What I don't understand...

[kaffy 2]

I think you have raised a valid question. I have wondered the same.. and I have also wondered how some people can commit to marriage with someone they met over the internet that they have never lived with and only spent minimal time with. (I refer specifically to the "omg my new spouse is a monster/control freak/etc etc" type posts I read on here occasionally)

*shrugs*

Edited June 3, 2009 by kaffy

[rebeccajo 14]

I think you have raised a valid question. I have wondered the same.. and I have also wondered how some people can commit to marriage with someone they met over the internet that they have never lived with and only spent minimal time with. (I refer specifically to the "omg my new spouse is a monster/control freak/etc etc" type posts I read on here occasionally)

*shrugs*

I presume you didn't meet your SO on the internet?

And regarding speaking English..................a friend of mine with a Romanian husband once told me (when Wes and I were having some sort of tiff) that "you two speak too much English".................

Edited June 3, 2009 by rebeccajo

[Kar98 0]

Loaded questions tend to draw a lot of return fire.

Regarding immigration, there have been cases here on VJ (and others I know of anecdotaly) where visa petitions have been denied because the CO did not see where the couple could communicate in a common language.

Couples (let's exclude the arranged marriages for the moment) figure out a way to communicate through whatever is the most convenient common language. Once the immigrant arrives in the US they may choose to / need to enhance their english skills for personal, educational, or professional reasons. That being said, there have been ethnic enclaves in the US throughout history where non english speakers have coped very well.

Like I said in the beginning: I was talking about a common language, not necessarily English.

[kaffy 2]

No, we met in person.

[rebeccajo 14]

No, we met in person.

We met in person too.

After we had spent five months chatting on the internet and by telephone.

Loaded questions tend to draw a lot of return fire.

Regarding immigration, there have been cases here on VJ (and others I know of anecdotaly) where visa petitions have been denied because the CO did not see where the couple could communicate in a common language.

Couples (let's exclude the arranged marriages for the moment) figure out a way to communicate through whatever is the most convenient common language. Once the immigrant arrives in the US they may choose to / need to enhance their english skills for personal, educational, or professional reasons. That being said, there have been ethnic enclaves in the US throughout history where non english speakers have coped very well.

Like I said in the beginning: I was talking about a common language, not necessarily English.

I do think there's some concern on the part of Consular Officers regarding how well the alien will assimilate to life in America if they speak virtually no English.

The chances for abuse of the alien on the part of the USC rise exponentially if the alien can't communicate.

[kaffy 2]

I'm more referring to those people that meet on the internet, make one trip to the beneficary's country, get engaged/married on same that trip then file immigration papers.. I don't know how they move so quickly

[trillium13 84]

I have also wondered how some people can commit to marriage with someone they met over the internet that they have never lived with and only spent minimal time with.

I met my husband on the internet, completely by accident. We spent very little "actual" time together before I moved from NY to Texas to be with him. He visited me once in NY, and I flew here to Texas to see him for a few days-but by that time I already knew I was going to move here and marry him. We had known each other just under 2 months when I moved here.

Because we were so far apart, we spent pretty much all of our free time chatting to each other via the computer. I got to know him as a person, many of the important ins and outs, and nothing held back. We would chat for hours at a time, discussing everything from the most mundane BS to the things that were held most important to us. In this way, I think we got to know each other much better than we would have, had we spent that time actually together, just doing things and "dating". We got a lot of the important stuff out in the open way early. I talked more to him in those 2 months than I had to my husband ever in my previous marriage, which in total lasted 9 years. Seriously.

We pretty much just "clicked" when we met, and things have been just getting better and better ever since. I certainly can't imagine my life without him now. I give everyone who has to wait for many months a lot of credit, I hated the time we were apart, and compared to many here, it was nothing. We really hold communication as key, and have from the start.

Obviously not everyone's "online relationship" story is like this, but that's mine.

[rebeccajo 14]

I'm more referring to those people that meet on the internet, make one trip to the beneficary's country, get engaged/married on same that trip then file immigration papers.. I don't know how they move so quickly

Probably one reason is travel cost. And convenience. Most USC's can't get more than two weeks at a time off from work. All USCIS requires is that the couple has met in person once in the last two years.

I think some of it goes back to usacandual's posts. Not everybody is looking for that 'deeply loving' relationship. Some people are just looking for an arrangement that works between them. As long as their is no abuse involved; no stealing or financial pillaging; and as long as nobody is frauding anybody just to get over here - well as a long-time member of this community I've learned that whatever floats their boat is OK by me.

[rebeccajo 14]

............

Because we were so far apart, we spent pretty much all of our free time chatting to each other via the computer. I got to know him as a person, many of the important ins and outs, and nothing held back. We would chat for hours at a time, discussing everything from the most mundane BS to the things that were held most important to us. In this way, I think we got to know each other much better than we would have, had we spent that time actually together, just doing things and "dating". We got a lot of the important stuff out in the open way early. I talked more to him in those 2 months than I had to my husband ever in my previous marriage, which in total lasted 9 years. Seriously............

Similar to our story. Similar to many who met online, I think. Or at least what they would tell you.

We've been married almost four years now. I'm here to tell ya - what we learned about each other over the web and phone formed the basis for our life. BUT living together IS different than what you "imagine" when you are in the throes of a long-distance relationship. AND some people can be VERY different in real life than they TELL YOU they are over the internet or on the phone.

We were lucky in that we were honest with each other. And I could suss out what my husband was "sugar coating" about himself (yes all men do it)! Like the fact that I was pretty sure his house was representative of a bear living with furniture - and once I saw it with my own two eyes - yes it was!

Some people choose to misrepresent themselves over the internet. And some people choose to be blind to it. Those are the sad posts we see about the "monster spouses", IMO.

[Joan >3 Bob 20]

Getting back on the main subject of this original post,....Where does it say the foreign fiancee "Has to take English" classes"

My now wife is from the Philippines and we spent over two years communicating before she came here on a K1 and she can speak English and we can communicvate very well and will only get better as the time goes on.

[Kar98 0]

Getting back on the main subject of this original post,....Where does it say the foreign fiancee "Has to take English" classes"

Nowhere?

[trinket 30]

............

Because we were so far apart, we spent pretty much all of our free time chatting to each other via the computer. I got to know him as a person, many of the important ins and outs, and nothing held back. We would chat for hours at a time, discussing everything from the most mundane BS to the things that were held most important to us. In this way, I think we got to know each other much better than we would have, had we spent that time actually together, just doing things and "dating". We got a lot of the important stuff out in the open way early. I talked more to him in those 2 months than I had to my husband ever in my previous marriage, which in total lasted 9 years. Seriously............

Similar to our story. Similar to many who met online, I think. Or at least what they would tell you.

We've been married almost four years now. I'm here to tell ya - what we learned about each other over the web and phone formed the basis for our life. BUT living together IS different than what you "imagine" when you are in the throes of a long-distance relationship. AND some people can be VERY different in real life than they TELL YOU they are over the internet or on the phone.

We were lucky in that we were honest with each other. And I could suss out what my husband was "sugar coating" about himself (yes all men do it)! Like the fact that I was pretty sure his house was representative of a bear living with furniture - and once I saw it with my own two eyes - yes it was!

Some people choose to misrepresent themselves over the internet. And some people choose to be blind to it. Those are the sad posts we see about the "monster spouses", IMO.

I have heard this a lot of time, and may be its just us but I didn't find a lot of adjustments and a lot of differences from what it was online and now living together. May be because we almost spent 5 years online, so knowing each others routines was pretty obvious. I used to wake him up for work while I was in India and I do the same out here too. But yes those solid online communications did a lot of good for the relationship, you kind of get the in and out of the person, you can't touch but you can feel.

One thing is sure though we fought more online than living together, in these last 6 months we fought only twice and that too a bit of arguement because he was playing around during my t.v show and another one when I flipped out because of frozen lasagna box.

[scandal 951]

I have heard this a lot of time, and may be its just us but I didn't find a lot of adjustments and a lot of differences from what it was online and now living together. May be because we almost spent 5 years online, so knowing each others routines was pretty obvious. I used to wake him up for work while I was in India and I do the same out here too. But yes those solid online communications did a lot of good for the relationship, you kind of get the in and out of the person, you can't touch but you can feel.

One thing is sure though we fought more online than living together, in these last 6 months we fought only twice and that too a bit of arguement because he was playing around during my t.v show and another one when I flipped out because of frozen lasagna box.

Lasagna box huh?? Do tell!! Do tell!!

Thanti + I have been in an online relationship for 2.5 years now, punctuated by 4 visits by me to Thailand, and one visit by her to Israel when I was living there.

Like you Trinket, Thanti calls me each morning at 6:15am as my alarm clock and I often do the same for her (she works shifts so her wakeup times are more sporadic). We have shared meals together on our webcam, watched movies and slideshows together, and done laundry and ironing "shared" online. It's not real life, but it's a reasonable facsimile. More important - we've shared the good times and the bad. When I first met her I was going through the tumultuous breakdown of my first marriage, followed by separation and divorce. She was my rock through all of those hard difficult months. Will things change when she finally gets here and we live together in the same house? I hope so - for the better! Am I concerned that it will not live up to all our hopes and dreams? I really don't see that happening. We "know" each other as well as I've ever known anyone in my life.

[trinket 30]

I have heard this a lot of time, and may be its just us but I didn't find a lot of adjustments and a lot of differences from what it was online and now living together. May be because we almost spent 5 years online, so knowing each others routines was pretty obvious. I used to wake him up for work while I was in India and I do the same out here too. But yes those solid online communications did a lot of good for the relationship, you kind of get the in and out of the person, you can't touch but you can feel.

One thing is sure though we fought more online than living together, in these last 6 months we fought only twice and that too a bit of arguement because he was playing around during my t.v show and another one when I flipped out because of frozen lasagna box.

Lasagna box huh?? Do tell!! Do tell!!

Thanti + I have been in an online relationship for 2.5 years now, punctuated by 4 visits by me to Thailand, and one visit by her to Israel when I was living there.

Like you Trinket, Thanti calls me each morning at 6:15am as my alarm clock and I often do the same for her (she works shifts so her wakeup times are more sporadic). We have shared meals together on our webcam, watched movies and slideshows together, and done laundry and ironing "shared" online. It's not real life, but it's a reasonable facsimile. More important - we've shared the good times and the bad. When I first met her I was going through the tumultuous breakdown of my first marriage, followed by separation and divorce. She was my rock through all of those hard difficult months. Will things change when she finally gets here and we live together in the same house? I hope so - for the better! Am I concerned that it will not live up to all our hopes and dreams? I really don't see that happening. We "know" each other as well as I've ever known anyone in my life.

Well being from a small town of India I never had lasagna and I never had froze food before. I guess it was my 2nd day in US, or may be 3rd anyways we basically didn't have anything in the fridge, other than that lasagna. It was my job to heat it up and I didnt' know if I should heat it up with the aluminum foil covered or not covered, basically I was hungry, moody, and I didn't like the smell of the lasagna and my husband decided to devote his time on WOW computer game, I asked him to help me out, he was in middle of some battle and he showed his irritation kind of made a remark that I should read the instruction, I am a big girl, I can read, so do the reading..........Hold behold, you can't frigging talk to me like that, I don't care if you didn't play your games for 20 days, you aren't going to talk to me like that. So I flipped out on how he won't help me and you know all those usual women temper tantrums

[rebeccajo 14]

I have heard this a lot of time, and may be its just us but I didn't find a lot of adjustments and a lot of differences from what it was online and now living together. May be because we almost spent 5 years online, so knowing each others routines was pretty obvious. I used to wake him up for work while I was in India and I do the same out here too. But yes those solid online communications did a lot of good for the relationship, you kind of get the in and out of the person, you can't touch but you can feel.

One thing is sure though we fought more online than living together, in these last 6 months we fought only twice and that too a bit of arguement because he was playing around during my t.v show and another one when I flipped out because of frozen lasagna box.

Lasagna box huh?? Do tell!! Do tell!!

Thanti + I have been in an online relationship for 2.5 years now, punctuated by 4 visits by me to Thailand, and one visit by her to Israel when I was living there.

Like you Trinket, Thanti calls me each morning at 6:15am as my alarm clock and I often do the same for her (she works shifts so her wakeup times are more sporadic). We have shared meals together on our webcam, watched movies and slideshows together, and done laundry and ironing "shared" online. It's not real life, but it's a reasonable facsimile. More important - we've shared the good times and the bad. When I first met her I was going through the tumultuous breakdown of my first marriage, followed by separation and divorce. She was my rock through all of those hard difficult months. Will things change when she finally gets here and we live together in the same house? I hope so - for the better! Am I concerned that it will not live up to all our hopes and dreams? I really don't see that happening. We "know" each other as well as I've ever known anyone in my life.

We never did the 'living with webcams turned on'. We knew each others routines but couldn't 'see'.