I WAS OUT OF THE HOUSE......

[MissusM09 1]

Well, he might ask her to come back. That would not surprise me at all. He sounds like a total loser. If he does ask you back, and you decide to go back, make sure he takes care of the immigration issue right away.

+1 to that. It is ultimately your decision if you want to stay married to him or not. I think you should both have a conversation about all of the issues going on to try to get things resolved. Finance problems is probably the biggest reason for divorce. He needs to be informed that the longer he waits to file for AOS, the longer it will take for you to legally work. If that means he needs to get a credit card, then he needs to sign up for one.

get it right, i wasnt saying that phillipino women are meek, or subservient, i was saying that that is a steroetype that many have and want as they go online. its thier intent thats the problem. I am not being offensive to anyone that is genuine or inlove. as for being with an american woman i wouldnt know, I think theres good and bad in every culture.

[David-and-Mae 15]

Is is really common for PI families to send money back home? Is it expected of them? Curious.

In most cases, yes, especially if you married the bread-winner of the family. Financial matters should have been talked about before getting married though. In my family, as long as you are single and working, you need to at least help with some expenses especially if you still live with your parents. And then if you get married, you are not oblige to help in the family anymore since you need to build your own family... but also you are not supposed to be helped by the family since you chose to start on your own. In my case though, since I was one of the bread-winners and all of my siblings are married, I took the responsibility (or should I say my husband did) of taking care of my father. My husband and I discussed this matter many, many times so it's not something that we have to argue about.

[John&Juvy 36]

I came here last year thru K1 visa, we got married October then up to this writing we had not filed my adjustment of status because of "financial reasons" as he said.

During our stay together, i found out that he drinks and smoked a lot, that he can spend $500 a month for his vices. But i did not mind it because it's his money anyway and he is the one who is working for it. But as the days go by, I noticed that everytime i need to buy personal stuff for myself, he's telling me that i am getting expensive. He did not give me any money for myself to buy my own stuff, so i let it pass then, thinking that he is kidding me.

When i was still back home, he said to me it's time for u now to have someone to take care of you, as you worked very hard for yourself and your family, and i told him if am there already can we help my family because they have no one to help them, he said yes of course we will. So in short, we have an agreement. So i was here.

One time, when the kids asked for some help because my son is taking up his review examinations for his professional licensure board exam and he needed the money badly to pay for his upcoming test. I asked him if we can send even a $100 just to help him some, i left some money for them before i left but it is not enough for other expenses, he was upset and mad at me and my kids for asking him some money, i explained to him that this is an important need and not just a luxurious thing. After some arguments and explanations we sent the $100 back home.

I am planning to look a job even though i don't have the proper documents just to have money of my own that i can use without asking him any. Then i have a part time job for 3 hours everyday, earning $400 a month. After i worked for a month he start telling me in part of a joke that he needs 1/2 of my money for my food and lodging, but i did not mind him again. On and on he is telling me about it, am thinking to myself i am his wife, he should support me and my needs but now he is asking me my lil money that i earned. We had an arguments the money i earned always. But i can't give him my money as i have to send it back home and some for my personal needs as he's not giving me any money, he said to my friends that i made him broke when he gets me here with all the money that he spent in my visa and all and it hurts me. But i keep it all to myself.

May 31, my friends wants to celebrate my birthday and a late reception for my wedding last year as we don't have any when i got married. It was a potluck so i don't have to spend much money as my friends said, but for my contribution i have to spend too so, i spend $120 for the foods and stuff, i did not use his money again.

Last thursday was a very bad day, i told him that i bought a comforter set that cost $84, but because the store is offering 1/2 of the price i bought one (because we don't have any). I have cash money left in my pocket of $30 so, i get the other $20 in the debit card that he gave me. After i told him, he's starting to count how much i owed him, $35 for my gas because i used his truck in going to work, the $20 for the comforter and the $80 for the first bill of my cellphone which is under his name. And he asked me when i will pay him the money i owed, i told him in joke that maybe in 2020, because i don't think that he is serious about it. We had our dinner and i thought everything was just fine. I was in the computer room as usual playing, and he was in his usual chair too, drinking and smoking as always. he came to me and pointed his finger on my face saying, "if you will not put the money in the account this monday, you cannot get any money from the account, you're not helping me, you're sending all your money back home". This is always our arguments, finally i told him, "why should him give you my money? i worked hard for it so i can send money to my family in which you promised to help, i did not ask you any money to send back home and i did not even spent your money for my clothes, for my personal stuff because i know you can't give any, but i do understand it.

I told him enough is enough, i felt like a beggar here with you, waiting for something that you will give me but i did not. I told him, am not that so hard in my country dying to be here in your country, i have own job, own my car, own my house and i have my children finished their college education, have a little business but i give it all up just for you, because i believe in you and in love. He said he's tired of not me helping him and am not putting any into this marriage. I told him, i cooked your food, clean your house, washed your clothes, wake every 4 in the morning to prepare your lunch and all for your work, and how can you say that i am not putting any into this marriage. I told him all the stuff that i am doing for you, i did not do it back home and you know that, i have a house helper to do all household chores for me. Also said to him, am tired of your drinking and smoking. I can't stand all that. So i packed my clothes and stuff.

My question is HOW WILL IT AFFECT MY STAY HERE, I DON'T HAVE A PROPER DOCUMENTATION AS A LEGAL RESIDENT. WHAT WILL I DO? I AM OUT OF HIS HOUSE NOW....

Rick's Baby i'm sorry about your situation right now... But you know what i was thinking that "maybe" your being unfair also with your husband. If you you guys have a problem now finacially then you should really help your husband in your household, Specially that you know that your husband income is not enough for both of you. Your husband is your family too so you should help him also, not just your family in our country. Maybe your husband was waiting for you to offer some help financially, but he didnt see that from you coz you only care about your family in philippines. So now he have to asked you and you got upset about that, coz you were thinking that its supposed to be him that should support all your "needs" and your family in our country. Come on girl.... Maybe you should try to balance everything between your family in Philippines and your family here with your husband. I think Cleaning,cooking and doing the laundry is part of being a "wife" not just a contribution of effort into a marriage lol.

Im also helping my parents back in philippines but i am not sending all the money i earned to them coz i have my family here now too with my husband.... and ofcourse they understand and they are little bit awkward about that money everytime me and my husband sending it so they used it wisely. Though my husband didnt ask and not that interested with my paycheck lol i still insist to put 60% of my income in our joint account which is the account we use everytime i send money back home. I dont care if my husband is making enough or more than enough for both of us but i still insist to give my contribution in our household coz i am part of it..... So what more if my husband not making enough money. Think about that girl.

This is the real world of our american spouse.. They are working hard here and paying lots of bills lol.

[Aniomaman 0]

Rick's Baby i'm sorry about your situation right now... But you know what i was thinking that "maybe" your being unfair also with your husband. If you you guys have a problem now finacially then you should really help your husband in your household, Specially that you know that your husband income is not enough for both of you. Your husband is your family too so you should help him also, not just your family in our country. Maybe your husband was waiting for you to offer some help financially, but he didnt see that from you coz you only care about your family in philippines. So now he have to asked you and you got upset about that, coz you were thinking that its supposed to be him that should support all your "needs" and your family in our country. Come on girl.... Maybe you should try to balance everything between your family in Philippines and your family here with your husband. I think Cleaning,cooking and doing the laundry is part of being a "wife" not just a contribution of effort into a marriage lol.

Im also helping my parents back in philippines but i am not sending all the money i earned to them coz i have my family here now too with my husband.... and ofcourse they understand and they are little bit awkward about that money everytime me and my husband sending it so they used it wisely. Though my husband didnt ask and not that interested with my paycheck lol i still insist to put 60% of my income in our joint account which is the account we use everytime i send money back home. I dont care if my husband is making enough or more than enough for both of us but i still insist to give my contribution in our household coz i am part of it..... So what more if my husband not making enough money. Think about that girl.

This is the real world of our american spouse.. They are working hard here and paying lots of bills lol.

This is the best contribution I have seen so far here. All took to man bashing but you have not read between the lines, maybe the man himself is going through some real financial hardship but the OP going by her posting is more concerned about her family back home. I understand it can be pretty tough sometimes for our families but you now have a new family(moved to a new country) and until you find your footing, they should let you be. This is not the period of the boom and bust, jobs are tight now and money isn't easy to come by. I think probably communication isn't a strong point in your marriage because if you feel something is wrong then sitting down with your man is the best thing and you both can discuss as husband and wife. Leaving your home won't solve any issues. I hope you get this sorted and try to put things into perspective before making any harsh decisions.

Myself and my fiancee come from the same African country though we don't live in Africa( I live in the UK), but we still have family we get to send money to occassionally. When we had our big engagement party in 2007, which where I come from means that we are married but not officially; Everyone stopped bothering us and they know we spent a lot in coming down to Africa plus the money spent on the ceremony. We took almost a year out before sending anything to anyone. We haven't heard your husband's side of the story and I won't be quick to pass judgement on anyone but dialogue is really important and if you love this man then you need to see how you can support him, you have the power to make him send that AOS like yesterday but I don't think you using all that feminine power you got...lol. All the best though and I hope you get through this.

[Dennis&Dane 0]

Rick's Baby i'm sorry about your situation right now... But you know what i was thinking that "maybe" your being unfair also with your husband. If you you guys have a problem now finacially then you should really help your husband in your household, Specially that you know that your husband income is not enough for both of you. Your husband is your family too so you should help him also, not just your family in our country. Maybe your husband was waiting for you to offer some help financially, but he didnt see that from you coz you only care about your family in philippines. So now he have to asked you and you got upset about that, coz you were thinking that its supposed to be him that should support all your "needs" and your family in our country. Come on girl.... Maybe you should try to balance everything between your family in Philippines and your family here with your husband. I think Cleaning,cooking and doing the laundry is part of being a "wife" not just a contribution of effort into a marriage lol.

Im also helping my parents back in philippines but i am not sending all the money i earned to them coz i have my family here now too with my husband.... and ofcourse they understand and they are little bit awkward about that money everytime me and my husband sending it so they used it wisely. Though my husband didnt ask and not that interested with my paycheck lol i still insist to put 60% of my income in our joint account which is the account we use everytime i send money back home. I dont care if my husband is making enough or more than enough for both of us but i still insist to give my contribution in our household coz i am part of it..... So what more if my husband not making enough money. Think about that girl.

This is the real world of our american spouse.. They are working hard here and paying lots of bills lol.

:thumbs:

Wow.. now this post was really well thought out.. and NON offensive.. for what its worth I am impressed.. But of course every story has 2 sides and even truth is relative...

I hope that the OP and her husband can end up with a happy ending.. and they just might if and I say if..the relationship wasnt built on unrealistic expectations, to start with..and of course what that happy ending is..is really up to them and what they really want..

Im not usually very openly opinionated.. but I do not want something like what has happened here to happen to me and my future bride..

[JlovesC 0]

Sorry for everything you have been through. I think that you'll be happier going back to your family.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Yes, I appreciate the efforts not to man bash, and I will attempt to do the same. But he drinks all the time, so that suggests that he is an alcoholic. Alcoholics tend to be emotionally dead or cold. So the woman may try to be sweet and loving to him, but he cant FEEL her love and affections. So I tend to have more sympathy for the woman in this situation, and see the man as a bum for treating her so bad.

[DEDixon 39]

Should never send so much back home that it takes their survival skills and motivation away from them... take these away from them and all they do is sit around waiting for the next money drop.

[rlogan 2,036]

My husband and I discussed this matter many, many times so it's not something that we have to argue about.

Good for you. We did too. And there were tears because I said some things that were difficult for her to accept, but that were exactly true.

The most difficult matter for Fillippina-Americano marriages is to on the one hand fulfill the cultural obligation to help, but on the other hand not interfere in the incentive for them to work.

If you are not prepared to accept this cultural imperitive from your wife - then you have no business marrying her. They are my family too and I love them. I built them a house, actually - a little one. I am a builder so I do not mean "buy" a house. I built it with her father. I am not going to have my family living in a shack.

My wife does not earn income. But wow is my life better with her here. Well, except that I have gained 35 pounds. Every time I turn around she is handing me a plate of food.

[Old Dominion 26]

Should never send so much back home that it takes their survival skills and motivation away from them... take these away from them and all they do is sit around waiting for the next money drop.

It doesn't take much to triple an average Filipino family's monthly working income. Proud Filipinos would not lose their survival skills nor motivation, and the help provided them from the U.S. improves their standard of living -- well worth it, in my book.

[girl 37 7]

Money wouldn't be so tight if he had filed for her AOS and she could've found a legal job. How can he afford to smoke and drink but not give her anything for her needs? Through his actions he's basically forcing her to work illegally.

[trillium13 84]

So many of the problems I see on this board could have been avoided by the parties involved actually communicating with each other BEFORE they decide to get married.

[Marilyn. 340]

So many of the problems I see on this board could have been avoided by the parties involved actually communicating with each other BEFORE they decide to get married.

if you read the op's post you would see that they did communicate... he just didn't hold up his end of the bargain...

[Completely 3]

LEGAL RESIDENT. WHAT WILL I DO? I AM OUT OF HIS HOUSE NOW....

I feel sorry for what happened to your marriage.. Financial should never be an issue in the relationship..

If I were you, I will just go home, you can manage it well if you are in the Philippines, slowly but surely.

[Completely 3]

My husband and I discussed this matter many, many times so it's not something that we have to argue about.

Good for you. We did too. And there were tears because I said some things that were difficult for her to accept, but that were exactly true.

The most difficult matter for Fillippina-Americano marriages is to on the one hand fulfill the cultural obligation to help, but on the other hand not interfere in the incentive for them to work.

If you are not prepared to accept this cultural imperitive from your wife - then you have no business marrying her. They are my family too and I love them. I built them a house, actually - a little one. I am a builder so I do not mean "buy" a house. I built it with her father. I am not going to have my family living in a shack.

My wife does not earn income. But wow is my life better with her here. Well, except that I have gained 35 pounds. Every time I turn around she is handing me a plate of food.

Everything should be discussed before getting married especially on financial matter.