Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part15)

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

DADA, maybe your son feels this way, because you have given him the impression that you will need him to survive. Look at your self thru his eyes and try to see what impressions you are given off to him.

Remember he lives in the same outside world that you do, he hears and sees the same things you do. He hear the neagative comments that others maybe saying. He wants to protect you, the same way he sees that you have protected and provided for him.

You don't want to push him away to say you don't need him, you want to show him that you will be okay, if he leaves. That you will be protected even if he is not under your/his roof.

My 2cents.

[BunzTheMagicSnail 2]

awww i just read something soo sooo sweet

this may cheer some of us up ---> http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3032554

so heart felt

That story was so beautiful, truly warmed my heart!

This story was really sweet and did anyone click on the pics of the two of them? If so did you notice that his wife is... aww heck never mind!

DADA you a real investigator

mi never even reach so far

lol

[wakeywakeup 1]

sus, I need a photo.

:rofl:

[J2A♥oasis 2]

I know but is the love for a mother different with a daughter than it is with a son? I mean growing up granted I lived in a two parent household but I never had plans of staying with my mom. I knew as soon as I could I was Outtie 5000. Now of course looking back my fass rass should have stayed home a lot longer than, maybe I wouldn’t be in this financial mess I’m in now but still I was out. My son talks as if he never plans on us separating and you know what’s crazy I’m not one of those over protective moms that is always there for her son and baby him. We never bathed together he never slept in my bed I don’t do everything with him so its really boggles me. I mean I’m there for him you’ll see me at every football game and I take him to all his activities and I’m involved with his schooling and I root him on but man you would think we were attached at the hip.

I agree I sacrifice so much for him its crazy and as mothers that is expected but there is only so much I’m willing to sacrifice. Shoot momma needs love too and not the kind my son can provide. I told him one day he’ll meet some fass hussie and he’ll be leaving me with the quickness and what am I’m supposed to do sit in the house and be lonely I don’t think so. That is when he told me it will be me, him and his fass hussie. After I told him to watch his mouth I was like no sir rie it won’t.

It’s kind of strange. I don’t think my girls will have a problem with me so much, but their father (if he gets married) is going to have some issues with them to deal with. My son probably still would have a problem with him too. (I think he still has some fantasized mind that we should be together and that’s the only family he will accept. Hopefully he’ll prove my thinking wrong. Otherwise I am seriously considering waiting until he finds that hussie before actually getting married...only a couple of years left. )

[DaDa 1]

He's not controlling cause he never stopped me from being around my family but if my family has any functions he wouldn't want to go or if they come over he would just stay in the bedroom or go outside....

I'm not really 100% family person but when they have functions i will go or go visit my parents like one day on the weekends or something and i have a twin brother so sometimes he will have dinners over his house and i would go but he would always say he doesn't feel comfortable being around my fam...

A little background: I kinda blame myself because my fam is kinda snottie....my mother thinks if you are not a doctor, lawyer, or haitian, you are nothing...so i just told my husband that my mom is like that but when she does finally get to know you she is a very cool, nice person....and my brother could act pretty snottie too...like he's sh*t don't stink...so i just pre-warning him just in case they do act a way...and pretty much too that our whole marriage thing was a secret until he came up here so i was like they might feel a way about that too....

So he has this in his heart and won't even give them a chance...I tell him that my fam is so over the whole marriage thing especially since now that i am pregnant that he just need to be more social when they are around...I'm not asking him to call or go over the house but when they are around just act a little more sociable....he will say hi but that is about it and will then leave the room...

I just want him to give them a chance...

Sorry took so long to post my boss keep coming in my cubicle....

Ah ha!!! Didn’t I ask you if you ever told him something abut your family? See that is what it is. I think by telling him what your family said he has already put up ill feelings towards your family based on what you told him so now its hard for him to get past all of that. He might think you told him your mother doesn’t like you if you don’t have a prestigious job but once she gets to know you she will like you. He probably thinks well I don’t have to kiss her A@# for her to like me if she doesn’t like me for who I am fine.

I tend to do that to. I guess I just believe in open commutation so I think one of the things I do wrong is I chat too much. Wah dey call it labba laba or sumting like dat but anyway I be just venting and next thing you know its like oops I didn’t mean to tell him that.

I think the only thing for you to do now is keep going with the flow. Maybe eventually he will start to come around when he feels as though they are treating him fairly. Until then I know that has to be hard because when you are with your gamily you really want your spouse to be there to. U hate to feel in the middle.

Oh and tell your boss to go find something to do!!! Your busy here!!!LOL

[newlynluv 0]

Wow it's not right for your family to act that way but everybody act's differently it’s just life sum ppl way of thinking is warped! that’s like my grandma she is a old school down south grandma and she have her thoughts about fat ppl, dark ppl, light ppl, foreigners, young, old, rich, poor ect... I love her to death but she is a lil crazy! for the longest i had to deal with ohhhh lawwddd Tia what you doing eating the whole damn fridge this don’t make no sense humm here take these water, grapefruit, and vinegar pills I ordered for you! oh and my poor lil brother is dark skinned and til this day she would be like it's no way kendell can be that dark that aint nothing but dirt lmao (okay it’s not funny) but these are the things we have got accustomed to because she is our family I just brush her off and be like okay so what ur cooking? but anyways you should of never told him that about ur family you should of let him meet them and draw his own conclusions... this might be a bad example but that's like you telling ur hubby all your girlfriend business and then get mad when he don’t want you to hang out with her....

Newly - Damien doesn't not care for my grandmother that much because she's so outspoken. He is always nice to her and will never disrespect her but it's still an akward situation. At first, I really wanted him to like her then I got over it. I love them the same....everyone is not meant to get along.

Now my mother - that's another story . They get along for now but I wonder if all hell is going to break lose one day.

lol ur right everyone is not gonna get along just have respect luckly my grandma would say this stuff to us but not to the persons face punk lol

awww i just read something soo sooo sweet

this may cheer some of us up ---> http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3032554

so heart felt

That story was so beautiful, truly warmed my heart!

This story was really sweet and did anyone click on the pics of the two of them? If so did you notice that his wife is... aww heck never mind!

DADA you a real investigator

mi never even reach so far

lol

now why i see all my yardies on this man last visitor wall lmao lmao

[phillyfashionista 8]

Hey all..so KPH has now sent my granny home AGAIN to have surgery to remove her breast..she has breast cancer..i'm livid right now...these ppl are playing with others lives...WhyTF would u schedule someone and then tell them you have no space or WHATEVA the Fing excuse is this time....

sigh sigh sigh

I'm so sorry Kimmy, I went through the same with my Grammy and it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. My heart goes out to you, stay strong for her! These hospitals and Doctors can put you through it don't back down no matter what. Do you have the Cancer research Center in your area?

[DaDa 1]

Wow it's not right for your family to act that way but everybody act's differently it’s just life sum ppl way of thinking is warped! that’s like my grandma she is a old school down south grandma and she have her thoughts about fat ppl, dark ppl, light ppl, foreigners, young, old, rich, poor ect... I love her to death but she is a lil crazy! for the longest i had to deal with ohhhh lawwddd Tia what you doing eating the whole damn fridge this don’t make no sense humm here take these water, grapefruit, and vinegar pills I ordered for you! oh and my poor lil brother is dark skinned and til this day she would be like it's no way kendell can be that dark that aint nothing but dirt lmao (okay it’s not funny) but these are the things we have got accustomed to because she is our family I just brush her off and be like okay so what ur cooking? but anyways you should of never told him that about ur family you should of let him meet them and draw his own conclusions... this might be a bad example but that's like you telling ur hubby all your girlfriend business and then get mad when he don’t want you to hang out with her....

Tia I am so sorry but this right there had me rooooolllling.. So girlie are you taking them grapefruit pills?? LMFAO!!!!!

[Shemmy 4]

My daughter was 11 when Damien came. We never had major issues but still issues. I know boys are usually closer to their mothers but it's hard for girls as well. I wonder if things would have been different if he came here during her teenage years

Edited June 16, 2009 by Shemmy

[newlynluv 0]

Wow it's not right for your family to act that way but everybody act's differently it’s just life sum ppl way of thinking is warped! that’s like my grandma she is a old school down south grandma and she have her thoughts about fat ppl, dark ppl, light ppl, foreigners, young, old, rich, poor ect... I love her to death but she is a lil crazy! for the longest i had to deal with ohhhh lawwddd Tia what you doing eating the whole damn fridge this don’t make no sense humm here take these water, grapefruit, and vinegar pills I ordered for you! oh and my poor lil brother is dark skinned and til this day she would be like it's no way kendell can be that dark that aint nothing but dirt lmao (okay it’s not funny) but these are the things we have got accustomed to because she is our family I just brush her off and be like okay so what ur cooking? but anyways you should of never told him that about ur family you should of let him meet them and draw his own conclusions... this might be a bad example but that's like you telling ur hubby all your girlfriend business and then get mad when he don’t want you to hang out with her....

Tia I am so sorry but this right there had me rooooolllling.. So girlie are you taking them grapefruit pills?? LMFAO!!!!!

lmao girl i was like 12??? no i aint taking em no more... damn lady had me taking all type of stuff for my fatness, she ordered them from that stupid puritan pride book! just last week she called my mama asking if any of us had the swine flu and if so she just ordered sum echinacea pills that we can use i really cant mek this ish up

[*JG* 2]

awww i just read something soo sooo sweet

this may cheer some of us up ---> http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3032554

so heart felt

That story was so beautiful, truly warmed my heart!

This story was really sweet and did anyone click on the pics of the two of them? If so did you notice that his wife is... aww heck never mind!

What? BEAUTIFUL???????

[DaDa 1]

Thanks everyone....Everyone who inputted made some really valued points...Dada your sister wife is exactly how my brother's wife is...she is also Jamaican and she first came across as stand offish (i think thats the word you used)...she still does but she has been married to my brother for 8 yrs and we have known her for 10yrs so we just know that is her personality...but she talks with my mom and stuff and they have a good relationship...but husband is like what Yaads describe with her hubby in the beginning...he is not use to our stories and our joking around and stuff...so he did say he feel out of place...

I asked him why he made that comment about moving far away from my mom and he said because he felt a way becasue my son told us that he went back to my mom and told her that we argue and stuff...so he felt embarrassed... ...

So i guess i will just leave it alone and let him come around...but he will never tell me to "disown" my family...he just doesn't feel like being around them himself...

My brother’s wife not sisters....LOL Yes like when we come over she is usually in her room or she comes out and speaks and then away she goes. Were are the type of family where we eat together and we like to play games together and everything and she never wanted to play or basically do anything with us. Me and my bro or close so I know when we plan family trips he always has to haggle with her about going. See we try to do something as a family at least once a year so I knew she hated them trips and always tried to get him not to go. On holidays we like to get together. They were living in New Jersey. He recently bought a house back here in Pittsburgh but for some strange reason they are selling it and moving back to New Jersey. Ummm.

I think we don’t go over that much but we picked up on it really quick, she acted like she didn’t want to be bothered.

Umph 11 years now and they are still going strong. That I know of actually her school reunion is next year in Kingston and my bro has invited because he knows I want to see Kingston but I refuse to go without a true Jamaican. Sorry I'll go around Mobay, Negril and Ocho in a minute by miself but I’m not stepping foot in Kingston without a Jamaican on my arm. I asked my bro have you asked your wife first if she minds and he was like oh yeah I should do that first huh?? LOL

awww i just read something soo sooo sweet

this may cheer some of us up ---> http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3032554

so heart felt

That story was so beautiful, truly warmed my heart!

This story was really sweet and did anyone click on the pics of the two of them? If so did you notice that his wife is... aww heck never mind!

DADA you a real investigator

mi never even reach so far

lol

Girl I be all in it don't I?? LOL

[DaDa 1]

Wow it's not right for your family to act that way but everybody act's differently it’s just life sum ppl way of thinking is warped! that’s like my grandma she is a old school down south grandma and she have her thoughts about fat ppl, dark ppl, light ppl, foreigners, young, old, rich, poor ect... I love her to death but she is a lil crazy! for the longest i had to deal with ohhhh lawwddd Tia what you doing eating the whole damn fridge this don’t make no sense humm here take these water, grapefruit, and vinegar pills I ordered for you! oh and my poor lil brother is dark skinned and til this day she would be like it's no way kendell can be that dark that aint nothing but dirt lmao (okay it’s not funny) but these are the things we have got accustomed to because she is our family I just brush her off and be like okay so what ur cooking? but anyways you should of never told him that about ur family you should of let him meet them and draw his own conclusions... this might be a bad example but that's like you telling ur hubby all your girlfriend business and then get mad when he don’t want you to hang out with her....

Tia I am so sorry but this right there had me rooooolllling.. So girlie are you taking them grapefruit pills?? LMFAO!!!!!

lmao girl i was like 12??? no i aint taking em no more... damn lady had me taking all type of stuff for my fatness, she ordered them from that stupid puritan pride book! just last week she called my mama asking if any of us had the swine flu and if so she just ordered sum echinacea pills that we can use i really cant mek this ish up

No more stories please I can't take it!!!! you wee 12?? Get out!!! Whoo I have to hold both my stomachs I'm laughing so hard.

now why i see all my yardies on this man last visitor wall lmao lmao

So what no one looked at the pics until I said something?? I was the only one that went there? I feel so bad now.. Oops.

awww i just read something soo sooo sweet

this may cheer some of us up ---> http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3032554

so heart felt

That story was so beautiful, truly warmed my heart!

This story was really sweet and did anyone click on the pics of the two of them? If so did you notice that his wife is... aww heck never mind!

What? BEAUTIFUL???????

Yes that is exactly what I was going to say....

[StoneLove4Ever 0]

Thanks everyone....Everyone who inputted made some really valued points...Dada your sister wife is exactly how my brother's wife is...she is also Jamaican and she first came across as stand offish (i think thats the word you used)...she still does but she has been married to my brother for 8 yrs and we have known her for 10yrs so we just know that is her personality...but she talks with my mom and stuff and they have a good relationship...but husband is like what Yaads describe with her hubby in the beginning...he is not use to our stories and our joking around and stuff...so he did say he feel out of place...

I asked him why he made that comment about moving far away from my mom and he said because he felt a way becasue my son told us that he went back to my mom and told her that we argue and stuff...so he felt embarrassed... ...

So i guess i will just leave it alone and let him come around...but he will never tell me to "disown" my family...he just doesn't feel like being around them himself...

My brother’s wife not sisters....LOL Yes like when we come over she is usually in her room or she comes out and speaks and then away she goes. Were are the type of family where we eat together and we like to play games together and everything and she never wanted to play or basically do anything with us. Me and my bro or close so I know when we plan family trips he always has to haggle with her about going. See we try to do something as a family at least once a year so I knew she hated them trips and always tried to get him not to go. On holidays we like to get together. They were living in New Jersey. He recently bought a house back here in Pittsburgh but for some strange reason they are selling it and moving back to New Jersey. Ummm.

I think we don’t go over that much but we picked up on it really quick, she acted like she didn’t want to be bothered.

Umph 11 years now and they are still going strong. That I know of actually her school reunion is next year in Kingston and my bro has invited because he knows I want to see Kingston but I refuse to go without a true Jamaican. Sorry I'll go around Mobay, Negril and Ocho in a minute by miself but I’m not stepping foot in Kingston without a Jamaican on my arm. I asked my bro have you asked your wife first if she minds and he was like oh yeah I should do that first huh?? LOL

awww i just read something soo sooo sweet

this may cheer some of us up ---> http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3032554

so heart felt

That story was so beautiful, truly warmed my heart!

This story was really sweet and did anyone click on the pics of the two of them? If so did you notice that his wife is... aww heck never mind!

DADA you a real investigator

mi never even reach so far

lol

Girl I be all in it don't I?? LOL

Sorry...meant to say brother's wife.... ....but that is how hubby is acting now...just say hi and off he goes....

[phillyfashionista 8]

StoneLove - So is he asking that you not do things with them or saying that he doesn't want to do things with them? Different can of worms imo.

If it is him not wanting to do things with them - Have you looked at it through his eyes? Not saying this is the case but maybe he is jealous and threatened of all the time and attention you give your family and how close you are. He came here expecting the two of you to be married and become your own family unit and didn't expect you to spend tons of time with your family which he probably doesn’t feel a part of just yet. Think how hard it's got to be coming into the mix - your family all knows each other, knows each others quirks and personalities, has inside jokes, tells stories that he can't relate to cause he wasn't there, has traditions he isn't a part of etc etc. That sure would be hard to be around and it would be hard to be around all the time. There has to be a healthy balance.

Maybe it's sensory overload - I don't know your family but DH came here and said we talk "different" and all the slang and short hand talk got to him when he would be around us all. He didn't like being at our family get togethers all the time cause he never felt he could understand exactly what we were talking about so he would check out - whether it be our "slang" or the stories from "back in the day" that he couldn't relate to or even be a part of the discussion. Caused huge fights for a while cause I wanted my family and him to get along and it seemed like the harder I pushed the gap just kept getting wider and wider.

I really had to step back and make sure that I was putting my husband his feelings first. Yes my family is my family and they always will be and I made that very clear but when I got married I was making the choice to make my husband my new immediate family unit and he should be first priority. Now not staying to cut out your family or never do anything with them but make sure that there is a healthy balance of where you spend your time. Make sure that you are paying attention to him when you are with your family as a couple so he doesn't feel like the odd man out. Make sure he knows that it is the two of you and not you and your family against him.

Now if he is demanding you not do things with your family and contact them then that is a whole other can of worms and he has some serious issues.

Just my two cents.

Trying to catch up........... and this is a great response