Abuse and Removal of conditions

[Merlion@ 0]

I made a thread previously describing by situation and the constant abuse my husband puts me through. Since then I fell back into the abuse cycle and decided to stay with him. In the meantime, things got worse to the point where he left bruises on my legs from his fingers. Monday night he again acted up because I refused to have sex with him - he got really mad, I screamed but he covered my mouth and pulled me by my pijames and squeezed my stomach really tight with the elastic from pants, spit on me, called me names etc. etc. i went to a shelter yesterday and they gave me a hgotel for 2 weeks and money for food - i thought it was really nice of them. they also gave me a couple of numbers for therapy etc. the bad part is that the hotel is located really far - about 2 hrs by bus from my job.

long story short...i am eligible to apply to remove conditions on june 10. what are my options? he threatens that if i call the police and let them know what is happening, i won't get my green card. constant blackmail.

what are my options? vawa? he threatens not to sign the petition. thank you.

[GheTToJaTTi 0]

I made a thread previously describing by situation and the constant abuse my husband puts me through. Since then I fell back into the abuse cycle and decided to stay with him. In the meantime, things got worse to the point where he left bruises on my legs from his fingers. Monday night he again acted up because I refused to have sex with him - he got really mad, I screamed but he covered my mouth and pulled me by my pijames and squeezed my stomach really tight with the elastic from pants, spit on me, called me names etc. etc. i went to a shelter yesterday and they gave me a hgotel for 2 weeks and money for food - i thought it was really nice of them. they also gave me a couple of numbers for therapy etc. the bad part is that the hotel is located really far - about 2 hrs by bus from my job.

long story short...i am eligible to apply to remove conditions on june 10. what are my options? he threatens that if i call the police and let them know what is happening, i won't get my green card. constant blackmail.

what are my options? vawa? he threatens not to sign the petition. thank you.

u need to get a lawyer!!!! but second of all if u had to go back to ur country would u be able to? just wondering because this is not worth it!!! u shouldnt have to put up with S**t like that!!! but get a lawyer soon as possible sometimes u can get probono lawyers!!

[Nlove 0]

Most definalty you need to get a lawyer. No petition, no conditions is worth having a man beat on you girl! It seems to me you would rather stay in America and put up with the abuse, it's not worth it. Just like Ghetto said talk to a lawyer and they probably can give you more options for free.

[Merlion@ 0]

u need to get a lawyer!!!! but second of all if u had to go back to ur country would u be able to? just wondering because this is not worth it!!! u shouldnt have to put up with S**t like that!!! but get a lawyer soon as possible sometimes u can get probono lawyers!!

it's ironic because there is nothing that i need/want that i can't have back home, yet i want to be here...struggling, with no family. i do not want to go back, i am in a good program to further my education and can make a difference in this society when i graduate. right now i'm trying to propose my master thesis and he even unplugs the internet/takes away the cable so i can't get my work done..he's paranoia that i'm chatting when in fact im doing work. and if i am chatting it's with my sister back home. it will be a waste to go home. previously i adjusted status from j1 to f1 and was not able to go home for 4 years - i did not want to risk it while i was finishing my BA.

the last incident happened on monday night- early tuesday morning. i was told that i have 72 hours to file a report with police. yesterday i spent all day with the intake at the shelter and settling at the hotel - which really is in an unsafe area but it is nice of them to help me- today i had to go to work and it took me close to 3 hours by bus!! to get to work. i dont think it is feasible to stay at this hotel or else i'll be late for work - i was late today..so in between getting all this done, i did not have time to go to police...but i guess i can still do it but it may be outside the 72 hrs period..and they suggested that i get restraining order but since the hotel is so far from my job...i wonder if i can get the order done and live at my apartment for the time being..like downstarirs on the floor or something since we moved in this place he couldn't even buy a table to eat on, doesn't do dishes once saying that is my role..obviously i'm not a house wife and i go to work and pay rent and bills and i'm not saying paying bill is his role. he has rigid expectations and doesn't compromise on things.

[hellonew 0]

Police stations are open 24 hours! Not to be rude or anything, but as someone here said before, go to the police, then go to ur native homeland's embassy or consulate, and see if u can get a free plane ticket home, WHY WOULD U WANNA STAY HERE??

[Merlion@ 0]

Police stations are open 24 hours! Not to be rude or anything, but as someone here said before, go to the police, then go to ur native homeland's embassy or consulate, and see if u can get a free plane ticket home, WHY WOULD U WANNA STAY HERE??

I could call the police and have them come at the house to do the report...but if you ever heard of stigma and being ashamed and the fact that he may come home at any time (i left work close to 10 p.m. and didn't want to risk it and take 3 buses to the hotel where they put me, so i came home)..you'll understand why..all this stops me from having them come over...and going to police on my own now at night time, it's not safe.

i'm not staying here for him for sure,,,i came on my own, so if i'm leaving it will have to be because there is nothing here for me..but like i said i am in a good program and can live a decent life on my own..also, i don't need anyone to give me free plane ticket, i have my own savings..otherwise, no offense taken. i only read about lawyer, where did you read about police?

[GheTToJaTTi 0]

Police stations are open 24 hours! Not to be rude or anything, but as someone here said before, go to the police, then go to ur native homeland's embassy or consulate, and see if u can get a free plane ticket home, WHY WOULD U WANNA STAY HERE??

totally agree and if u like it here so much why dont u go back and get a student visa or get ur employer to file for u(if u are cool with them that is) and u say it urself u can have anything u want in ur home country then why go thru all this?

[hellonew 0]

I was saying that it's been qouted earlier in the thread to see a lawyer.

Anyway, we are all here to help u, and in ur thread heading u say:"Abuse and Removal of conditions", so u obviously need the USC, ur abusive husband, but u also say u came here in ur own, so either im confused or ur leaving something out. Please advise.

[Merlion@ 0]

totally agree and if u like it here so much why dont u go back and get a student visa or get ur employer to file for u(if u are cool with them that is) and u say it urself u can have anything u want in ur home country then why go thru all this?

i do not want to let my family down. even if they say they support me whatever i decide i feel it will be a dissapointment if i went back. for me, here is home..i've been here since 2003. i have everything from their point of view, for me, this is home. my boss does not know what i am going through although today i shared this with one of the senior people. if you ever heard of stigma, shame, and guilt which are all product of upbringing and current abuse, then you understand why it's hard for me to say anything. plus he said to me over and over not to trust people that i got to the point where i do not trust anyone. i thought to myself they'll take my job away from me, if i let them know. i work with people and i need to be sane when i go at work...it's not easy but today i finally told this one person and i feel better.

to go back to the initial question.

does anyone know if there are other options for me other than VAWA? does VAWA apply for removal of conditions?

i have a future here, so that is why it's worth it to stay here. going back is like giving up and i'm not giving up.

[hellonew 0]

U need a good lawyer! Good Luck and be safe!

[Merlion@ 0]

hellonew, i came legally and stayed legally until I applied for AOS. so, he did not bring me here, I came on my own to study. meeting and marrying him came afterwards.

[Philosykos 0]

I'm sorry you are going through this, and I understand you don't want to go home just because of your abusive husband when you actually came to the US on your own before you even met him.

As far as I know, you can remove conditions on your own when the relationship breaks apart and it is not your fault. I don't know how it works, though. But there are people here who do, and I am surprised no one has come by here to tell you about it. Maybe you have to get divorced before you can file to remove conditions on your own?

I wish you best of luck!

[Sandrila 1]

he has rigid expectations and doesn't compromise on things.

It takes sometime to learn, especially when you love someone so much, but men like this are impossible to live with and even rationalize with.

I am sorry that you are being so mistreated. I can relate and hope that you can find the resources and people that can help you seek what is best for you to do.

Good Luck

Edited May 28, 2009 by GODZILLA2

[Sandrila 1]

i need to be sane when i go at work...it's not easy but today i finally told this one person and i feel better.

I hear you

i have a future here, so DON'T GIVE IT UP!

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I made a thread previously describing by situation and the constant abuse my husband puts me through. Since then I fell back into the abuse cycle and decided to stay with him. In the meantime, things got worse to the point where he left bruises on my legs from his fingers. Monday night he again acted up because I refused to have sex with him - he got really mad, I screamed but he covered my mouth and pulled me by my pijames and squeezed my stomach really tight with the elastic from pants, spit on me, called me names etc. etc. i went to a shelter yesterday and they gave me a hgotel for 2 weeks and money for food - i thought it was really nice of them. they also gave me a couple of numbers for therapy etc. the bad part is that the hotel is located really far - about 2 hrs by bus from my job.

long story short...i am eligible to apply to remove conditions on june 10. what are my options? he threatens that if i call the police and let them know what is happening, i won't get my green card. constant blackmail.

what are my options? vawa? he threatens not to sign the petition. thank you.

You can start divorce proceedings quickly so that a decree will be avilable as soon as possible. Then once you have the divorce decree submit a waiver to remove conditions alone on the basis that the marriage was entered into in good faith but ended in divorce. You'll need good evidence of a shared life together and evidence that you commingled your financial and social lives.