advice and help

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My husband has his condtional. He has told me he wants to move out and go adjust by himself getting a lawyer and does not need me. I signed a joint assets paper when I was in Tunisia and he is threatening me to take half my assets if i dont let him just leave and get what he wants. We have a deceased child together and I am sure he will try to use that as proof of bonafides but he was simply awful to me while pregnant and after and has been an all in all night mare. I am afraid of him going after my assets.

What should I do? Encourage him to leave and then file for divorce? File while he is still in the house and serve him? Try to go to counseling and work things out. He seems completely not interested in making it even till we remove conditions.He is not physically abusing me but emotionally I feel so hurt and messed up. Apparently other arab men have been coaching him on exactly what to do because everytime he hangs out with them he comes up with a new tactic or threat. Sometimes I feel like they have a whole scam or plan approaching what the russian and philina girls do with VAWa. The difference is i never ever ever lose my temper and always speak calmly to him no matter what he is up to....Has anyone ever seen a mena leave with a conditional and the american get a divorce based on abandonment and the mess get cleared up? I know he doesnt love me at all. There is not anyone else but a whole pack of arabs coaching him and his mom is saying she will pay for an attorney for him to clear his status without me based on our child dying and he has only worked one month since arriving exactly a year ago and to this day refuses to work...

i need to know what i can do to protect myself

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Kat i'm so sorry you are still going thru so much pain. if I was you I wouldn't delay one minute in obtaining an attorney. He has things figured out, so now it's your turn to be one step ahead of him.

He isn't helping you nor contributing to the household. He has his source of income from his mom, so that's not a big problem for him. He can basically do what the hay he wants with no conquences.

Kat please don't put up with this anymore. Get yourself a lawyer and protect yourself.

I love you sweetie. Just get your head on a little straighter. You know what you have to do.

Best of luck!

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

Definitely seek the counsel of both a therapist and a lawyer.

Edited May 25, 2009 by DieNörglerin

[Ban Hammer 13,293]

My husband has his condtional. He has told me he wants to move out and go adjust by himself getting a lawyer and does not need me. I signed a joint assets paper when I was in Tunisia and he is threatening me to take half my assets if i dont let him just leave and get what he wants. We have a deceased child together and I am sure he will try to use that as proof of bonafides but he was simply awful to me while pregnant and after and has been an all in all night mare. I am afraid of him going after my assets.

What should I do? Encourage him to leave and then file for divorce? File while he is still in the house and serve him? Try to go to counseling and work things out. He seems completely not interested in making it even till we remove conditions.He is not physically abusing me but emotionally I feel so hurt and messed up. Apparently other arab men have been coaching him on exactly what to do because everytime he hangs out with them he comes up with a new tactic or threat. Sometimes I feel like they have a whole scam or plan approaching what the russian and philina girls do with VAWa. The difference is i never ever ever lose my temper and always speak calmly to him no matter what he is up to....Has anyone ever seen a mena leave with a conditional and the american get a divorce based on abandonment and the mess get cleared up? I know he doesnt love me at all. There is not anyone else but a whole pack of arabs coaching him and his mom is saying she will pay for an attorney for him to clear his status without me based on our child dying and he has only worked one month since arriving exactly a year ago and to this day refuses to work...

i need to know what i can do to protect myself

first option that's bolded. the next one will just result in drama, the third - if that would have been a valid option he'd have done suggested that.

[sara535 15]

Kat you've already been to counseling with him, havent you?

I am sorry but I dont think this marriage can be saved. I think you know this as well but you just wanted something, anything good to come out of the past year. As Jeanne said, you know what you need to do. Get him out of the house, get an attorney, and dont make the mistake of trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he will take from you anything and everything you allow him to, both financially and emotionally, so now is the time to stop allowing him.

be strong.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Kat i'm so sorry you are still going thru so much pain. if I was you I wouldn't delay one minute in obtaining an attorney. He has things figured out, so now it's your turn to be one step ahead of him.

He isn't helping you nor contributing to the household. He has his source of income from his mom, so that's not a big problem for him. He can basically do what the hay he wants with no conquences.

Kat please don't put up with this anymore. Get yourself a lawyer and protect yourself.

I love you sweetie. Just get your head on a little straighter. You know what you have to do.

Best of luck!

I cannot afford an attorney. I am the only one working and paying the bills and my son died and I have been on another planet .he is not mean 100 percent of the time but emotionally hearing I dont love you anymore even if its said calmly and nicely has devastated me. His mom encourages him to disrespect me and every time we seem to almost get it together, she meddles in our affairs and tells him I am a terrible person etc. Couple that with his friends who have all gotten papers through marriage then dumped the americans coaching him in different ways...collect evidence, let her be the one to file for divorce, prolong the situation, get separated, tell her what she wants to hear, go on extended vacations back home, this tactic and that tactic,,, I am just tired. I just dont have money to hire anyone and I have been the sole source of support even pregnant and I have just hung in there for dear life. I finally have just started telling him its ok if you leave, I found out I can file by publication.

You know what? It seems so easy to give advice when you see a situation. When you are in it, your heart just gets pulled and breaks. Sometimes I just remember everything we went through and I see my son in his face and I just cry

Kat you've already been to counseling with him, havent you?

I am sorry but I dont think this marriage can be saved. I think you know this as well but you just wanted something, anything good to come out of the past year. As Jeanne said, you know what you need to do. Get him out of the house, get an attorney, and dont make the mistake of trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he will take from you anything and everything you allow him to, both financially and emotionally, so now is the time to stop allowing him.

be strong.

I just didnt want to hurt him cause hes my sons daddy and all I have left of him. Hes all I have left of my beloved son.. this ###### is so freaking hard. I am so hurt. I cant even describe the level...And yes I was trying to take something anything good out of this nightmare

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Kat you've already been to counseling with him, havent you?

I am sorry but I dont think this marriage can be saved. I think you know this as well but you just wanted something, anything good to come out of the past year. As Jeanne said, you know what you need to do. Get him out of the house, get an attorney, and dont make the mistake of trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he will take from you anything and everything you allow him to, both financially and emotionally, so now is the time to stop allowing him.

be strong.

I unfortunately do not have money for an attorney. I applied for food stamps last week. Ill get paychecks maybe in July. He refuses to work...His moms sends him money when hes out of cigarette money....He has threatened to sue me for my assets which are my house etc. Then he says he doesnt mean it. Its complicated because of the death of our son.. trust me that complicates everything because its a shared tragedy and very hard to survive anyway..Its like a bad situation I have to ride through like a storm. I just wanted to know if you have seen others leave before removal of conditions and what happened

[sara..... 371]

im so sorry to hear ur still going thru this with him, u are and always have been since i first heard about ur pain been in my prayers and my families prayers,

i have a friend that played dirty when she found out her hubby was playing a game she waited until he went out of country for a couple of months filed divorce papers stated she didnt know where he was as he had left the home she got the divorce before he returned because of course he didnt show up in court, im not saying u should do this because of course its not legal or if it is kind of is boarder line legal, but it worked out for her.

personally i would find a way to get him out of the home and change the locks file for divorce and list mental cruelty as the reason for it, but i dont know what ur state laws are.

to bad ur family dont just kick his butt!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is the least of what he deserves

sara

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

im so sorry to hear ur still going thru this with him, u are and always have been since i first heard about ur pain been in my prayers and my families prayers,

i have a friend that played dirty when she found out her hubby was playing a game she waited until he went out of country for a couple of months filed divorce papers stated she didnt know where he was as he had left the home she got the divorce before he returned because of course he didnt show up in court, im not saying u should do this because of course its not legal or if it is kind of is boarder line legal, but it worked out for her.

personally i would find a way to get him out of the home and change the locks file for divorce and list mental cruelty as the reason for it, but i dont know what ur state laws are.

to bad ur family dont just kick his butt!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is the least of what he deserves

sara

I actually am considering this..letting him leave and immediately filing by publication to avoid confrontation as far as service etc. I dont want to hurt him. I just dont want to live like this anymore. I was actually considering signing him up for a dating site to meet other women so he leaves my house directly to another woman.. ( NOW YOU KNOW I HAVE LOST MY MIND) HAHHAHAHHAhHA I wonder if anyone else has been so desperate to get rid of someone

im so sorry to hear ur still going thru this with him, u are and always have been since i first heard about ur pain been in my prayers and my families prayers,

i have a friend that played dirty when she found out her hubby was playing a game she waited until he went out of country for a couple of months filed divorce papers stated she didnt know where he was as he had left the home she got the divorce before he returned because of course he didnt show up in court, im not saying u should do this because of course its not legal or if it is kind of is boarder line legal, but it worked out for her.

personally i would find a way to get him out of the home and change the locks file for divorce and list mental cruelty as the reason for it, but i dont know what ur state laws are.

to bad ur family dont just kick his butt!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is the least of what he deserves

sara

What country was that do you mind me asking?

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

Kat i honestly dont think any judge is going to give him half of your assets, divorce the a$$ and turn over a new page, he has done nothing but bring you down the past year

[anitacastillo 0]

I would be less worried about the assets and more about a granting of you paying him alimony. You have been the breadwinner in the family and may be able to plead need. Many years ago I heard a story about a foreign, non-working man getting $$ from his USC wife. So when I did my divorce - I made sure the MSA (martial separation agmt) stated no alimony - on both sides.

Study up on your state's divorce laws. Nolo Press may be a good source. I used them to do my and a friend's CA divorce - no assets and no children makes it easier.

Don't worry about his GC status and try to focus on preserving your heart, your other children and your money.

Praying for you!!

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

My husband has his condtional. He has told me he wants to move out and go adjust by himself getting a lawyer and does not need me. I signed a joint assets paper when I was in Tunisia and he is threatening me to take half my assets if i dont let him just leave and get what he wants. We have a deceased child together and I am sure he will try to use that as proof of bonafides but he was simply awful to me while pregnant and after and has been an all in all night mare. I am afraid of him going after my assets.

What should I do? Encourage him to leave and then file for divorce? File while he is still in the house and serve him? Try to go to counseling and work things out. He seems completely not interested in making it even till we remove conditions.He is not physically abusing me but emotionally I feel so hurt and messed up. Apparently other arab men have been coaching him on exactly what to do because everytime he hangs out with them he comes up with a new tactic or threat. Sometimes I feel like they have a whole scam or plan approaching what the russian and philina girls do with VAWa. The difference is i never ever ever lose my temper and always speak calmly to him no matter what he is up to....Has anyone ever seen a mena leave with a conditional and the american get a divorce based on abandonment and the mess get cleared up? I know he doesnt love me at all. There is not anyone else but a whole pack of arabs coaching him and his mom is saying she will pay for an attorney for him to clear his status without me based on our child dying and he has only worked one month since arriving exactly a year ago and to this day refuses to work...

i need to know what i can do to protect myself

I am so sorry to hear this. No women or man, should have to deal with this. My heart goes out to you. Please look into pro-bono lawyers. Since he told you he wants to move out, I would definately encourage that. I think once he is out of the home, you may be able to get your head back on right. Seeing and dealing with him daily is just going to keep the pain going. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.

[sara..... 371]

im so sorry to hear ur still going thru this with him, u are and always have been since i first heard about ur pain been in my prayers and my families prayers,

i have a friend that played dirty when she found out her hubby was playing a game she waited until he went out of country for a couple of months filed divorce papers stated she didnt know where he was as he had left the home she got the divorce before he returned because of course he didnt show up in court, im not saying u should do this because of course its not legal or if it is kind of is boarder line legal, but it worked out for her.

personally i would find a way to get him out of the home and change the locks file for divorce and list mental cruelty as the reason for it, but i dont know what ur state laws are.

to bad ur family dont just kick his butt!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is the least of what he deserves

sara

I actually am considering this..letting him leave and immediately filing by publication to avoid confrontation as far as service etc. I dont want to hurt him. I just dont want to live like this anymore. I was actually considering signing him up for a dating site to meet other women so he leaves my house directly to another woman.. ( NOW YOU KNOW I HAVE LOST MY MIND) HAHHAHAHHAhHA I wonder if anyone else has been so desperate to get rid of someone

im so sorry to hear ur still going thru this with him, u are and always have been since i first heard about ur pain been in my prayers and my families prayers,

i have a friend that played dirty when she found out her hubby was playing a game she waited until he went out of country for a couple of months filed divorce papers stated she didnt know where he was as he had left the home she got the divorce before he returned because of course he didnt show up in court, im not saying u should do this because of course its not legal or if it is kind of is boarder line legal, but it worked out for her.

personally i would find a way to get him out of the home and change the locks file for divorce and list mental cruelty as the reason for it, but i dont know what ur state laws are.

to bad ur family dont just kick his butt!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is the least of what he deserves

sara

What country was that do you mind me asking?

it was egypt he went home for a two or three month visit and came back to a divorce. he moved in with his buddies dont know what happened to him after that.

sara

[bhajishah 4]

Let him have half the assets, get the hell out, run away and start over. Faith and whole life is in ALLAH not in peoples, esp evil ones!! Save yourself @ all costs!!

[nurse1967 287]

My gosh I cannot even imagine what you are going through. To lose a child is a mother's worst nightmare. Then, to have the father turn on you when you need him most is disgusting. I am so sorry for you. I completely understand what you mean about seeing your son in his face. It is going to be difficult but you have to harden yourself to this man. When ever you feel soft towards him think of ALL the nasty things he has done. Truly you deserve better and when you get out you will wonder why you waited so long. Good luck and my prayers are with you.