can my husband take his sponsorship back??

[rmncm 0]

OP, maybe you can find one of these fellow Indians from VJ to live with while you work on finishing the Doctor thing. Once you learn the ropes here in the US, you can divorce your husband, become a doctor and have a awesome life here in the US. You have a visa, as others have said use it, don't lose it.

[vareska 3]

It saddens me beyond words to see that in today's day and age, women are still subjected to this kind of treatment. And what's ironic to me is that this is not some sheltered-what rock have you crawled under-woman, but an intelligent future doctor...

My husband and his family criticize me for standing against our traditions, but this is precisely why. A woman is traditionally screwed, no matter what culture she lives in.

Thank God for America, the land of the free! where at least you don't have to worry about what the neighborhood will say about you.

Neighborhood is too busy doing drugs, having children out of wedlock, living paycheck to paycheck, watching late night TV and eating take out!

Just kidding

[L179 1]

Well I notice you say the grooms family is asking for more. So what about your husband?

Does he at all support you? Maybe you out to talk things out with him?

And despite the whole marriage and dowry deal, you can always fly to US on your immigrant visa, and come back.

Once you have visited the states and seen what its like then you should decide whether you can live there, either to make your marriage work or without any family or friends!

But once you give up this opportunity it will not come again.

You can always go on a nonimmigrant visa however you won't get many benefits on a job visa as you would on immigrants so there is definately a benefit to this.

I know its hard to move to a new country without having any support there

so why not go see if its worth the headache at all or not? and surely once you get the green card your hubby can't do anything to you.

[shanti2007 0]

i ve read all the posts. thank u all for ur suggestions.

i want to clear few things:

---my in laws and my husband were very nice and polite before marriage, they only asked my parents to help me and my husband to get settled in states once i get there. my parents agreed that they ll give the money that will help us start a new life,

---but few days before marriage they asked for more dowry, they asked my parents to fully furnish and equip their small house in india, my parents did that(my inlaws rent out that house before leaving for states after marriage)

---now they are asking more money and asking my parents to furnish their house in states.

now i have reached the conclusion that i want to take this opportunity to go to states. my brother will accompany me. we ll stay in chicago, where we know some relatives. they will accomodate me for 2 weeks. i ll call my husband and ask him to visit me there, we ll talk and i ll see if i can work out things with him. if things couldnt work out i ll come back in 1 or 2 weeks,

[Aniomaman 0]

I actually come from an African country where dowry is being given(groom pays bride price) BUT it's not like furnishing houses or giving gold and those kinda stuff. It's just some food stuff and it's definitely not something which would take a lot out of you, I have very nice in-laws who actually didn't want anything from my family, all they wanted was the food stuffs given to their elders back in the villages. It's all a ceremony and not one that involves a lot of money, definitely no gold or house furnishing...it involves a lot of laughter and happiness!

Payment of dowry doesn't bring about death where I come from(never come across that) and I would understand a few on here don't like it, it's normally a time of being merry and bonding for both families. I don't like the idea that you are FORCED to do it because we have a saying where I come from, that you can never finish paying the bride price; It simply means you will always be indebted to them for raising a beautiful and strong woman for you to marry. Most places, any amount of money paid to the bride's family is returned during the ceremony and that symbolises buying every beating and physcial abuse...so you better not touch our daughter kinda thing. Dowry should not be used to change one's financial status, it's just a symbolic ceremony.

I love my culture and I wouldn't stop it because some think it is barbaric or whatever name you choose to call it. I enjoyed it so much and having an understanding in-laws is paramount but then you would find out about your husband's family when dating to know them before getting to that stage; you might have ignored the tell-tale signs about them in the hope that maybe you are just being paranoid but sometimes the earlier you heed to those signs the better for you.

I would advice you to use the visa, don't let it go to waste and being a doctor you have a lot of opportunities to start your life all over again. It's his loss if he's trying to make you pay all that and encourages his family. I would never allow a woman I love go through that but don't let them win! He's officially signed a binding document and for now you can live in the states, hopefully he'll realise before it's too late what he is about to loose.

All the best.

Edited June 6, 2009 by Justchillin

[Tiggi247 0]

I actually come from an African country where dowry is being given(groom pays bride price) BUT it's not like furnishing houses or giving gold and those kinda stuff. It's just some food stuff and it's definitely not something which would take a lot out of you, I have very nice in-laws who actually didn't want anything from my family, all they wanted was the food stuffs given to their elders back in the villages. It's all a ceremony and not one that involves a lot of money, definitely no gold or house furnishing...it involves a lot of laughter and happiness!

Payment of dowry doesn't bring about death where I come from(never come across that) and I would understand a few on here don't like it, it's normally a time of being merry and bonding for both families. I don't like the idea that you are FORCED to do it because we have a saying where I come from, that you can never finish paying the bride price; It simply means you will always be indebted to them for raising a beautiful and strong woman for you to marry. Most places, any amount of money paid to the bride's family is returned during the ceremony and that symbolises buying every beating and physcial abuse...so you better not touch our daughter kinda thing. Dowry should not be used to change one's financial status, it's just a symbolic ceremony.

I love my culture and I wouldn't stop it because some think it is barbaric or whatever name you choose to call it. I enjoyed it so much and having an understanding in-laws is paramount but then you would find out about your husband's family when dating to know them before getting to that stage; you might have ignored the tell-tale signs about them in the hope that maybe you are just being paranoid but sometimes the earlier you heed to those signs the better for you.

I would advice you to use the visa, don't let it go to waste and being a doctor you have a lot of opportunities to start your life all over again. It's his loss if he's trying to make you pay all that and encourages his family. I would never allow a woman I love go through that but don't let them win! He's officially signed a binding document and for now you can live in the states, hopefully he'll realise before it's too late what he is about to loose.

All the best.

I just got married about 6mths ago and I paid my wife dowry. At 1st when I heard that I had to pay I got mad and upset because I didn't understand. My wife was suprised at me because I didn't know the difference between culture and tradition. But I did things her way our ceremony started Friday morning and wewere blessed at the mosque then that night there was the traditional dancing,next day I was introduced to the elders and we did the kola. Some of the elders there traveled over 12 to 16hrs just to be there,the next day we did the civil marriage at the Ministry of Forgien Affairs and I the paid my wifes dowery because of who she/and her family was the multiplied the amount by 10 so I paid 5000gf or at the time about 80 us cents . But her faimy and the elders gave my mother and my family cloths,food,guinean money . Even now a lot of things happen that I don't fully understand because of our different cultures but I am happy and proud of what was done. And I am blessed to be in the family that I have now. But let me say this if you are married and you have your visa and you come here to live in the states your problems just go away. Family is very important and when you come here to the states you will see how inportant your family,beliefs cultures and tradition.

[Rehan 0]

i ve read all the posts. thank u all for ur suggestions.

i want to clear few things:

---my in laws and my husband were very nice and polite before marriage, they only asked my parents to help me and my husband to get settled in states once i get there. my parents agreed that they ll give the money that will help us start a new life,

---but few days before marriage they asked for more dowry, they asked my parents to fully furnish and equip their small house in india, my parents did that(my inlaws rent out that house before leaving for states after marriage)

---now they are asking more money and asking my parents to furnish their house in states.

now i have reached the conclusion that i want to take this opportunity to go to states. my brother will accompany me. we ll stay in chicago, where we know some relatives. they will accomodate me for 2 weeks. i ll call my husband and ask him to visit me there, we ll talk and i ll see if i can work out things with him. if things couldnt work out i ll come back in 1 or 2 weeks,

Good luck Shannti!!

[AbbynSheryl 0]

once u r in usa with immigrant visa then he can not do anything against you or your visa. just make it here and it will be fine. good luck. abid