I WAS OUT OF THE HOUSE......

[Completely 3]

Is is really common for PI families to send money back home? Is it expected of them? Curious.

In most cases, yes, especially if you married the bread-winner of the family. Financial matters should have been talked about before getting married though. In my family, as long as you are single and working, you need to at least help with some expenses especially if you still live with your parents. And then if you get married, you are not oblige to help in the family anymore since you need to build your own family... but also you are not supposed to be helped by the family since you chose to start on your own. In my case though, since I was one of the bread-winners and all of my siblings are married, I took the responsibility (or should I say my husband did) of taking care of my father. My husband and I discussed this matter many, many times so it's not something that we have to argue about.

Actually it is not an obligation, we just know how to look back on those people who needed our help, and that is our family back home..THis is a voluntary thing,, they never ask for it.

[Marilyn. 340]

I came here last year thru K1 visa, we got married October then up to this writing we had not filed my adjustment of status because of "financial reasons" as he said.

During our stay together, i found out that he drinks and smoked a lot, that he can spend $500 a month for his vices. But i did not mind it because it's his money anyway and he is the one who is working for it. But as the days go by, I noticed that everytime i need to buy personal stuff for myself, he's telling me that i am getting expensive. He did not give me any money for myself to buy my own stuff, so i let it pass then, thinking that he is kidding me.

When i was still back home, he said to me it's time for u now to have someone to take care of you, as you worked very hard for yourself and your family, and i told him if am there already can we help my family because they have no one to help them, he said yes of course we will. So in short, we have an agreement. So i was here.

One time, when the kids asked for some help because my son is taking up his review examinations for his professional licensure board exam and he needed the money badly to pay for his upcoming test. I asked him if we can send even a $100 just to help him some, i left some money for them before i left but it is not enough for other expenses, he was upset and mad at me and my kids for asking him some money, i explained to him that this is an important need and not just a luxurious thing. After some arguments and explanations we sent the $100 back home.

like I said it seems to be that they did discuss money etc...

[Completely 3]

they did discuss it, but it seems to me, that this is a never ending..

Her husband should have adjusted her status, so she could find a job and help him, so he will not have a say so, if she is sending some money for her kids back home..

Unfortunately, when he married the OP she have baggages, and he need to accept it.

Communication plays a very important role in relationship, learning how to compromise is the second.

Edited June 9, 2009 by Completely

[Completely 3]

Is is really common for PI families to send money back home? Is it expected of them? Curious.

In most cases, yes, especially if you married the bread-winner of the family. Financial matters should have been talked about before getting married though. In my family, as long as you are single and working, you need to at least help with some expenses especially if you still live with your parents. And then if you get married, you are not oblige to help in the family anymore since you need to build your own family... but also you are not supposed to be helped by the family since you chose to start on your own. In my case though, since I was one of the bread-winners and all of my siblings are married, I took the responsibility (or should I say my husband did) of taking care of my father. My husband and I discussed this matter many, many times so it's not something that we have to argue about.

Actually it is not an obligation, we just know how to look back on those people who needed our help, and that is our family back home..THis is a voluntary thing,, they never ask for it. But we need to know our limitation when to say NO.

[yogib37 3]

How come we never got any updates or more information from the OP?

Could this be a troll?

[Marilyn. 340]

I don't think the problem is him not having enough money.. he seems to have plenty of money to spend on cigarettes and alcohol..... to the tune of 500 bucks month and he can't even spare a little cash for his wife's personal needs??...

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

How come we never got any updates or more information from the OP?

Could this be a troll?

He may not let her use the PC again...

My girl...GO HOME, you have your family there. the stress alone from him not wanting or willing to help would drive me insane.

[nycgirl 13]

So many of the problems I see on this board could have been avoided by the parties involved actually communicating with each other BEFORE they decide to get married.

if you read the op's post you would see that they did communicate... he just didn't hold up his end of the bargain...

Well, that's what she says. Not judging. Its that as another member stated, its all open to interpretation. I think that with Internet relationships, you can think that you know and love a person, but it is how those people act in difficult situations that will be the moment of truth. And I truly believe you can't know that from an internet relationship. Impossible.

[yogib37 3]

How come we never got any updates or more information from the OP?

Could this be a troll?

He may not let her use the PC again...

My girl...GO HOME, you have your family there. the stress alone from him not wanting or willing to help would drive me insane.

hmmmm seems that she left the home so why would he not let her use it. if she is at home and he is at work how can he know she was on the computer.. I think it is a troll...

[girl 37 7]

How come we never got any updates or more information from the OP?

Could this be a troll?

He may not let her use the PC again...

My girl...GO HOME, you have your family there. the stress alone from him not wanting or willing to help would drive me insane.

hmmmm seems that she left the home so why would he not let her use it. if she is at home and he is at work how can he know she was on the computer.. I think it is a troll...

Why do you think this is the work of a troll?!? Your allegation doesn't make sense. If the OP left home she might be staying with friends or at a women's shelter or worse, where she doesn't have easy access to a computer. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

[luckymom 0]

I wonder if the OP is well off in the Philippines, if I were her I will be the one to spend for the AOS if the finances is the issue with the husband. The minute they got their Marriage Certificate she should ask the husband to file the AOS - this is the thing that I don't understand with the OP. Now she's got the biggest problem - her status here in the US. I know that they talked about helping or sending money back home, but since she is not yet established here, I don't think that should be the main concern. I'm sure she can always explain to her family that they (both her and the husband) should prioritized her status first. It's a good gesture to help the family but it should not be the in the front line. The moment she feels that the financial aspect is the big deal with the husband, she should not always remind him of the agreement to help the family. All she should do is to sit down and talk to the partner regarding what is going on with their marriage. There are so many things that is kept hidden in this topic. Three sides of the story should always be taken into consideration. We only know one side (I'm not saying that the OP is lying or not disclosing everything) but I think the husband's side should also be known.

I feel that her moving out of the house is not the smartest move especially that she has no status yet. I also wonder why there's no follow-up to this topic from the OP. I hope she is doing well as of the moment. It's a sad fact to know that one relationship is breaking just for financial issues.

[Marilyn. 340]

but it is more then just mom and dad and sibs asking for money.. her child needed money for something important...

[trillium13 84]

So many of the problems I see on this board could have been avoided by the parties involved actually communicating with each other BEFORE they decide to get married.

if you read the op's post you would see that they did communicate... he just didn't hold up his end of the bargain...

From almost the first sentence of the OP:

During our stay together, i found out that he drinks and smoked a lot, that he can spend $500 a month for his vices.

This is something that would have been good to know beforehand. Also, it seems quite obvious to me that they both have very different expectations from this marriage. That doesn't sound like communication to me.

[Joan >3 Bob 20]

Why do you want to stay?? if you came here in good faith of your love to him and to marry and now it did not work and your family is in The Philippines then go back there. I see no reason for you to want to stay here.

[yogib37 3]

How come we never got any updates or more information from the OP?

Could this be a troll?

He may not let her use the PC again...

My girl...GO HOME, you have your family there. the stress alone from him not wanting or willing to help would drive me insane.

hmmmm seems that she left the home so why would he not let her use it. if she is at home and he is at work how can he know she was on the computer.. I think it is a troll...

Why do you think this is the work of a troll?!? Your allegation doesn't make sense. If the OP left home she might be staying with friends or at a women's shelter or worse, where she doesn't have easy access to a computer. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

well then why should she even post in the first place, if she knew she was leaving and then wont have easy access to a computer. She asked for advice, why ask if you can follow up on it. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure that out either.

I this they ever came back to give a update. They could be watching this thread and laughing.. what makes you think it is not a troll.