Good information here

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Personal insults are a violation of TOS and have been removed.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Perhaps there is an agenda on the part of the alien; perhaps there is not. You say you supported her for 10 months prior to her arrival. Is it posible that she was lead to believe that this would continue once she arrived? My recommendation would be to involve her in the financial decisions to show her that there simply is not enough money available to continue such luxuries and measure her response and behaviour afterwards. It might indicate an underlying objective, and then again it might solve the issue.

I'm new here, and some of the information offered and discussed is extemely helpful.

Thank you to everyone.

My story is very similar. I'm the USC and my wife of 6 months came over on a K1.

The LD courtship was about 24 months with numerous trips and redevous.

I supported her for 10 months prior to her arrival.

We married within the 90 days and things were fine until about 2 months ago.

We applied for AOS and are still waiting for an interview date.

Slowly over the last few months the lifestyle we have has not been adaquate for her.

Since day 1 ALL household and personal expenses are paid and provide her an additional $500 per month as 'discretionary" to do with as she pleases.

There's very little purchases she brings home, and tells me she uses it for meals, etc. We eat dinner at home 90% of the time, and the other 10% we go out to dinner together.

We decided 2 months ago it would be easier to start a "discretionary" account at the bank so she would not have to always ask for spending money.

Every time I check this account at the bank, the entire amount is withdrawn within a day of being deposited and the account sits basically empty for the remainer of the month.

Suddenly a $2000 debt,( she had previously told me about), had to be re-paid back home immediately to her personal friend and was agreed to by her.

It HAD to happen within 24 hours! She assured me prior to our marraige she would repay this to her friend when she began working.

No problem.

( the funds had to be wired in dollars and not distributed in local currency. I thought that was strange.....)

Well, now the $500 is not enough and needs to be increased so she can shop with some friends.

I asked "How can you spend this much on basically lunches over a 1 month period while you attend day time classes?"

When I explain the household budget REPEATEDLY to her and show expenses, etc. the arguement is the same.

I'm not taking care of her.

"So are we to act irresponsibly and not pay the bills in order to support a lifestyle??" I ask.

I'm not taking care of her is the reply. Arguement, arguement.

We have sat down a number of times and examined all the expenses and monthly income, and reached amiable agreements at the time, but a week or 2 later, it's not enough.

She's learning to drive and now wants her own car next month, hoping she'll have her license by then.

Of course any red flags from the past, which we always talked about at the time, are waving again.

Anyway it's pretty apparent to me that she's sending money home or stashing.

Again, no purchases show up at the house.

Now of course I've got decisions to make.

Thanks to all for the info posted here.

Good luck to you all.

[Old Dominion 26]

Ditto to Mermaid's post. The OP may not understand the culture of absolute poverty where every available penny gets spent right away. In the U.S. and overseas. Someone living overseas in real poverty has no understanding of how there are limits to spending when the cash is right there to use. The disappearance of so much money needs to be discussed openly. If she's sending it back to family and friends, she needs to admit it and accept a mutual boundary of how much, if any, to send home. If that's not possible, then she is simply using you.

[trillium13 84]

Perhaps there is an agenda on the part of the alien; perhaps there is not. You say you supported her for 10 months prior to her arrival. Is it posible that she was lead to believe that this would continue once she arrived? My recommendation would be to involve her in the financial decisions to show her that there simply is not enough money available to continue such luxuries and measure her response and behaviour afterwards. It might indicate an underlying objective, and then again it might solve the issue.

Slowly over the last few months the lifestyle we have has not been adaquate for her.

Since day 1 ALL household and personal expenses are paid and provide her an additional $500 per month as 'discretionary" to do with as she pleases.

There's very little purchases she brings home, and tells me she uses it for meals, etc. We eat dinner at home 90% of the time, and the other 10% we go out to dinner together.

We decided 2 months ago it would be easier to start a "discretionary" account at the bank so she would not have to always ask for spending money.

Every time I check this account at the bank, the entire amount is withdrawn within a day of being deposited and the account sits basically empty for the remainer of the month.

When I explain the household budget REPEATEDLY to her and show expenses, etc. the arguement is the same.

I'm not taking care of her.

"So are we to act irresponsibly and not pay the bills in order to support a lifestyle??" I ask.

I'm not taking care of her is the reply. Arguement, arguement.

We have sat down a number of times and examined all the expenses and monthly income, and reached amiable agreements at the time, but a week or 2 later, it's not enough.

Good luck to you all.

From what I'm reading here, the OP HAS continued to support her, and HAS tried to discuss finances with her. She argues with him and claims he's not taking care of her. What else is he supposed to do??

Edited June 1, 2009 by trillium13

[TBoneTX 45,288]

From what I'm reading here, the OP HAS continued to support her, and HAS tried to discuss finances with her. She argues with him and claims he's not taking care of her. What else is he supposed to do??

I believe that the OP should get himself some top-notch legal advice immediately, ideally from both an immigration attorney and a divorce/family attorney, and take steps to protect himself and his finances as the highest priority.

[Neonred 3,562]

Something sure doesn't look right here.

I had my wife get a job and told her she could do what she pleased with the money. At least that way I figured I wasn't getting used and she has some responsibility too.

[paidplayed 1]

Well, thanks for the advice and comments everyone, here's an update for those interested. Hang on......

I had to take a business trip out of country for 3 weeks plus and NOT looking forward to it. Anyway, before I leave I stocked the house with everything and we had a pretty big arguement. She rips into me in Russian which I don't understand, but I can get the general idea of her comments.

I think there's just some insecurity naturally being gone for this long. About 48 hours before I leave we get Advance Parole approval in the mail and agree that it would be great for her to join me a little later. HKG requires her to have a visa and we contact an express service. Great.

Now the day before I leave the place is stocked, and I leave her $400 extra. I'm going with about $275 personal funds, but payday is in a week and the company is providing my hotel, etc and I've got company cards if needed. She complains and is concerned about the amount I leave her with but I can't understand the reason. In a week there's more if needed.(Insecurity and a little apprehention, yes I can understand).

Well it escalates again and she needs more for unexpected emergencies. Big arguement. What a great way to see each other off. Take it then! Sh*T!

I'm gone about a week and the visa for her arrives. We are talking on the phone every few days and emails about daily. Things have calmed down.

It's the 30th and she asks for some funds plus additional for entertainment/shopping, etc. I have bought a ticket for her to join me and ask, "Wouldn't you rather shop here and budget our funds on this trip? You're coming here in 9 days and it would be better to enjoy some time and resources here"

She agrees and says good idea. Ok everything seems pretty smooth now I think. 2 days later I'm on the computer and paying bills and I see that a credit card I have has had about $544 worth of activity. I left this card in the desk drawer at home. So she in fact did go out with her friend and make a whirl through the mall. 5 department store charges. I call and put a "Hold" on the card. and become really irritated that she didn't say anything to me.

Well, I've had enough of this and write out formal letters to withdrawl the affidavit the support and Fed Ex them from the hotel. Done!

She arrives 3 days later and things are OK. I'm going to work every day and she asks for spending $. I got her a transport card and give her a few $ and ask her what $ she brought with her. "Not much you know I had to buy food". I tell her we can shop together on Saturday but I can't give her large funds now. I have to pay for the credit card you used without telling me. I guess that was a mistake, because it just "Hit the fan"!

I got yelled at for 20 minutes in Russian about how I degrade her and got a water bottle thrown at me.

Now I'm really just freaked out and just up and leave the hotel room. Downstairs I'm asking myself, "What the H@#L just happened?? This is NOT the woman I know and married!!" There's a knot in my stomach the size of a baseball.

I call my friend back in the States just because I need to have a relief and reality check. Man, I'm just in disbelief!

I leave for work and return in the afternoon. Things are calm and cool when I get back. OK I need to de-fuse this right away I tell myself and here's $50 for the day, we've got a planned day out tomorrow.

Now her cell phone doesn't work her and she already asked me to check it out. No signal, probably the sim card. I try to call my phone and in the process come accross 2 numbers in the address log. Domestic abuse hotline and some 800 number for battered women. Well SH*T!!

Pretty clear to me now. I take my friend's advice and cancel her return ticket home and buy her a one way ticket back to the city she lived in when I met her. Next time I see her in the afternoon I mention that it's probably the sim card not working in her phone and calmly say that I saw some phone numbers in the address book that I'm worried about. She says that her mother sometimes worries about her and gave her those numbers when she arrived in the states and they've been in there for many months. (I used this phone for 4 days over the Easter holiday and they were NOT in the address book). Then she says she"s got surprise to show me and opens a envelope for the AOS interview she got before she came on this trip. "I wanted to show you in person so I didn't say anything on the phone before I left. We must go together as you know darling" Appointment in about 40 days.

That was last night. Now today I'm working again, her visa expires in 6 days and she has to exit this country. If I just give her, her new travel ticket out of here believe me, there will be a major scene. It would have to be in a public place.

Sounds like a frikin' drama. I think I'll just check out of the hotel, leave her travel info for her and make sure I get the Advanced Parole paper before I leave.

Probably the BEST thing that happened is she came over to join me.

[trillium13 84]

Um, just wow...

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Wow!

This has the potential to be WAY better than the Merrillizer soap opera going on next door!

Scoot over, and pass the salt, please!

[TBoneTX 45,288]

and got a water bottle thrown at me.

This alone is a reason to end this (ANY) relationship immediately and permanently.

If I just give her, her new travel ticket out of here believe me, there will be a major scene. It would have to be in a public place. I think I'll just check out of the hotel, leave her travel info for her and make sure I get the Advanced Parole paper before I leave.

I concur with Trillium & JimVa, and I'm honestly awe-stricken at the awareness, preparedness, and poise of the OP. Indeed, keep us apprised.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Get her Bolshavik Butt on the first plane back to Russia!

[sasha414 0]

omg i like this thread better than Ken's, cant wait for the next episode

[Old Dominion 26]

Just carry out your plan and forget about this scammer!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Good Luck on your exit plan. It sounds like you have everything well thought out.

I hope you heal quickly from the damage this girl has caused you

[luckymom 0]

I am very sure that your Russian girl is just after her legal documents to stay here. I can't imagine a person can do that to the man she is supposed to be with for the rest of her life. Wow, I am not even asking my husband a penny for shopping and this girl has the nerve. It's up to my husband if he will be generous enough to bring me to the mall. There are so many red flags in the OP's post and I just hope that he will realize that this is not a genuine relationship. God bless the OP, he seems to be a real gentleman.