First Jobs in the US for MENA SOs

[Ihavequestions 419]

All I wanted was his companionship. So if he leaves... what the HECK would make me want to stay married to him???

Oh wow. I don't even know what to say except that I'm sorry.

Did you talk about what HIS wants and needs are from your marriage?

[doodlebugg 10]

Well it seems to be official... his relatives keep offering him work in another state and today it sounds like he's made up his mind to take them up on their offer... and not only does he want me to give him my blessing to accept the offer, he wants me to be HAPPY about it too!

I know he quit smoking before he came here... but he must still be smoking something if he thinks he's going to actually see me HAPPY about being left behind as he travels half way across the country for a $10 an hour job...

I keep telling him if he wanted a wife who didn't care if she ever saw him (as long as she had $$$ in her pocket), thought sex once a month was MORE THAN ENOUGH, and just wanted to know how much money he made each cay he could have stayed with his ex-wife. I think I've made his life so comfortably "Egypt Like" since he came here that he thinks I AM Egyptian and that my expectations should be the same as an Egyptian wife... Boy is he mistaken...

I didn't ask for a GADZILLION Dollar Shabka, I refused the outrageous amount of mahr he tried to give me... I didn't expect him to fully support me (with my expensive American lifestyle) here OR in Egypt... I knew that because we have no kids together he would leave everything to his kids...

All I wanted was his companionship. So if he leaves... what the HECK would make me want to stay married to him???

Why couldn't I marry a lazy slacker who sits on his butt while I support HIM... Oh wait, I already DID THAT!!!! And that's why I am divorced!!!! And that's why I married HIM.. And where am I now? Back to square one...

God Grant me Serenity....

Is it the next state over or is it way far away? Are there not any $10/hour jobs where you are? I hope you work this out. (((hugs))). Can you move with him? (ok just asking that made me feel stupid since I"m assuming you make more than that so why on earth would ANYONE move for a $10/hour job). Wow. I hope he listens to you!!!

[Nagishkaw 510]

((((((HUGS))))) to KHPerfectMatch .

It took 3 weeks after my husband arrived to land a job here as an IT tech/ Security System installer. Quite a step down from his profession in EGY, but a job is a job. Apart from that regular 9 to 5, he has another job in the evenings and also does side jobs on the weekends.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Ugh re: moving to find a job. I don't have any advice, but just that this is something people on the forum should be aware of and talk about with their SO before they get here.

My FIL spent many years working in Saudi away from his family, so for AbuS, it's normal for the father to be away from the family for extended periods of time. AbuS even considered moving to Poland, because there's apparently a demand for arabic teachers

I know there are others on the forum who's husbands have insisted on moving for a job. Perhaps they can share their experiences.

[HLM 1]

KH- I'm sorry you're going thru this I know how you feel. Like Rahma's husband; same thing my dad worked in saudi all his life and still does..I saw him once a year for 6 weeks! I will admit I went to the best skools and lived a very good life but I was hurt that my dad was never around for the important things in my life and I will never do this to my kids I always told my husband I will go wherever you go -anyways so sorry for going off topic....I really hope you both come to an agreement on this; pray sister and insha Allah what's best for you both will happen.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

He's exactly thinking of the "moved to the Gulf for work" scenario... and can't IMAGINE why I would be upset... He thinks it's perfectly normal! He's tried to find work here for 2-3 months and it hasn't been easy and this is. He'll live with family, be surrounded by Egyptians, work in their store, and come see me every month or two...

I have a very successful consulting practice and in my line of work you have to KNOW people to get work and BE KNOWN. In Indiana I'd be up the creek... a total UNKNOWN. Plus I have my son here, my elderly parents, and my home. I'm not going with him.

I'm afraid our goals and priorities are different than I thought. Thanks for everyone's kind words. May God guide us both in the straight path.

[anitacastillo 0]

(((KH)))

My husband had trouble finding work here (I got him a job in a restaurant and he hated it). A friend knew someone needing labor to build a new house in another state. So he went. People have asked if I would move with him -- while there are more opportunities for him there, there are more opportunities (plus my home) for me here.

Its tough, but I understand that my husband didn't want to be a "house husband" and wants to save his $$ to buy a truck. Before he left we agreed when we would be together - ie. for Xmas and our anniversary.

This is not a long term solution, but the economy sucks. I am encouraging him to start school here in the Fall - more opportunities with more training.

One thing to consider is how much will he spend to live - rent, food, etc. Will there be anything left from the paycheck?

[S and S 12]

Things are definitely hard when it comes to finding a job and this can be a difficult transition for many SOs. I think the only difference for us is I still feel the visa process was worse. Our situation was different though. My husband was a refugee and couldn't work in Syria or Jordan. He couldn't even work in his own country without death threats so obviously the US is a much better option, even if he has to search a lot for a job. I only feel bad that I separated him from his family who got refugee in a different country.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

All I wanted was his companionship. So if he leaves... what the HECK would make me want to stay married to him???

Oh wow. I don't even know what to say except that I'm sorry.

Did you talk about what HIS wants and needs are from your marriage?

Honey, it's always about HIS wants and needs.

[Ihavequestions 419]

He's exactly thinking of the "moved to the Gulf for work" scenario... and can't IMAGINE why I would be upset... He thinks it's perfectly normal! He's tried to find work here for 2-3 months and it hasn't been easy and this is. He'll live with family, be surrounded by Egyptians, work in their store, and come see me every month or two...

We're going through this right now, only in a different way.

My husband's bright idea (via his "friends" of course) is to get his green card, then we'll both go to one of the Gulf nations, together, to work because my smiling white face and western education are are worth a small fortune and he could get work that he wouldn't otherwise without an American green card. We'll, of course, save our money to rennovate this flat and buy brand spanking new furnishings and appliances, and we'll start a good business here in Egypt. Not to be one to miss out on a good thing, he'll enter the US once a year for a month in order to keep his resident status. The green card part doesn't make any sense to me because I can't see how much more valuable an American green card is to an Egyptian in the Gulf, but I don't get everything there is to get in the world to begin with and I don't have the same bevy of "friends" whispering in my ear that he does. Those same friends have been hideously destructive when it comes to our relationship and our marriage, and why he continues to listen to their stupida$$ suggestions is beyond me.

I feel for ya, sweetie. I really do.

[doodlebugg 10]

My husband's dad worked in Iraq for years and hardly ever saw the kids but a few times/year. I know that he thinks this is normal BUT what if you try to sit him down calmly and explain that in that situation the husband normally has known the wife (back in Egypt) for a long long long time and that you missed out on that because you didn't know him until a few years ago(or however long it's been) and that you will be ok with him doing this in a year or so (you can lie, he might find a good job by then) because by THEN you will have a stronger base of a marriage for it to work. Would that work for him? Kind of like trying to have him get where YOU are coming from. It's not always about him. You are the other half of this marriage and if he knows the reason it is upsetting maybe it will change his mind. I can't believe his family is pushing for him to leave you. That would p!ss me off to no end. More that I'd be mad at them than him since he's probably wicked confused right now.

[doodlebugg 10]

He's exactly thinking of the "moved to the Gulf for work" scenario... and can't IMAGINE why I would be upset... He thinks it's perfectly normal! He's tried to find work here for 2-3 months and it hasn't been easy and this is. He'll live with family, be surrounded by Egyptians, work in their store, and come see me every month or two...

We're going through this right now, only in a different way.

My husband's bright idea (via his "friends" of course) is to get his green card, then we'll both go to one of the Gulf nations, together, to work because my smiling white face and western education are are worth a small fortune and he could get work that he wouldn't otherwise without an American green card. We'll, of course, save our money to rennovate this flat and buy brand spanking new furnishings and appliances, and we'll start a good business here in Egypt. Not to be one to miss out on a good thing, he'll enter the US once a year for a month in order to keep his resident status. The green card part doesn't make any sense to me because I can't see how much more valuable an American green card is to an Egyptian in the Gulf, but I don't get everything there is to get in the world to begin with and I don't have the same bevy of "friends" whispering in my ear that he does. Those same friends have been hideously destructive when it comes to our relationship and our marriage, and why he continues to listen to their stupida$$ suggestions is beyond me.

I feel for ya, sweetie. I really do.

I'm soo glad Usama has no friends here to speak of. I know that's kind of mean but even he says that he doesn't want to have a friendship with anyone from Egypt, etc. He does have one friend from Algiers but he's on the same page as Usama so that's good.

I think to stay a permanent resident he'd have to be physically in the US for x number of months continuously like 6 months or something? I don't know all of the details but I remember looking into that at one point when we talked about retiring in Alexandria because I didn't want him after all that time to lose his status. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will fill in the blanks.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Yeah, that GC plan totally would not work.

Now that you are a permenant resident

Maintaining Permanent Residence

Maintaining Permanent Residence You may lose your permanent residence status if you commit an act that makes you removable from the United States under the law in section 237 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. If you commit such an act, you may be brought before the immigration courts to determine your right to remain a Permanent Resident.

You may be found to have abandoned your permanent resident status if you:

• Move to another country intending to live there permanently.
• Remain outside of the US for more than one year without obtaining a reentry permit or returning resident visa. However in determining whether your status has been abandoned any length of absence from the US may be considered, even if it is less than one year.
• Remain outside of the US for more than two years after issuance of a reentry permit without obtaining a returning resident visa. However in determining whether your status has been abandoned any length of absence from the US may be considered, even if it is less than one year.
• Fail to file income tax returns while living outside of the US for any period.
• Declare yourself a “nonimmigrant” on your tax returns.

The immigration people aren't stupid. They'd look at his travel record and conclude that he's living outside the country.

The green card part doesn't make any sense to me because I can't see how much more valuable an American green card is to an Egyptian in the Gulf, but I don't get everything there is to get in the world to begin with

This I do understand, I think. Non gulf arabs are treated as second class citizens, south asians and south east asians as third class citizens (or slaves), and americans and western europeans as first class citizens. Maybe with the GC, he's be a 1 1/2 class citizen? If that's really his plan, it would make more sense to wait and become a citizen.

Edited June 12, 2009 by UmmSqueakster

[Staashi 371]

Yeah, that GC plan totally would not work.

Now that you are a permenant resident

Maintaining Permanent Residence

Maintaining Permanent Residence You may lose your permanent residence status if you commit an act that makes you removable from the United States under the law in section 237 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. If you commit such an act, you may be brought before the immigration courts to determine your right to remain a Permanent Resident.

You may be found to have abandoned your permanent resident status if you:

• Move to another country intending to live there permanently.
• Remain outside of the US for more than one year without obtaining a reentry permit or returning resident visa. However in determining whether your status has been abandoned any length of absence from the US may be considered, even if it is less than one year.
• Remain outside of the US for more than two years after issuance of a reentry permit without obtaining a returning resident visa. However in determining whether your status has been abandoned any length of absence from the US may be considered, even if it is less than one year.
• Fail to file income tax returns while living outside of the US for any period.
• Declare yourself a “nonimmigrant” on your tax returns.

The immigration people aren't stupid. They'd look at his travel record and conclude that he's living outside the country.

The green card part doesn't make any sense to me because I can't see how much more valuable an American green card is to an Egyptian in the Gulf, but I don't get everything there is to get in the world to begin with

This I do understand, I think. Non gulf arabs are treated as second class citizens, south asians and south east asians as third class citizens (or slaves), and americans and western europeans as first class citizens. Maybe with the GC, he's be a 1 1/2 class citizen? If that's really his plan, it would make more sense to wait and become a citizen.

I was going to say the same thing Rahma.

Ihavequestions - make sure your husband learns from you the American, not the brilliantly idiotic Egyptian friends who have no clue as to how this works. A trained IO will see his passport and greencard upon entry and they could actually pull it and deny him entry if he is permanently residing elsewhere. Have him become a USC - he can live anywhere he wants to once he has his US passport.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Yeah, that GC plan totally would not work.

Now that you are a permenant resident

Maintaining Permanent Residence

Maintaining Permanent Residence You may lose your permanent residence status if you commit an act that makes you removable from the United States under the law in section 237 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. If you commit such an act, you may be brought before the immigration courts to determine your right to remain a Permanent Resident.

You may be found to have abandoned your permanent resident status if you:

• Move to another country intending to live there permanently.
• Remain outside of the US for more than one year without obtaining a reentry permit or returning resident visa. However in determining whether your status has been abandoned any length of absence from the US may be considered, even if it is less than one year.
• Remain outside of the US for more than two years after issuance of a reentry permit without obtaining a returning resident visa. However in determining whether your status has been abandoned any length of absence from the US may be considered, even if it is less than one year.
• Fail to file income tax returns while living outside of the US for any period.
• Declare yourself a “nonimmigrant” on your tax returns.

The immigration people aren't stupid. They'd look at his travel record and conclude that he's living outside the country.

The green card part doesn't make any sense to me because I can't see how much more valuable an American green card is to an Egyptian in the Gulf, but I don't get everything there is to get in the world to begin with

This I do understand, I think. Non gulf arabs are treated as second class citizens, south asians and south east asians as third class citizens (or slaves), and americans and western europeans as first class citizens. Maybe with the GC, he's be a 1 1/2 class citizen? If that's really his plan, it would make more sense to wait and become a citizen.

Sure, Immigration looks at travel records, however it's an Egyptian passport they're travelling on. What these people do, and I know this for a FACT, is go to Egyptian Immigration, claim their passport was accidently ruined (washed in the laundry, etc.) and get a new one. Poof! The travel records are all gone and they get to keep their residency. A girl I know went back to America in April, after being in Egypt for TWO SOLID YEARS, for the sole purpose of keeping her green card. She'll be back here, in Egypt, to live, later this month.