can my husband take his sponsorship back??

[Rehan 0]

as i already said i need advice...not judgements.

and too add few things about myself....im a doctor, and i ve passed step 1 and step 2ck with good scores.

ive already decided to give up on immigration visa (as my husband can create problems later on).

i never married for green card.

but wat are my chances of getting nonimmigrant visa...if sometime in future i want to take rest of my exams in states and do job there as a doctor.

its quite a respectable profession in india and ammerica.

That really depends on what you do with the visa you have. Basically, if you do not want to immigrate, you should go to the embassy and honestly tell a CO that you do not want this visa. You can give the visa back to them, but obviously, they will let your husband know that you did that.

Technically there isn't anything as such as giving the VISA back, once granted its upon her to use it or not. What she can do though is contact the consulate and ask if she has to support any notarized affidavit or any thing as such.

One thing I forgot to add is that, make sure you do get the divorce before you apply for any non-immigration visa, as your current marriage may hamper your chances of non-immigration visa if it is still valid at the time you apply again.

I meant that she can go to the embassy with a Notraize letter explainning her situation and I think if she honestly tell everything to a CO and request to cancel her visa, consulate will do that. I think it's important that if she has decided that she does not want this relationship, she should do this because who knows that if they go into the divorce process, her husband may contact the embassy and tell them bad things about her and they might believe him because he is a US citizen and a petitioner. And consulate may put this in their record. Who knows!! In this way, it may be difficult for her to get a Non-immigrant visa. I really feel for her. She is in very bad situation and I do not know what her family thinks about this whole situation!!

Edited June 5, 2009 by Rehan

[scandal 951]

what you know about India culture ?

the DOWRY is a must in India, even China and Vietnam or other Asia country.

before the marriage happened two family have to agree at something .

she have to promised some amount of Dowry, so the man can marry her. if she not promised something extracted the man why he marry her but not marry other women ?

if you promised a DOWRY and you not bring it with you , is it consider cheating ?

use your brain to think not use your ear to think.

Trinket was offering advice from her own experience. She has been through the process and addressed the OP politely. You on the other hand, are just rude and offensive.

[Long Visa Journey 0]

as i already said i need advice...not judgements.

and too add few things about myself....im a doctor, and i ve passed step 1 and step 2ck with good scores.

ive already decided to give up on immigration visa (as my husband can create problems later on).

i never married for green card.

but wat are my chances of getting nonimmigrant visa...if sometime in future i want to take rest of my exams in states and do job there as a doctor.

its quite a respectable profession in india and ammerica.

It is a shame that we hear these kind of dowry things even in 22nd century. Greed.

Shanti if you have passed USMLE part 1 and 2 with good scores then the clinical exam will be a breeze for you and you can get residency within no time. You can be on your own feet within no time. Just sit tight and contemplate on your career and family and talk it out with your husband. Hope he will understand the value of marriage.

There are lot of good Indian people here in this great country who help other Indians.

As trinket said you will have to get divorced before applying for a non immigrant visa and there will be lots of ifs and buts when you will have your interview.

God bless.

[Old Dominion 26]

I understand the tradition of dowry which, in one way or another, is practiced in much of the world including the United States. The amount is agreed-upon before marriage and tradition calls for that amount to be honored. It is a matter of tradition, not law, and so it is entirely a private transaction. One thing VJ'ers should respect right away is the cultural differences among us, even among USC's.

I'd hope Shanti would consider coming to the U.S. anyway, in part because much of our nation is greatly in need of skilled doctors, and she will be welcomed at a teaching hospital to complete her education while working. No matter what, she will be among professional friends. Unfortunately, she has only a few months to make that connection, but her own university may be able to make it for her. She can't lose her visa except by failing to use it. With a green card, she is eligible to work. In time, she can reimburse her husband for whatever expenses he has incurred already, and be free of any connection with him whatsoever.

[Flofle 0]

Wow, I can't believe this...I had never even heard about this dowry business until now, but I gotta say it's really messed up!

Marriage is an act of love, a sacred union of two people becoming one...out of LOVE, not a lousy transaction!!! And don't tell me "it's tradition, respect it"... not all traditions are good. and this one is revolting!

I am really sorry Shanti for what has happened to you. I don't have any advice for you because you were already given great advice by more experienced members. All I wanted to say is that I think you are doing a brave but smart thing by choosing to not go through with your marriage. I wish you the best of luck! I hope you succeed and have the life you deserve!

Greetings from Albania!

[Old Dominion 26]

Dowry has a long history and the Bible refers to it in many places. In some cultures, the groom or his family makes the gift to the bride's family. In Anglo/American tradition, it has sometimes been in the form of real estate, other times in the form of wealth. We think of marriage as all about love, but traditionally it has been all about a commercial transaction among the more affluent -- a way to merge two prominent families, secure the crown, to acquire property. Sometimes the commercial transaction comes even before the prospective bride & groom even meet.

Reverse dowry has also occurred. Former Sen. John Warner (R-Va) was gifted with $1 million for agreeing to divorce his wealthy first wife of the Mellon family without making it disagreeable.

[Old Dominion 26]

Dowry has a long history and the Bible refers to it in many places. In some cultures, the groom or his family makes the gift to the bride's family. In Anglo/American tradition, it has sometimes been in the form of real estate, other times in the form of wealth. We think of marriage as all about love, but traditionally it has been all about a commercial transaction among the more affluent -- a way to merge two prominent families, secure the crown, to acquire property. Sometimes the commercial transaction comes even before the prospective bride & groom even meet.

Reverse dowry has also occurred. Former Sen. John Warner (R-Va) was gifted with $1 million for agreeing to divorce his wealthy first wife of the Mellon family without making it disagreeable.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dowry has a long history and the Bible refers to it in many places. In some cultures, the groom or his family makes the gift to the bride's family. In Anglo/American tradition, it has sometimes been in the form of real estate, other times in the form of wealth. We think of marriage as all about love, but traditionally it has been all about a commercial transaction among the more affluent -- a way to merge two prominent families, secure the crown, to acquire property. Sometimes the commercial transaction comes even before the prospective bride & groom even meet.

Reverse dowry has also occurred. Former Sen. John Warner (R-Va) was gifted with $1 million for agreeing to divorce his wealthy first wife of the Mellon family without making it disagreeable.

Indeed it is. This whole "marriage is about love" is a new concept. Relationships are about love ---- marriage AND divorce are contracts.

[shashar 0]

noo...its common practise in india...that girls parents give her husband some money and furniture,household stuff etc to start their life together.

its called dowry.

but he is asking for far too much money than my parents can afford.

Married for three years and didnt pay dowry?From where i come from,you pay before marriage of shortly after.But what you pay is freely from yyour heart,if you give thousand of dollars,they will take.

Its your tradition ,please do it,give them what you can.Its sad that you feel pressured but deep in your heart you know that its also your responsibility.

Please,sort it out.

Am from Africa,its my husband who will pay the bride price,and my family will accept with open heart what he offers with love.

Take care.

S

[trinket 30]

Yes marriage based on love is a very new concept and marriage usually has been contract and for social position.

Why I am against of dowry is simple-- In India it’s not just about a contract, the contract comes with death also.

One can open up a newspaper from India and there has to be at least one dowry related death or suicide reported. It is a sad situation out there, and demands from groom's family never ends. If it was 50g of gold, and $50k before marriage, the stakes get higher after marriage. Oh the son in law needs a new car, and who is going to fetch the money for it? Bride's dad. Son in law wants to go to Switzerland for a second honeymoon, who is going to fetch for it? Obviously bride's dad and if the poor man can't, god save his daughter.

And no the daughter isn't safe even if she is in some western country; she is actually in a foreign land where she doesn't know anyone. She could be locked up in the house for months and no one will know. Her passport is taken away, all her papers are taken away, she is beaten everyday, and she is threatened every day if she doesn't bring more and more dowry. The greed never ends.

And if someone thinks I am exaggerating, all they need to do is google up dowry situation in India and among NRIs (non residential Indians).

noo...its common practise in india...that girls parents give her husband some money and furniture,household stuff etc to start their life together.

its called dowry.

but he is asking for far too much money than my parents can afford.

Married for three years and didnt pay dowry?From where i come from,you pay before marriage of shortly after.But what you pay is freely from yyour heart,if you give thousand of dollars,they will take.

Its your tradition ,please do it,give them what you can.Its sad that you feel pressured but deep in your heart you know that its also your responsibility.

Please,sort it out.

Am from Africa,its my husband who will pay the bride price,and my family will accept with open heart what he offers with love.

Take care.

S

I sooooo want to say a lot of things but never mind, just sigh.

[shashar 0]

The visa is valid for 6 months. Maybe you can take the time to work on your relationship and come to a more amicable agreement.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do

I wouldn't suggest to work on the marriage anymore. I usually don't give out marriage consultation or anything like that. But in this case it is pretty clear that the grooms family is demanding dowry and if you know Indian society their attitude towards dowry and what all they can do get dowry, you won't suggest getting things sorted out in this marriage either.

Look girl, you might think now that you will be outcasted by your society but really what is better? Living in India or living in US with a hell of a family who won't hesitate to get abusive and to put your life in danger? Think about it very clearly, you may live in distress for a few years in India with all the tuantings from other people but you can make your life better getting yourself in a professional field, imerse yourself in work and make your own money and live independently.

I am sure you might think its easy for me to say to give up upon marriage but really dont put yourself into a family where money is the basis of the marriage. You know it well and I know it well, we all hear in the news about girls getting burnt alive every day because of dowry, you don't want that in your life. You shouldn't have that in your life, save yourself first. You don't want to live a life of prisoner in US or anywhere.

On a purely immigration related answer to your question, no your husband can't pull his sponsorship away. If you do decide to come to US, do make the plans of where you are going to live for a while and how are you going to support yourself, since you will be coming on IR-1 visa, you will receive 10 year GC, so you are good for next 10 years but do let the POE officer of your new address, so that the green card can come to that address. If by chance green card does go to your husband's address you can get a renewed one but you will have to spend around $400 or so to get a new GC in the new address.

Best of luck, do choose wisely

Whaooo,you are telling her to kiss her marriage goodbye ?Its her traditon,she has lived it and should continue to live it.

Pay the dowry,unless your interest was the GC in the first place.

S

[Chica Yeyé 41]

The visa is valid for 6 months. Maybe you can take the time to work on your relationship and come to a more amicable agreement.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do

I wouldn't suggest to work on the marriage anymore. I usually don't give out marriage consultation or anything like that. But in this case it is pretty clear that the grooms family is demanding dowry and if you know Indian society their attitude towards dowry and what all they can do get dowry, you won't suggest getting things sorted out in this marriage either.

Look girl, you might think now that you will be outcasted by your society but really what is better? Living in India or living in US with a hell of a family who won't hesitate to get abusive and to put your life in danger? Think about it very clearly, you may live in distress for a few years in India with all the tuantings from other people but you can make your life better getting yourself in a professional field, imerse yourself in work and make your own money and live independently.

I am sure you might think its easy for me to say to give up upon marriage but really dont put yourself into a family where money is the basis of the marriage. You know it well and I know it well, we all hear in the news about girls getting burnt alive every day because of dowry, you don't want that in your life. You shouldn't have that in your life, save yourself first. You don't want to live a life of prisoner in US or anywhere.

On a purely immigration related answer to your question, no your husband can't pull his sponsorship away. If you do decide to come to US, do make the plans of where you are going to live for a while and how are you going to support yourself, since you will be coming on IR-1 visa, you will receive 10 year GC, so you are good for next 10 years but do let the POE officer of your new address, so that the green card can come to that address. If by chance green card does go to your husband's address you can get a renewed one but you will have to spend around $400 or so to get a new GC in the new address.

Best of luck, do choose wisely

Whaooo,you are telling her to kiss her marriage goodbye ?Its her traditon,she has lived it and should continue to live it.

Pay the dowry,unless your interest was the GC in the first place.

S

stfu, noob

[trinket 30]

The visa is valid for 6 months. Maybe you can take the time to work on your relationship and come to a more amicable agreement.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do

I wouldn't suggest to work on the marriage anymore. I usually don't give out marriage consultation or anything like that. But in this case it is pretty clear that the grooms family is demanding dowry and if you know Indian society their attitude towards dowry and what all they can do get dowry, you won't suggest getting things sorted out in this marriage either.

Look girl, you might think now that you will be outcasted by your society but really what is better? Living in India or living in US with a hell of a family who won't hesitate to get abusive and to put your life in danger? Think about it very clearly, you may live in distress for a few years in India with all the tuantings from other people but you can make your life better getting yourself in a professional field, imerse yourself in work and make your own money and live independently.

I am sure you might think its easy for me to say to give up upon marriage but really dont put yourself into a family where money is the basis of the marriage. You know it well and I know it well, we all hear in the news about girls getting burnt alive every day because of dowry, you don't want that in your life. You shouldn't have that in your life, save yourself first. You don't want to live a life of prisoner in US or anywhere.

On a purely immigration related answer to your question, no your husband can't pull his sponsorship away. If you do decide to come to US, do make the plans of where you are going to live for a while and how are you going to support yourself, since you will be coming on IR-1 visa, you will receive 10 year GC, so you are good for next 10 years but do let the POE officer of your new address, so that the green card can come to that address. If by chance green card does go to your husband's address you can get a renewed one but you will have to spend around $400 or so to get a new GC in the new address.

Best of luck, do choose wisely

Whaooo,you are telling her to kiss her marriage goodbye ?Its her traditon,she has lived it and should continue to live it.

Pay the dowry,unless your interest was the GC in the first place.

S

Some traditions are good to be forgotten. You clearly ignored the point of girls being burnt alive, part of my post. You know there is a very valid reason why Govt. of India decided to declare dowry to be unlawful. In India, the payment of a dowry was prohibited in 1961 under Indian civil law and subsequently by Sections 304B and 498a of the Indian Penal Code.

Follow her tradition and then die for it, is it what you want? Why are you so insisting on dowry? Seriously, you just don't realise what an evil dowry is in Indian subcontinent. I bet you never heard of those thousands of women who get killed every day because their family couldn't pay the ever raising dowry demands from the groom's family.

I don't get passionate about threads on VJ forum but this is my first time to do so and I literally am broken when I read these irresponsible answers where people are advocating dowry.

Why why why? Why you want that girl to live in horror for the rest of her life? Her husband's family has already demanded more than what was settled for, how do you know they won't demand even more in the future? Stating it yet again-- GREED NEVER ENDS.

Fvcking be ashamed of yourself to be advocating dowry system.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

you tell them sister trinket!

[sara..... 371]

this story is the very reason why perviz and i went against tradition, yup we know there is suppose to be something paid we both refused it............and i refuse to live with my mother in law he had to agree to move to my OWN family unit.

i also dont want the normal gold that is given to the bride we could use that money for better things than to put bangles on my arms that i prolly would not wear anyways unless we went out to a fancy place, give me some nice glass bangles and some nice metal ones.........

we agreed when we first met that if either family threw a fit over no money paid we would give each family a dollar!!!!!.

i wish the bride good luck, and hope that things end better than they are looking at this point in time, but u know even in the USA when the bride goes to her husbands family home that dont stop abuse if the dowry is not paid as they like it.

my prayers are with u

sara