Fighting with your SO

[MrMrsKnight 1]

Look, it is a lot easier in person. But you just gotta find that strength inside of you that won't let you give up! Do not let it go!

Dave and I met in person this month after one year apart.... it was one year of pain, tears, misunderstandings (they happen a lot when we're apart...) and happy moments too, of course. But it was very hard as we had no idea when we'd see each other again.

Sometimes we let little problems become something a lot bigger and I believe we should keep in mind that most of the relationship problems we have while we're apart only happen because we're apart.

The first 3 months were the hardest for us..... we didn't fight a lot but we got sad constantly as we still had no idea how to deal with the separation. As the time goes by you realize the the only thing you can do is learn how to handle the situation and keep going.

What I'm trying to say is that we all know it's hard but it's worth it!

I had a taste of how great being together again is gonna be.... we spent 2 weeks in Europe together in June and it was the greatest feeling ever! Knowing that even after one year apart everything still feels right when you're together is priceless! Now, specially after our trip, we know that all this just brought us closer together! Because when two people together, have the power to overcome something like this..... then they're sure they're, together, strong enough to overcome anything else. And knowing this, as couple, is the best feeling in the world.

Good luck to us all..... and never give up!!!

Edited July 4, 2006 by MrMrsKnight

[djcess 0]

When i feel upset at my fiance or i have resentments whatsoever I write him a love letter. This love letter will be all about my feelings. This way, he wont feel that i'm attacking him/ blaming him.. just to pour things out. Usually, even if we don't mean to attack them when we're talking to them, our negative/ hurt feelings from yesterday that was never resolved will never fail to show up and somehow triggers a fight or an argument. From the book "MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS....by john gray" inorder to communicate our feelings with our partner without letting them feel blamed, it's best to write them a letter. Why you're 1. angry, upset, frustrated 2.hurt, sad, want/dont want 3. worried, scared, 4. understand, sorry 5.love, care. Always say that "i'm writing this letter to share my feelings with you" also, follow the flow of the letter. Don't go directly to the i love you part when you're still hurt or angry. This really works for me. You could always say at the bottom: "the reply i want to hear from you is this: " then you state anything you want to expect from him, be it listen to you the next time you talk to him, or thatt he understands you.. whatever makes you happy. This creates a loving atmosphere and builds intimacy that is very challenging through all this distance and stress. fight it! Just my 2 cents.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thanks for the advice everyone. We're doing much better today. And I'm trying lots of your advice. We're trying to keep things in the open and it seems to be working. Thank you so so so much, It's good to know it's not just us.

((((hugz to everyone))))

Big Hug Back! It's nice to know we are all going through the same things and we can support each other.

As for my situation, I've become overly sensitive to even the slightest change in her tone of voice on the phone and I realize I've got to just go with the flow. Heh...for example (don't laugh) ...I called her up this morning (her night time) and she answered the phone, "Hello?" After some words were exchanged, I asked her if my name showed up on her cell phone and she said, 'yes', so then I asked her why she answered it like I was a stranger (most of the time she answers with, "I love you")...hehehe. See? So crazy...ughh... hopefully we'll look back at these stressful times of being apart and laugh our arses off.

[misskiya 0]

Thanks for the advice everyone. We're doing much better today. And I'm trying lots of your advice. We're trying to keep things in the open and it seems to be working. Thank you so so so much, It's good to know it's not just us.

((((hugz to everyone))))

Big Hug Back! It's nice to know we are all going through the same things and we can support each other.

As for my situation, I've become overly sensitive to even the slightest change in her tone of voice on the phone and I realize I've got to just go with the flow. Heh...for example (don't laugh) ...I called her up this morning (her night time) and she answered the phone, "Hello?" After some words were exchanged, I asked her if my name showed up on her cell phone and she said, 'yes', so then I asked her why she answered it like I was a stranger (most of the time she answers with, "I love you")...hehehe. See? So crazy...ughh... hopefully we'll look back at these stressful times of being apart and laugh our arses off.

I think that seems to be everyone's biggest problem is reading too much into things. It seems like there are just some days you can't say anything without it seeming negative. Bu tI guess with a lot of work, things do come back to normal in the end.

...just never have been very patient lol.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

OOOOOOO the fondness of being apart!! God I so remember those days when we would be apart for months. As most of you know, I am still with Ian while we are going through this process from hell, but I have to say that knowing that my visa for the UK is running out in less than two months now, we are really starting to get stressed out. The thing with Ian and I though, is when we get like this, we always argue at first but then we start to simmer down and we talk rationally about things. I think the eruption that always occurs right at the beginning is the buildup of the volcano if you will, then once it erupts lol we can smooth things over. OUr communication is pretty good for the most part. Usually when things build up it isn't necessarily down to him or I that has done something to get the other upset, it is usually the stress of things going on around us ie his work, me leaving...The other day we had a huge arguement. We erupted at 1pm and after five minutes or less of that, we started talking...for 3 hours. I haven't seen much of him lately because he has been helping his dad remodel his bathroom and they have continually run into snags that aren't just little ones that can be fixed with a band aid, but rather huge ones which inevitably take him away from me even longer. I try not to be selfish and get upset, but a part of me can't help it when we both know that I will be leaving here soon. Since we have been married, we have not been alone for more than 5 minutes until this past Sunday when we were able to sneak off to the movies, only to be interupted by his ex to tell him that her grand dad passed away, and she was concerned about their son. Only for Ian to turn around and say that his son is only milking it as he didn't know the man really. (he didn't say that to his ex or his son but he said it to me).

THis process is very stressful. I thought having children was bad enough, but at least with going through a pregnancy you know when that is done!!! lol. Bottom line, we must all remember that we love our SO's and we are going through this process so we can spend the rest of our lives with them!!! There will always be some sort of sacrifice that has to be made or a bad spell, but there is light at the end of the tunnel...no matter how dim it is now...with each passing day the light will get brighter...~

Laura Mitcehll