What I don't understand...

[trinket 30]

You have to understand that a lot of communication with LDR happens through typing on your computer. Some people are so-so in English and can have a conversation with the other person (who they love or not). Once you have talked to someone over a month or so, you kind of do pick up their typing pattern and you do understand what they are trying to convey with their broken English. So yes, a relationship can survive even if the beneficiary isn't all the fluent in English.

But when they come to USA its a different story all together, people do struggle going to stores alone, asking for direction and all the other small insignificant things for a regular American citizen, but for them its a hard cookie to break and that's when ESL classes come handy.

Then there are people like me, if you are talking proper English I will understand you and I will reciprocate accordingly but mind you Americans have their own dialects all over the country and I don't understand those, I am usually dumbf*cked when I have to deal with those situations. No ESL classes to deal with those, but I hope over a few years time I will be able to communicate with midwest/southern/ebonics and so on.

And you also shouldn't forget their are many people who have common second language, English has never been their part of communication. From India itself, there are only handful of inter-racial couples (including me) but mostly other 95% of couple are both natives of India and they speak their own Indian language, so communication with each other isn't a problem, surely once the beneficiary comes to USA, communication with others will be going to be a problem if he/she isn't fluent with their English usage........so again ESL comes handy.

[raymaga 25]

Personally, I couldn't imagine trying to have a relationship with someone that doesn't speak my language, but that's why I chose a partner that did speak English.

I also know that everybody isn't like me, so I just figure.... live and let live.

[D&R 0]

I totally agree with the original post on the surface. If you can't talk the same language as the person you're marrying, then yeah... seems a little odd that you've 'fallen in love'.

But... Love and getting a Visa to marry don't have much to do with each other unfortunately. It's very hard to 'prove love' and even if you could... if doesn't mean you'll be given a marriage Visa anyway. Plus it could also be that the people in love have been using another common language to both of them that isn't English.

In addition... what comforts me to see on here (as it gives me hope for when I finally start to K1 process) is when people with such a terrible grasp of the English language get granted Visas to enter into a marriage and set up residence in a mainly English speaking country. How the HELL (there's that term again! ) are they expecting to be a credit to the country they're becoming a part of?!? If they can get in and pass the interviews etc... then there's hope for anyone.

[INCT 0]

I met my husband on vacation in Chile, I speak spanish and he doesn't speak English... When he moved to America, he needed to take ESL classes for the obvious reasons, work, friends, etc. Falling in love with someone thousands of miles away from me was one of the hardest things of my life to go through (something I definitely didn't intend for) as it is just torture not being with the one you love. But thank god he is here now, we are married, and now the next step for us to improve our relationship is for him to learn English which will allow him to be more independent.

[Kar98 0]

Thanks for the interesting answers.

[Chocolot 0]

Personally, I couldn't imagine trying to have a relationship with someone that doesn't speak my language, but that's why I chose a partner that did speak English.

My husband and I both claim to speak English, but the English I was taught as a child and the Australian English and the American English are all very different,

boy have we had a steep learning curve!!!

[Carol and Bruno 0]

When my husband arrived, I enrolled him into English class immediately. He understands far more English than he speaks so it was very important that he learned how to speak as well. We speak only Portuguese together so we have no issues with communication. I have been trying since he's been here to speak English to him, but it's very uncomfortable for me. It's easier to speak Portuguese. I do try though.

[reeses16 8]

I met my hubby when I was living in Ethiopia. We both speak several languages, but we communicate primarily in English. When he came to the US getting into ESL courses was a top priority for several reasons; (1) He wanted to improve his writing and listening (different US pronunciations and dialects) so that he could get better paying jobs (2) To have something to do and meet people. Between applying for AOS/EAD there's not much to do and its an opportunity to help adjust. Its not just taking English class, but the fact that he had to learn the bus schedule, and stops, get more familiar with the city, and meet new people and make friends that I didn't introduce him to. He also spent that time studying the driving book from the DMV. (3) American Culture/Life- ESL teaches helpful things like expressions that aren't meant to be taken literally, customs, traditions holidays.

Plus, my best friend is ESL instructor. How could he *not* take ESL? Lol.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Then there are people like me, if you are talking proper English I will understand you and I will reciprocate accordingly but mind you Americans have their own dialects all over the country and I don't understand those, I am usually dumbf*cked when I have to deal with those situations. No ESL classes to deal with those, but I hope over a few years time I will be able to communicate with midwest/southern/ebonics and so on.

Both my husband and I have been there and done that. I think it is a bigger issue for SL speakers than most people realize. It is not insurmountable at all, but if you have been taught the 'wrong' dialect for your purposes, you are in for some frustrating re-schooling. It sucks.

[TBoneTX 44,930]

ESL as taught in foreign countries is not the same as english taught in America. ... many people who claim to be able to speak english are nearly unintelligeable. also, it is common for people to be able to speak effectively, but to be unable to write well...

Si, man. My wife is continuing with a correspondence Business program (offered through a university) that she had begun in her country. English tests are part of the work. I have looked at several of her homework assignments (multiple-choice and fill-in-the-blank), and -- I swear on my employment as a medical editor -- more than a few of the questions absolutely CANNOT BE ANSWERED, because the question is faulty or because none of the potential choices is correct. Almost as often, there will be two potentially correct answers, but the student has to try to guess whether the test-preparers are suddenly being subtle or whether they want the "obvious" answer only.

The wife says that the test-preparers (and all of the instructors) are not native speakers of English, but merely countrymen of hers who learned English as a second language. I'm sorely tempted to write to that university with an offer to overhaul their course materials.

[Kar98 0]

Both my husband and I have been there and done that. I think it is a bigger issue for SL speakers than most people realize. It is not insurmountable at all, but if you have been taught the 'wrong' dialect for your purposes, you are in for some frustrating re-schooling. It sucks.

LOL, tell me about it! I mean my written English was OK back then when I first arrived state-side "for a short visit". It did take a while to realize that the US is indeed a culture different from Germany, despite the deceiving similarities. And the English _I_ knew was from school, books and the radio. Pretty much worthless in real life, but at least it gave me something to start with. Thinking back how much of a different person I was back then and how un-familiar with life and attitudes and customs, I can't imagine me and the beloved could have connected as much as we did, and continue to do so more every day, back then.

But my point was, back then at least I /did/ speak some rudiments of English, and I /was/ living in the US, and it still took almost a decade to find a wonderful and amazing forever partner: "how the hell did people without a common language, living on different continents find each other?" Some of you have enlightened me with great stories, others elected to act offended.

[Nik+Heather 121]

My husband and I both claim to speak English, but the English I was taught as a child and the Australian English and the American English are all very different,

boy have we had a steep learning curve!!!

We run into these sorts of things all the time as well. Fries, Chips or Crisps?

I'll never forget the day when our Australian English teacher (Catholic High School) asked the purest of the pure girls for a "rubber" when he was hurriedly correcting an attendance sheet at the last minute. She just STARED at him like he'd grown horns! I still laugh.

I don't think we were too surprised, we'd both heard the whining on both sides about what "real" English is.

[vny 0]

Been reading a lot of posts here where the first thing the foreign spouse has to do after arriving is to attend English classes.

Just a question, when you say "has to do", is it a requirement of the visa or just something that they "want to do" to improve their lives in the US? Not being sarcastic, just asking a question cause not sure what all the stipulations they put on the visa, but didn't think that ESL was a requirement, unless you intend to apply for citizenship.

Cause my wife speaks english enough for us to communicate and I understand some of her language. She still feels uncomfortable about her english, which yes is far from perfect (and mine too), but I keep telling her that she would be able to at least communicate with anyone in the US enough to do what she needs to do. She would surely benefit from an ESL class.

Edited June 2, 2009 by vny

[Kar98 0]

It's not a legal requirement for permanent residency, it's up to whoever think would benefit from such classes. I meant "has to do" in the sense of "needs to do something, or there's no chance of social interaction or career"

Edited June 2, 2009 by Kar98

[attaya_girl 1]

Uh- both my fiance and I actually speak more than one language. We communicate in French and have never had a problem. There are plenty of people that are multi-lingual and don't communicate in English. My fiance speaks several languages, but isn't strong in English so he will have to take classes when he gets here.