, I will throw my input in bcz Adam is Egyptian and this applies to him. We like to hold hands, but lets say the other day when we was walking thru the parking lot of the car dealership and I wanted to hold his hand he told me we were not in Montazah Gardens right now lol. We usually do hold hands walking though.

If he comes up to my walmart when I finish work and I meet him outside we give each other alittle peck OR a quick hug.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

We hold hands or link arms when in public, and will hug goodbye in an airport, but anything beyond that is a no no.

As for the reason why islamically, it's a matter of haya, modesty/shyness. These are intimate acts between a husband and a wife and aren't something that should take place in front of other people. We also shouldn't be boastful of the good we have, and if we have a good relationship with our spouse that we demonstrate in public by being over affectionate, it could lead others to be jealous.

[Ihavequestions 419]

We hold hands or link arms when in public, and will hug goodbye in an airport, but anything beyond that is a no no.

As for the reason why islamically, it's a matter of haya, modesty/shyness. These are intimate acts between a husband and a wife and aren't something that should take place in front of other people. We also shouldn't be boastful of the good we have, and if we have a good relationship with our spouse that we demonstrate in public by being over affectionate, it could lead others to be jealous.

I agree it's a matter of modesty. My husband always holds my hand when crossing the street. I think one time he held my hand for a little while after, but that might have been because we were in a very crowded area and he didn't want me lost in the crows. We don't do PDAs. Ever.

But you brought up a point that I don't understand ... Egyptians and jealousy. Does anyone have a way to explain that to me?

[nurse1967 287]

My husband is SOOOOOO jealous. He is even jealous of men I like on TV. LOL

[Nothing1234 2]

Ditto to what most have said here.

My hubby and I do link arms or hold hands (when not holding babies too! )...sometimes life is just so busy!

He has no problem in the mornings or at night when I get home coming outside to the car to say goodbye with a peck on the cheek or helping me inside with things from the car and a welcome home peck. He has no problems w/ PDA within limits. No slobbering ...like Zee said! It's a no no for both of us and honestly as Rhama said it can cause jealousy and in my case, I feel uncomfortable when people are all over each other in front of me.

I think also family life and how people are raised plays a part. If you weren't raised with an overly affectionate family you tend to have the same behaviors. Not just MENA folks are opposed to PDA but many Americans.

My hubby's family is very affectionate. I love that about them!

[Nothing1234 2]

My hubby is Egyptian he's not the jealous type at all so I'm sure its not all Egyptians or again, my hubby missed getting in line when they were handing that out.... We have a very healthy relationship but also respectful of each others friends and work relationships. I'm sure we both have a healthy jealousy factor but not to the point of what I'd call over the top.

However, his middle brother is a nut case about this stuff. Like Betsy said...if his fiance makes a comment about music or tv shows with men singing or in the shows, he acts jealous. He checks her phone, emails, etc.

[sandinista! 1,816]

what i think rahma meant, (tell me if i'm wrong) wasn't about one's own husband being jealous, but rather others around you becoming jealous when they see you in public displays of affection. like she said, avoiding being boastful of the good you have to avoid arousing envy others might feel for your relationship. i've heard the same account from my husband about that, that sometimes when people see you have something good, it makes them wish ill will towards you, like you need to be taken down a peg or something. i don't think she's talking about someone's husband feeling jealous about actors or rock stars.

[Nothing1234 2]

what i think rahma meant, (tell me if i'm wrong) wasn't about one's own husband being jealous, but rather others around you becoming jealous when they see you in public displays of affection. like she said, avoiding being boastful of the good you have to avoid arousing envy others might feel for your relationship. i've heard the same account from my husband about that, that sometimes when people see you have something good, it makes them wish ill will towards you, like you need to be taken down a peg or something. i don't think she's talking about someone's husband feeling jealous about actors or rock stars.

I understood her I was referring to ihavequestions question about Egyptians and jealousy... I should have replied to her comment.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

what i think rahma meant, (tell me if i'm wrong) wasn't about one's own husband being jealous, but rather others around you becoming jealous when they see you in public displays of affection. like she said, avoiding being boastful of the good you have to avoid arousing envy others might feel for your relationship. i've heard the same account from my husband about that, that sometimes when people see you have something good, it makes them wish ill will towards you, like you need to be taken down a peg or something. i don't think she's talking about someone's husband feeling jealous about actors or rock stars.

Yes, that's what I meant.

Jealousy is a disease of the heart, and I do not want to be a spark of that disease in another person.

There's a concept of the evil eye found in a few hadith, and it's manifested differently in different muslim cultures. We don't associate with a lot of egyptians, so I'm 100% versed in their quirks, but from what I know, marriage isn't something that's talked about amongst other people. At least according to AbuS, one doesn't refer to one's spouse by name with their friends. It's not hidden - everyone knows s/he is married, but it's just not something that's a topic of conversation.

Although it's an old book, Edward Lane wrote a bit about the evil eye in his book "The Manner and Customs of Modern Egyptians:"

enclosed in a case, generally of a triangular form, attached to the top of the cap; and horses often have similar appendages. The Egyptians take many precautions against the evil eye; and anxiously endeavour to avert its imagined consequences. When a person expresses what is considered improper or envious admiration of anything, he is generally reproved by the individual whom he has thus alarmed, who says to him, " Bless the Prophet! " 2 and if the envier obeys, saying, " O God, bless him !" 8 no ill effects are apprehended. It is considered very improper for a person to express his admiration of another, or of any object which is not his own property, by saying, " God preserve us !" * " How pretty !" or, " Very pretty I" The most approved expression in such cases is "Ma shaa-llah!" (or "What God willeth [cometh to pass !"] ) ; which implies both admiration, and submission to, or approval of, the will of God. A person who has exclaimed " How pretty!" or used similar words, is often desired to say, rather, " Ma shaa-llah !" as well as to bless the Prophet. In the second chapter of this work a remarkable illustration has been given of the fear which mothers in Egypt entertain of the effect of the evil eye upon their children. It is the custom in this country, when a person takes the child of another into his arms, to say, " In the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful:" and, " O God, bless our lord Mohammad :" and then to add, "Ma shaa-llah!" It is also a common custom of the people of Egypt, when admiring a child, to say, " I seek refuge with the Lord of the Day-break for thee : " alluding to the Chapter of the Day-break (the ii3th chapter of the Kur-an); in the end of which, protection is implored against the mischief of the envious. The parents, when they see a person stare at, or seem to envy, their young offspring, sometimes cut off a piece of the skirts of his clothes, burn it with a little salt (to which some add coriander-seed, alum, &c.), and fumigate with the smoke, and sprinkle with the ashes, the child or children. This, it is said, should be done a little before sunset, when the sun becomes red.