why do people not listen when you try to give them good advice? VENT

[RYCK 0]

It's kinda like a child when you say "Don't touch that it's hot!" what happens .. THEY TOUCH IT then they learn. If your friend comes to you and asks then dismisses what you say ... well .. let her learn !!!! Like you said enough immigration stuff of your own to worry about ... AND thanks to dumb dumbs doing nothing but believing what they see on TV they have their own ideas about "how easy" it is ... People didn't believe me about all the paperwork and stuff I had to do until i showed them. I'd say let them learn and if they are dumb enough to LIE at the poe then they are dumb enough to take any punishments if they come and who knows she may get lucky ... but then as i type this out... seems also maybe that she is not too serious about it or she would act more serious about doing it !! ok I'm done

[domegirl1978 1]

Sorry for the long post in advance.

So this is the situation with their relationship. He is totally in love with her. I mean, truly. You can tell. He really is a kind, caring guy and I consider myself a good judge of character so I believe him when he tells me how he feels about her.

She on the other hand tells me she loves him but I get the feeling shes not 100% sure about the whole relationship...

I'll explain:

She was dating a guy for 10 years and it finally got to the point where it was Sh*t or get off the pot time. She broke it off with her ex and ended up meeting this great new guy. Because of the way her ex treated her I think shes having a hard time in this new relationship because this new guy actually CARES. He takes her out, wants to be with her, listens to her and in a way I think she wonders if she deserves that because she is always comparing her old relationship to this one.

I've told her many times over the past 6 months that she's been with him that THIS is a real relationship and what she was used to was just pure abuse (as a side note, i had been telling her to break up with her ex for 5 years and she never did because she LOVED him...ugh)

I TOTALLY AGREE with you guys when you say its really too soon after 6 months to be talking engagement...but they also live here in the same city and see each other almost every day, she stays at his apt. half the week...so i can see how feelings have developed very quickly but I still think they should date for a longer period of time.

AS A SIDE NOTE- he does not have to leave at any point soon. his visa is valid and still good for at least another year i believe. and it would really not be that difficult to extend his work visa or get a new one. he has 2 engineering degrees and people are always looking to hire him here in montreal....he's been offered many jobs by competitor companies while here now.

they DO NOT have any proof of a relationship as far as I am aware. If they have 3 pictures of them together, thats alot. they don't email each other because they live in the same town. he bought her a necklace for valentines. and technically, there are phone records between the 2 of them but that doesn't mean in the eyes of the govt that they are not just friends. I have plenty of guy friends and talk to them on pretty much a daily basis. see what i mean?

Either way, I think shes being silly and will end up getting burned. It hurts me to say that but its how i feel.

She refuses to listen to my advice and seems to think she knows it all. You are all 100% right when you say she thinks shes just gonna hop the border and adjust her status because so many people we know have done it and been successful at it. She shouldn't be rushing into things and I've told her about VJ and i think she could really care less because I've never seen her on here or heard her say she's even taken a look at this website.

All I can say is, I've tried my best to give her what info I could and I'm not going to bust my chops with it anymore. I have my own relationship to worry about and my own visa process to get through. Its sad to say but if she comes asking me for advice again, I'll be telling her to get started on her own internet research because I honestly can't be bothered with it anymore.

[thetreble 19]

If he can live there for another year at least...and they already live together..what the heck is the rush? I don't get it! That's a sweet situation!

[domegirl1978 1]

I agree. I would kill to be living in the same city as my man for 6 months to a year. Jiminy Krispies that would have been awesome.

[Emancipation 2]

I TOTALLY AGREE with you guys when you say its really too soon after 6 months to be talking engagement...but they also live here in the same city and see each other almost every day, she stays at his apt. half the week...so i can see how feelings have developed very quickly but I still think they should date for a longer period of time.

I don't think I can completely agree with this statement. I think it really depends on the ages, stage of life, personalities, goals, etc. of the couple. Heck hubby asked me to marry him the first weekend we spent together face to face

[MapleLeafBaby 1]

My motto is, don't bother trying to save people that don't want to be saved....they'll just pull you down with them (meaning in the end, they are so narrow minded, they will only see fault in your involvement and you will turn blue in the face trying to convince otherwise) look after yourself, as clearly she's not interested in 'true help'

And don't tell her about the site, shell know we're talking about her LOL! Unless you want her to know your personal biz....haha! Just don't tell her your user name, and hope that this thread dies!!!!

Edited May 28, 2009 by poprocks

[domegirl1978 1]

I think you are right Emancipation. You can know in 6 months or less whether you want to be with someone and are in love.

But she was in a 10 year relationship. And she started dating this new guy soon after her breakup. And just the fact thats she keeps wondering if she deserves all this new found attention and love he's showering her with makes me think she needs to take a long hard look at herself and THEN decide if this is right for her.

Most of us don't take it lightly that we are packing up and leaving everything we know and love. She seems to just be thinking of doing it on a whim and she needs to really think about things.

[domegirl1978 1]

POPROCKS you are hilarious. Personally, i don't care if she comes on VJ at some point and sees this thread. Nothing I have said here is anything that i haven't said to her face. And if she doesn't like it, well thats her problem. But believe me, somehow I don't see her making her way onto VJ.

[Moosker 7]

Seriously some people want ALL the advice they can get and don't listen to a lick of it. Feel good about what you told her, because you definitely gave her great advice! She'll regret it if she's banned and they knew she knew about her visa options, but just opted to "moving" there without proper paperwork. I hope it doesn't go sour for her! Just know you did what you could, and you may have to say "I told you so...." later on!

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I think you are right Emancipation. You can know in 6 months or less whether you want to be with someone and are in love.

But she was in a 10 year relationship. And she started dating this new guy soon after her breakup. And just the fact thats she keeps wondering if she deserves all this new found attention and love he's showering her with makes me think she needs to take a long hard look at herself and THEN decide if this is right for her.

Most of us don't take it lightly that we are packing up and leaving everything we know and love. She seems to just be thinking of doing it on a whim and she needs to really think about things.

Doesn't mean anything - I felt the same feelings of 'do I really deserve to be this happy, why now' mentality...in part due to failed relationship attempts in the past. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Along the line of what Poprocks mentioned.......there's a line which goes something like' You shouldn't have an opinion where you don't have a responsibility'.....of course, none of us follow that motto to a 'T', least of all me....but we should

I say your friend is an adult, she's big girl who knows everything, just accept that she'll figure it out and then you won't feel as frustrated by her stupidity.

To look at it from a different angle - do you feel that her taking things so lightly, like it's not a big deal...invalidates what you are going through? Why does it bother you as much as it does ?

Edited May 28, 2009 by Udella&Wiz

[The_Dude 1,142]

Please refer to the Official Vent Thread

[Krikit 1,164]

Sorry for the long post in advance.

Thanks for the warning. In preparation, I am going to get a chocolate bar. brb

[Krikit 1,164]

Sorry for the long post in advance.

Thanks for the warning. In preparation, I am going to get a chocolate bar. brb

OMG!!

CALL 911!!

GET ME DOG-THE-BOUNTY-HUNTER!!

I HAVE FORGOTTEN WHERE I'VE HIDDEN THE CHOCOLATE BARS!!! HOW WILL I EVER READ THIS THREAD?!!!

[domegirl1978 1]

I think it bothers me so much mostly because shes asked me OVER and OVER again about visa info. Ever since February if I think back. Pretty much every 3 weeks since valentines day. I don't know how many times I've gone over the options with her and after awhile it gets old.

Not to mention she is constantly calling me every 10 days asking me if shes crazy for feeling the way she does. I've tried to be very supportive and listen to her feelings and let her know shes with a great guy and if she loves him then great...all is well in the world. She also compares her relationship to mine which is silly because once again, I've been best friends with my guy for 17 years. Not even close to being the same kind of situation.

I don't live inside her head and I can't make desicions for her. She is a big girl and will make her own choices.

The phrase: You shouldn't have an opinion where you don't have a responsibility' is very true. However she ASKED my opinion and my advice MANY times. But yes, I have no responsibility in what she does and choices she makes and thats why I'm done helping her out with visa stuff.

And as far as what she wants to do invalidating what I'm going through....honestly, i could care less. I could have totally done what she wants to do and hop the border and adjust my status from there. MANY people told me to do so....even friends of ours who are lawyers.....but i refused. Yes, I could have been with him right away but at what cost? I'm very glad I'm doing it the legal way and will never regret it. All i know is that if she gets busted for whatever reason, she'll coming running to me for a shoulder to cry on and I can't say I'll feel very sorry for her only because I tried to give her options from the beginning.

[MapleLeafBaby 1]

Sorry for the long post in advance.

Thanks for the warning. In preparation, I am going to get a chocolate bar. brb

OMG!!

CALL 911!!

GET ME DOG-THE-BOUNTY-HUNTER!!

I HAVE FORGOTTEN WHERE I'VE HIDDEN THE CHOCOLATE BARS!!! HOW WILL I EVER READ THIS THREAD?!!!

Hahaha! Don't you hate when that happens?! When you think you have a 'chocolate stash' and you go looking for it, only to find it vanished!!!! Grrrr! happened to me yesterday!

KitKat and Caramilk make the world more tolerable funny enough, both I have been unable to locate in PA I found Caramelo for now as a sub LOL!

I learned a long time ago to not even bother trying to preach to the 'deaf minded'....I have no tolerence...I just enjoy sitting back and watch the drama unfold is that bad? I only feel sorry for people who are not as ignorant to the system and procedures. Like if it were that easy, we all would have packed our little bags and moved to the US.

I can't stand people who bud in line LOL!