why do people not listen when you try to give them good advice? VENT

[domegirl1978 1]

Hi guys! So here's the story.

My best friend here in Montreal works at a hospital and an American guy was admitted in Dec. 2008 and they have been dating ever since. He lives here in Montreal. He is on a work visa as an engineer. Things have not been going well lately with his company. They have been talking about getting engaged at some point soon and I've been telling her for months now that she should be gathering pics and documents to prove they are in a relationship because if they decide to file the k-1 it will be necessary as prrof of a relationship. She hasn't bothered.

I told her a little bit ago that because hes here living on a visa she should inform herself by calling the consulate here in Montreal about possibly filing with direct consular filing....she hasn't bothered.

Today she asks me once again about the visa process and I repeat all the same things and tell her she should really get on taking pics and gathering info and calling the consulate to inform herself of her options. She basically poo-poo-ed me and said and i quote: " Well if things don't start to look up in the next few months then I'm just going to pack up my stuff and go to New Jersey and live there."

I said to her, thats an option but not a very good one don't be silly and possibly do things to later get screwed over. You won't be able to work, your relationship will be placed under a microscope with the govt. and you have ZERO proof to give anyone about even having a relationship. And god forbid you should get banned. What the hell would you do then? She apparently doesn't give a rats behind because she got all pissy with me and hung up.

I'm only trying to help her out and at this point I'm done giving her advice. Why was she even bothering to ask me for options if she isn't really listening and apparently don't care anyway? Meanwhile I told my fiance this about an hour ago and he says to me that plenty of people just move there and adjust their status from within the states and its fine. A lawyer we know even recommended I do that but I totally refused and chose to do it the proper way.

We personally know 3 couples that did this in the past year and all were approved immediately and given work papers within 2 months. I think they just got really lucky and they should praise the lord they didn't get kicked out and banned for 3 years, 5 years, 10 years or even life.

I was only trying to help her out and give her options but I think my best bet is to just let her do her thing and if things turn out badly for her not tell her I told you so. If she's banned I think she'll feel bad enough as it is. Personally i think its just silly to not do things the right way while you can and they are both living here in Canada at the moment.

Thoughts?

[Otto 83]

You know what they say... You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink...

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Exactly right.

Also, if your friend is not married to this guy, she is not eligible for DCF.

[Sprailenes 47]

New Jersey?

Screw giving her advice on the visa process, how about telling her to choose another state.

[TimandJoyce 1]

Although I know you don't want to see her get in any kind of "trouble", meaning with the immigration issues" you've done what you can. Refer her to this site, but if she wants to do it her way...then, what can you do? You' re a good friend to try and show her all the options.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

New Jersey?

Screw giving her advice on the visa process, how about telling her to choose another state.

[domegirl1978 1]

New Jersey?

Screw giving her advice on the visa process, how about telling her to choose another state.

AHAHAHAHAHA! Ya, thats where her guy is from. And sorry I should have been more clear on the direct consular filing. I told her to get married here and then go and try that route. Otherwise start the k-1 process.

Either way, shes not listening and i'm tired of talking. I have my own visa stuff to think about and my own stress to deal with. plus, i'd give my right eye to be able to live int he same city as my man while going through any process available to me.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Have her make a login here so we can properely school her...

[BermyCat 1]

It seems very odd to me that she's not bothering to research US immigration at all. It's one thing to learn about it and decide to exploit Canada's border arrangements with the US. It's another thing entirely to know that there are processes you have to follow but to make no attempt to figure out what they are.

~ Catherine

[ashenflowers 5]

New Jersey?

Screw giving her advice on the visa process, how about telling her to choose another state.

AHAHAHAHAHA! Ya, thats where her guy is from. And sorry I should have been more clear on the direct consular filing. I told her to get married here and then go and try that route. Otherwise start the k-1 process.

Either way, shes not listening and i'm tired of talking. I have my own visa stuff to think about and my own stress to deal with. plus, i'd give my right eye to be able to live int he same city as my man while going through any process available to me.

Exactly... plus they live IN Montreal?!? They have NO idea how lucky they are in their situation, and they STILL want to just do it the runaround wrong way?! ARGH! DCF would be so easy for them!

whatever.. you've done what you can. lol

[trailmix 77]

I'm only trying to help her out and at this point I'm done giving her advice. Why was she even bothering to ask me for options if she isn't really listening and apparently don't care anyway? Meanwhile I told my fiance this about an hour ago and he says to me that plenty of people just move there and adjust their status from within the states and its fine. A lawyer we know even recommended I do that but I totally refused and chose to do it the proper way.

We personally know 3 couples that did this in the past year and all were approved immediately and given work papers within 2 months. I think they just got really lucky and they should praise the lord they didn't get kicked out and banned for 3 years, 5 years, 10 years or even life.

I'm guessing that many Canadians do just that - hop over the border get married and AOS alllllll the time with no repercussions. Your friend probably wants to be one of these people - so on the one hand she knows she should be doing all this other stuff - on the other hand she knows she can do it the other way and just figure it out when she gets to the U.S.

She's not a procrastinator by any chance?

Edited May 28, 2009 by trailmix

[Carlawarla 1]

I agree with what everyone else here has said. Please refer here to this site, and have her register. We'll be more than happy to help her. I'm sure she has "proof" just for having been dating for the last five months. Yes, she may be procrastinating as well. When I reread what you wrote though, I'm also thinking...wow, what a load of info to take in. You're probably giving her great information, but really....they met in December 2008? It's only May yet. They've talked about getting engaged...maybe because he might have to return to the US? They have LOTS of time. They haven't been dating that long actually. Maybe her procrastination comes from being overwhelmed by what she'd have to do, when they're not really sure about a future together yet.

[Emancipation 2]

I think entitlement runs high these days and no one wants to wait for anything.. They want instant immigration and if they know they can do it.. (or others have done it).. they will try to push the envelope as well. Not many people want to wait a year or two to be reunited if they can just cross the border and do it another way.

My ex husband did this with the NAFTA R-1 visas.. instead of admitting there was no way to get a US visa, he used my uni degree to qualify us for an R-1 visa, and then intended to work illegally under the table while we lived in SC to support ourselves. He didn't count on 2 things: Me having and issue with it, and me leaving him as a result of it.

[thetreble 19]

I agree with what everyone else here has said. Please refer here to this site, and have her register. We'll be more than happy to help her. I'm sure she has "proof" just for having been dating for the last five months. Yes, she may be procrastinating as well. When I reread what you wrote though, I'm also thinking...wow, what a load of info to take in. You're probably giving her great information, but really....they met in December 2008? It's only May yet. They've talked about getting engaged...maybe because he might have to return to the US? They have LOTS of time. They haven't been dating that long actually. Maybe her procrastination comes from being overwhelmed by what she'd have to do, when they're not really sure about a future together yet.

Agreed.

People love to rush into things too. Maybe the best advice you can give her is to let him go back to the US if he has to and work on their relationship for awhile. They probably haven't been dating long enough to be considering getting engaged, married, immigrating, etc. Dating long distance may be what they need before even starting to understand the process.

[Ban Hammer 13,337]

Have her make a login here so we can properely school her...

fresh noobs!