advice and help

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I just want to add that I feel for anybody going through this kind of ordeal. Kat, what one of us does may not work for another. I have no advice but I would tell you that I don't think I could go on like you do everyday with him in your home and you being his cash supplier. Best wishes Kat and I hope that you and your children find some happiness.

I think it gets to the point you feel so broken, you have little left except your tears... I think when I sign those papers, it will hit me...I think all these tears I saved for my son will hit me.. I cant tell you how I feel like I am just standing alone in the rain alone...this is so heartbreaking. I wanted that baby so bad and my only consolation was that he was still here no matter how hard its been. All I have left are memories..of the most beautiful son and someone I thought would be the one to change my life... what hurts so bad is that he has not shown any feeling for my kids... its so shocking to me that he doesnt feel sad for what he is doing.. its so hard and sad

[Laveau 67]

what makes u so sure he's going to meet up with a woman from online? And how in the world is he funding that? I have a decent job and sometimes don't have money for things he seems to manage. #######. I don't even have cable tv...not even basic (I'm extra frugal about such "luxuries") and he has Arabic tv. Trivial, I guess to mention that, but just wow.

It does feel help a tad to vent but I sincerely hope that this time you mean what you typed in the 2nd or 3rd to last post.

[bhajishah 4]

WOW This drama been going on and on for how long now?? Write a book purge and move on!!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

what makes u so sure he's going to meet up with a woman from online? And how in the world is he funding that? I have a decent job and sometimes don't have money for things he seems to manage. #######. I don't even have cable tv...not even basic (I'm extra frugal about such "luxuries") and he has Arabic tv. Trivial, I guess to mention that, but just wow.

It does feel help a tad to vent but I sincerely hope that this time you mean what you typed in the 2nd or 3rd to last post.

Hes had all day online because I have had to work and he refuses to. His mom is going to pay for the divorce... I know. I tried to give him everything I could special. arabic tv etc. He didnt appreciate it

WOW This drama been going on and on for how long now?? Write a book purge and move on!!

I havent been on the boards talking about it for a long long time... I just have had some super hard days in the last couple of weeks

what makes u so sure he's going to meet up with a woman from online? And how in the world is he funding that? I have a decent job and sometimes don't have money for things he seems to manage. #######. I don't even have cable tv...not even basic (I'm extra frugal about such "luxuries") and he has Arabic tv. Trivial, I guess to mention that, but just wow.

It does feel help a tad to vent but I sincerely hope that this time you mean what you typed in the 2nd or 3rd to last post.

His mom has been sending him spending money. He refuses to get anything resembling a job and doesnt even go to school now. He just wants to be on perpetual vacation. He married me thinking I was super rich. When he got here he found out otherwise

Kat, its time to stop making excuses for him

We have all seen--or been told how he is treating you.

You come to us asking for support and advice and when we tell you something you dont want to hear it and you make excuses for him over and over.

Get him out of your house and move on. He isnt worth your time anymore. He has done nothing to deserve your love or support.

Hes leaving this week. Hes waiting to get money from his mom this week

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I have no respect for abusers or mamas boys!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I have no respect for abusers or mamas boys!

Mommas boys are way worse because then you have 2 ganging up on you.

I keep looking for a bright side to all of this and all I can see are my surviving kids and how great they are...This whole immigration thing for me was a stuck on stupid move . If I had no kids and I could cater and was rich, it would have worked I guess

Holding on to him to save my heart is what I did by ignoring and forgiving the bad stuff.

I think a lot of us have been guilty of that at some point in our lives. We don't want to think we failed or are a failure, as stupid as that sounds because we didn't fail at anything. Sister, I'am crying for you now, really I'm. I so can relate to your brokenness.

WORD. And the healing process is a long one. But we have to start something, otherwise we become a lesser version of ourselves for real. and that is wrong.

so when I say time to move on, I say it twice and in bold. Reclaim yourself. Life is NOT a dress rehearsal.

so true.. I havent been posting at all for months. The reality is I am just too embarassed about what a dumb #### I have been...

Its over soon anyway... I just miss my son....Its been a hard #### year

[Ihavequestions 419]

so true.. I havent been posting at all for months. The reality is I am just too embarassed about what a dumb #### I have been...Its over soon anyway... I just miss my son....Its been a hard #### year

<doing that Egyptian tongue clicking thing that means "No!">

Embarassed? Why?

You have nothing to be embarassed about.

If anything, you need to be hanging out someplace where you'll get some support, don't you think?

I kindof think the idea of him watching you hang out with your (virtual) friends because he doesn't have any Arabic channels to watch on television has some appeal. Have you cut that off yet? I woulda ... a long time go, right about the time I realized I was going to have to ask for food stamps to feed my children.

Kat, he has a mother who created the mess he is. He has friends who are happy to perpetuate the mess his mother created. Let them have him.

[nurse1967 287]

I have been in a mentally abusive relationship in the past and I can tell you that I believe it is worse than actually being hit. They destroy you from the head down. They creep into your mind and make you doubt everything that you believe. I posted earlier and stated that you will wonder what the H*ll you stayed so long for once the dust settles on this thing. I also had the crazy ex mother in law who perpetuated her son's bad behaviors. Once we divorced he moved back in with her. In the mean time they have had it out and he's living with his Aunt. All the while, I am here, remarried in my same house with my kids living a normal life. I promise it will all come out in the wash who was the crazy one in this situation. It always does.

[ya falaha! 0]

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

so true.. I havent been posting at all for months. The reality is I am just too embarassed about what a dumb #### I have been...Its over soon anyway... I just miss my son....Its been a hard #### year

<doing that Egyptian tongue clicking thing that means "No!">

Embarassed? Why?

You have nothing to be embarassed about.

If anything, you need to be hanging out someplace where you'll get some support, don't you think?

I kindof think the idea of him watching you hang out with your (virtual) friends because he doesn't have any Arabic channels to watch on television has some appeal. Have you cut that off yet? I woulda ... a long time go, right about the time I realized I was going to have to ask for food stamps to feed my children.

Kat, he has a mother who created the mess he is. He has friends who are happy to perpetuate the mess his mother created. Let them have him.

What hurts me so bad is I supported him financially over the last year and he is acting like he has been mistreated. He now is leaving and said if I give him any trouble he will call the police on me and say he was abused. Right now he has purchased another phone, 2 phones and is looking for a room to rent. We are doing the divorce papers next week. If he doesnt return with money to do them ( he says he will ) I will just file on my own and claim abandoned spouse. Its so awful after everything I have done and survived with losing my son. I asked him if he wanted to visit our little boy before he left or do something with the kids to help them survive the loss and transition and he said they have their dads, me leaving is not a big deal. I am the only one who's son died. He really doesnt give a ###### about me and I was supposed to bankroll him . I need to be happy he is leaving as soon as he is before I financed a car or ended up completley mental. I just want to sign my divorce papers and end this nightmare.

And then I need to just take care of my surviving kids and do the best I can to move past this garbage.

This has been a really hard road. I am just so happy for the people who brought their spouse over and he treated them good. I am so happy I did not lose more. It could have been much much worse. I am just waiting for him to leave with his suitcase and get out. He said he will call when he has the rest of the divorce money...Ill believe it when i see it. I think Ill end up eating that too with an abandonment case..

Oh well..I wish I could see the bright side in any of this but I cant. I am so hurt

[justashooter 430]

I think you can get a PFA, that doesn't cost a dime.

yeah, they are just hanging on trees like apples to be picked.

seriously girls, the husband is being a royal #### of indifference and cares not for the OP in any way shape or form. he was just using her to get to America, and she knows that now, but she says he was not physically abusing her or threatening her personal safety. he's just eating her food and living in her house watching really loud muzzy TV.

a PFA is designed to "protect from abuse", not to "get rid of a cockroach husband". that's what big brothers are for. a potatoe sack and a 2X4 would have him in the next town by morning.

OP, you in one hell of a mess. see a lawyer immediately. cut off the arab tv, the electricity, the phone, the water, whatever it takes to get this jerk out of your house and life. then, when this is all over and ancient history, forget about swarthy guys on the internet and let some reasonably polite middle aged guy with a slight beer belly and a steady job sleep beside you every night.

best wishes to you.

[Brad and Vika 129]

There may be Legal Aid where you live. If not, contact the State Bar Association and ask them if there is any way for you to get cheap if not free legal help.

I assume you have documented everything. You can get the records from the Counselor you both were seeing, for starts.

If you find an attorney who will take on your case, file for divorce and get a PPO in motion ASAP. Since you have not been married a long time, he may not be entitled to much of your assets. Maybe you could just pay him off by offering him a grand or two, but this is something the attorney and you might want to discuss.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Nagi is spot on here. Legal Aid is a way to get representation if you cannot pay. Being a foodstamp recipient is strong proof of need. I don't know how you will get around support issues, but again, your economic situation and child make for a pretty strong case.

Unfortunately there is no easy path here. There are several awful options, and you must choose one. Believe me, you cannot avoid hurting some one's feelings - but you have to believe you will be a better parent if you are happy.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think you can get a PFA, that doesn't cost a dime.

yeah, they are just hanging on trees like apples to be picked.

seriously girls, the husband is being a royal #### of indifference and cares not for the OP in any way shape or form. he was just using her to get to America, and she knows that now, but she says he was not physically abusing her or threatening her personal safety. he's just eating her food and living in her house watching really loud muzzy TV.

a PFA is designed to "protect from abuse", not to "get rid of a cockroach husband". that's what big brothers are for. a potatoe sack and a 2X4 would have him in the next town by morning.

OP, you in one hell of a mess. see a lawyer immediately. cut off the arab tv, the electricity, the phone, the water, whatever it takes to get this jerk out of your house and life. then, when this is all over and ancient history, forget about swarthy guys on the internet and let some reasonably polite middle aged guy with a slight beer belly and a steady job sleep beside you every night.

best wishes to you.

great advice... thank you so much. He was abusing me. He smartened up on the way out when he realised it was going to get him in more trouble. I agree with the whole reasonably polite middle aged polite guy. At least he would work and bring a paycheck in. I learned a really hard lesson..

Its been a really rough road

I think you can get a PFA, that doesn't cost a dime.

yeah, they are just hanging on trees like apples to be picked.

seriously girls, the husband is being a royal #### of indifference and cares not for the OP in any way shape or form. he was just using her to get to America, and she knows that now, but she says he was not physically abusing her or threatening her personal safety. he's just eating her food and living in her house watching really loud muzzy TV.

a PFA is designed to "protect from abuse", not to "get rid of a cockroach husband". that's what big brothers are for. a potatoe sack and a 2X4 would have him in the next town by morning.

OP, you in one hell of a mess. see a lawyer immediately. cut off the arab tv, the electricity, the phone, the water, whatever it takes to get this jerk out of your house and life. then, when this is all over and ancient history, forget about swarthy guys on the internet and let some reasonably polite middle aged guy with a slight beer belly and a steady job sleep beside you every night.

best wishes to you.

great advice... thank you so much. He was abusing me. He smartened up on the way out when he realised it was going to get him in more trouble. I agree with the whole reasonably polite middle aged polite guy. At least he would work and bring a paycheck in. I learned a really hard lesson..

Its been a really rough road

[prince+angel 3]

What is a joint assets paper? Is it a document that is legal here in the US? If anything, tell him that you're suing him for half of his family's assets and see if that gets him off your back. Divorces in Florida only cost $200 so I'd go that route. Furthermore, I think that even with the affidavit of support there really are no means tested benefits available to him in Florida. He can't get food stamps, unemployment, anything.

Transfer everything you own - house, car, any assets, to your mother ASAP!!!!

Kat,

I remember reading about posts from you last year in regards to this same situation. I'm sorry to hear your still going through such an ordeal but those choices are yours. Someone in this thread mentioned control & they were right, we do have control over ourselves & when someone treat you the way you described here today - you've lost control or just plain gave it up. At any rate - not hear to judge at all, just wish you well in whatever steps you take next.

Have a question like the woman above - what is the assets paper? I'm married to a Tunisian, lately theres been a few here who are - the Tunisian contract you talk about is unfamiliar to me.

My marraige papers state seperate regime (whatever I bring I take, whatever he brings he takes - in the event of a divorce). Does anyone have any info on this document?

[Sandrila 1]

WOW This drama been going on and on for how long now?? Write a book purge and move on!!

SHUT UP!

This place is for any one of us to vent.

God knows when you would be in a position to need someone and someone said something like that.

And Kat

I do agree with you, sorry, about him not being genuine from the get go but the best thing for you is to be as far away from him as possible. God has better things in store for you sweetie

Edited May 27, 2009 by sandrila