Good information here

[clueless_in_usa 8]

I empathize with you. I understand what you are going through ... and be prepared for what is coming. Some laws in the USA are so screwed up that you will not see the end of it for a long while ... and be prepared in case the tables are turned on you, especially for abandonment in a foreign country.

Be very careful! The law is NOT on your side. You are the man, so you can get easily screwed.

Edited July 15, 2009 by clueless_in_usa

[justashooter 430]

it's miller time.

[paidplayed 1]

I empathize with you. I understand what you are going through ... and be prepared for what is coming. Some laws in the USA are so screwed up that you will not see the end of it for a long while ... and be prepared in case the tables are turned on you, especially for abandonment in a foreign country.

Be very careful! The law is NOT on your side. You are the man, so you can get easily screwed.

I guess I don't understand your comment?? Thanks for the empathy though.

[Nina~ 431]

I empathize with you. I understand what you are going through ... and be prepared for what is coming. Some laws in the USA are so screwed up that you will not see the end of it for a long while ... and be prepared in case the tables are turned on you, especially for abandonment in a foreign country.

Be very careful! The law is NOT on your side. You are the man, so you can get easily screwed.

I guess I don't understand your comment?? Thanks for the empathy though.

The poster might have meant that you need to be careful in dealing with your ex because the US courts tend to be sympathetic to women.. And also the court might think it was abuse on your part to abandon your spouse in a foreign country... Just have all your ducks lined in a row and keep a copy of your documents in a place that is inaccessible by your wife. It is already apparent that your wife looks like someone who can take care of herself in any situation.

[TBoneTX 45,288]

Just have all your ducks lined in a row and keep a copy of your documents in a place that is inaccessible by your wife. It is already apparent that your wife looks like someone who can take care of herself in any situation.

Holy mackerel, but yes. One would think that the report to DHS will be the final word. If she tries anything, perhaps DHS can accelerate deportation so that any civil actions become moot.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

I empathize with you. I understand what you are going through ... and be prepared for what is coming. Some laws in the USA are so screwed up that you will not see the end of it for a long while ... and be prepared in case the tables are turned on you, especially for abandonment in a foreign country.

Be very careful! The law is NOT on your side. You are the man, so you can get easily screwed.

I guess I don't understand your comment?? Thanks for the empathy though.

Like somebody else said, you have to be prepared for anything, because she can make any kind of allegations and she may be believed without question (that is what WAVA is being used for), especially when you left her behind in a foreign country. That alone can easily come back to bite you in the A$$.

[Ivan in VA 2]

G&A, LMAO, you are just too much! As to the post, comeon guys, you're in love and someone you trusted with your heart has tenderly held your heart and then dashed it to the floor and let 100 hamster run across it (well, maybe only 99).

Everyone should see after the fact and it's a little too late for anything else. Truth is her behavior isn't very likely to change so the options are a marriage counselor or divorce. Personally I find the second something akin to having cancer and refusing to treat it. Bottom line is a word to the wise, I and my fiancee have dated 5 years and trust in the verbal and not the hanky panky: in a nut shell best friends and a friend that one would trust with his life.

[daboyz 36]

G&A, LMAO, you are just too much! As to the post, comeon guys, you're in love and someone you trusted with your heart has tenderly held your heart and then dashed it to the floor and let 100 hamster run across it (well, maybe only 99).

Everyone should see after the fact and it's a little too late for anything else. Truth is her behavior isn't very likely to change so the options are a marriage counselor or divorce. Personally I find the second something akin to having cancer and refusing to treat it. Bottom line is a word to the wise, I and my fiancee have dated 5 years and trust in the verbal and not the hanky panky: in a nut shell best friends and a friend that one would trust with his life.

Laugh! When she starts working 12 hour shifts at the topless bar get back to me.

[idocare 3]

You said that the American Embassey helped her gain statis back into America? I'd request to get a copy of what she told homeland suecurity .

Gear up buddy; she isn't no where done with you. And it's not gona br pretty,

[Nik+Heather 121]

You said that the American Embassey helped her gain statis back into America? I'd request to get a copy of what she told homeland suecurity .

Gear up buddy; she isn't no where done with you. And it's not gona br pretty,

That shouldn't be in any way surprising.

The AP is a document between her and the US Gov, not between her and the OP. Just taking away the piece of paper doesn't negate the fact that she has an approved AP, so it makes perfect sense that with very little back story she could walk in there and say, "Oh, I lost the paper, can I have a new one, please?" They look her up, see it's approved and print off a new one. I would think that once she's approved, she's on the other side of the embassy fence - the nice one.

[MNCouple 3]

I haven't read all 8 pages yet... but what if you closed her "discretionary" account and got her a prepaid bank "credit card" that you put 500 on each month. Then see if you can turn off cash withdrawals. Then she could only use it as a card... and you'll be able to see line items of everything she purchases. That way you can actually see what she is using it for. May be a good way to see how she reacts. If all she wants is the cash, then you know it's suspicious activity and will have more substantial proof to make decisions with.

I'm new here, and some of the information offered and discussed is extemely helpful.

Thank you to everyone.

My story is very similar. I'm the USC and my wife of 6 months came over on a K1.

The LD courtship was about 24 months with numerous trips and redevous.

I supported her for 10 months prior to her arrival.

We married within the 90 days and things were fine until about 2 months ago.

We applied for AOS and are still waiting for an interview date.

Slowly over the last few months the lifestyle we have has not been adaquate for her.

Since day 1 ALL household and personal expenses are paid and provide her an additional $500 per month as 'discretionary" to do with as she pleases.

There's very little purchases she brings home, and tells me she uses it for meals, etc. We eat dinner at home 90% of the time, and the other 10% we go out to dinner together.

We decided 2 months ago it would be easier to start a "discretionary" account at the bank so she would not have to always ask for spending money.

Every time I check this account at the bank, the entire amount is withdrawn within a day of being deposited and the account sits basically empty for the remainer of the month.

Suddenly a $2000 debt,( she had previously told me about), had to be re-paid back home immediately to her personal friend and was agreed to by her.

It HAD to happen within 24 hours! She assured me prior to our marraige she would repay this to her friend when she began working.

No problem.

( the funds had to be wired in dollars and not distributed in local currency. I thought that was strange.....)

Well, now the $500 is not enough and needs to be increased so she can shop with some friends.

I asked "How can you spend this much on basically lunches over a 1 month period while you attend day time classes?"

When I explain the household budget REPEATEDLY to her and show expenses, etc. the arguement is the same.

I'm not taking care of her.

"So are we to act irresponsibly and not pay the bills in order to support a lifestyle??" I ask.

I'm not taking care of her is the reply. Arguement, arguement.

We have sat down a number of times and examined all the expenses and monthly income, and reached amiable agreements at the time, but a week or 2 later, it's not enough.

She's learning to drive and now wants her own car next month, hoping she'll have her license by then.

Of course any red flags from the past, which we always talked about at the time, are waving again.

Anyway it's pretty apparent to me that she's sending money home or stashing.

Again, no purchases show up at the house.

Now of course I've got decisions to make.

Thanks to all for the info posted here.

Good luck to you all.

[TBoneTX 45,288]

I haven't read all 8 pages yet

Sorry, my friend, but you need(ed) to, before responding.

[paidplayed 1]

Well boys and girls, I have been away from here for over 1 year, but I felt I would log on this evening and give an update. I don't know if I still have the same username, but I am paidplayed.

The divorce has been finalized and entered into the court system, so I feel I can write pretty candidly now. Call me paranoid, but it's a fact that attoneys surf websites like this to try and gain information. Remember the guys who just got busted on facebook, etc? So,....be careful what you write if you're up to your neck in sh!t. That's why the last few posts I made were somewhat nieve.

After I ditched my new foreign wife in Hong Kong when I finaly accepted the fact that I was only a tool for her, (yep that's what happened), she showed back up in the USA and at my house.....that was mind-blowing.

I had her removed from the house via a retraining order. Let me tell you, that was the BEST move I made!

I filled for the divorce and stood in the waiting llne to get dragged through the court system. What fun.

She accussed me of EVERYTHING under the sun. From yelling at her, to holding a gun at her forcing her to perform oral sex, to threating to drug her and sell her into prostitution. And everyting in between.

The judge shook her head did not believe her story. Had she just made more believeable false accusations, things would have turned out much more in her favor.

I took a polygraph test which was administered by the compoany that has the major police and sheriff contract, and naturally in poved that her accusations were false.

Man oh man, how the months rolled on waiting for the trial date.

Any way, the court granted her $2000 per month in maintenace for 6 months, then another $1450 for 5 additional months

so I racking up some pretty good expenses with this on top of attorney fees.

She got an attorney but he refused to represent her after a few months because it was quite obvious her intention was to prolong the entire ordeal to extort as much $$ as she could from me. I had to pay him #2500 also, (her legal fees) Then come the trial date, and suddenly,...she has to leave the state for 60 days of job training to continue her PART-TIME job. Nobody believed this but what does our wonderful court system do? Why, they grant her the extension.(maintenance $$ had ended at this time) So as the whole ball of sh!t gathered steam towards trial, she caved when the facts remained standing and accepted a negotiated settlement for $6000 and the divorce was finalized. No protection orders or anything issued. Just the standard mutual restraining order post divorce.

Let me state something here and now. The Family Court system is all about who has the $$ and who can the court get to pay. (The states are broke and they're NOT going to foot the bill for squat). My visa journey cost north of 30K to her and just about the same for all the attorneys. Mind you, we're talking about a 6 month marraige which ended when she became violent towards me.

I'm a little bummed about the $$ I had to pay out but so what. Big deal. I'm very fortunate to have a job which compensates me better than double that per annum.

I never did show her the safe deposit box containing about 200K in gold/silver bullion. Nor did we ever really discuss retirement accounts in detail. During the divorce proiceedings she kept on refering to the K1 visa application listing my assets. Even my cheesball attorney tried to get me to divulge my net wealth. Sorry charlie.

Lost it all in the economic crash is what I told him. Look, bank account is almost.

ANYONE who sees even the slightest red or even pink flag, man,....you had better NOT disclose assets to your K1 finance. Yea, I know separate and community property definitions, but if the court discovers you have the ability to ppay, you WILL pay. End of story.

I ended up closing the safe deposit box at the beginning of this nonsense and getting a buried floor safe just in case "Discovery" was issued but it wasn't,(No, it's not in my house. Sorry honey. Move along with your life).

Someone mentioned wife abandonment with this mess, but that doesn't qualify until after 1 year has past.

A few people said it was Miller Time, and baby,...I salute you.

Bottom line and lesson learned, don't reveal or discuss assets or wealth. It is only a temptation for your new foriegn spouse to become an opportunist. They either love you or they don't. All that other stuff can come later.

Where is she now? Probably in deportation hearings, I hope, but don't even bother inquiring with USCIS. They won't tell you. It's between her and them now.

I'll be around the forum for the weekend or so.

Good luck to everyone, and I hope your journey works out better than mine.

[Langa 2]

<!--quoteo(post=3155469:date=Jul 27 2009, 12:39 PM:name=MNCouple)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (MNCouple @ Jul 27 2009, 12:39 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=3155469"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I haven't read all 8 pages yet<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Sorry, my friend, but you need(ed) to, before responding.

I have been following your story and all I can say is Wow!! Sorry you had to go through all this, I say don't give up though on finding true love.

Well boys and girls, I have been away from here for over 1 year, but I felt I would log on this evening and give an update. I don't know if I still have the same username, but I am paidplayed.

The divorce has been finalized and entered into the court system, so I feel I can write pretty candidly now. Call me paranoid, but it's a fact that attoneys surf websites like this to try and gain information. Remember the guys who just got busted on facebook, etc? So,....be careful what you write if you're up to your neck in sh!t. That's why the last few posts I made were somewhat nieve.

After I ditched my new foreign wife in Hong Kong when I finaly accepted the fact that I was only a tool for her, (yep that's what happened), she showed back up in the USA and at my house.....that was mind-blowing.

I had her removed from the house via a retraining order. Let me tell you, that was the BEST move I made!

I filled for the divorce and stood in the waiting llne to get dragged through the court system. What fun.

She accussed me of EVERYTHING under the sun. From yelling at her, to holding a gun at her forcing her to perform oral sex, to threating to drug her and sell her into prostitution. And everyting in between.

The judge shook her head did not believe her story. Had she just made more believeable false accusations, things would have turned out much more in her favor.

I took a polygraph test which was administered by the compoany that has the major police and sheriff contract, and naturally in poved that her accusations were false.

Man oh man, how the months rolled on waiting for the trial date.

Any way, the court granted her $2000 per month in maintenace for 6 months, then another $1450 for 5 additional months

so I racking up some pretty good expenses with this on top of attorney fees.

She got an attorney but he refused to represent her after a few months because it was quite obvious her intention was to prolong the entire ordeal to extort as much $$ as she could from me. I had to pay him #2500 also, (her legal fees) Then come the trial date, and suddenly,...she has to leave the state for 60 days of job training to continue her PART-TIME job. Nobody believed this but what does our wonderful court system do? Why, they grant her the extension.(maintenance $$ had ended at this time) So as the whole ball of sh!t gathered steam towards trial, she caved when the facts remained standing and accepted a negotiated settlement for $6000 and the divorce was finalized. No protection orders or anything issued. Just the standard mutual restraining order post divorce.

Let me state something here and now. The Family Court system is all about who has the $$ and who can the court get to pay. (The states are broke and they're NOT going to foot the bill for squat). My visa journey cost north of 30K to her and just about the same for all the attorneys. Mind you, we're talking about a 6 month marraige which ended when she became violent towards me.

I'm a little bummed about the $$ I had to pay out but so what. Big deal. I'm very fortunate to have a job which compensates me better than double that per annum.

I never did show her the safe deposit box containing about 200K in gold/silver bullion. Nor did we ever really discuss retirement accounts in detail. During the divorce proiceedings she kept on refering to the K1 visa application listing my assets. Even my cheesball attorney tried to get me to divulge my net wealth. Sorry charlie.

Lost it all in the economic crash is what I told him. Look, bank account is almost.

ANYONE who sees even the slightest red or even pink flag, man,....you had better NOT disclose assets to your K1 finance. Yea, I know separate and community property definitions, but if the court discovers you have the ability to ppay, you WILL pay. End of story.

I ended up closing the safe deposit box at the beginning of this nonsense and getting a buried floor safe just in case "Discovery" was issued but it wasn't,(No, it's not in my house. Sorry honey. Move along with your life).

Someone mentioned wife abandonment with this mess, but that doesn't qualify until after 1 year has past.

A few people said it was Miller Time, and baby,...I salute you.

Bottom line and lesson learned, don't reveal or discuss assets or wealth. It is only a temptation for your new foriegn spouse to become an opportunist. They either love you or they don't. All that other stuff can come later.

Where is she now? Probably in deportation hearings, I hope, but don't even bother inquiring with USCIS. They won't tell you. It's between her and them now.

I'll be around the forum for the weekend or so.

Good luck to everyone, and I hope your journey works out better than mine.

I have been following your story and all I can say is Wow!! Sorry you had to go through all this, I say don't give up though on finding true love

[StoryAngel 4]

Wow. Thank you, paidplayed, for your candid account of the ordeal you've been through. I hope that in time your heart will heal and you'll be able to share it with someone who really values YOU and not just your bank account. It seems to me like you really have your head screwed on the right way around and I wish you all the best for your future.