illogical thinking from spouse

[chrissiemissie 0]

dealing with a lot of misinformation and illogical thinking these days, mostly coming from DH's family.

my husband and i USUALLY work together fine with figuring out the CR1 process (and now my journey to the UK as well).

i do most of the research and update him with the information. which is perfect as long as we work together on the forms, pulling together documents, etc. which we have always done up til today.

now that he's gone back to the UK, he's letting his sister (of all people) direct our immigration matters on that end. while we have detailed run-downs on the phone and email conversation back and forth on certain topics. he has decided now to ignore my research-informed suggestions on what to do next. and instead he says, "no i'll figure it out by myself. i'll ask just *insert sister's friend name here* what to do next."

so long story, short, minus all the details of the conversation, he basically brought us back to step 0 and informed me of what we have to do next. (half of it with information we've already talked about and the other half with incorrect information!)

and now he insists this one family friend is correct, and that my research on VJ and UK websites (for the other journey) is incorrect.

i really feel it's irrational because what i am doing is reading current first-hand experiences from people on VJ, reading government websites, checking in with immigration advisors myself. i have probably heard of 20 case scenarios that might support my information, while he chooses to deny that based on the argument of a loyalty of one "informed" friend.

i don't even know why i'm posting this. perhaps just to rant. and perhaps just an exercise in logical arguments. but i suppose without the details it doesn't make much sense. (suppose i could boil my blood again and just post all the darn details if anyone's interested.. but it does involve two immigration processes so it might seem annoying.)

anyone else encounter such stubbornness, irrational thinking from their family while trying to complete immigration processes? how do you deal with it? get past it? combat it? i feel like this and this at once in situations like these.

[Marzy 1]

Just let him to handle it. If there's something wrong, then tell him you did your part.

[chrissiemissie 0]

Just let him to handle it. If there's something wrong, then tell him you did your part.

haha, if we could chance something like that. but these things we can't chance. and i'm pretty sure he's been advised very incorrectly.

1)he and his family suggesting i just fly to the UK without first applying for my EEA family permit. pretty sure i'll get denied before boarding the plane, short of that, getting denied at the border without some sort of entry permission.

2)us applying for DCF for CR1 while I'm on my EEA2 residency in the UK. i've heard doubts on VJ and elsewhere saying that this is not possible. i've asked him multiple times to call the US Embassy in London, thinking they'd be the most informed on whether they would allow this or not. but he chooses to go with "informed" friend's advice that it will happen without a doubt.

grr... how to make him and crazy, passionate and illogical family see to reason. not neccessarily saying to believe me, but at least be skeptical of this single friend's advice.

Edited June 3, 2009 by chrissiemissie

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Summarize your situation in a brief email to a reputable immigration attorney. Most will give you a summary of your options without charging you for the consultation. Forward the attorney's answer to your husband.

[chrissiemissie 0]

Summarize your situation in a brief email to a reputable immigration attorney. Most will give you a summary of your options without charging you for the consultation. Forward the attorney's answer to your husband.

great idea thanks. this just might just convince him.

(but crazies in his family think at times that only friends can be trusted and all government officials can tell you whatever they feel, truth or not. infuriating, no? perhaps it's a cultural thing that i don't get--suspicion of everyone, esp officials and blind trust for those whom you call friends even though they may not be informed experts... gah. )

Edited June 3, 2009 by chrissiemissie

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Summarize your situation in a brief email to a reputable immigration attorney. Most will give you a summary of your options without charging you for the consultation. Forward the attorney's answer to your husband.

great idea thanks. this just might just convince him.

(but crazies in his family think at times that only friends can be trusted and all government officials can tell you whatever they feel, truth or not. infuriating, no? perhaps it's a cultural thing that i don't get--suspicion of everyone, esp officials and blind trust for those whom you call friends even though they may not be informed experts... gah. )

Understood, and it's easy to see why there is distrust of government officials in many countries.

A lawyer is not a government official. Their motive in answering your questions at this point is to get you to hire them. It could be argued that they have a motive to lie to you in order to get you as a client, but I doubt most would do that. They probably know you're talking to other lawyers, and that they'll be found out if they lie to you.

Anyway, since nobody is born with the knowledge to be an expert on the immigration process, another thing you might do is challenge the family "friend" as to the source of their information.

[bhajishah 4]

In laws, they usually know everything, boss of everything just be a little mouse in corner and let them fall on face. its great for amusement.

[TBoneTX 45,266]

In laws, they usually know everything, boss of everything just be a little mouse in corner and let them fall on face. its great for amusement.

Huh?

[L179 1]

Well as you can back up personal experiences from Vj, does he have any profound quotations from anywhere?

try to use a more logical approach than emotional or egoistic.

definately don't say his family does not know anything, but try to play devils advocate and say well i would love to do this, but what if this happens are you ok with it? and throw the ball back in his court.

[lostinblue 1,989]

http://www.amazon.com/Fiance-Marriage-Visa...3285&sr=8-1

This book was a good reference for me. I had one and sent one to my now wife. It may be a good help for your situation.

[apricot 0]

Maybe your sister-in-law's intentions are good and your husband appreciates that she can do this instead of him? This would frustrate me too. I agree with one of the previous posters: put your concerns in summarised version in an e-mail and send it to your husband. This way he will have it in writing from you, regardless the outcome.

Good luck!

[TracyTN 237]

2)us applying for DCF for CR1 while I'm on my EEA2 residency in the UK. i've heard doubts on VJ and elsewhere saying that this is not possible. i've asked him multiple times to call the US Embassy in London, thinking they'd be the most informed on whether they would allow this or not. but he chooses to go with "informed" friend's advice that it will happen without a doubt.

Why not call the Embassy yourself?