Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part15)

[Shemmy 4]

My fiance is talking about getting a house big enough for our family and my parents ...I love them but live with them my parents like to be in charge and ihave a difference of opinion on some things .... . i guess we will see what happens

Oh hell no! My husband and I made an agreement long ago that there will be no grown #### people living under our roof but us..

Right, my household is already crazy with my hubby and daughter. Could not imagine another person to drive me

[wakeywakeup 1]

My fiance is talking about getting a house big enough for our family and my parents ...I love them but live with them my parents like to be in charge and ihave a difference of opinion on some things .... . i guess we will see what happens

Oh hell no! My husband and I made an agreement long ago that there will be no grown #### people living under our roof but us..

HE know my mom and i are close and we spend a lot of time together ... and she watches my kids when i work so they are at my house alot .... I am happy that he and my parents get along well but living together im not sure maybe large land two houses lol

Things could change drastically when you move all together.

[Shemmy 4]

Hey yardies!!!!

Hope all is well!

Wakey did you watch True Blood? It was hot like FIYAH wasn't it?

When I tell you it was the bomb..I want to watch it again tonight.. Did you see the end with the man trying to throw the cross. Lawdddddddddddd. I was jumping up and down and screaming..

Does it come on HBO?

[*JG* 2]

He's not controlling cause he never stopped me from being around my family but if my family has any functions he wouldn't want to go or if they come over he would just stay in the bedroom or go outside....

I'm not really 100% family person but when they have functions i will go or go visit my parents like one day on the weekends or something and i have a twin brother so sometimes he will have dinners over his house and i would go but he would always say he doesn't feel comfortable being around my fam...

A little background: I kinda blame myself because my fam is kinda snottie....my mother thinks if you are not a doctor, lawyer, or haitian, you are nothing...so i just told my husband that my mom is like that but when she does finally get to know you she is a very cool, nice person....and my brother could act pretty snottie too...like he's sh*t don't stink...so i just pre-warning him just in case they do act a way...and pretty much too that our whole marriage thing was a secret until he came up here so i was like they might feel a way about that too....

So he has this in his heart and won't even give them a chance...I tell him that my fam is so over the whole marriage thing especially since now that i am pregnant that he just need to be more social when they are around...I'm not asking him to call or go over the house but when they are around just act a little more sociable....he will say hi but that is about it and will then leave the room...

I just want him to give them a chance...

Sorry took so long to post my boss keep coming in my cubicle....

Had to reply to this one…..

I can understand how your hubby might be feeling but mine comes from other end. He tried to fit in and become a part of the family but my mom didn't like Dwayne even before he got here. He thought he'd be able to win her over once he came. He tried to be polite, calling her mom, and asking how she is doing and what not.

Even when they first met, I thought she liked him (he did the yard work, fixed the porch, and cooked fish – which he burned caused he didn't know how to use the electric stove) She told my sis a totally different story of all the things he did wrong and that he was the ugliest man she'd ever seen.

Then every time I tried to get us all to spend time together, she'd go ballistic - didn't want me bringing him around and so forth. She'd say, "can't I just spend time with my daughter without him coming – DA$$!" I told him all the stuff she had to say (which I shouldn't have) because then he became so afraid and refused to go around my family because he knew he wasn't welcomed. It really put me in an uncomfortable position too because I was trying to please everyone and I felt I needed to downplay my happiness as to not rub it in her face. I changed too and started seeing all the bad and hammering it into him on every turn.

If I were your hubby I might want to put the brakes on too if the family is treating him like he's less than..like my mom did Dwayne…Ask your family how she'd feel if she came to a different country and didn't know anyone and was treated this way (didn't work for me but hey it might if your family is normal)

Wakey, I don't know your mother, but is seemds to me she is a controlling type of person. For so long, you probably have been there for her, and did alots of things for her. Nothing less than what a good decent daughter would do, but she didn't want to let go. It probably wouldn't have matter if it was D, or someone else from right here at home. Her actions may have been the same. One of the things we forget is that when we marry, in the eyes of GOD, our spouses are our new family and they should be considered first.

Wow. Interesting point of view. I'd never turn my back on my kids, parents, or my grandparents for anyone.

Jomo, I don't think making decisions that others don't agree with as turning your back on them. But, I can guarantee you, if your parents were married that your mother honored your father, before she honored her kids.

You would lose that bet. And, my parents have been married for 46 years.

[wakeywakeup 1]

Yes she is very controlling..We just had a big fight last night about this.

When Dwayne was coming she told me she wanted to go window shopping and I said well just go and you might see something you like. She replied that she couldn't go without me. I told her she was going to have to break out of this and what was she going to do when I got married. She told me I wasn't married yet and don't go putting all my eggs in one basket cause when Dwayne gets here and meets me he will find out he doesn't even like me. She throws words like knives.

sorry for taking over the thread with my mess but I'm very very weepy today. My heart hurts..

girl i don't even really know what to say

this is one of those things u can't really comment on because its apparent there is ALOT behind this

this has probably been simmering for years and years

but i will say at some point you need to stand up for yourself

True..so true but when I do she says I'm disrepecting her and God doesn't bless kids who don't honor their parents. She raised me on the principle that children should never express disagreement with their parents or elderly people. I don't curse and try my best not to yell at her (well sometimes I don't try that hard )

Edited June 16, 2009 by wakeywakeup

[My4rmylife 0]

My fiance is talking about getting a house big enough for our family and my parents ...I love them but live with them my parents like to be in charge and ihave a difference of opinion on some things .... . i guess we will see what happens

Oh hell no! My husband and I made an agreement long ago that there will be no grown #### people living under our roof but us..

HE know my mom and i are close and we spend a lot of time together ... and she watches my kids when i work so they are at my house alot .... I am happy that he and my parents get along well but living together im not sure maybe large land two houses lol

Things could change drastically when you move all together.

I know and i fear that also now when my mom and i disagree or argue we go home and cool off and come back together ...

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Things will change drastically when you'll move together. Remember there is only room for one man to be head of his household, and only one woman can control the man who is the head of the household.

[wakeywakeup 1]

Things will change drastically when you'll move together. Remember there is only room for one man to be head of his household, and only one woman can control the man who is the head of the household.

Can the chuchh say AMEN

[BunzTheMagicSnail 2]

Yes she is very controlling..We just had a big fight last night about this.

When Dwayne was coming she told me she wanted to go window shopping and I said well just go and you might see something you like. She replied that she couldn't go without me. I told her she was going to have to break out of this and what was she going to do when I got married. She told me I wasn't married yet and don't go putting all my eggs in one basket cause when Dwayne gets here and meets me he will find out he doesn't even like me. She throws words like knives.

sorry for taking over the thread with my mess but I'm very very weepy today. My heart hurts..

girl i don't even really know what to say

this is one of those things u can't really comment on because its apparent there is ALOT behind this

this has probably been simmering for years and years

but i will say at some point you need to stand up for yourself

True..so true but when I do she says I'm disrepecting her and God doesn't bless kids who don't honor their parents. She raised me on the principle that children should never express disagreement with their parents or elderly people. I don't curse and try my best not to yell at her (well sometimes I don't try that hard )

because as roxie said, she is trying to control you

and she does this by running guilt trips on you

you have to know who you are and stand firm in that

Things will change drastically when you'll move together. Remember there is only room for one man to be head of his household, and only one woman can control the man who is the head of the household.

agree

si mi and come live wid mi a two DIFFRANT tings!

[My4rmylife 0]

Things will change drastically when you'll move together. Remember there is only room for one man to be head of his household, and only one woman can control the man who is the head of the household.

Can the chuchh say AMEN

I hear what you guys are saying and i certainly have thought of it so i think for now we will plan to live close ....

[newlynluv 0]

wow honor your husband before your kids and family? i would need a full definition of the word "honor" before i can agree on this one...

[wakeywakeup 1]

Hey yardies!!!!

Hope all is well!

Wakey did you watch True Blood? It was hot like FIYAH wasn't it?

When I tell you it was the bomb..I want to watch it again tonight.. Did you see the end with the man trying to throw the cross. Lawdddddddddddd. I was jumping up and down and screaming..

Does it come on HBO?

yes..You should watch it..it is funny, sexy, and dangerous oh and sexy.. Help me

[BunzTheMagicSnail 2]

Hey yardies!!!!

Hope all is well!

Wakey did you watch True Blood? It was hot like FIYAH wasn't it?

i really tried to like this show

i just couldn't get into it

[wakeywakeup 1]

He's not controlling cause he never stopped me from being around my family but if my family has any functions he wouldn't want to go or if they come over he would just stay in the bedroom or go outside....

I'm not really 100% family person but when they have functions i will go or go visit my parents like one day on the weekends or something and i have a twin brother so sometimes he will have dinners over his house and i would go but he would always say he doesn't feel comfortable being around my fam...

A little background: I kinda blame myself because my fam is kinda snottie....my mother thinks if you are not a doctor, lawyer, or haitian, you are nothing...so i just told my husband that my mom is like that but when she does finally get to know you she is a very cool, nice person....and my brother could act pretty snottie too...like he's sh*t don't stink...so i just pre-warning him just in case they do act a way...and pretty much too that our whole marriage thing was a secret until he came up here so i was like they might feel a way about that too....

So he has this in his heart and won't even give them a chance...I tell him that my fam is so over the whole marriage thing especially since now that i am pregnant that he just need to be more social when they are around...I'm not asking him to call or go over the house but when they are around just act a little more sociable....he will say hi but that is about it and will then leave the room...

I just want him to give them a chance...

Sorry took so long to post my boss keep coming in my cubicle....

Had to reply to this one…..

I can understand how your hubby might be feeling but mine comes from other end. He tried to fit in and become a part of the family but my mom didn't like Dwayne even before he got here. He thought he'd be able to win her over once he came. He tried to be polite, calling her mom, and asking how she is doing and what not.

Even when they first met, I thought she liked him (he did the yard work, fixed the porch, and cooked fish – which he burned caused he didn't know how to use the electric stove) She told my sis a totally different story of all the things he did wrong and that he was the ugliest man she'd ever seen.

Then every time I tried to get us all to spend time together, she'd go ballistic - didn't want me bringing him around and so forth. She'd say, "can't I just spend time with my daughter without him coming – DA$$!" I told him all the stuff she had to say (which I shouldn't have) because then he became so afraid and refused to go around my family because he knew he wasn't welcomed. It really put me in an uncomfortable position too because I was trying to please everyone and I felt I needed to downplay my happiness as to not rub it in her face. I changed too and started seeing all the bad and hammering it into him on every turn.

If I were your hubby I might want to put the brakes on too if the family is treating him like he's less than..like my mom did Dwayne…Ask your family how she'd feel if she came to a different country and didn't know anyone and was treated this way (didn't work for me but hey it might if your family is normal)

Wakey, I don't know your mother, but is seemds to me she is a controlling type of person. For so long, you probably have been there for her, and did alots of things for her. Nothing less than what a good decent daughter would do, but she didn't want to let go. It probably wouldn't have matter if it was D, or someone else from right here at home. Her actions may have been the same. One of the things we forget is that when we marry, in the eyes of GOD, our spouses are our new family and they should be considered first.

Wow. Interesting point of view. I'd never turn my back on my kids, parents, or my grandparents for anyone.

Jomo, I don't think making decisions that others don't agree with as turning your back on them. But, I can guarantee you, if your parents were married that your mother honored your father, before she honored her kids.

You would lose that bet. And, my parents have been married for 46 years.

I'm lost JG..did your mom put the kids before your dad? Do you or he feel away about it or was it all good that way?

[wakeywakeup 1]

wow honor your husband before your kids and family? i would need a full definition of the word "honor" before i can agree on this one...

One of my married friends says she puts hubby first and makes sure their relationship is solid because one day the kids will move out and it will just be them left. She said she doesn't want to walk up in that moment wondering what they have in common cause the kids needs always came first.

Edited June 16, 2009 by wakeywakeup