How long after your approval did you move to the states?

[domegirl1978 1]

Hi everyone!

How long after you interview and approval did you guys move down to the states?

I just got into a little arguement with my fiance about this. He wants me there ASAP. Don't get me wrong, I also want to be down in the states as soon as possible but I feel like I have things to get done and arrangements to be made after my visa is in hand. He wants me there 2 weeks later and I don't think thats enough time to get all i need to get done finished and he's sitting here arguing with me about this.

I figure when I get my visa I'll have to call movers and see what pricing is and only then be able to schedule my plane ticket to Florida. Then of course finish packing up whats left of my stuff at my grandparents, get whatever medical appts i can in before moving, give my bosses my notice....all that good stuff.

Plus, I want to finish paying off my debt which he is super pissed about. By then I'll owe about 1000$ and i can pay it off within a month of leaving I'm sure. But 2 weeks? Definitely not enough time.

Plus, I'd like to be able to say goodbye to my friends properly and see some of my family members as well since I won't see them for god knows how long after i leave.

Am i being a b*tch by wanting to leave with all my things in order? I just want to tie up loose ends and i think thats pretty normal but maybe I'm wrong in this situation.

Opinions?

[The_Dude 1,142]

Mel and I had a similar arguement. She wanted to come down here as soon as possible. The crux of our argument was buying her plane ticket. She wanted it a week after the interview. I wanted to make it 2-3 weeks just in case there was some delay with Canada Post. In the end, I caved on 8 days with the caveat that I would be an insufferable pr!ck and never let her live it down if I was right and the visa didn't arrive in time for her flight.

We didn't file as soon as we wanted because of debts.

[Sprailenes 47]

I was already visiting during my interview so I just stayed.

It was weird for me though because I wanted to get down here before September so my son could start school and my interview was near the end of August. I didn't "officially" move down until mid september though.

[JillA 2]

I don't understand why your fiancee is being unreasonable about it... seems very logical to me, the reasons you want to stay a little longer. After all, you are uprooting your life to be with him and you want to stay and spend more time with loved ones, and pay down some debt! What's so wrong with that?

My interview was last July, I moved in November. Waited for a # of reasons.... I wasn't ready to move in July. Glen had a roomate, and we had nowhere to live together yet. I also wanted to spend my last summer in Canada with my friends and family. I also paid off my auto loan and credit card, so I'd move here debt free. There were a number of reasons, and in November we had a place to live, everything worked out so that's when I came. I just didn't feel a rush to go as soon as I got my Visa.

[domegirl1978 1]

I'm thinking thats what I may do. Just postpone sending in packet 3 for a month to 6 weeks and hope for the best after that.

I understand he's frustrated and wants me there right away but whenever we talk about this he always seems to forget that i'm the one leaving everything i know and love behind and i really want stuff settled before i leave for good. I guess he figures in his head that he should be the most important thing and he is but that doesn't take away from the fact that i have family and friends and responsibilities and obligations here that need to be dealt with.

[JillA 2]

I'm thinking thats what I may do. Just postpone sending in packet 3 for a month to 6 weeks and hope for the best after that.

I understand he's frustrated and wants me there right away but whenever we talk about this he always seems to forget that i'm the one leaving everything i know and love behind and i really want stuff settled before i leave for good. I guess he figures in his head that he should be the most important thing and he is but that doesn't take away from the fact that i have family and friends and responsibilities and obligations here that need to be dealt with.

Exactly right! Have you expressed that to him? Those feelings about why you want to stay a little longer

[domegirl1978 1]

Jill,

I would totally do something like you did if given a choice. Wait 2-4 months to leave after getting the visa. But he would FREAK out. Literally. Go nuts.

All I'm saying now is give it a month-6 weeks after visa in hand and already he's acting like a spoiled child.

He did text me and apologize for freaking just now by the way. Saying hes sorry hes making me stress and just really wants to be with me. At least he acknowledges he's causing me more stress by saying these things.

[Emancipation 2]

we had about 2 weeks in between the getting the approval & visa and moving me thinks..

I was okay with it though.. and was ready to move on at that point.

[JillA 2]

Jill,

I would totally do something like you did if given a choice. Wait 2-4 months to leave after getting the visa. But he would FREAK out. Literally. Go nuts.

All I'm saying now is give it a month-6 weeks after visa in hand and already he's acting like a spoiled child.

He did text me and apologize for freaking just now by the way. Saying hes sorry hes making me stress and just really wants to be with me. At least he acknowledges he's causing me more stress by saying these things.

Awww at least he apologized. I understand, I mean LD relationships are so HARD and in the end, you just want to be together! But it's important to not feel rushed and have your loose ends all tied up, so you're able to move with a clear mind that you did everything you needed to do in Canada.

[domegirl1978 1]

I have expressed how i feel many times now. He does get it but I think in a way he feels like i should WANT to just drop everything and run down to the states. Yes, that would be nice and I'd love to but I do have stuff to take care of.

He always has an answer for everything I tell him that needs to get done. "We'll pay off your debt from here". "Don't worry about money, I'll take care of it"....etc etc

Its really not that simple. I can't just pay off my debt from Florida....I have an ING account conected to my BMO and I can't just add a U.S. bank account to my ING. Plus, it would be nice if i had my debts PAID OFF. Something he doesn't get whenever i say that.

Don't worry about money....HAHA! I always worry. Especially now when he's hating his job at the moment and looking for something new. I know he wants to take care of me and thats great and I love him for it but being an independent girl, i get knots in my stomach thinking how much I don't want to rely on his cash which is another reason I want to stay here a bit longer and settle monetary affairs.

UGH....i hope i don't sound like a whiny baby....i don't mean to come across that way at all. Its all just very frustrating.

[thetreble 19]

Take as much time as YOU need! You've got your whole life to be there and I wish I would have spent the last weeks I had doing some stuff before I went to the US. If you are moving your whole life to be with him, he's gotta understand that a few meesly weeks is not going to mean anything in terms of your relationship.

He just wants to be with you which is understandable. Don't let any one push you into moving before you are ready to though.

[domegirl1978 1]

Thanks for that Treble. Sometimes I feel so selfish that I want to do the things I want to and get things done. Then I think to myself...isn't it worth it to take the time to do things right before leaving so i don't forget something and screw myself up in the long run?

I'm thinking the best thing to do is put off putting in packet 3 right away and make sure all my documents and stuff are all in order so I don't drive myself nuts with that and just jump the gun and possibly screw something up there.

And honestly, I think I can deal with him being pissed off with me if I do choose to stay longer than he wants. He'll get over it at some point. The more I think about it, this stuff is to important to compromise on just because he may have a tantrum.

[JillA 2]

Thanks for that Treble. Sometimes I feel so selfish that I want to do the things I want to and get things done. Then I think to myself...isn't it worth it to take the time to do things right before leaving so i don't forget something and screw myself up in the long run?

I'm thinking the best thing to do is put off putting in packet 3 right away and make sure all my documents and stuff are all in order so I don't drive myself nuts with that and just jump the gun and possibly screw something up there.

And honestly, I think I can deal with him being pissed off with me if I do choose to stay longer than he wants. He'll get over it at some point. The more I think about it, this stuff is to important to compromise on just because he may have a tantrum.

Yes you're right on! And if he has a tantrum over that, well, that's just immature

[Moosker 7]

Totally understandable that you want to take your time to move! It's a BIG step moving away from family, friends, a job, what you've known most of your life. It's a huge adjustment too! Maybe explain to him that you need a little time to make the big move for "emotional" reasons...I don't know Sometimes guys just don't understand us girls right? Hopefully he respects your feelings, and definitely be sure to talk about it. Congrats on the big move!

[trailmix 77]

I just want to add another perspective, perhaps.

While I absolutely hear you and I am not making light of your points - the fact is that if you wanted to, you could move there to be with him as soon as you receive your visa. Everything you have mentioned - barring the debt repayment, could be done in advance (and he's offered to kick in on repayment).

Now the fact that you choose to do that over being with him (and yes, that is what it is) is probably frustrating and a bit insulting to him. I wonder how you would handle it if the shoe were on the other foot. It's easy to say you would be happy to give him alllll the time in the world to mosey on up to Canada to live with you - but - would that really be the case?

Engaged couples spend months saying I loveeee youuu and can't wait to be with you - now it's down to the wire you have other priorities (right or wrong, i'm not judging your values) and your number one priority isn't being with him.

Edited May 27, 2009 by trailmix