Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part15)

[Islandwoman 0]

I have a question....How would you feel if your SO wants to have nothing to do with your part of the family...and your family did nothing to him to show that they have anything against him...but your SO said he "feels" it and doesn't have to see it...and then says that sometimes he wished they lived far away from your family so they don't have to see their baby.....

Any response will be highly appreciated...Thanxs

StoneLove I have been through this before and it isn't easy. What my ex didn't like was always going over there to hang out all the time. I am close to my family so I never even thought he might have a problem with this...he wasn't around his family much so this was hard on him. What I did is if I wanted to hang out with my family I would just go but on holidays and big events I would expect him to go. I could tell he wasn't comfortable and my parents never said or did anything to him either to show they had anything against him. Don't take it personal but do let him know that this is your family and they aren't going anywere.

I agree with Dillon here. Within a couples weeks of being here A said the same thing about my mother - he doesn't like her and she doesn't like him. I just let it rest because there wasn't anything that happened with either of them for him to come to that conclusion. If we are hanging out there, I always invite him to go - it's his choice to go or not. But if it's a holiday or something, I expect him to go.

I remember you posted awhile ago that your mom did everything for/with you until your hubby came here. Perhaps he is feeling like she or your family is too much into your marriage. There is a fine line there of support and interference. See if you can get him to talk about what really is bothering him about your family. Just my 2 cents...

[phillyfashionista 8]

awww i just read something soo sooo sweet

this may cheer some of us up ---> http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3032554

so heart felt

That story was so beautiful, truly warmed my heart!

[BunzTheMagicSnail 2]

mi no know yet...mi miss u still.

I forgot to tell you ladies, but the guy that hit my cousin and killed her when she was 8 months pregnant back in May was allowed to leave Jamaica and fly to the US...someone please explain this to me. They said there was no need to keep him in jail, since the accident was being investigated. It's June, how much investigation do you need to do.

as i told legz

money talks and bullsh!t walks

and TRUST me!! that investigation nah go done fi now

it took me 2 months to get a police report for a robbery so i don't even want to imagine how long its gonna take for that

its just not right

[Yaads 0]

Good to see you Yaads!

Nice to see you too Dillon Only 11 days til the big day?!?! Congratulations!

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

mi no know yet...mi miss u still.

I forgot to tell you ladies, but the guy that hit my cousin and killed her when she was 8 months pregnant back in May was allowed to leave Jamaica and fly to the US...someone please explain this to me. They said there was no need to keep him in jail, since the accident was being investigated. It's June, how much investigation do you need to do.

as i told legz

money talks and bullsh!t walks

and TRUST me!! that investigation nah go done fi now

it took me 2 months to get a police report for a robbery so i don't even want to imagine how long its gonna take for that

its just not right

Bunz, when this first happened my parents were in Jamaica and when they went to the police station for an update my mom was waiting to talk to the coporal and the other officers were in the back saying, a country people dem a musah money dem look fram di bway family...my mother waited for the coporal to enter then she told off the officers that were talking about her...just no respect.

[Shemmy 4]

I have a question....How would you feel if your SO wants to have nothing to do with your part of the family...and your family did nothing to him to show that they have anything against him...but your SO said he "feels" it and doesn't have to see it...and then says that sometimes he wished they lived far away from your family so they don't have to see their baby.....

Any response will be highly appreciated...Thanxs

I'd say he's a controlling ####### trying to seperate you from your family. Be VERY weary of that.

But, then again, I am jaded.

damn, jg

Sorry...I was thinking the same thing. Are you alright JG?

Hi everyone. It's hard for me to catch up.

Jawi Hope you are pain free soon.

Congrats Doodle and IrieCat

Kimmy - sorry to hear about your Grandmother...that really makes me sad.

[BunzTheMagicSnail 2]

Bunz, when this first happened my parents were in Jamaica and when they went to the police station for an update my mom was waiting to talk to the coporal and the other officers were in the back saying, a country people dem a musah money dem look fram di bway family...my mother waited for the coporal to enter then she told off the officers that were talking about her...just no respect.

because dem waan mek sure dem get fi dem own first!

some police officers give the force such a bad name

[J2A♥oasis 2]

I have a question....How would you feel if your SO wants to have nothing to do with your part of the family...and your family did nothing to him to show that they have anything against him...but your SO said he "feels" it and doesn't have to see it...and then says that sometimes he wished they lived far away from your family so they don't have to see their baby.....

Any response will be highly appreciated...Thanxs

Having been on the other side of this, I can understand where he is coming from. I had a huge problem with this with my ex. He could not understand the feelings I got from interacting with his family. All he could tell me was they like and accept you. Truth is being an intelligent person I knew I felt what I felt and I was not just making it up to control or separate him from his family. (Actually I got responses similar to what Dada said and so I believe ultimately they felt the same… “it came from her not being used to it because her family was no where near connected as we are. Basically they barely did things together so our family bond was out of her norm. I think she knew we weren’t really feeling her because she was so standoff ish and even though we never did anything towards her I guess she could tell.”

But the thing is I have a large and close family too so actually I cherished that about him but my family never made him feel the way his family made me feel. Still he insisted it was nothing and it was me. After we went through marriage counseling with my pastor I learned that it was not me just acting shaded towards his family but it is a huge adjustment factor to blend into someone’s family, it is not a natural process just because. You have to learn their ways and they have to learn yours. It is up to your spouse to serve as the liaison as they are the only connector. The only problem was that my ex was not willing to be that bridge (because he didn’t see a problem) and so the connection was never built and we could never get past it. Looking back I feel if we had of understood this point a little more then perhaps our relationship would not have been so detrimental. Adjustment comes in many forms and doesn’t always only happen with just the kids.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

btw legz has she seen any specialists?

mek sure dem student doctors up at uwi nuh turn har inna one experiment

my freind had kidney problems and dem same dr up a uwi wanted to operate on her

when she went to see a specialist he prescribed medicine and the problem eventually cleared up

so be careful and make sure they don't carry out unnecessary procedures on her just so they can charge you extra

my prayers are with her

thnx guys..i'm praying

she just saw the doc from KPH..

even at KPH she had 50million student docs doing all sorts a tings..mi really sorry mi no dere

[J2A♥oasis 2]

StoneLove - So is he asking that you not do things with them or saying that he doesn't want to do things with them? Different can of worms imo.

If it is him not wanting to do things with them - Have you looked at it through his eyes? Not saying this is the case but maybe he is jealous and threatened of all the time and attention you give your family and how close you are. He came here expecting the two of you to be married and become your own family unit and didn't expect you to spend tons of time with your family which he probably doesn’t feel a part of just yet. Think how hard it's got to be coming into the mix - your family all knows each other, knows each others quirks and personalities, has inside jokes, tells stories that he can't relate to cause he wasn't there, has traditions he isn't a part of etc etc. That sure would be hard to be around and it would be hard to be around all the time. There has to be a healthy balance.

Maybe it's sensory overload - I don't know your family but DH came here and said we talk "different" and all the slang and short hand talk got to him when he would be around us all. He didn't like being at our family get togethers all the time cause he never felt he could understand exactly what we were talking about so he would check out - whether it be our "slang" or the stories from "back in the day" that he couldn't relate to or even be a part of the discussion. Caused huge fights for a while cause I wanted my family and him to get along and it seemed like the harder I pushed the gap just kept getting wider and wider.

I really had to step back and make sure that I was putting my husband his feelings first. Yes my family is my family and they always will be and I made that very clear but when I got married I was making the choice to make my husband my new immediate family unit and he should be first priority. Now not staying to cut out your family or never do anything with them but make sure that there is a healthy balance of where you spend your time. Make sure that you are paying attention to him when you are with your family as a couple so he doesn't feel like the odd man out. Make sure he knows that it is the two of you and not you and your family against him.

Now if he is demanding you not do things with your family and contact them then that is a whole other can of worms and he has some serious issues.

Just my two cents.

Totally agree.

[sus 70]

Bunz, when this first happened my parents were in Jamaica and when they went to the police station for an update my mom was waiting to talk to the coporal and the other officers were in the back saying, a country people dem a musah money dem look fram di bway family...my mother waited for the coporal to enter then she told off the officers that were talking about her...just no respect.

because dem waan mek sure dem get fi dem own first!

some police officers give the force such a bad name

Totally agree with this - And the bad ones make it hard for the good ones to do their jobs.

[StoneLove4Ever 0]

I have a question....How would you feel if your SO wants to have nothing to do with your part of the family...and your family did nothing to him to show that they have anything against him...but your SO said he "feels" it and doesn't have to see it...and then says that sometimes he wished they lived far away from your family so they don't have to see their baby.....

Any response will be highly appreciated...Thanxs

I'd say he's a controlling ####### trying to seperate you from your family. Be VERY weary of that.

But, then again, I am jaded.

He's not controlling cause he never stopped me from being around my family but if my family has any functions he wouldn't want to go or if they come over he would just stay in the bedroom or go outside....

I'm not really 100% family person but when they have functions i will go or go visit my parents like one day on the weekends or something and i have a twin brother so sometimes he will have dinners over his house and i would go but he would always say he doesn't feel comfortable being around my fam...

A little background: I kinda blame myself because my fam is kinda snottie....my mother thinks if you are not a doctor, lawyer, or haitian, you are nothing...so i just told my husband that my mom is like that but when she does finally get to know you she is a very cool, nice person....and my brother could act pretty snottie too...like he's sh*t don't stink...so i just pre-warning him just in case they do act a way...and pretty much too that our whole marriage thing was a secret until he came up here so i was like they might feel a way about that too....

So he has this in his heart and won't even give them a chance...I tell him that my fam is so over the whole marriage thing especially since now that i am pregnant that he just need to be more social when they are around...I'm not asking him to call or go over the house but when they are around just act a little more sociable....he will say hi but that is about it and will then leave the room...

I just want him to give them a chance...

Sorry took so long to post my boss keep coming in my cubicle....

[My4rmylife 0]

btw legz has she seen any specialists?

mek sure dem student doctors up at uwi nuh turn har inna one experiment

my freind had kidney problems and dem same dr up a uwi wanted to operate on her

when she went to see a specialist he prescribed medicine and the problem eventually cleared up

so be careful and make sure they don't carry out unnecessary procedures on her just so they can charge you extra

my prayers are with her

thnx guys..i'm praying

she just saw the doc from KPH..

even at KPH she had 50million student docs doing all sorts a tings..mi really sorry mi no dere

my prayers are with her and you also

[My4rmylife 0]

I have a question....How would you feel if your SO wants to have nothing to do with your part of the family...and your family did nothing to him to show that they have anything against him...but your SO said he "feels" it and doesn't have to see it...and then says that sometimes he wished they lived far away from your family so they don't have to see their baby.....

Any response will be highly appreciated...Thanxs

I'd say he's a controlling ####### trying to seperate you from your family. Be VERY weary of that.

But, then again, I am jaded.

He's not controlling cause he never stopped me from being around my family but if my family has any functions he wouldn't want to go or if they come over he would just stay in the bedroom or go outside....

I'm not really 100% family person but when they have functions i will go or go visit my parents like one day on the weekends or something and i have a twin brother so sometimes he will have dinners over his house and i would go but he would always say he doesn't feel comfortable being around my fam...

A little background: I kinda blame myself because my fam is kinda snottie....my mother thinks if you are not a doctor, lawyer, or haitian, you are nothing...so i just told my husband that my mom is like that but when she does finally get to know you she is a very cool, nice person....and my brother could act pretty snottie too...like he's sh*t don't stink...so i just pre-warning him just in case they do act a way...and pretty much too that our whole marriage thing was a secret until he came up here so i was like they might feel a way about that too....

So he has this in his heart and won't even give them a chance...I tell him that my fam is so over the whole marriage thing especially since now that i am pregnant that he just need to be more social when they are around...I'm not asking him to call or go over the house but when they are around just act a little more sociable....he will say hi but that is about it and will then leave the room...

I just want him to give them a chance...

Sorry took so long to post my boss keep coming in my cubicle....

I hope that everything works out

[J2A♥oasis 2]

Yardie; a ow much obeah ooman it tek fi call u?

Mi nah really knoa...mussi whole heap. Mi juss need fi tek wan likkle break fram everyting an mi did sick fi wan good while dat kept mi away fram deh computa. Now mi good so si mi ere. Yuh alright wid dat?

mi no know yet...mi miss u still.

I forgot to tell you ladies, but the guy that hit my cousin and killed her when she was 8 months pregnant back in May was allowed to leave Jamaica and fly to the US...someone please explain this to me. They said there was no need to keep him in jail, since the accident was being investigated. It's June, how much investigation do you need to do.

#######!!!!! How does this happen??? Don't you have to get a police report to travel?