A Happy Ending

[CaptainRubyHeart 1]

First off, apologies for the length of this.

I am sure that many people are curious about how things ended up after my husband returned from Canada after his three-week leave there and the question about whether or not our relationship is going to continue.

The short answer is, things are going fine and we have every intention to stay married.

I had a lot of time to think and do a serious reassessment of my life and relationship. When Sean returned from Canada, I greeted him with a big smile and we got into the car and drove home. We had a really, really long talk when we got back - in fact, it lasted more than one day - and figured out a few things. We also had our first session with a counselor on Wednesday, which went pretty well. The counselor actually thinks I'm doing a good job of dealing with that crazy break-in thing (e.g., being able to talk about it, not victimizing over it, etc.) and that I should get through it OK.

Anyway, I don't want to get into a ton of detail here, but I am confident things are going to be fine. My husband explained that he just doesn't feel like he fits in or that there's anything for him where we live. And I had my own little catharsis about how a large part of that is my fault, too; I've been so focused on helping out other people that are having trouble in their lives that I've neglected parts of my marriage that I really shouldn't have (e.g., taking my husband out driving several times a week so he could get his TX drivers' license, helping him get involved in activities, etc.)

Case and point: the day before Sean came back from Canada, my friend of ten years randomly appeared at my doorstep with all her belongings and wanted to move in with me because she said she has no place to go (she knows I have a guest room at my house). This is someone I've known very well for a long time and who has had a very troubled life as of late (her mother died 2 years ago, her 19 year old brother died last September, and her father was in a motorcycle accident last month and broke his neck and back [but is not paralyzed, miraculously]). It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I told her no, she couldn't live with us, and I called her grandparents, who were more than happy to take her in. She didn't take my turning her down well - she screamed and cried and called me all sorts of nasty names. But in the end, I did what I had to do. This isn't an isolated event, either-- this is the sort of situation I often find myself in, at least once or twice a week - called on to help other people who turn desperately to me - and sadly, this is part of what had been killing Sean's and my marriage.

Sorry - I digress. The point is, this sort of thing is terribly distracting and is a HUGE burden on me - and on my marriage (my husband feels isolated and like he doesn't fit in) - so I'm just not going to be doing this anymore - period. I've set new priorities and am looking forward to seeing how things improve - both for myself and for Sean. And our marriage.

First and foremost! Helping Sean fit in. Sean and I determined that we need to get out there and start making some friends - and find people who Sean would be able to hang out with independent of me and feel comfortable. Sean is a fairly shy person and I'm not, really (hence, all my blabbering about stuff on VJ). Sean isn't involved in any activities currently, isn't working, and isn't in school yet, so it's been a bit tough for me to find people he'd be interested in hanging out with. Plus, he is a TOTAL gamer, likes to read comic books, doesn't like to go out a lot and be social and prefers to just be chill - things that are very different from the way I am. I have a couple of people I've gotten out there and met and have explained that Sean and I are trying to make some new buddies (and I got a positive response, yay). And the more opportunities, the better!!!

So, I feel sort of awkward about this (I hope this suggestion isn't too outlandish):

...Are there Canadian VJers in the Houston area who would consider a friendship with Sean and me?

[trailmix 77]

Glad to hear it Ruby. We aren't near Houston, so no help there, but I don't think that's outlandish at all!

[R and F 34]

Farid and I are living in South Texas but he is Moroccan. Hey but if you ever need to talk with me I am here for you.

We like having friends.

[wowswift 3]

If he has xbox, have him add my husband lol xxFMXERxx. obv we're xbox freaks and poker freaks. they can speak "canadian" together lol

[What Happened? 4]

First off, apologies for the length of this.

I am sure that many people are curious about how things ended up after my husband returned from Canada after his three-week leave there and the question about whether or not our relationship is going to continue.

The short answer is, things are going fine and we have every intention to stay married.

I had a lot of time to think and do a serious reassessment of my life and relationship. When Sean returned from Canada, I greeted him with a big smile and we got into the car and drove home. We had a really, really long talk when we got back - in fact, it lasted more than one day - and figured out a few things. We also had our first session with a counselor on Wednesday, which went pretty well. The counselor actually thinks I'm doing a good job of dealing with that crazy break-in thing (e.g., being able to talk about it, not victimizing over it, etc.) and that I should get through it OK.

Anyway, I don't want to get into a ton of detail here, but I am confident things are going to be fine. My husband explained that he just doesn't feel like he fits in or that there's anything for him where we live. And I had my own little catharsis about how a large part of that is my fault, too; I've been so focused on helping out other people that are having trouble in their lives that I've neglected parts of my marriage that I really shouldn't have (e.g., taking my husband out driving several times a week so he could get his TX drivers' license, helping him get involved in activities, etc.)

Case and point: the day before Sean came back from Canada, my friend of ten years randomly appeared at my doorstep with all her belongings and wanted to move in with me because she said she has no place to go (she knows I have a guest room at my house). This is someone I've known very well for a long time and who has had a very troubled life as of late (her mother died 2 years ago, her 19 year old brother died last September, and her father was in a motorcycle accident last month and broke his neck and back [but is not paralyzed, miraculously]). It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I told her no, she couldn't live with us, and I called her grandparents, who were more than happy to take her in. She didn't take my turning her down well - she screamed and cried and called me all sorts of nasty names. But in the end, I did what I had to do. This isn't an isolated event, either-- this is the sort of situation I often find myself in, at least once or twice a week - called on to help other people who turn desperately to me - and sadly, this is part of what had been killing Sean's and my marriage.

Sorry - I digress. The point is, this sort of thing is terribly distracting and is a HUGE burden on me - and on my marriage (my husband feels isolated and like he doesn't fit in) - so I'm just not going to be doing this anymore - period. I've set new priorities and am looking forward to seeing how things improve - both for myself and for Sean. And our marriage.

First and foremost! Helping Sean fit in. Sean and I determined that we need to get out there and start making some friends - and find people who Sean would be able to hang out with independent of me and feel comfortable. Sean is a fairly shy person and I'm not, really (hence, all my blabbering about stuff on VJ). Sean isn't involved in any activities currently, isn't working, and isn't in school yet, so it's been a bit tough for me to find people he'd be interested in hanging out with. Plus, he is a TOTAL gamer, likes to read comic books, doesn't like to go out a lot and be social and prefers to just be chill - things that are very different from the way I am. I have a couple of people I've gotten out there and met and have explained that Sean and I are trying to make some new buddies (and I got a positive response, yay). And the more opportunities, the better!!!

So, I feel sort of awkward about this (I hope this suggestion isn't too outlandish):

...Are there Canadian VJers in the Houston area who would consider a friendship with Sean and me?

YAY

I'm so proud of you. Wish you both the very best.

[reeses16 8]

Awesome! I'm glad your talk went well and that you and Sean have a plan to move forward.

[Sprailenes 47]

Good for you. Very glad to hear of the happy ending.

[minnew 4]

I am so glad to hear that you and your husband and working it out. That is awesome! I will not be living in Texas unfortunately. Have you or your husband ever heard of the website Connect2Canada? They send out weekly emails with news pertaining to Canadians living in the United States. They also have links to various Canadian ExPats groups in different cities and states around the country. There is a Houston meet-up group. http://www.meetup.com/CanadianClubHouston/ http://www.connect2canada.com/home-accueil/. Anyways, my cousin is currently living in Houston and he absolutely loves the city! He is currently on a TN visa working with one of the major oil companies that has branches in Canada as well. It sounds like they want to sponsor him for an permanent position soon. Anyways, there are lots of Canadians living in the Houston area!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Oh, this is such a nice post to read! Thank you for letting us know how you two are doing - and yes, it sounds like you are back on track. Good for you both for going to counselling and for trying to see life through the other's eyes. We don't live in Texas but we do visit the Houston area every now and then. There are a number of VJers in the area and I hope you have a chance to touch bases with them. Yes, do get in touch with Connect2Canada - you can also check with the Canadian Consulate in Houston http://www.canadainternational.gc.ca/houst...x.aspx?lang=eng and see if they have any local Canadian events that they plan. There is probably an ex-pat group in the area and it is one way of finding friends. They may even do something for Canada Day and if so, its a nice way to celebrate the Canadian holiday in US.

Good luck to the two of you and I wish you all the best as you continue your journey into creating a happy marriage.

Edited May 24, 2009 by Kathryn41

[Michael+Tracie 0]

I'm so glad that you've both found a positive way to work through everything. It sounds like you're both on the right path and I'm sure that your marriage will be even stronger for it!

[July09Bride 1]

Ruby,

That is SOOOOO wonderful to hear!!! In fact, by reading your post just now, has helped me think about my shy-to-everyone-else Canadian guy but Mr. Blabber to me.... I am such an independent soul (sounding very much like you) and he's so introverted with gaming, etc. that I'm taking some of what you said about finding people for US to hang with. I mean, I have my friends who all adore Duncan... but to have friends for the BOTH of us, I realizing will be quite important!

Again, I'm so glad things are working out for you and that you & Sean will comtinue to be together. Also, thank you for the info as to what will help him, as I'm taking those ideas for myself.

Take care!!!

[Saska+Tim 7]

So happy for you two!

Never forget to nourish your love for each other, and never took each other for granted, and you two will be fine. And COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE......

Wish you all the best!

[sj5 4]

I'm glad, both of you have same attitude towards your marriage.

[broma25 2]

Glad to hear that you two are back on track....your story so took me back to the time when my husband was in England and very homesick for America....Hence the fact we now live in the US...lol

If your hubby is a more stay at home guy why not hook him up with a Facebook account, maybe some of the Canadian other halves from VJ could do the same, its not face to face contact but it is a great way to make some friends!!!

Broma

[JillA 2]

It's always nice to see a happy ending!

Thanks for the connect2canada info guys, I looked up a Canadian group in Philly and they are having a Canada Day BBQ!